Such a Hard time Meeting New people

[kk2004]

I guess I am frustrated....but...Im having a tough time meeting people. Maybe because of the lack of opputunities...or lack of strength. I dont know.

I live at home with my parents..im 19..Im going to my 2nd yr of college, its a commuter college, which means no dorms. I have about three of four friends, who I will see once a week and I used to have a girlfriend..broke up like three weeks ago, she was my first girlfriend, who I lost my big V to but I had made out with three girls before her.

Now.. I try my best to try to think up of situations where I could try talk to people, but starting convos with random ppl around me, is very difficult since there isnt much to talk about. Ive tried hanging out in the Student Union Building in my campus, all I see is guys with girls..hot girls..who dont give the time of day to me.

Now im pretty good looking..im kinda skinny. I think I have a low self esttem otherwise I wouldnt be asking such things from people. Problem is that I feel comfortable with a certain type of people while my ego wants me to hang out with a certain other type of people. I just dont have that chemistry or spark when talking to people. In otherwords boring. Maybe the problem comes from the fact that I dont believe in myself. I dont know

Now bear with me.

I feel very guilty that I drove my gf away, I made a few mistakes, actually alot and after reading some posts, im starting to see that I had something special, well at least special for me, she introduced me to her firends and to a world I never knew about. She had a very outgoing lifestyle. She hung out almost everyday, she showed me how to live a more enjoyable life.

After a three weeks...she introduced me to her parents... we got closer and closer. We did so many things together. Going to the beach, the park, restaurants. She drove me around, bcuz I dont have a car. I would see her at work, she would take a one hour break from lunch and come to see me during the summer. She was really into me and the sex was amazing.

Maybe to some of you other guys, this isnt such a big deal, but for me, for a guy who stays home and barely gets out, it was a world of experience and fun. She was hot too, she was italian Hb7.5 (im indian, a sense of conquest cuz she was italian). She lived an exclusive lifestyle, she showed me movies and told me about songs and told me about places in my own city that I never knew about or had no idea exsisted. We did things such as going to the city and going to a mueseum coming back on the train to where we parked her car and then driving off to a motel to have sex. Compare that to an average weekend of mine where ill just go out for pool for 2 hours with my friends and come home. And stay in the rest of the weekend. Or maybe go watch a movie with my brother who is 15. I dont club, maybe been to a club like 5 or six times total, clubs scare me, im too afraid. I mean ive never been to a girls house, I did that with her. Id never held a girls hand, Id never hanged out in a week more than twice, Id never been to the beach with a girl, Id never had so many firsts. She gave them to me all.

Now why did I tell you all this. To compare and contrast my life.

My life sucks becasue I have nobody in my life to make it exciting other than a few people. I had my gf. But now shes gone..im back to my meak bummness. Ive come to the conclusion that it does suck..im just not feeling pity for myself.

What i want in my life is more people, who like me and care for me like my gf did. I want guys and girls. I want a girl who will care for me like she did, (like buttoning up my shirt after it dried from the rain we walked through). It might be stupid but I like it.

I feel as if my social skills and my self esteem/confidence issues are stopping me from enjoying life. After 18 and a half yrs of being alone a rejected by ppl, I was constantly made fun off and I always was the odd man out, I met this one girl who showed me so much, spent 300 bux on my birthday, I clung to her like white on rice. BIG mistake. But you can see why, when the world is a cold place and then some one comes and brings it tremendous warmth that, why I wud get so attached.

This experience with this girl MADE me realize, that Im missing out on alot of good things in life. I dont like to party, Im not a party animal, I dont want to have tons of sex with tons of diff ppl, all I wanted was someone to care for me like she did, and be hot at the same time.

Yet the DILLEMA lies in the fact those who dont party or mix and mingle and have tons of friends, dont meet that many people. They hence end up like me, alone, with only a few friends who dont do much at all. I met her by chance, she was in my class visting from my old highschool, on a campus tour. I said Hi and one thing led to another. That day for some reason, I was very confident and i gelled, everything went smooth. SHE asked me out, I said no the first time, yes the second time.

