Summer Approach Journal

[zafuhunter]

The Goal
To make 40 cold approaches by July 31, 2006. I will be making use of the cold approach used by jwhite and Pugs in their notorious approach journals. For those of you unfamiliar with their method they simply apporach a girl, ask if she is single and if she says yes number close. It is brutally efficient and direct. [Props to both Pugs and jwhite for providing me with the inspiration to start making apporahces myself].

A Request
Please refrain from criticizing my method of approach. My express goal is to kill my approach anxiety. Once that goal is accomplished I will move onto building other aspects of my game based on readings from Juggler and Doc Love.

Why I Am Posting
Two reasons. (1) The hope that by making an external commitment to make 40 approaches I will actually follow-through. (2) For your support in getting through these approaches. Oh one other reason...(3) So that whatever successes I might achieve will inspire others to get off the keyboard and start making approaches themselves.

Why 40 Approaches
Based on Pugs and jwhite's posts it seems that within 30 approaches much of their approach anxiety was eliminated. I have added ten more approaches to give myself a margin of error.

My Vitals:
27 y.o., 5 former relationships, the longest of which lasted 6 mos. and all others lasting around 3 mos. Currently back in school for a summer term. Will return to work in the fall.

Let's start busting these approaches...:rockon:

 

[zafuhunter]

Day 1

Today is my first day of approaching.

I started off by hitting the local bookstore. I spent an hour and half there with very little luck as there was a dearth of attractive women there. Finally a blonde showed up. She was a little overly done up and young for my taste but she was the first decent-looking girl that had come in so far. I hesitated for about 5 minutes, shadowing her as she went from aisle to aisle. I could tell she was looking for something specific. Finally I pulled up next to her and asked her if she needed some help. She seemed relieved and to make a long story short she was there shopping for her boyfriend. I will not be counting this encounter as an apporoach because it was weaker than Popeye without spinach and I never came out and asked her if she was single.

Thoroughly frustrated from the bookstore I came home and almost immediately headed back out to the library. I saw two decent brown girls sitting not far from me. Both made fleeting eye contact with me. Both were sitting in a groups no smaller than 5 people. Another hot brown girl walked by and I choked out of nervousness. After another 15 minutes of trying with utter futility to try and study I resolved to make an approach. I went to the washroom to calm myself down. I came back and packed up my stuff. I walked over the one of the brown girls. She was standing up and talking to her group about some work.
Me: Excuse me, do you mind if I ask you a question?
Her: Sure.
Me: Are you single?
[A huge smile slowly crept across her face]
Her: Yes.
[Her friends commented, "Go on, S_____!!"]
Me: Why don't you give me your number and I'll call you sometime?
Her: I don't just give out my number to people.
Me: How about we exchange then?
Her: How about I give you my MSN instead?
Me: Sure.

I fluffed talked while she wrote down her email addy and somewhere in the middle of the conversation I asked her name and told her mine.

On my way out of the library I had to bite my tongue to stop myself from screaming. I felt like a million, billion, like a trillion bucks. In the grand scheme of things not such a big deal. To this one guy however, something worth posting home about.

Upwards and onwards...

Approaches Made: 1
Approaches To Go: 39

 

[zafuhunter]

Day 2

The day isn't done yet but I managed to get in two approaches. I'll be heading out the library so with any luck I might get in one more today.

The first approach was at lunch. I went to an Asian joint which is a regular haunt of mine. When I came in I noticed a girl with two guys. They had finished their meal and were watching the World Cup. During my meal I noticed her looking at me. When I finished I paid up and as I was walking out I stopped in front of her.

Me: Excuse me could I ask you a question?
Her: Okay (looking hesitant)
Me: Are you single?
Her: No (looking over nervously at one of the guys)
Me: Okay, have a great day.
Her: Thanks.

The guys she was with ignored the entire conversation. I suspect they talked about it as soon as I left though.

The second approach was just before a class. I saw a decent looking girl sitting on a bench inside. I sat down on another bench where we could see each other and pulled out a book. She was on her cell so I wanted to wait for her to finish. I debated interrupting her but decided against it. A friend of mine showed up as she was getting off. I told him to hold on a sec. I packed my bag and went over. By this time she had gotten back on the phone.

Me: Excuse me, do you mind if I ask you a question?
Her: Hold on (to the person on the line.) Sure.
Me: Are you single?
Her: No (showing me a ring on her finger and giving me a dose of attitude to boot)
Me: Okay, just checking.

Even though she gave me attitude it didn't really bother me. I just assumed she's having an off day or more likely she's just got madd attitude. Actually felt a little sorry for her husband. Either way, whatever. Next!

