Thanks...this is something that men have GOT to accept if they want to change patterns and be successful. It's a lot easier to make the assumption that a woman left you because you were "too nice" than it is to admit to yourself that you screwed up somewhere and might actually be *gasp* a bore. See the truth as it is, accept it and do something to make yourself more interesting and exciting to be around, but DON'T stop being nice! When you stop being nice you start being an @sshole, and you will only get dumped again for a different reason. Finding a healthy balance is the key.Originally posted by Survivor:
I've never been dumped in my life.
That's nothing special. Most physically attrative women rarely get dumped. Maybe only 1 or 2 times in their entire lives.
It isn't "Nice Guys" that women dump. Women dump apologetic lapdogs who cling and patronize. Women want NICE men who can keep them on their toes and who are NOT boring.
That may be the first time a female DJ has ever said that. Congratulations!
Now excuse me while I go put on my flame retardent suit on, because I will undoubtedly take some heat for this post...
Quite the opposite. I agree with everything you said on that post.
The your first post on this thread, however, is another issue.
In any case, well done Wyldfire.
Stumped by a woman's behavior?
- Thread starter Wyldfire
- Start date
I agree, balance is the key. But back to what you said about a guy having concern for a woman's happiness...
While it is true that a man must have concern for a woman's happiness and do "nice" things make her happy, he also must have concern for his own happiness and do "strong" and "masculine" things in order for her to maintain a high level of respect for him.
Before a man can be "nice", he must first be "strong". Females ONLY respect "strong" men. And they're made happy when "strong" men are "nice" to them at the right time. Again, finding the right healthy balance is the key.
"Are there any tactics you know or believe won't work with her that might work with most other women?" Plenty. When I was first studied this site, my first conclusion was that all relationships were nothing more than suger-coated power struggles. But as I matured and gained more self-respect and self-confidence, I found out it doesn't always have to be that way. It was around that time that I met my current girlfriend.
"My guess is that you are a lot more open and honest and talk much more with her than you would a different woman." Not really. Most of the time, we're too busy having sex to do much talking. If we do talk, its usually for a few minutes, enough time for us to get our energy back, then we head back to bed for another bang session.
"Would you agree that if a woman is unhappy with the relationship that her interest level will drop quickly?"Most definitely. But part of it is her own fault. If a woman is unhappy, she should trust her man to not overreact when she communicates in a straightforward manner. And if she can't trust him, she should not be involved with him.
Remember fellas, if she starts acting strange, don't react to her silliness. One of the 3C's is CONTROL. And CONTROL=STRENGTH. CONTROL is what you must demonstrate when a girl starts having a temper tantrum.
While it is true that a man must have concern for a woman's happiness and do "nice" things make her happy, he also must have concern for his own happiness and do "strong" and "masculine" things in order for her to maintain a high level of respect for him.
Before a man can be "nice", he must first be "strong". Females ONLY respect "strong" men. And they're made happy when "strong" men are "nice" to them at the right time. Again, finding the right healthy balance is the key.
"Are there any tactics you know or believe won't work with her that might work with most other women?" Plenty. When I was first studied this site, my first conclusion was that all relationships were nothing more than suger-coated power struggles. But as I matured and gained more self-respect and self-confidence, I found out it doesn't always have to be that way. It was around that time that I met my current girlfriend.
"My guess is that you are a lot more open and honest and talk much more with her than you would a different woman." Not really. Most of the time, we're too busy having sex to do much talking. If we do talk, its usually for a few minutes, enough time for us to get our energy back, then we head back to bed for another bang session.
"Would you agree that if a woman is unhappy with the relationship that her interest level will drop quickly?"Most definitely. But part of it is her own fault. If a woman is unhappy, she should trust her man to not overreact when she communicates in a straightforward manner. And if she can't trust him, she should not be involved with him.
Remember fellas, if she starts acting strange, don't react to her silliness. One of the 3C's is CONTROL. And CONTROL=STRENGTH. CONTROL is what you must demonstrate when a girl starts having a temper tantrum.
