JoeSki
New Member
Long time reader, first time caller.
After reading a handful of threads on this board and the entire section on online dating experiences from the main page, I have come to the conclusion that a great deal of you have no clue what you're doing when it comes to utilizing online dating sites and personals. Not that you can be blamed, it's a different kind of jungle out there and I'm just now discovering what works after two years of falling on my face both online and in person. There's a lot of disinformation out there, and some of you are coming into the online realm with it. One of the worst assumptions out there is that you should take your time while meeting girls online. This is wrong, wrong, wrong, and I'll talk about it later. I'll talk about a lot of things. I'm covering a lot of ground here.
So who the hell am I? AFC currently making strides to convert into a PUA/DJ. Successfully at that. Confidence and shyness are rarely problems for me, but the words and actions required to attract the type of woman that interests me have evaded me for years. To compensate, I turned to online dating where I can scan a woman's personality and interests before initiating contact and in turn, tailor words in her favor, and refer her to my own page where my own personality is put on display in a wonderful sterling frame. Using writing skills, I was able to enhance every wonderful quirk and feature of my personality upfront whereas in reality they don't shine so bright and often go under the radar. I've been using dating sites and personals for two years. My success with women while on dates has been nonexistent, but this I blame on my AFC ways which I am now changing.
The difference between me and most people using these venues is that the women come to me and I meet them in person. And they have been quality women. Smart, funny, beautiful, dark, and very cultured. Some have even written into me saying that they're not looking for a relationship at all (They are) but read my profile, and wanted to tell me how wonderful it was and how they wish me the best of luck. Last month I went three dates with girls that contacted ME. One drove out from Tampa to see me, half a state away. It's the eighth of September, and I've already gone on two dates.
I can help you get that far using the internet, but from there you're on your own. I have dozens of received messages in my OKCupid box and I receive an average of 5-7 responses every time I post my personal on Craigslist.
Online dating: A perfect idea on paper.
But hey, so is communisim.
The system has its flaws.
Attention Hoes: The ratio of males to females on these dating sites is way out of whack. As a result, a lot of the woman that hang around for a long time on these sites are simply there to take in as much attention as they possibly can without really going anywhere with anyone. Some would say the women are overloaded with options and so they simply don't feel the need to pick anyone. That may be the case with some of the women on these sites, but don't let a few rotten eggs make you think the rest of the carton is no good. There are ways to screen these women.
No Rapport: No matter how much you talk to someone online, you're back at ground zero once you finally meet them in person. You have to build up value all over again, and with less material than you had before. This issue is side stepped easily as well.
Lady Could be a Dude: Yeah...well...these are just the risks you take. In my experience, all of the women I've met have been very honest about who they are and used an up to date picture. Perhaps I'm recognizing red flags in other profiles that most of you are missing? I'll talk about profiles I'm leery of.
Girl Could Have a Boyfriend: So could anyone else you pickup...and this doesn't seem to be a big problem to a lot of people here anyways. This has happened to me. It's not fun. After meeting a girl in person, you should expect her to be as open with you about her life as she would be if you originally met her in person. Remember: You have as much a right to be wary of her as she does of you. You're qualifying HER. This has not changed.
The Profile
This is the backbone of your success with online dating and you're selling yourself short if you churn it out, put it up, and leave it at that. Your profile should be an extension of you. It should be a reflection of your philosophies, your tastes in all things cultural, your sense of humor, your style, who you are, and what you're looking for. It has to have ENERGY, ENERGY, ENERGY! Be open, be honest, and be ****y funny. Show some attitude and swagger. show some heart. Show that you're human and genuine. My online personal has had a lot of success where I've placed it because I've spent two years editing it. It's had many revisions and every few weeks I change a line or two. In this way, writing a profile is a lot like writing a poem, a book, or a short story: It's never finished. There's always room for improvement, and you should seek it out. There's always a little bit more, or a little bit less to say about yourself. You cannot afford for your profile to look like everyone else. Read men's profiles, and find out what cliches are used and then avoid them. Every site has their own brand due to the different way the information fields are arranged. At the end of this post I'll include a link to my Craigslist posting and tell you what segments have been well received or useful.
One more thing. Online dating sites and personals are often used as a crutch for the desperate man with no social skills. Remember: YOU ARE NOT THIS GUY! If you do not express this somehow in your profile, it will be assumed. You're not online because you're desperate, you're online because you're looking for someone with a distinct personality (Which I am, personally). You're looking for someone with the right kind of energy. You're looking for someone who's tired of the club scene. You're online because you haven't met what you're looking for in real life, not because no one else would have you. DO NOT be whiny and say "I'm using this site because all the women I meet in club are teh suxxors." Do NOT be negative about the women you meet in your day to day life. A girl is more likely to assume the problem lies with you rather than the rest of the world. But don't forget, YOU ARE QUALIFYING THEM!
You can use the same profile on a variety of websites, so make it the best profile there is.
I recommend leaving an instant message screename in your profile. A lot of people prefer to make first contact this way.
Profile cliches
These are not always written exactly the same as I will show you, but I see them all the time in one variety or another. Avoid them.
"I'm often shy at first but I'm very warm and friendly once you get to know me."
"I'm the most funny/interesting/weird/quirky person you'll ever meet!"
"I'm not very good at writing about myself" or "I'm never sure what to write for these things..."
"If you want to know anything more, just ask!" (Never. They will never follow up and ask. They have no incentive to. You tell them about yourself then and there, soldier.)