For a person who sits home most of the time, doing nothing or very little, this was an incredible chance. A great 4 months, for someone who has such low selfesteem and experience.

My ex has her own life, she knows so many other guys, and girls. She hangs out everyday after she comes home, back from college, she picks up a few guys and girls and drives off to the local ice cream shop and hang out spot. She made out with this guy whom her friend introduced her too, two days after saying it was over with me. Not a good sign of character but anyway.

For me, its now sitting at home or watching tv. Alone with my brother to keep me company. Yeah Ill go out, ill see people pass me bye with their own lives, guys hanging out with girls, or guys clubbing every week with their mates. Guys in college all strong and built, with great personalities. OR they might have a few close friends who do ALOT of fun things together.

Basically Im sick and tired of the life im living and I dont know what to do anymore. Ive tried everything I could, Ive tried being outgoing, more social, more confident you name it. I guess it just wasnt meant for me

 

[The Edge]

You're okay

First of all you need to know that you are okay and that life hasn't passed you by. For Christ sake you are only 19... or so you say

Next you need to stop fukkyn cryin .. One of the things guys do not realize is that in order to be good with women, you have to be able to communicate with guys..

In other words you have to learn how to communicate with people of your own gender before your confidence will allow you to be amicable with the opposite sex.

Women notice if you are a fukkyn loner, and only a few people can pull this off and use this to their advantage. Loners are usually people with extremely low self esteem and normally end up having to settle for phat-a$$ed frumpy women who are brave enuff to select them, and end up living a fukkyn life of misery. (They pick you, instead of you going after them)

This isn't a roast, and its really not meant to put you down further. If you would only learn how to open your mouth and not be as critical of yourself as you seem to be, you'll find out that people like you for who you are, because they want to be liked in turn.

The only difference is they weren't scared to admit it.

P.S. Remember, and I take this from the fact that you live with your parents.. The life your are looking for, will never be found in momma's nest.
Whether you're doing it in order to save money or not.. Leave, and start living with people your own age; dude you're 19.


E.

 

[frivolousz21]

go do some Cocaine!


JK



start building self confidence NOW!


also it takes a lot of time together to build that security and safety with somene..let it progress naturally..and also be with a giver not a taker.

you will know the diference

 

[kk2004]

ic

see "you'll find out that people like you for who you are, because they want to be liked in turn." - those ppl in my life usually tend to be loners also, the people who like me tend to be afc's and have no clue in the world or any ambition to go get women. THose who do. I dont get along with. See the problem.

Okay so its...
1)Im okay
2)Learn to Comunitcate with guys
3)Build self confidence

BUt self confidence cant be built i thought, it must be earned or given to you. You can generate it yourself. Only after people say things or do nice thigs for you or only after you accomplish things can you feel good about urself.

yeah i am 19

 

[The Edge]

You're almost there..

However, in putting this plan into action,you have to realize one big thing.

Where you live, your idea of people and reality have all been juggled and mixed in a giant cauldron, somewhere earlier in your life and you have a fukked up perception of what your life really is..


You are very critical of yourself, and your shyness is painstakingly obvious from your writing. You have formed a defensive sheild to protect yourself from the big bad world, and in some sick way you have classified it as fukkyn ego.

The truth is you have no sense of who you are, where you need to start and how to get to where you need to go.

You have to look at yourself in the mirror, admit that you are no better than all the people your ego has you believing you are better than. Befriend them, be more of a leader in their presense and gradually increase your comfort zone.

Then life will start to change for you. Believe me I was there once.

E.

 

[Vanilla]

Woah

I felt as if I was reading my life as well. Except that I'm 20.

For about 19 years, I've kept to myself by choice. I always found it a chore to keep up the convorsation between people, and hanging out meant that I had to come up with the humor and excitement or else I would be rejected by my friends as not being "interesting enough".

