Stumped by a woman's behavior?

[Wyldfire]

Okay fellas, this is a good way to figure out what's going on with a woman you are dating or involved with. It doesn't apply to women you don't have at least a short dating history with.

If a woman starts acting differently all of a sudden and you are wondering WTF is going on, LOOK AT YOUR OWN BEHAVIOR!!! If she starts ignoring you it DOESN'T necessarily mean that she has lost interest. It might mean that you aren't giving her enough attention and she is giving you a dose of your own medicine. This "do unto him as he does unto you" is the number one tactic women use to express their dissatisfaction with someone else's behavior towards them. If she starts flirting with other guys, ask yourself if you've been flirting with other girls. If she doesn't call you when she said she would, ask yourself if you have been doing that same thing to her. Doing this will save you so much aggravation and confusion. It is THE number one thing every man should understand about women. The same thing applies in a positive sense. If you do for her, she is more likely to do for you. If she does for you, she wants you to do for her. It's a very simple concept that too often gets missed.

 

[Paradox]

Nice post Wyldfire

Moving to "Tips"

 

[Gipper]

Wyldfire, you continue to dazzle and amaze me. Great post.

I better stop now, so I don't sound too much like a kiss@ss.

Gipper

 

[lordclem*]

mmmmmm what if you have been good to her calling when you said you would ect...WHAT THEN ???
tell us the secound part of the tail ?

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by Gipper:
Wyldfire, you continue to dazzle and amaze me. Great post.

I better stop now, so I don't sound too much like a kiss@ss.

Gipper

*bending over and cracking a smile for the Gipper*

You've used your one pandering post of the day. Watch yourself or else the fellas will jump on your case...

Thanks...your compliment is much appreciated!

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by lordclem*:
mmmmmm what if you have been good to her calling when you said you would ect...WHAT THEN ???
tell us the secound part of the tail ?

clem...are you saying that you have been calling her as promised and she doesn't do the same? Call her less...use the woman's mode of communication on her. Take what I'm telling you and use it to communicate to her in a language she understands.

 

[BigBill]

OK sorry to be the one

to interrupt this little love fest.

The 'do unto others as you would have them do unto you' method of relating to women doesn't work. It never has and it never will. Girls associate niceness with weakness in men especially men they are dating.

I know I know, Wyldfire... YOU are not that way YOU are different. Every chick that you bring this up to says that too. But My experience is that 99.999% of girls use men who are nice, caring and attentive as doormats.

guys, my advice is this:

If she is acting up, realize something. It's how she is going to continue to behave toward you as the relationship progesses. ESPECIALLY if you reward her behavior with changing yours.

Best thing to do if she's acting f***ed up is tell her that you aren't going to put up with her bull**** and she can call you again when she learns how to behave.

Oh, and honestly don't give a damn whether she comes back or not. Some of you will find this hard to take in. Just remember this, there are thousands of other hot women where she came from. What she can give you in bed or as a relationship partner is no better than what any of the others can. therfore I say don't take even a little bit of **** from her.

Once you become a DJ, YOU are the rare comodity, not her. Treat yourself as such and walk away if she starts using any of this crap being discussed. she has a problem with something you do, she can tell you.

 

[Wyldfire]

Let me get this straight...if a guy decides he's going to wait a week to call a girl and it upsets her and she feels disrespected it's perfectly acceptable. But if that same girl says she will call and waits for a week, upsetting the guy it's cause for him to dump her? Isn't that a bit hypocritical?

When did doing something nice for the person you are dating or involved with become a thing only "chumps" do? Isn't that something DJs are supposed to do to KEEP her interest level up (along with other things) so you don't lose her? No, I don't want an apologetic lapdog, but rest assured, hell will freeze over before I EVER tolerate a man treating me with disrespect. Been there, done that, got the messy t-shirt. I'm not saying you should bend over backwards to satisfy her every whim...NO woman wants that, it's suffocating. However, IF a man wants to keep a woman's interest once he has it, he had better do SOMETHING to make her feel wanted. If she doesn't feel wanted, she won't be happy no matter how cool, mysterious or suave you are. If she isn't happy, she's as good as gone (IF you're lucky). If she doesn't go she will be a total biotch to be around and make you wish she'd leave. When a woman is unhappy with something you either are, or are not doing she will tell you with her actions. I'm seeing a great deal of posts where a girl is obviously acting unhappy, the guy is asking advice and is pretty much unanimously told to get rid of her. That's all fine and good if he doesn't want to deal with her anymore, but shouldn't he be looking at his own choices to see if he might have contributed to the problem? Won't that help him to imporve his skills with women?

