stuck and cant get to next level with her!

[vbjr]

Hi there,

I am 25 and would consider myself quite good with women, i am not a player as such, but I do like having a girlfriend, I have had a good share of girlfriends in the past.

Right now I am in a very weird situation that I never thought I would be in my life.

I met this incredible woman (age 36), I got her phone number and a lot of details that she wouldnt share with any other person, so she seems to trust me as a person in her life.
Our communication is exellent and enjoyable.
Every time we meet, we have a great time.
She is a very old fashioned person though when it comes to relationships and likes her men to look like real men (hair on their face, muscles and such...) basically very masculine men (not body builders).

I am a thin person though and would say that dont have the muscles to show, also look very young for my age, facial hair is not a problem but I prefer to keep my face clean of hair though.

Not bad looking either

Dont even ask me why I really like her, I just do, I know its really weird to like someone a lot older than yourself (being a man). I had also the problem with age difference and similar thoughts, but I was able to overcome those thoughts because of the way I feel for her.

Now, she is older and wiser I guess and she just cannot go past the thought of me being 11 years younger! Not to mention that I look very young. She sees me as a friend and probably as her son lol.

I totally understand this feeling from her, its natural. She has two daughters one of the daughters is 17, so she is a lot closer to my age, there strikes another problem.

I believe she has had struggled in her love life, which is a shame, she is so beautiful and intelligent and I wish I would be the one to provide happiness for her in her life in a romantical relationship way.

So as you can see, I am kinda stuck in a "friend" level right now, its been hard even to stop thinking about her, I have tried daily but I feel so sad afterwards, its probably the first time I feel something like this for a person, if its love then its great and painful at the same time.

Why is it that when you really really want that special person in your life as your partner, is so difficult to actually get her?

I hope to hear your helpful comments and ideas on what I should do to kinda try and get to the next level with her.

BTW we are very sexual when we talk on the phone and text and probably when we meet in person too, but there has been no kiss yet

More than likely some of you will say I am weird or even to just drop it and I would probably agree with you, but its hard.

Thanks.

 

[logic1]

You are not even close to the point of needing advice:nervous:

I would use her to get my foot in the door, then go after the daughter.

 

[vbjr]

hehe, I have not met her daughter yet, she is very protective from her daughters.

Not close to getting advice? there is no way through it?

 

[NewMan]

You don't tell us how long you've known her or how many times you've gone out with her.

Generally, my rule of thumb is, 3 dates and I'm out.

You've waited to long to escalate and now your stuck in no mans land. What's worse, is that your obsessing over her - because likely, you have all your egg's in one basket.

If you wait to long to escalate this is what happens.

You need to be a man of action, take the initiative and move forward with your attack plan as quickly as possible when first meeting a woman.

Why though have you not let your intentions be known to her? At least, if you make a move and she turns you down, you know where you stand and then can spend your valuable DJ time persuing other women.

If you really feel you want to take a run at this woman, you need to make it known to her. I don't know what you 2 do together, but next time, take her out for some ****tails and make your move.

 

[vbjr]

We have known each other for 3 months, we are in contact on a daily basis, she lives quite far away from me (2 hours), we have met in person 3 times, probably fourth next weekend.

I have tried so hard to escalate it from day one, thats more than likely what happened, i tried very hard, everything was going smoothly though.

Till the day she explained all the different issues she has with me, such as age diff and so on.

She knows I want a relationship with her, she knows how I feel about her, not sure whether she is trying to change her feelings or not as well, but I am unsure right now.

Yeah it does sound like I am obsessed with her, gosh this has never happened, i feel so weak right now.

Thanks for your advice NEWMAN

 

[NewMan]

If she knows that you want more, and is indifferent, or putting in place barriers, I suggest you explain to her that you are not interested in having more friends - you want more, and that if she changes her mind to give you a call. Then, move on with your life.

You need to not be her girlfriend - she wants a man, and your not acting like one. If she doesn't want more, you had better stop wasting your time. She's not going to come around by you being available to her - you need to cut her off and start chansing other women who actually are interested in you, for more than an emotional kick.