So far this year I've been keeping the DJ bible at heart, ended up with numbers, but no dates. However, my confidence is building each time. I view each day as different, rather it being on auto-pilot everyday.

I find it best to get in the mentality that "I am the prize" so that she would be honored to have me as her man. If she's not interested, her loss.

Anyways, as far as initiating convorsations, the easiest way for me when I was starting out is finding what the person doing or wearing. (It helps if it's something you really are interested about or can point out, like a hilarious tshirt for example). I'm also in community college so it gives you an edge as to wondering what their next classes are or finding out what their major is. Any open ended questions like that.

As for cold convorsations, it's slightly more difficult since there's nothing to have any base on. You could try just saying "hey" and introducing yourself, but I haven't gotten that down so take my advice with a grain of salt.

Hope this helps you in any way.

 

[kk2004]

ic

Well first off I wouldnt know what to do, on how I would go about putting this plan into action. What exaclty will I have to do to start believing I am okay, to actually start to feel content and satisfied with who I am. Then where or who wud teach me to communicate with guys. Thirdly what must i do to ACTUAlly build that self confidence that i need so badly.

Yes i agree that All my perceptions of the world have been messed up, i realized this a few days ago that my views on life and perceptions on life are very wrong in that sense. I look at the world through a very diffrent glass than most ppl do.

Yes ppl have said that I am too overcritical and overanalize and that I need to relax and stop being so hard on myself but its diffiuclt being that, I do that with everything. If im not overcritical then how will I achieve success or understand things. Analzing everything is a habit of mine a bad habit. I dont even know why I do it.

Yeah ur right. I dont understand who I am as a person, what it is that i want and what is it that makes me happy. I dont know my capabilities and my potential as a person. I will always crticize my behavior and then blame myself but I really dont understand who I am wierd as that sounds, I have a hunch thats what it is.

I dont know, I cant tell you if i have formed a sheild around myself or not, to the fact of constant teasing and ridicule as a youngster maybe. I dont see it.

What sucks the most is that this girl liked me for who i was anyway, with all my problems untill i started to blame her.

I know im shy.. thats no new news.

Yeah keeping convo's was always a chore for me also, almost painfull, esp. with people who i consider who have more social value and coolness than I do.

Im lost.. and the only thing that made sense left me

I just want to hang out with the cool ppl who know all the girls, bcuz i just want to get anohter girl to make me happy again.

I dont know what to do anymore... I have SOOO many problems that I have to fix before I can EVEN think about a girl. I dont want to have to wait a long time to get anohter one. I hope I can find someone to take me as i am.

 

[kk2004]

bump

bump

 

[ketostix]

Well I know where you're coming from. It's not your fault the world's a fvcked up place, but you're young and healthy and that's all you need to get started. The only thing you can do is put yourself out there and open girls. It's the only way you're going to improve your socialability and meet a girl. Man you got your first and last GF from doing a cold approach.

I'm not sure where you're from, I believe NYC? You need a wingman. I bet there's guys on here in your area, but part of the problem with this site is it's full of KJ's and the rest are braggards, so it's not easy find a wingman off here. On the other hand, you can see that no one's going to want to wing with you because you have no PU value.

Don't worry about all this "inner game" advice, it's too intangible and imponderable for you. Just think to yourself, I'm a young guy who's wants and deserves a girl. And get out there and try everything you can to get one, while finding out what works best for you in the process. You just got to force yourself to go places girls are and approach, approach, approach. Then report back to us. Good luck.

 

[Tazman]

Hows about this for some inspiration.

I'm a 26 y/o virgin, who has now decided to stop playing MMORPGs and try talking to girls (kinda late huh). I had a gf in the past (highschool for crying out loud) but it only lasted 2 weeks and she was pretty much the aggressor, which was a turn off for her in the end because I wasn't even man enough to fvck her after she gave me every opportunity. I mean she had her hand down my pants and I still didn't do it.

Do you know what I'd give to be 19 again? I'd sell my soul to the devil.