 

[BigBill]

Firstly I think waiting a week

to call is pretty much a chump thing to do. I won't go into why that is since I've already explained it other places.

Secondly yes, it is being hypocritical. So? That is what a power play is all about. you women act this way trying to get control of a man you are dating. Then the ironic thing is that if you ever get control you dump the chump you just neutered for a real man with balls and a backbone.

I know I know. I'm a jaded, cynical bastard to think about controlling a relationship. Its all supposed to be love and peace and happiness and all that stuff. Well... yes. As far as I'm concerned the woman doesn't get out of 'just a lay' status unless and until she shows me, consistantly that she has no problem with me leading and her following. Then maybe I can do something nice for her now and then but until the control issue is setteled, no way.

If she does that over a long period of time then maybe I would consider her for LTR material.

Bottom line, I've been in relationships with women who feel they have to have equal power and it just never works. A relationshipis a team. Successful teams have leadership. They have players on the team who are ok with someone else providing them some direction. If a woman doesn't want some man in her life giving her that direction, fine. She can just stay single or whatever.

Women would rather have the best of all worlds though. they want to have all the benefits of having a man in their lives, but they don't want to let him take the lead, or only if they feel like it that day.

As far as I'm concerned dating wise, those women can be good for a lay or two but not more. So if she wants to start playing games and trying to make my life hell by being a biotch...

theres the door.

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by BigBill:
Firstly I think waiting a week

to call is pretty much a chump thing to do. I won't go into why that is since I've already explained it other places.

Secondly yes, it is being hypocritical. So? That is what a power play is all about. you women act this way trying to get control of a man you are dating. Then the ironic thing is that if you ever get control you dump the chump you just neutered for a real man with balls and a backbone.

I know I know. I'm a jaded, cynical bastard to think about controlling a relationship. Its all supposed to be love and peace and happiness and all that stuff. Well... yes. As far as I'm concerned the woman doesn't get out of 'just a lay' status unless and until she shows me, consistantly that she has no problem with me leading and her following. Then maybe I can do something nice for her now and then but until the control issue is setteled, no way.

If she does that over a long period of time then maybe I would consider her for LTR material.

Bottom line, I've been in relationships with women who feel they have to have equal power and it just never works. A relationshipis a team. Successful teams have leadership. They have players on the team who are ok with someone else providing them some direction. If a woman doesn't want some man in her life giving her that direction, fine. She can just stay single or whatever.

Women would rather have the best of all worlds though. they want to have all the benefits of having a man in their lives, but they don't want to let him take the lead, or only if they feel like it that day.

As far as I'm concerned dating wise, those women can be good for a lay or two but not more. So if she wants to start playing games and trying to make my life hell by being a biotch...

theres the door.

I think you might be misunderstanding the point I'm trying to make. Women very often communicate their feelings in the way I described. There are a lot of guys on here who haven't learned how to adjust their tactics to fit the individual woman they're dealing with. They start off on the right foot and then make a bad call on something and the woman who did have high interest loses it. (like the phone call bit) I'm not talking about control over each other, I'm talking about how to read a woman's behavior to understand what she's thinking and feeling. No one has to tolerate something they aren't comfortable with tolerating. However, recognizing what the source of a problem is can prevent a person from repeating the same behavior that brings forth the undesired result.

Understanding this tendency in women can help someone who doesn't want to lose a woman he cares about and give him a way to nip problems in the bud before they become too big to deal with.

Bottom line, not all the guys here take as hard line approach as you take. While this information might not be useful to you, I do feel it will be useful to others. With the info posted here, it should be a "Take what you like and leave the rest" kind of mentality. Not everyone plays by the same rules or follows the same drummer. I certainly respect your right to disagree with me, though!

 

[gettingthere]

I think Doc Love had a good article related to this topic: The Power of Feminine Grace http://www.sosuave.com/doclove/doc85.htm

The idea is that men don't want women who are playing men's power games. Guys need to play these games to keep in control and keep the woman interested. Women have their own feminine ways of controlling men that love them. The woman actually has as much power as the man, but she uses (or should use) completely different tactics - oh, and she would never (should never) admit that she has as much power as her man.