 

[vbjr]

exellent advice, thanks a lot NEWMAN.
Funny how just one special person in your life can make you feel so weird eh?

I hope my feelings wont stop me from doing what you have adviced.

 

[Mr. Me]

Let me tell you what you're doing here... you're being blinded by your own infatuation and crediting this person you've only met three times with being so wonderful because of it. You think she's "special".

And THIS: we are very sexual when we talk on the phone and text and probably when we meet in person too, but there has been no kiss yet... just means you HAVEN'T been sexual and that the rest of it is just a big tease on her part.

I'm not picking on you, okay? But I'll be straight forward with you. Phrases like you 'got details that she wouldn't share with any other person' indicate that you're being naive. Man, if there's stuff she's telling you, trust me, she's told others in her 36 years on earth.

"Every time we meet, we have a great time" really means "Every time we meet, I have a great time" and you're projecting that she feels just as you feel.

But she really doesn't want anything more like you do, and the big giveaway is that it's NOT happening. She's also got a nice buffer being two hours away.

In fact, she's using the age difference as the reason to not get together. You're able to overcome it because of the way you feel about her - and she isn't. Doesn't that tell you something about how she really feels?

You'll find women are quite good at giving plausible sounding reasons why they're not interested. You'll never ever hear them say that it's really just about that you're stroking their ego with your attention or easing their loneliness and that's all it is and not anything more than that. So, when you push for more, they'll respond with a zillion other reasons why they can't. Not that a guy should ever push for more. They should come to you instead.

You, you find reasons to excuse her, such as "I believe she has had struggled in her love life"... you know, if Brad Pitt's younger brother came a-calling, she'd have NO problem. You're making up excuses for her behavior, rather than take it on the chin.

Now you'll probably deny this and defend yourself, because that's your perception, so it seems real to you. But this delusion is what keeps you in pain too. You're in pain because you're going against reality.

Stop talking to her every day! Slap yourself. Find other girls.

 

[vbjr]

MR Me, thanks for taking your time in replying, I appreciate it.

I like it when people are direct.
Reading through has shown me the things I have not been able to see due to the foggy sight this woman gives me, I will take every word into consideration, thanks again for being so straight.

I liked your reply.

Right its time to go to bed now, cheerio for now guys, will read any other replies when I wake up

 

[jophil28]

It is NOT happening because she does not WANT it to happen. If a woman wants's 'more' she will find ways to send you "Go ahead signals".. It is what they do and how they operate.
Who knows why she does not want more ? The fact is that if she DID you would get those "messages" .. MY guess is that she loves the attention and the ego inflation and the "friendship" with all the flirty chats and hand holding and the nice outings and all, BUT where is the beef ?

 

[Juando]

These posts are painful for me to read, which is REALLY good because my
AFC self is being exposed to the light and truth of day.

You are getting dead-on blunt reality from these guys.

Old habits and frames die hard; this pattern has been a difficult one for me to
break but it's getting more difficult for me to delude myself the way I used to and self-respect is the only way.

vbjr it sounds like you've seen the light, good luck.

 

[Jitterbug]

Heh, I was kinda in the same boat a few months ago. Me 25 y.o messing with a 36 y.o woman, although there was a fair bit of kissing. Nothing more though, as she was just looking for some ego validation, and luckily I was after nothing more than some sweet MILF ass, not a GF. You seriously thought that you could be in a relationship with that woman? Even dream to be a provider of happiness & sh!t to her? You're crazy, mate. Have some fun, get your nuts on if you can, else cut it and go chase other chicks.

Btw I don't see how a beautiful & intelligent 36 year old single mum with two daughters, one aged 17 (meaning she got knocked up at the ripe old age of 19), is "wise". A wise one would've managed to trap a good man and be in a happy marriage by now, giving young 25 grasshopers like us not much of a chance to have a shot at, except more fantasy materials for the spank bank. She has nothing worthy for you to put her on a pedestal like in that opening post.

 

[vbjr]

You guys are absolutely right.
Next time I meet her I will have to be very straight with her (although I wont be too serious all the time but you know what I mean in a playful way) and let her know what I would like out of the relationship.