 

[kav_3]

Hey kk2004 your story sounds almost like my life, same age, both go to community college and a couple of other things, but anyways I just wanted to say good luck in getting over it, since I haven't quite gotten over this problem either so I wont bother with any advice that wont work because if I had any advice to give you I wouldn't have the same problems myself.

 

[animal crackers]

Here's a concrete plan on what you can ACTUALLY PUT INTO ACTION


The basics are, get in shape, eat right, stay on top of your life, loosen up and have fun. Got it!


Alright, what are 3 different things that you enjoy doing that involve other people. No internet surfing allowed.

Take those 3 things (you must like at least 3 things man) and think past through your experiences with them. Come up with 2 different stories about each of them and keep them active in your mind.

Next time your in an opportunity to socialize talk to people normally about something going on, and say hi or whatever. Once convo is initiated go:

"He get this, last night...."

And then throw in one of your stories that is cool/interesting.

Give the person opportunities to comment, and then see if they contribute anything (they usually will.)

Then when convo fizzles, if you haven't found anything else to talk about go into your next story with.

"Last weekend my friends and I..."


Then after you have a rapport with the person introduce yourself, and find out more about him/her. Find out what they do for fun, and if it's similar to you then you have stuff in common.

Then you have to keep the convo going until the other person says something REALLY COOL, like they are qualifying themselves to you.

You now have a reason to want to chill with them. They have cool stuff going on ALSO. Be enthusiastic about what they are telling you, and then say.

"That sounds sweet.....(pause) xxxx(name) we should definately go do x sometime. This weekend x is going on (you could even make something up for this.)

If he/she says yes then say cool, and he/she may give you their #, but if they don't just be cool and say, "Yea give me your #, i'll hit you up."



I hope this helps you with what to say. I'm in the same situation EXACTLY as you, and although I don't plan out stories to tell, I just talk about things that have happened to me recently.

But, if nothing really cool has happened to you recently, it's alright to find things from your past that were cool, and make it seem like they just happened to you.


Good Luck.



animal crackers

 

[animal crackers]

ps. This works for guys AND girls.

It's just being normal and social.

 

[nonstop]

start saving and travel the world.

it worked for me.

you'll be put in situations you've never been before and you'll be forced to meet new people everyday!. Plus you'll come back brimming with confidence and wild tales.

find life and fall in love with it.

Start chellenging yourself everyday. I do. and make sure you do 3 things different everyday!

make them your habits

p.s.
Girls are all the same, finding one that does the same things as your ex won't be that hard, thats just being a woman.

 

[kk2004]

thx guys

Yeah I know... approaching is the only way to go and meet new people, or it helps start your new circle. From which it can build from.

ITs the approach part I think I have a approach phobia. So Im working on my self esteem right now to get it up, so this way Im not too terrified to take risks and talk to girls. It wierd I almost have to psyche myself to talk to a girl, its like a general giving his soldiers a prep talk before they storm a hill.

Animal Crackers ur right.. I need to workout and just not give a f*uck, if I have a girl or not, or im not looking the best or I dont have the fastest car. I just need to be happy, and enjoy and have fun with my friends and stop comparing myself to those with like ten girls on their arms. Maybe try to have more fun in my life if I didnt spend most of the time feeling sorry for myself. Rather Im just gonna have fun, with people or without them it doesnt matter.

Believe it or not, Im gonna try to learn to have fun. Its something that I have to ACUTALLY learn.

Well loosining up, I dont know, its a biological fear i guess, its gonna take time before I can take risks, unless I FORCE myself and its making my life hell, I cant keep forcing myself. I need to just chill and love myself first and then build up that self esteem.

Thats a good plan animal crackers.. Ill def keep it in mind next time im in a situation to talk, when i take the risk.

If i started to challenge myself everyday I would go crazy, because of the aniexty I would have all day, worrying about whethr or not I wud accomplish them. lol.... I guess I have a problem of failure..hence a low self esteem which im working on, and the first step im doing is stopping negative thought and stop comparing myself to those around me like they are better than me.