The only thing I disagree with in this post (and it's more of adding something I feel you overlooked than outright disagreement.) is that not all the responsibility of communication falls on the shoulders of the woman. Sometimes men can't take criticism, ignore the comments made to him or even view the complaint as some attempt to gain control. Sometimes women feel like they are talking to a brick wall...especially if the guy doesn't talk whilst attemtpting to be mysterious or whatever other reason he has. It takes two people to make or break a relationship. Women need to talk in a way that men can hear and men need to listen when the woman does that.Originally posted by Survivor:
I agree, balance is the key. But back to what you said about a guy having concern for a woman's happiness...
While it is true that a man must have concern for a woman's happiness and do "nice" things make her happy, he also must have concern for his own happiness and do "strong" and "masculine" things in order for her to maintain a high level of respect for him.
Before a man can be "nice", he must first be "strong". Females ONLY respect "strong" men. And they're made happy when "strong" men are "nice" to them at the right time. Again, finding the right healthy balance is the key.
"Are there any tactics you know or believe won't work with her that might work with most other women?" Plenty. When I was first studied this site, my first conclusion was that all relationships were nothing more than suger-coated power struggles. But as I matured and gained more self-respect and self-confidence, I found out it doesn't always have to be that way. It was around that time that I met my current girlfriend.
"My guess is that you are a lot more open and honest and talk much more with her than you would a different woman." Not really. Most of the time, we're too busy having sex to do much talking. If we do talk, its usually for a few minutes, enough time for us to get our energy back, then we head back to bed for another bang session.
"Would you agree that if a woman is unhappy with the relationship that her interest level will drop quickly?"Most definitely. But part of it is her own fault. If a woman is unhappy, she should trust her man to not overreact when she communicates in a straightforward manner. And if she can't trust him, she should not be involved with him.
Remember fellas, if she starts acting strange, don't react to her silliness. One of the 3C's is CONTROL. And CONTROL=STRENGTH. CONTROL is what you must demonstrate when a girl starts having a temper tantrum.
improvingdonjuan
Senior Don Juan
its all simple, she doesnt like the way you are acting she can go F U C K HERSELF!!!!!
play games with me ill dump your azz!! dont put up with games just think of it this way you are THE MAN she either likes it or hits the road.
i can here the girls go *mocking a girl* "but thats double standared, you cant do that, you play games but she cant? its unfair"
hahahahhahahaha unfair? SO?!!!!! i play games you shouldnt, wanna make my life difucult? get the hell out of it!!!! simple as that.
------------------
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
CONFIDENCE AND HUMOR ARE THE KEY TO HER HEART
be confident,homorous,and charming and you will be succesful in life because people think of you as highly as you think of yourself
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
THE DJ BIBLE
play games with me ill dump your azz!! dont put up with games just think of it this way you are THE MAN she either likes it or hits the road.
i can here the girls go *mocking a girl* "but thats double standared, you cant do that, you play games but she cant? its unfair"
hahahahhahahaha unfair? SO?!!!!! i play games you shouldnt, wanna make my life difucult? get the hell out of it!!!! simple as that.
------------------
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
CONFIDENCE AND HUMOR ARE THE KEY TO HER HEART
be confident,homorous,and charming and you will be succesful in life because people think of you as highly as you think of yourself
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
THE DJ BIBLE
You missed the point of the first post. This information is useful for the guys who want a LTR or who are stuck at a certain point and keep getting shot down. It's not about putting up with behavior you don't like, it's about understanding how to read women for those who need some pointers in doing that.
You don't understand because you're a chick, and no one has ever called you on the possibility that if something goes wrong in a relationship it is *not* automatically the guy's fault.
This whole thing is so bratty chick-think it's not true. But I'll explain it again, slowly this time.
It is not the guy's job to live up to the woman's expectations.
DJs don't ask themselves 'Am I doing something wrong? Is that why she's mad at me?'
The only question DJs ask themselves is 'Am I happy here?'