 

[IntermediateDonJuaner]

You are right,gettingthere.

Big Bill just doesnt seem to want to believe what doc love has written.

By the way WlydFire, I don't think women will act as how you described.Some women don't. I know you are different but think, some women are so damn b|tchy(I am not referring to you), they tend to use nice-guys as doormats. I hate it cause they think they should be controlling the relationship while I think men should be the one that is taking the power of controlling.

If any women is gonna put up her sh|ts with me, I'll say f**k off. I dont need to be someone else's dog!

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by IntermediateDonJuaner:
You are right,gettingthere.

Big Bill just doesnt seem to want to believe what doc love has written.

By the way WlydFire, I don't think women will act as how you described.Some women don't. I know you are different but think, some women are so damn b|tchy(I am not referring to you), they tend to use nice-guys as doormats. I hate it cause they think they should be controlling the relationship while I think men should be the one that is taking the power of controlling.

If any women is gonna put up her sh|ts with me, I'll say f**k off. I dont need to be someone else's dog!

I'm not talking at all about being a lapdog or "power games". I'm talking about her way of communicating to you that you are doing something that you need to adjust in order to keep her with you or keep the relationship free of fighting and problems. How often do women come right out and tell you specifically what they are upset about? Not many do. They start acting "weird". If you know what this means you can fix the problem...and knowing this gives you the ability to keep things going how you want them to go.

Doc Love...is this guy married to the woman of his dreams? No one should follow that guy's advice to the letter. Find what works for you by adjusting things to fit each individual woman.

 

[GorillaPimp]

WyldFire...This is an absolutely needed post on this website...I totally agree w/ all the Doc Love Tactics..but you need to soften it up a little...I dealing w/ this right now...I have a girl who we have been talking for over 6 months..and I have been playing the Doc Love Hard Role to the T...and to an extent it works..and you should always use it..but you have to reduce it a little bit..if you are going to keep her...This is only if you want a LTR if not...then go ahead and play it hard...The stuff works...You can only shut a girl off from your life for so long before she bounces...You need to give her something to look forward to...but this is a balancing act...and you can't be extreme either way..so you have to use your own discretion..When I first came to this website I said I am never going to be the nice guy that I was before..but now I realize women want both..the nice guy and the jerk combined in one..That is the ultimate guy...A good guy who puts his foot down once in awhile.....The infant DJS will not see the light of what were saying..I was the same way...When I first discovered the website I read post similar to the ones that I am writing..and I thought this dude is crazy..He is going soft...Now, I realize I am wrong....The Key word is remember Balancing Act....Nice & Jerk.....

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by GorillaPimp:
WyldFire...This is an absolutely needed post on this website...I totally agree w/ all the Doc Love Tactics..but you need to soften it up a little...I dealing w/ this right now...I have a girl who we have been talking for over 6 months..and I have been playing the Doc Love Hard Role to the T...and to an extent it works..and you should always use it..but you have to reduce it a little bit..if you are going to keep her...This is only if you want a LTR if not...then go ahead and play it hard...The stuff works...You can only shut a girl off from your life for so long before she bounces...You need to give her something to look forward to...but this is a balancing act...and you can't be extreme either way..so you have to use your own discretion..When I first came to this website I said I am never going to be the nice guy that I was before..but now I realize women want both..the nice guy and the jerk combined in one..That is the ultimate guy...A good guy who puts his foot down once in awhile.....The infant DJS will not see the light of what were saying..I was the same way...When I first discovered the website I read post similar to the ones that I am writing..and I thought this dude is crazy..He is going soft...Now, I realize I am wrong....The Key word is remember Balancing Act....Nice & Jerk.....

I've never been dumped in my life. Every relationship I've had that someone ended it, I have ended it. I NEVER left a guy for being nice. I left one who used me for a punching bag, one died, and 2 were too unavailable and I find that both disrespectful and unacceptable. It isn't "Nice Guys" that women dump. Women dump apologetic lapdogs who cling and patronize. Women want NICE men who can keep them on their toes and who are NOT boring. The love of my life was just that. He was killed or I would be married to him right now. I don't know a single woman who has EVER left a guy because he was "nice". Women leave men because the guy is either an @sshole, doesn't treat her the way she feels she deserves to be treated or he is BORING. It's easier for a man to just assume he was being "nice" and she got bored than it is to admit he was boring, complacent, and got lazy. Don't get me wrong, women do the same thing by letting themselves go and getting lazy, etc. Now excuse me while I go put on my flame retardent suit on, because I will undoubtedly take some heat for this post...