Approaches Made: 3
Approaches To Go: 37

 

[amoka]

33% successful.

 

[grinder]

This is excellent. keep it up. I remember jwhite caught some flak for asking them if they were single first but it turned out to be a great interest level filter. Everyone has their own way.

 

[zafuhunter]

Day 2...

Thanks for the vote of support Grinder.

Amoka, I didn't understand your post. I assume you were referring to the email I got. If that's the case you should rate is a half a success bringing my rate to roughly 15%.

I went to the library as planned but unfortunately I didn't make any more approaches. I am seeing pretty much the same people whenever I go so tomorrow I will try another library on campus. I will also give another bookstore a shot.

 

[MrCode]

I don't think there is any better way to get over approach anxiety. It is simple, straightforward, and as your inner game improves you might be surprised how many positive responses you get. I mean even on your FIRST approach you got a nice response.

FYI I've used this question when talking to girls in a bar and it works nice there too (it comes off fine even if you've talked for a while already.) If the girl is single and attracted to you she will happily reply yes.

 

[cordoncordon]

I know you are trying your best right now, but just a small word of advice. Girls HATE when guys just come up to them out of the blue and ask if they are single without saying anything beforehand. Total turnoff for them

At this stage I think you would be better served to initiate as many girls as you can with small talk and practice your converstaion techniques, forget about asking for any numbers or if they are invloved with anyone, and gradually work up to where you are asking girls for numbers or what have you. They will react a million times better towards you if you get their number if a casual converstaion rather then just coming out and asking for it.

 

[Blackdragon5095]

Good luck bro and use my apporach tips in Don Juan Discussion.

 

[realsmoothie]

Dude, you have cojones. Nice job.

 

[zafuhunter]

Day 3

Hey guys,

thanks for the words of support. Cordoncordon, you raise a good point. I am already becoming aware of how awkward it is for some girls when I just come out and ask if they're single. I'll discuss this in more length after my report.

Today was a crappy day for me as I had a test so this morning was wiped studying. In the evening, I headed out to the mall and choked on approaching two decent looking sales clerks. I then hit the bookstore and the only decent target looked too young so I bailed once again. Finally, at the library I saw an HB7 sitting at one of the terminals. I grabbed the seat beside her and started looking up books I need. I was writing down the books on scraps of paper available at the terminals. After 2 minutes I wrote the following on a scrap and placed it in front of her: "You have beautiful eyes. Are you single?" She wrote back that she wasn't giving me an apologetic smile. I nodded and carried on searching for books. Just before leaving I wrote "Have a great night." and slid it back to her. She mouthed, "Thanks, you too." I forgot to mention she was wearing headphones so between that and the fact that I was in a library I felt too self-conscious to talk out loud with her. In hindsight, I wish I had given her more smiles during the interaction.

Before heading out of the library I decided to check another floor where people often work. Just before leaving I spotted another HB7 sitting at a terminal. I once again grabbed a seat next to her and quickly checked my email. I got up to go and then I went over to her:
Me: Excuse me, could I ask you a question?
Her: Sure. (looking a little hesitant)
Me: Are you single?
Her: Yes. This is weird. (looking perturbed)
Me: What's your name?
Her: My name is T_____.
Me: My name is zafuhunter.
Her: Do I know you? (said with curiosity not attitude)
Me: No. Could I get your number?
Her: (pausing) I don't know. This is sort of weird.
Me: Okay, how about an email address?
Her: Yeah, that works better (brightening)

While she wrote down her email address we fluff talked about what we were studying. Her repeatedly mentioning how weird the interaction was made me feel nervous so I was just spitting out questions and answers without really being engaged in the interaction. In hindsight, I thought of how I would have preferred to handle the conversation in a number of ways such as coming up with better replies to her questions and doubts. Hopefully with more approaches I will become more relaxed if I fall into conversation with someone.

Of the two approaches I am only officially counting the last one because I didn't have to speak in the first one so I didn't grapple with any nervousness.

Coming back to cordoncordon's comment. I have been wondering if I should switch over to initiating small talk rather than launching into my usual opening (and almost immediate closing!). The two reasons I am sticking with my current approach are (1) It is extremely easy to do when already contending with the nervousness that comes with every approach and (2) it feels unnatural to strike up conversation with someone when I have an ulterior motive in mind. If anyone can provide some feedback on the second point it would be much appreciated.

zafuhunter signing out.

Approaches Made: 4
Approaches To Go: 36

 

[rocky_mtn]

Coming back to cordoncordon's comment. I have been wondering if I should switch over to initiating small talk rather than launching into my usual opening

I admire your initiative and courage, but reading through your FRs I would also suggest re-working the approach with an introduction, small talk, open ended questions about interests and a #close.