*That* is the key point you're not getting. As a chick you still seem to feel that guys exist for your benefit, and that it's our job to make you happy, and if we don't make you happy then you have a right (or something...) to play games and do all kinds of other crap just because you're female and this gives you special privileges that don't require civilised behaviour.
And that is so not how it works.
The only question a guy should be asking himself is whether he's happy with a chick or not. And more to the point - whether he's happy *with himself* or not.
That is way more relevant to what happens next than trying to playing kindergarten guessing games about what 'he did wrong' to justify (justify? - are you serious?) any weirdness on her part.
Yes, it's true, a lot of women aren't mature enough not to play games. Well - guess what? If she plays games, then she's out, and it's entirely her loss. She could have had a man but she chose to act like a girl, and if the guy looks elsewhere she only has herself to blame.
My big problem with this post is that it sounds like you're really saying that these aspiring DJs should put up with crap like that, just because that's what women do, and - like - deal with it?
Because if so that's neither true nor helpful. That is not how a DJ thinks, or how he acts, and that is not the world that a DJ experiences.
If a guy is striking out at the same point every time it is *not* going to be because he's doing something obvious like dating other women without (gag!) her permission. It's much more likely to be because on some level he still believes he has to play the game the way that women want it to be played, and he doesn't have any respect for himself. Which the women are getting, and that's why they're leaving.
Guys who have that real confidence and integrity do *not* turn off women.
As for guys making a bee line for women who are a challenge - no, it's just the opposite problem. Until a guy really matures into the DJ role he *puts up with* all kinds of crap from women because he believes he doesn't deserve better. He supplicates to get what little is going to be made available to him, and he's prepared to take a lot of games and crap and BS because he doesn't have the spine to do anything about it. More than that the woman knows she has him by the 'nads, and if she's really twisted she'll getting off on rubbing his face in it.
Ugly stuff. But as we can see, the problem is not that guy made a boo boo and now she's mad at him and he needs to get with the program or she'll (sob!) leave.
No no no - a thousand times no. Once a guy grows past that stage, he sees that the rules are different. BS is no longer acceptable. He doesn't play games because he doesn't need to play games. And he doesn't waste time on girls who do. He's no longer hypnotised by a pretty T+A and has enough self-control to check out what's really up with a woman - good and bad.
And if it's good then he does what he has to to increase his pleasure and delight from the situation. Not because the woman deserves it just because she's female. But because he knows exactly how to treat her to maximise what's in it for *him*.
If making her happy does that, then he's all for it. But it's on his own terms. It's not hers by right.
Okay, I am copy and pasting my original post here, and am going to break it down for you, and others who seem compelled to twist my words, add sentiments I never posted and the like.
---------------------------------------------
Okay fellas, this is a good way to figure out what's going on with a woman you are dating or involved with. It doesn't apply to women you don't have at least a short dating history with.
If a woman starts acting differently all of a sudden and you are wondering WTF is going on, LOOK AT YOUR OWN BEHAVIOR!!! If she starts ignoring you it DOESN'T necessarily mean that she has lost interest. It might mean that you aren't giving her enough attention and she is giving you a dose of your own medicine. This "do unto him as he does unto you" is the number one tactic women use to express their dissatisfaction with someone else's behavior towards them. If she starts flirting with other guys, ask yourself if you've been flirting with other girls. If she doesn't call you when she said she would, ask yourself if you have been doing that same thing to her. Doing this will save you so much aggravation and confusion. It is THE number one thing every man should understand about women. The same thing applies in a positive sense. If you do for her, she is more likely to do for you. If she does for you, she wants you to do for her. It's a very simple concept that too often gets missed.
--------------------------------------------
Nowhere in this post did I say that the woman's behavior is the man's "fault". At no point did I say that the man should change his behavior to suit the woman. At no point did I imply that the woman is "right" and the guy is "wrong". That's just what a few of you ASSUMED I meant and went off on a tangent. My words have been twisted, blown entirely out of context and some posters have gone so far as to counter sentiments I never even made.