 

[WildThang]

Originally posted by Wyldfire:
If a woman starts acting differently all of a sudden and you are wondering WTF is going on, LOOK AT YOUR OWN BEHAVIOR

Too right. The last woman I dated, as long as I was indifferent, aloof, and self-centred, she was all over me.

As soon as I admitted to having real feelings for her, she dumped me for another guy *instantly.*

So this post sounds too much like the old female line: 'Having a problem with a woman? Know what? *It's all your fault.*' Like it could never possibly be that the woman is acting psycho.

Yeah, right.

People, much as I hate to be the voice of reality here (uh huh...

) but THIS POST IS COMPLETE BS.

I have NEVER known a woman to play obvious tit for tat like this. If a woman is bothered about something, she'll either do something mean, inconvenient and not obviously connected to get even, or she will suddenly start to become unavailable in a general 'no I don't want to see you - I have to stay in and floss my goldfish' kind of way, or sometimes she will come right out and tell you. ('We need to talk' = 'I need to complain'

) And then it's up to you to decide what, if anything, you want to do about it.

But in my experience she won't play literal tit for tat unless she's *not that interested in the first place.* This is simply not something that women with high interest ever do.

Besides, this kind of behaviour has 'passive aggressive' written all over it. Any woman who doesn't know how to be clear about what she wants from a guy without playing games is not good LTR material. (Like it's going to get any better after you're married and have kids? Uh huh...)

No guys. If you're looking for LTR material, go find a grown up, not a little girl who pouts and tries to stick it to you when she's not happy, and expects you to be able to read her mind as to why.

That is not something you should have to put up with. Any any chick who does this automatically disqualifies herself from getting more of your precious time.

 

[Survivor]

I said it once and I'll say it again...

INTERESTED WOMEN DON'T PLAY GAMES.

You know what I like about my current girlfriend? She's straightforward. If I do something she doesn't like, she tells me...in plain English! She does'nt play mind games because she doesn't want to confuse or frustrate me...(meaning, she doesn't want to lower my interest level in her.) She RESPECTS me enough to not behave in a manner that she KNOWS I won't be able to interpret. She knows that if she wants me to change my behavior she has to communicate in a manner that I can understand and appreciate... meaning, she is FLEXIBLE enough to communicate in my language, not ********. She's truly interested in me, therefore has no need for ********. And she TRUSTS me to demonstrate MY SELF-CONTROL and not overreact if she says something I won't like.

Wyldfire, I don't know everything about women, but I do understand that most women instinctively communicate to men in subtleties when want to say something they know a man isn't going to like. It may be out of some primal fear that a male might react violently if she was straightforward.

In any case, if woman doesn't trust her man enough to communicate to her man in a straightforward manner, then maybe she needs re-evalute HER feelings toward that man. Does she trust him? Does she even respect him? If not, then she should not have ever gotten involved with him in the first place.

Women could solve the game-playing problem simply by not getting involved in LTRs with men that they don't have high interest in.

But know that's unrealistic. Because women have a gazillion reasons to date us, its up to us to weed the immature drama queens out from day one.

Fellas, find a grown up and marry her. Interested women don't pull the crap that Wyldfire was talking about.

 

[Survivor]

I've never been dumped in my life.
That's nothing special. Most physically attrative women rarely get dumped. Maybe only 1 or 2 times in their entire lives.

It isn't "Nice Guys" that women dump. Women dump apologetic lapdogs who cling and patronize. Women want NICE men who can keep them on their toes and who are NOT boring.

That may be the first time a female DJ has ever said that. Congratulations!

Now excuse me while I go put on my flame retardent suit on, because I will undoubtedly take some heat for this post...

Quite the opposite. I agree with everything you said on that post.

The your first post on this thread, however, is another issue.

In any case, well done Wyldfire.

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by WildThang:
Too right. The last woman I dated, as long as I was indifferent, aloof, and self-centred, she was all over me.

As soon as I admitted to having real feelings for her, she dumped me for another guy *instantly.*

So this post sounds too much like the old female line: 'Having a problem with a woman? Know what? *It's all your fault.*' Like it could never possibly be that the woman is acting psycho.

Yeah, right.