What I use is "hi, my name is rocky_mtn, how are you doing, its a gorgous day out today, what do you like to do for fun (what are you reading)" blah.... any obvious, general question or statement will strike up the convo, but not put them on the spot by asking about their relationship status. Get eye contact first and check for rings on the finger.

Chicks will tell you if they have a BF in the first ten words, so then you can give them the "well it was really nice to meet you and have a great day" line and be off the hook. Otherwise a short friendly conversation should lend its way to "great talking with you, I have to get running, why don't you give me your number so we can talk again" With small talk it won't seem as creepy and then you build rappaprt.

If you strike up a casual converation and just seem genuinely friendly, then the # close won't seem weird, you are truly interested in the person and getting her contact info just seems natural. Don't do an assembly line approach.

But, again, I'm no DJ, and I admire your determination, so even if you did what you are doing 35 times more, you will still get the numbers. Just I think you could do better with some casual conversions.


Good luck.

 

[grinder]

As you try more approaches, try varying the style. Personally, I have better results with David D's trick of going for the e-mail address (less thretening) first, then after she's about halfway through writing the address say "Put your phone number down too".

 

[zafuhunter]

Day 4

Today was a bad day for approaches. I was in class from 1 till 7 and had plans in the evening. I am kicking myself for not approaching this one girl at the end of the night before leaving the sheesha bar I was at. I plan to compensate for the lack of approaches tomorrow.

Approaches Made: 4
Approaches To Go: 36

 

[zafuhunter]

Day 5

I hit the mall today because I actually had some shopping to do and also to try and make some more approaches.

I choked with the first decent girl I saw. An interesting side note is that unless a girl a 7.5 or higher I don't usually find the motivation to approach. I didn't see a whole lot of targets until just before leaving. I saw an HB7.5 who was shopping with a girlfriend. They were with another couple but the couple was sticking to the guy's side of the store (it was a clothing store for guy and girls). I tried on some stuff and paid for it. Then I kept looking around for another 5 minutes consumed by nervousness. Finally I walked over to where she was trying on a jean jacket and modeling for her friend.

Me: Sorry to interrupt you but do you mind if I ask you a question?
Her: Sure.
Me: Are you single?
Her: No, I am afraid not. (smiling)
Me: Okay, just wanted to know.

I was too nervous to even squeak out "have a nice day." The nervousness was extremely frustrating. She had a tattoo on her shoulder so I assumed she would have attitude which fuelled the nervousness. Yet another example of how chicks tend to be friendly at the very least even if they say they aren't single.

I'll be heading to a club tonight with a friend who also wants to start making approaches. I plan to make at least two approaches tonight but I don't think I will be using my usual approach. I might give John Eagan's compliment opener a shot.

 

[zafuhunter]

Forgot to note on the last post...

Approaches Made: 5
Approaches To Go: 35

 

[zafuhunter]

Day 5 (cont.)

I made it out the club tonight as planned. I struck up conversations with 4 different women. From among those conversations I requested and received one number. Given that for one of the approaches I had no intention of number closing, even if the opportunity arose, I am only counting three of the four approaches. I didn't use my usual "Are you single" opener tonight. In all cases, I simply went up, said hi, asked for names, introduced myself and launched into a conversation.

Approaches Made: 8
Approaches To Go: 32

 

[warpy]

umm 8 approaches same one liner.. try to use some other stuff.
like "hey, i see you are sitting alone, can i join you for a bit/coffee?"..

 

[( . )( . )]

I know you are trying your best right now, but just a small word of advice. Girls HATE when guys just come up to them out of the blue and ask if they are single without saying anything beforehand. Total turnoff for them

This may be true BUT from what I can tell the guy has to learn how to crawl before he can walk.

He says his express goal is to kill approach anxiety, the last thing he needs is wondering what chicks do and dont like, who cares at this stage?

Zafuhunter this is fvckin great, keep it up mate just stick to the plan at hand and worry about all that other sh!t when its fullfilled.

I'm betting by the 40 th approach your going to be pretty close to not giving a sh!t .

Remember your the man of the b!tches dreams, whether she knows it or not.

 

[zafuhunter]

Day 8

Thanks for the words of encouragement, (.)(.).

I've been out of commission this weekend as Saturday night I went out and got so inebriated that only this morning did I feel like I've returned to a state of normalcy. I made an approach on Saturday night but I am not counting it as I wasn't sober when I made it. She was absolutely beautiful so I was still disappointed remembering the incident the next day (she said she doesn't give out her number). :cuss:

Approaches Made: 8
Approaches To Go: 32