Did I say it is wrong to not give a woman enough attention? Did I say it was wrong to flirt with other women? Did I say it was wrong to not call when you say you will? It doesn't even matter whether it's right or wrong. What matters is whether or not the man wants to keep the relationship. IF he does, this information can be of great help to him. It makes no difference if a person's feelings are justified or not, they still have them and are going to react to those feelings. It's still going to cause problems. With the information I have given, a man has a better chance of understanding a woman's "triggers". Whether he decides to adjust his own behavior to help make a relationship he values work or decides it's not worth the effort is entirely up to him. Again, I am going to point out that I NEVER told anyone to change for someone else.
---------------------------------------------
Okay fellas, this is a good way to figure out what's going on with a woman you are dating or involved with. It doesn't apply to women you don't have at least a short dating history with.
If a woman starts acting differently all of a sudden and you are wondering WTF is going on, LOOK AT YOUR OWN BEHAVIOR!!! If she starts ignoring you it DOESN'T necessarily mean that she has lost interest. It might mean that you aren't giving her enough attention and she is giving you a dose of your own medicine. This "do unto him as he does unto you" is the number one tactic women use to express their dissatisfaction with someone else's behavior towards them. If she starts flirting with other guys, ask yourself if you've been flirting with other girls. If she doesn't call you when she said she would, ask yourself if you have been doing that same thing to her. Doing this will save you so much aggravation and confusion. It is THE number one thing every man should understand about women. The same thing applies in a positive sense. If you do for her, she is more likely to do for you. If she does for you, she wants you to do for her. It's a very simple concept that too often gets missed.
--------------------------------------------
Nowhere in this post did I say that the woman's behavior is the man's "fault". At no point did I say that the man should change his behavior to suit the woman. At no point did I imply that the woman is "right" and the guy is "wrong". That's just what a few of you ASSUMED I meant and went off on a tangent. My words have been twisted, blown entirely out of context and some posters have gone so far as to counter sentiments I never even made.
Did I say it is wrong to not give a woman enough attention? Did I say it was wrong to flirt with other women? Did I say it was wrong to not call when you say you will? It doesn't even matter whether it's right or wrong. What matters is whether or not the man wants to keep the relationship. IF he does, this information can be of great help to him. It makes no difference if a person's feelings are justified or not, they still have them and are going to react to those feelings. It's still going to cause problems. With the information I have given, a man has a better chance of understanding a woman's "triggers". Whether he decides to adjust his own behavior to help make a relationship he values work or decides it's not worth the effort is entirely up to him. Again, I am going to point out that I NEVER told anyone to change for someone else.
BGMan
Master Don Juan
Hey Wyldfire,
Great post(s)! It's something that I'll keep in mind!
BGMan
Great post(s)! It's something that I'll keep in mind!
BGMan
lordclem*
Master Don Juan
wow
this good
earlier i read this post at school and so badly wanted to reply but couldnt reply...now i am here and wildthang said most of it for me..thanks WILDTHANG
saying that what wyldfire said does hold some water..i found this out back when i was a AFC some girl was complaining about her her b/f,i asked her why dont you just tell him..she when on to enlighten tell me saying 'that she never told her boyfriends when they upset her' i asked why ..she look dazed stayed still for a few sec.then when on to hoe up more.i was like wow!!was that real??then a friend of mine got dumped (by sms)now this was around exam time.we found out that she was not happy with some part of the rela/ship and dumped him so.....he would come back to her and she would have more control
(FELLOW DJS WATCH OUT FOR THIS)now he really liked/loved her and this fcuked him for a while .about two months later he gets an sms from her saying how disopointed she was that he didnt come back and she thought he was a different person!!all this time she was making up lies about him. 'why?'
not that it should matter AT ALL the reason he didnt go back was because he thought that she was a total person meaning that she had her head on right(wasnt fcuked up w/emotional problems and MATURE)thus he repected her choice to dump him and left her alone.yet she still took the piss with her friends??