People, much as I hate to be the voice of reality here (uh huh...

) but THIS POST IS COMPLETE BS.

I have NEVER known a woman to play obvious tit for tat like this. If a woman is bothered about something, she'll either do something mean, inconvenient and not obviously connected to get even, or she will suddenly start to become unavailable in a general 'no I don't want to see you - I have to stay in and floss my goldfish' kind of way, or sometimes she will come right out and tell you. ('We need to talk' = 'I need to complain'

) And then it's up to you to decide what, if anything, you want to do about it.

But in my experience she won't play literal tit for tat unless she's *not that interested in the first place.* This is simply not something that women with high interest ever do.

Besides, this kind of behaviour has 'passive aggressive' written all over it. Any woman who doesn't know how to be clear about what she wants from a guy without playing games is not good LTR material. (Like it's going to get any better after you're married and have kids? Uh huh...)

No guys. If you're looking for LTR material, go find a grown up, not a little girl who pouts and tries to stick it to you when she's not happy, and expects you to be able to read her mind as to why.

That is not something you should have to put up with. Any any chick who does this automatically disqualifies herself from getting more of your precious time.

Okay...it seems as though some of you guys are still missing the point I'm trying to make, so I'm gonna try this again.

Some of the guys here are not sure what they are doing wrong with women. Life would be all peaches and cream if all the men on here only approached healthy women who wouldn't play games and would have the ultimate in interest in the men. Read the posts, fellas, that is NOT the reality. The majority of you guys make a bee line to those very women who are a challenge because just like women, men like that challenge. Don't even bother deny it, because I could pull up hundreds of posts to back me up on this one.

I'm trying to help the struggling guys to better understand ways to "read" women. Some of you can do that, but there's a lot who are pretty clueless in this area.

Let's say that a guy does really well up to a certain point quite consistently, but then almost always crashes and burns at about the same point about every time. That guy can use this tip to get a better idea of what he's doing wrong. He learns something, moves on to the next woman and adjusts his "game" accordingly based on the new knowledge he has gained.

I simply don't understand why this relatively cut and dry concept is being missed by some.

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by Survivor:
I said it once and I'll say it again...

INTERESTED WOMEN DON'T PLAY GAMES.

You know what I like about my current girlfriend? She's straightforward. If I do something she doesn't like, she tells me...in plain English! She does'nt play mind games because she doesn't want to confuse or frustrate me...(meaning, she doesn't want to lower my interest level in her.) She RESPECTS me enough to not behave in a manner that she KNOWS I won't be able to interpret. She knows that if she wants me to change my behavior she has to communicate in a manner that I can understand and appreciate... meaning, she is FLEXIBLE enough to communicate in my language, not ********. She's truly interested in me, therefore has no need for ********. And she TRUSTS me to demonstrate MY SELF-CONTROL and not overreact if she says something I won't like.

Wyldfire, I don't know everything about women, but I do understand that most women instinctively communicate to men in subtleties when want to say something they know a man isn't going to like. It may be out of some primal fear that a male might react violently if she was straightforward.

In any case, if woman doesn't trust her man enough to communicate to her man in a straightforward manner, then maybe she needs re-evalute HER feelings toward that man. Does she trust him? Does she even respect him? If not, then she should not have ever gotten involved with him in the first place.

Women could solve the game-playing problem simply by not getting involved in LTRs with men that they don't have high interest in.

But know that's unrealistic. Because women have a gazillion reasons to date us, its up to us to weed the immature drama queens out from day one.

Fellas, find a grown up and marry her. Interested women don't pull the crap that Wyldfire was talking about.

You have a girlfriend who is confident, secure and likely has always been able to relate and communicate with men fairly well. I'm the same way. I'm also guessing that you don't have to resort to most of the games to deal with her either, and that she is more apt to have a lot less patience with those games if you do play them. I'm not saying not to be mysterious and keep her on her toes. Are there any tactics you know or believe won't work with her that might work with most other women? My guess is that you are a lot more open and honest and talk much more with her than you would a different woman.

Would you agree that if a woman is unhappy with the relationship that her interest level will drop quickly? I can't even count the number of hefty wives who look like hell that I have heard say "He doesn't pay any attention to me and is never there for me" while she dips the spoon into the container of ice cream. If the guy doesn't have any concern about the woman's happiness in the relationship, that beautiful woman he married is going to go to hell in a handbasket over time.