 

[salsipuedes]

You sound just like me 10 years ago, i also lived my life like that, afraid, alone, thinking everybody else had a life and i didnt, and guess what? its all in your head, having a life is choice, a choice that you need to take if you want to be "normal". There is a reason why you hide from people, why you are afraid of people, and thats you are full of fear, fear of abandonment, fear of rejection, or low self steem, wich i am willing to bet come from the fact that you had problems with your family, perhaps your one or both parents distant? abuse?

Good news is you can change, its not easy, but its possible, you need to start to like and apreciate yourself first if you ever want someone else to like you, i used to complain that i didnt have any friends, that i was never with the in crowd, only to find out me and my atitude kept people away, i met people, but i never made an effort to make them friends, i never called, i never showed any interest in them, and then i was stupid enough to sit alone at home in a saturday night thinking, nobody cares.

Get a life man! get some hobbies, cultivate friendships, go and do stuff even if your mind tells you you have to stay home, FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE but do something, start liking yourself.

 

[pimpfromdayone]

Don't blame yourself so much man, a LOT of people struggle with this, it probably also has something to do with how you were raised too (do your parents try to hold onto you like you're still a kid? Mine do, and one day I realized, this is MY life, I want something more than just family). It also doesn't help that everybody is on a dam-n cell phone 24/7 these days. Am I the only one who doesn't have to be talking on one of those things all day long? You talk about not having a life! Anyway, my point was, they have isolated people from one another, and even in everyday settings where the people are in close proximity to each other, things just aren't the same. I can walk all over campus and a full 75% of the people are either talking on or fu-cking with their cell phone in some way. It's like nobody wants to talk to people around them anymore, and girls make it harder for a lot of guys to approach them like that (stupid girls, lol). For those who have a gf or bf to talk to, it is even worse because they should NOT be talking to that person 24 fuc-king 7 at every opportunity.... if you've read the boards, you know why. Ok, there's my cell phone complaint.

Next up, I would like to tell you that I know exactly how you feel, because I have been through the very same problem myself, as crazy as it sounds. These guys on here don't lie when they tell you that you need friends to meet women. If you don't have them, it will not be impossible, it will just be a lot harder, especially for the average guy. There is just no reason to be anti-social. Think about it. You said you were just shy, and you feel inadequate too right? Well, that is just a confidence issue. For me, I had the EXACT same issue that The Edge talked about: I just didn't like people (still don't like most) and thought I didn't need any friends. I wasn't arrogant, I just thought I was better than that and was strong enough to get along without them, stronger without them even. Where is the sense in that? Just because people annoy me and I don't like to drink, I don't like to party, I don't like a lot of social activities, is no reason why I shouldn't have friends, because there is a lot more to it than that, namely, women. THE NUMBER ONE REASON WHY MOST GUYS DON'T GET WOMEN: THEY DON'T SOCIALIZE. Does this get mentioned very often on here? No, unfortunately not, it is just something everyone seems to overlook. They can have their special techniques, coc-ky funny practiced to perfection, and exceptionally high confidence, but while they sit at home, some FATASS is out socializing and inevitably talking to women and banging them.

So, remember, take care of yourselves, and each other. No, hehe, j/k I understand a lot of people weren't meant to be really social, that is cool, they are perfectly "normal", but even if you don't have any friends, it's not that hard to get some. Go to a party, you're guaranteed to meet SOMEBODY, guy or girl. In class, ask a girl for your notes so you can copy them (if you don't need them, pretend you do). You know what? Most people in my college classes don't really do anything social most the time. It is an excellent opportunity for that, but if you think about it, MOST people would be just like you if they didn't go to parties and start doing things just because others were there. Where is another excellent place to meet people? YOUR JOB. Don't have one? Get one, you might find that it gives you a great opportunity to meet people, since you are payed to talk to customers of course. Also, there is this thing out now called "thefacebook.com" where all the college people post a profile and you can easily find parties on there and meet friends and girls.... EVERYBODY has a profile, it isn't like one of those internet dating sites only for losers. I suggest you give that a try. I joined it out to try to make some more friends and I ended up finding a hot girl (who doesn't like to party, thank God, what a rare find eh?) and I am at the moment trying to organize a meeting with her... I'm pretty confident I will do well.