now wyldfire WHY DONT YOU STOP WHINNING ASK HIM OR EVEN BETTER WHY DONT YOU CALL HIM???OR IS IT A MAN'S JOB TO YOU?MAYBE YOUR JUST TOO GOOD FOR THAT.MMMMMMMM MAYBE THATs WANT YOU SHOULD BE THINKING ABOUT
now maybe hes busy with the other aspects of his life like job,family. you might find out if you ask him why hes not calling so much anymore.if he giving you any sh!t maybe he was lieing!!! the only risk is you might feel weak if you ask him,cant have that can we? if he loves you he will tell you why he has not been calling or call more.easy.init?
now to why we are jumping on you i thing you know fully well why
walking on egg shells mentality no thank you
and has to playing the same hoe game with her.i dont want to be with someone who i have play 'cold war' to communicate with?(the devil in me says:really if you spent a lot of time of her you dont have to dump her right a way stay till you have sex with her,making worth your time hopefully )
have things to do so hit me back (like i had to say that)
yes i am the devil
this good
earlier i read this post at school and so badly wanted to reply but couldnt reply...now i am here and wildthang said most of it for me..thanks WILDTHANG
saying that what wyldfire said does hold some water..i found this out back when i was a AFC some girl was complaining about her her b/f,i asked her why dont you just tell him..she when on to enlighten tell me saying 'that she never told her boyfriends when they upset her' i asked why ..she look dazed stayed still for a few sec.then when on to hoe up more.i was like wow!!was that real??then a friend of mine got dumped (by sms)now this was around exam time.we found out that she was not happy with some part of the rela/ship and dumped him so.....he would come back to her and she would have more control
(FELLOW DJS WATCH OUT FOR THIS)now he really liked/loved her and this fcuked him for a while .about two months later he gets an sms from her saying how disopointed she was that he didnt come back and she thought he was a different person!!all this time she was making up lies about him. 'why?'
not that it should matter AT ALL the reason he didnt go back was because he thought that she was a total person meaning that she had her head on right(wasnt fcuked up w/emotional problems and MATURE)thus he repected her choice to dump him and left her alone.yet she still took the piss with her friends??
now wyldfire WHY DONT YOU STOP WHINNING ASK HIM OR EVEN BETTER WHY DONT YOU CALL HIM???OR IS IT A MAN'S JOB TO YOU?MAYBE YOUR JUST TOO GOOD FOR THAT.MMMMMMMM MAYBE THATs WANT YOU SHOULD BE THINKING ABOUT
now maybe hes busy with the other aspects of his life like job,family. you might find out if you ask him why hes not calling so much anymore.if he giving you any sh!t maybe he was lieing!!! the only risk is you might feel weak if you ask him,cant have that can we? if he loves you he will tell you why he has not been calling or call more.easy.init?
now to why we are jumping on you i thing you know fully well why
walking on egg shells mentality no thank you
and has to playing the same hoe game with her.i dont want to be with someone who i have play 'cold war' to communicate with?(the devil in me says:really if you spent a lot of time of her you dont have to dump her right a way stay till you have sex with her,making worth your time hopefully )
have things to do so hit me back (like i had to say that)
yes i am the devil
lordclem*
Master Don Juan
wow you are not here yet?wyldfire?
I read that other post and chose not to respond to it. One person read more into my post than what it actually said, got offended and it snowballed. I really don't have the patience for anymore foolish pissing contests on this topic. I firmly believe in what I DID say, believe it will be helpful information to some people and those who disagree are free to do so. I'm just not going to waste my time defending things I never even said.
Relax, you're not on my sh*t list...yet, lol (j/k)
improvingdonjuan
Senior Don Juan
ok ok, i think i got both sides of the story and let me clear it out for you people
DJs she is not asking us to understand, put up with or be a girls personal servant, neither is she telling us to act like love sick puppy dogs. she is not telling us to go back tp our AFC years and try to be NICE to the girls and understand their reasons because they must have a good reason to play games. SHE IS NOT SAYING THAT what she IS doing is giving us some pointers on how to read a girl's behaviour.