After reading a handful of threads on this board and the entire section on online dating experiences from the main page, I have come to the conclusion that a great deal of you have no clue what you're doing when it comes to utilizing online dating sites and personals. Not that you can be blamed, it's a different kind of jungle out there and I'm just now discovering what works after two years of falling on my face both online and in person. There's a lot of disinformation out there, and some of you are coming into the online realm with it. One of the worst assumptions out there is that you should take your time while meeting girls online. This is wrong, wrong, wrong, and I'll talk about it later. I'll talk about a lot of things. I'm covering a lot of ground here.
So who the hell am I? AFC currently making strides to convert into a PUA/DJ. Successfully at that. Confidence and shyness are rarely problems for me, but the words and actions required to attract the type of woman that interests me have evaded me for years. To compensate, I turned to online dating where I can scan a woman's personality and interests before initiating contact and in turn, tailor words in her favor, and refer her to my own page where my own personality is put on display in a wonderful sterling frame. Using writing skills, I was able to enhance every wonderful quirk and feature of my personality upfront whereas in reality they don't shine so bright and often go under the radar. I've been using dating sites and personals for two years. My success with women while on dates has been nonexistent, but this I blame on my AFC ways which I am now changing.
The difference between me and most people using these venues is that the women come to me and I meet them in person. And they have been quality women. Smart, funny, beautiful, dark, and very cultured. Some have even written into me saying that they're not looking for a relationship at all (They are) but read my profile, and wanted to tell me how wonderful it was and how they wish me the best of luck. Last month I went three dates with girls that contacted ME. One drove out from Tampa to see me, half a state away. It's the eighth of September, and I've already gone on two dates.
I can help you get that far using the internet, but from there you're on your own. I have dozens of received messages in my OKCupid box and I receive an average of 5-7 responses every time I post my personal on Craigslist.
Online dating: A perfect idea on paper.
But hey, so is communisim.
The system has its flaws.
Attention Hoes: The ratio of males to females on these dating sites is way out of whack. As a result, a lot of the woman that hang around for a long time on these sites are simply there to take in as much attention as they possibly can without really going anywhere with anyone. Some would say the women are overloaded with options and so they simply don't feel the need to pick anyone. That may be the case with some of the women on these sites, but don't let a few rotten eggs make you think the rest of the carton is no good. There are ways to screen these women.
No Rapport: No matter how much you talk to someone online, you're back at ground zero once you finally meet them in person. You have to build up value all over again, and with less material than you had before. This issue is side stepped easily as well.
Lady Could be a Dude: Yeah...well...these are just the risks you take. In my experience, all of the women I've met have been very honest about who they are and used an up to date picture. Perhaps I'm recognizing red flags in other profiles that most of you are missing? I'll talk about profiles I'm leery of.
Girl Could Have a Boyfriend: So could anyone else you pickup...and this doesn't seem to be a big problem to a lot of people here anyways. This has happened to me. It's not fun. After meeting a girl in person, you should expect her to be as open with you about her life as she would be if you originally met her in person. Remember: You have as much a right to be wary of her as she does of you. You're qualifying HER. This has not changed.
The Profile
This is the backbone of your success with online dating and you're selling yourself short if you churn it out, put it up, and leave it at that. Your profile should be an extension of you. It should be a reflection of your philosophies, your tastes in all things cultural, your sense of humor, your style, who you are, and what you're looking for. It has to have ENERGY, ENERGY, ENERGY! Be open, be honest, and be ****y funny. Show some attitude and swagger. show some heart. Show that you're human and genuine. My online personal has had a lot of success where I've placed it because I've spent two years editing it. It's had many revisions and every few weeks I change a line or two. In this way, writing a profile is a lot like writing a poem, a book, or a short story: It's never finished. There's always room for improvement, and you should seek it out. There's always a little bit more, or a little bit less to say about yourself. You cannot afford for your profile to look like everyone else. Read men's profiles, and find out what cliches are used and then avoid them. Every site has their own brand due to the different way the information fields are arranged. At the end of this post I'll include a link to my Craigslist posting and tell you what segments have been well received or useful.
One more thing. Online dating sites and personals are often used as a crutch for the desperate man with no social skills. Remember: YOU ARE NOT THIS GUY! If you do not express this somehow in your profile, it will be assumed. You're not online because you're desperate, you're online because you're looking for someone with a distinct personality (Which I am, personally). You're looking for someone with the right kind of energy. You're looking for someone who's tired of the club scene. You're online because you haven't met what you're looking for in real life, not because no one else would have you. DO NOT be whiny and say "I'm using this site because all the women I meet in club are teh suxxors." Do NOT be negative about the women you meet in your day to day life. A girl is more likely to assume the problem lies with you rather than the rest of the world. But don't forget, YOU ARE QUALIFYING THEM!
You can use the same profile on a variety of websites, so make it the best profile there is.
I recommend leaving an instant message screename in your profile. A lot of people prefer to make first contact this way.
Profile cliches
These are not always written exactly the same as I will show you, but I see them all the time in one variety or another. Avoid them.
"I'm often shy at first but I'm very warm and friendly once you get to know me."
"I'm the most funny/interesting/weird/quirky person you'll ever meet!"
"I'm not very good at writing about myself" or "I'm never sure what to write for these things..."
"If you want to know anything more, just ask!" (Never. They will never follow up and ask. They have no incentive to. You tell them about yourself then and there, soldier.)