 

[kk2004]

ic

I guess I got very lucky with my last gf, lol, cold approached her a*SS. Lol, she was white too, Italian bird too, hot, lived in this really exclusive neighboorhood where outsiders are "frowned apon" Im indian. She was amazing in bed, and she loved to hangout alot. Whats the chance lol, im gonna find another italian chick (my friends tell me there great in bed and loyal, there realli honry all the time.) Lol, she wanted to marry me, drove me around and had no racial bias against me, where she lives they're highly I mean highly against anyone who isnt white. We chilled in like high class society sh*t, and every night we would mess around in her car and then she would drop me off home. Lol. I went to places that, I never had heard off, lol sort of like when you take dog from a house and let him loose on a farm. Thing that sucks is that my friends tell me that italian chicks are really hard to get next to jewish chicks, so now i feel screwed. Italian chicks and all white chicks for that fact naturally like white guys, and italian chicks are attracted to those big white guys with ripped muscles and small shirts, with their hair spiked up and driving bmw's.

Me im Indian, skinny, with just avg money. I feel like I got really lucky and I couldnt score another italian...now getting another one is starting to feel almost like a challenge. Im sure there are other girls of other races that, would be just as freaky and nice, But for me esp, getting an italian chick is like a test, or like me going up against the odds, or like infiltrating the system.

Bear with me

So now I met this chick through a random pickup... in a really good comfort zone of mine, i was really lucky. Lucky that she liked me compared to what most girls with her attributes like, which is rich, tall, built, spiked hair, tight shirts. I grew up in Nyc in queens, still living there, and I guess I grew up around a whole diffrent culture. Im not ghetto though cuz i dont really like that whole thing. But anyway all my friends like "dream" of banging a white girl. So all the friends I have are all indian or spanish, and none of them have told me stories of being freaky or close as like the way me and this italian chick where. Most of my friends are like afraid or say they feel like they dont have much to offer. I know this is the wrong type of thinking, but for an Indian guy, its still really hard to score a white chick.

SO now i need to socialize to meet girls...yes agreed. Cold approaching a girl esp in a community college is tough, esp finding the girl that I did, i got lucky. Its a numbers game i guess. So i got indian friends and you know what they feel about white girls. So now I gotta make friends with those guys that think they are the sh*t, the tall, muscely guys with spiked hair and they dont like Indian guys, they just give you the cold shoulder.

So i cant socialize with the guys that know the girls I like. So i guess I can be hapy and content. I mean its good to know that they arent better than me there just diffrent. BUt that doesnt help me to get those girls.

 

[diablo]

AE...

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/search...d=261416&sortby=lastpost&sortorder=descending

 

[pimpfromdayone]

I don't understand your logic. What do you mean you CAN'T make friends with these white guys who are good with women? That is just low self-esteem again man. Sounds like that is your problem. For the friends thing, it might be a bit overrated, saying you MUST have friends to get girls, but I know for a fact that most guys only get girls because they have friends. Not only does it give them that "social proof" and "social status," it gives them access to more people (networking) so they have more opportunities with girls. They don't cold approach, they don't have to, and they couldn't probably if they tried. If all you have is the ability to cold approach, and few friends, at least you have something, and I see no reason why you can't be successful with women. A true don juan can be as independent as he wants (in fact this is one quality he has), though he often isn't just because he enjoys the company of others, mainly because he likes to be the life of the party or whatever. Dude, just relax and stop stressing over friends, and you'll get them..... as long as you are open and friendly with people and you go out and do stuff. Go to a party or something, that's what everyone else does. It doesn't take a genius to make a friend, everyone does it.