WYLDFIRE we DJs can give a ratsazz what a girl behaviour is and why, we really dont have time for their sh*t so we dont care how they act as long as they do what we say (or act the way we want them to) we do the choosing and we are in control. so if she wants to play games f*ck her and dump her!!!!
we dont care if she is unhappy or if she wants to through tantrums its all simple
YOU DONT LIKE IT? HIT THE ROAD C U N T!!!! cause we ARE THE GOODS and they should be proving themselves to US.
SO you see we dont care why they are acting like that cause we wont change for them. we have no time for games so NEXT!!!!!!
------------------
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
CONFIDENCE AND HUMOR ARE THE KEY TO HER HEART
be confident,homorous,and charming and you will be succesful in life because people think of you as highly as you think of yourself
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
THE DJ BIBLE
DJs she is not asking us to understand, put up with or be a girls personal servant, neither is she telling us to act like love sick puppy dogs. she is not telling us to go back tp our AFC years and try to be NICE to the girls and understand their reasons because they must have a good reason to play games. SHE IS NOT SAYING THAT what she IS doing is giving us some pointers on how to read a girl's behaviour.
WYLDFIRE we DJs can give a ratsazz what a girl behaviour is and why, we really dont have time for their sh*t so we dont care how they act as long as they do what we say (or act the way we want them to) we do the choosing and we are in control. so if she wants to play games f*ck her and dump her!!!!
we dont care if she is unhappy or if she wants to through tantrums its all simple
YOU DONT LIKE IT? HIT THE ROAD C U N T!!!! cause we ARE THE GOODS and they should be proving themselves to US.
SO you see we dont care why they are acting like that cause we wont change for them. we have no time for games so NEXT!!!!!!
------------------
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
CONFIDENCE AND HUMOR ARE THE KEY TO HER HEART
be confident,homorous,and charming and you will be succesful in life because people think of you as highly as you think of yourself
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
THE DJ BIBLE
BigBill
Master Don Juan
Just curious...
Is it possible that we DID understand your post and what you were trying to say and we just don't agree with it?
Just wondering. that's how I see it. If you look back at the thread, some DJs agree with you, some don't. It doesn't mean you are stupid that you disagree with me, and I can assure you that My disagreeing with your premis doesn't make me stupid either.
I know I know, you never SAID that. but that's what your last post left me with.
Is it possible that we DID understand your post and what you were trying to say and we just don't agree with it?
Just wondering. that's how I see it. If you look back at the thread, some DJs agree with you, some don't. It doesn't mean you are stupid that you disagree with me, and I can assure you that My disagreeing with your premis doesn't make me stupid either.
I know I know, you never SAID that. but that's what your last post left me with.
Thank you Improvingdonjuan! Yes, that is what I was trying to say.
The only thing I disagree with is that there are some people who would be interested in this information. I recognize that some of you aren't interested, and that's certainly okay. Not all DJs have the same motives and methods as each other. One DJ doesn't represent all DJs just like I don't represent all women.
The only thing I disagree with is that there are some people who would be interested in this information. I recognize that some of you aren't interested, and that's certainly okay. Not all DJs have the same motives and methods as each other. One DJ doesn't represent all DJs just like I don't represent all women.
I wasn't going to respond to this, but have given it some thought and the tone of this post is different, so I am going to answer it.
The problem I have with your posts to me are not that you disagree with my posts. I respect anyone's right to disagree with me and welcome such posts. The problem I have with your posts to me is that you have been twisting my words to change the overall meaning of my posts. I feel that you have been doing this in an attempt to discredit the validity of anything I post. I'm not saying you are doing that intentionally, however, just that you are doing it. I know that not all people here are going to find my advice useful or agree with it. I don't expect them to. What I do expect, however, is for others to treat my posts with the same level of respect I treat theirs with. If someone can't or won't debate with me in a fair and straightforward fashion, I'm not going to waste my time conversing with them.
If you want to post your views to me in a courteous way, I'll be more than happy to respond. I don't tolerate disrespect, but I don't hold a grudge, either.
BigBill
Master Don Juan
Let me 'share something' with you WF.
when you are a guy and you can't get a girl because you are a total chump you feel like an absolute zero. You being a woman, and an attractive one will NEVER know what this is like. EVER.
that's how I was when I came here not too many moths ago. I thought like a lot of the newbies I see posting here and I thought a lot like what you posted here and have advised guys elsewhere in this forum.
I've still got a long way to go to get as good as I intend to become. I know we all as DJs have different points of view about certain things. That said, when someone comes into this forum in as bad a shape as I was when I got here the last thing they need is to see conflicting advice about the basic truths that we as a group have discovered. you may not agree with these but for taking a total chump and helping him turn his life around for the better they are absolutely golden.
I don't think anyone has a problem with you being here and taking part in discussions in the forums and things like that. but hon when you give advice to people in this forum or in the general forum you are crossing a line. suer sometimes you are right, but a lot of times you are way off base. This post is a great example. Newbie DJs and AFCs ALREADY obsess about what some girl is thinking/feeling/trying to tell them. They don't need you to tell them to do that. They are already doing it.
What they need is someone to tell them 'hey, cut that crap out. don't worry about why shes behaving badly, if shes screwing up tell her to go be miserable somewhere else and if she can't come out and say what's on her mind you LEAVE her.
Yeah that's being hard. These guys need to learn to be hard. Hard is good, hard is attractive, and hard is being a man who stands up for himself and expects to be treated with respect. Hard is what took me to being strong, confident, getting dates and getting laid from being weak, spineless, having no self-esteem and thinking there was something wrong woth ME every time I lucked into a date and it didn't work out.
So when I see a thread by ANYONE here trying to convince newbie DJs that they can somehow hang on to their politically correct, polite, nice-guy way of thinking and still solve their problem of being a doormat for every girl they ever meet... I'm gonna post and disagree. And I'm gonna argue as much as I can becuase to me this is more than a place we go to sit around and swap stories.
this place to me is where guys who have been getting the sh1t kicked out of them in the dating game come to find some useful help in getting their act together. that's why when people post these types of threads and I see newbies posting about how smart they think someone is casue that person just validated their chumpish way of thinking... I get pissed.
Those posts have no place here. you can be the smartest woman in the world and IMO you still have no business trying to help an AFC to become a DJ. There are plenty of people her that are true experts, and others like me who can at least give good solid basic advice.
You said before that men and women think differently and you are absolutely right. Some of what you see as harmlessly giving an opinion, as a guy, I see much differently.
anyway, this is going way long.
Night.
when you are a guy and you can't get a girl because you are a total chump you feel like an absolute zero. You being a woman, and an attractive one will NEVER know what this is like. EVER.
that's how I was when I came here not too many moths ago. I thought like a lot of the newbies I see posting here and I thought a lot like what you posted here and have advised guys elsewhere in this forum.
I've still got a long way to go to get as good as I intend to become. I know we all as DJs have different points of view about certain things. That said, when someone comes into this forum in as bad a shape as I was when I got here the last thing they need is to see conflicting advice about the basic truths that we as a group have discovered. you may not agree with these but for taking a total chump and helping him turn his life around for the better they are absolutely golden.
I don't think anyone has a problem with you being here and taking part in discussions in the forums and things like that. but hon when you give advice to people in this forum or in the general forum you are crossing a line. suer sometimes you are right, but a lot of times you are way off base. This post is a great example. Newbie DJs and AFCs ALREADY obsess about what some girl is thinking/feeling/trying to tell them. They don't need you to tell them to do that. They are already doing it.
What they need is someone to tell them 'hey, cut that crap out. don't worry about why shes behaving badly, if shes screwing up tell her to go be miserable somewhere else and if she can't come out and say what's on her mind you LEAVE her.
Yeah that's being hard. These guys need to learn to be hard. Hard is good, hard is attractive, and hard is being a man who stands up for himself and expects to be treated with respect. Hard is what took me to being strong, confident, getting dates and getting laid from being weak, spineless, having no self-esteem and thinking there was something wrong woth ME every time I lucked into a date and it didn't work out.
So when I see a thread by ANYONE here trying to convince newbie DJs that they can somehow hang on to their politically correct, polite, nice-guy way of thinking and still solve their problem of being a doormat for every girl they ever meet... I'm gonna post and disagree. And I'm gonna argue as much as I can becuase to me this is more than a place we go to sit around and swap stories.
this place to me is where guys who have been getting the sh1t kicked out of them in the dating game come to find some useful help in getting their act together. that's why when people post these types of threads and I see newbies posting about how smart they think someone is casue that person just validated their chumpish way of thinking... I get pissed.
Those posts have no place here. you can be the smartest woman in the world and IMO you still have no business trying to help an AFC to become a DJ. There are plenty of people her that are true experts, and others like me who can at least give good solid basic advice.
You said before that men and women think differently and you are absolutely right. Some of what you see as harmlessly giving an opinion, as a guy, I see much differently.
anyway, this is going way long.
Night.
And you just said what you should have said from the beginning. I don't have any problem with that at all. I don't entirely disagree with you. I just take offense to having my words twisted. That's not fair debate.
Being attractive isn't all it's cut out to be, either. You never know if someone is talking with you because they like you as a person or because they want a nice armpiece. I honestly wish I were less attractive so that I knew for sure that a guy pursued me because of who I am and not what I look like. It's not all peaches and cream.
Anyhow...I don't think a guy has to lose his niceness to use these principle. He just has to put himself FIRST instead of living for everyone else. I WILL try harder to be more clear in what I say from now on. And I'm not pissed at you or anything. I didn't like your behavior towards me, but I think you are making an effort to be more respectful, and I will do my best to grant you the same consideration. I won't change my views about certain things, but I will try to make sure I choose my words carefully.
Being attractive isn't all it's cut out to be, either. You never know if someone is talking with you because they like you as a person or because they want a nice armpiece. I honestly wish I were less attractive so that I knew for sure that a guy pursued me because of who I am and not what I look like. It's not all peaches and cream.
Anyhow...I don't think a guy has to lose his niceness to use these principle. He just has to put himself FIRST instead of living for everyone else. I WILL try harder to be more clear in what I say from now on. And I'm not pissed at you or anything. I didn't like your behavior towards me, but I think you are making an effort to be more respectful, and I will do my best to grant you the same consideration. I won't change my views about certain things, but I will try to make sure I choose my words carefully.
lordclem*
Master Don Juan
mmmm
bigbill sumed up want most people were feeling,me for sure.i think hes a stronger man for saying it outright. i will reseverse a kingdom in hell for you!
with the fury of all that and to find it *was* because someguy who wasnt calling, that pissed me off.at that point i just had to shot you down,saying that i think all the points i made were totaly vaild and i still stand by them.i dont hate you or someother sh!t. i also think you were angry when you wrote that post,still thats does not merit you points.you seem like a strong person.we move on
the devil
bigbill sumed up want most people were feeling,me for sure.i think hes a stronger man for saying it outright. i will reseverse a kingdom in hell for you!
with the fury of all that and to find it *was* because someguy who wasnt calling, that pissed me off.at that point i just had to shot you down,saying that i think all the points i made were totaly vaild and i still stand by them.i dont hate you or someother sh!t. i also think you were angry when you wrote that post,still thats does not merit you points.you seem like a strong person.we move on
the devil
I still believe what I wrote in the first place is valid. What I see now, is that some people are in a state of mind where they are not able to use advice like this in a positive way for them. Instead, they tend to use it to harm themselves emotionally. NO ONE should be doing that. You use this kind of information to make your life easier, NOT obsess and make it worse. Anyone who can't do that shouldn't try to use this advice because they will end up tearing themselves down instead of using it in a positive way.
By the way...being pissed off only made me less tolerant with a couple of people. I still had reason to be pissed because my words were being twisted around. And that contributed to some of the misundersanding of my meaning to others. However, that's over and done with and I think BOTH Bill and I have learned something from our interactions here.