Jigger I am glad you had a similar experience, although it seemed you advanced more than me. Also right about being wiser, but I guess thats what makes her wiser, she probably learnt from her mistakes.

Tricky thing is that my feelings for her are more than sexual, of course the whole sexual attraction is there for me (not sure for her), but also have the feelings of having her in a relationship. But yeah I am crazy about being able to provide her with happiness and "sh!t"

OK time to slap myself into reality haha.

Thanks

 

[NewMan]

Tricky thing is that my feelings for her are more than sexual, of course the whole sexual attraction is there for me (not sure for her), but also have the feelings of having her in a relationship. But yeah I am crazy about being able to provide her with happiness and "sh!t"

You've got to snap out of this way of thinking. Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with having more than secual feelings for a woman - but she has to deserve those feelings. To be blunt, your infatuated with a woman you haven't even fvcked yet - ****, you've not got to 2nd base even. There is a word around here for that - AFC.

You sucked yourself in to fast, without her deserving your time and energy - and now look where that has gotten you. You need to learn not to give to much - not to get in to deep with a chick who is not reciprocating. It's a tough lesson, but maybe after this chick rips your heart out, you'll get there.

 

[guru1000]

[QUOTED by vbjr]

I am 25

I met this woman (age 36),

She has two daughters one of the daughters is 17, so she is a lot closer to my age, there strikes another problem.

I am kinda stuck in a "friend" level right now

but there has been no kiss yet

Next!

 

[vbjr]

You guys havent been through anything similar? Feeling wise, not in the same context where the big age difference is present or any of the above mentioned.

 

[NewMan]

yes we have - thats why we are telling you to move on.

 

[Mr. Me]

Next time I meet her I will have to be very straight with her (although I wont be too serious all the time but you know what I mean in a playful way) and let her know what I would like out of the relationship.

What "relationship"? You're NOT in a relationship. You've met three times and haven't even ever kissed her and she's basically told you she doesn't want anything more. Something like THAT needs to be formally spoken about in order to opt out? Get real.

There's nothing to talk to her about. You're already out. Just fade away. A discussion with her won't accomplish anything. In discussions, women dodge, they tell you what you want to hear, they omit facts, they booby trap you, they make up bogus excuses, they go whichever way the wind is blowing at the moment, they say stuff that doesn't make sense (because if it doesn't make sense, you can't argue logically about it) and then they ultimately turn things around to make it all seem your fault anyway to make you feel bad. They are MASTERS at this stuff. And there you are, going into the ring with someone like that who's had YEARS of experience in handling guys just like you. What gets accomplished by you having that talk with her? Nada.

 

[jophil28]

There's nothing to talk to her about. You're already out. Just fade away. A discussion with her won't accomplish anything. In discussions, women dodge, they tell you what you want to hear, they omit facts, they booby trap you, they make up bogus excuses, they go whichever way the wind is blowing at the moment, they say stuff that doesn't make sense (because if it doesn't make sense, you can't argue logically about it) and then they ultimately turn things around to make it all seem your fault anyway to make you feel bad. They are MASTERS at this stuff. And there you are, going into the ring with someone like that who's had YEARS of experience in handling guys just like you. What gets accomplished by you having that talk with her? Nada.

And this is exactly why guys become frustrated who follow the conventional advice from the assorted third rate therapists, feminist counselors, and self help realtionship paperback gurus who preach "communication" as the magic solution to relationship problems.
JUst "talking it out " plays right into women's manipulative blab sessions that they love - and they love it because they are experts ta operating in the way that Mr Me describes above.
Women do not seek solutions which are mutually agreeable - they seek their own way at your expense.

 

[edger]

VBJR and Jitterbug's situations are perfect examples of how OLDER WOMEN are still JUST AS difficult to pull as young chix are. Two 25 year old men not "getting any" from an older woman. To all the "gurus" here who think older women are "easy", here's yet another one of the many examples that I've cited that proves otherwise. Really, when are you guys gonna wake up and realize that as long as an older woman still looks hot/attractive, she will be a challenge to pull? How many examples is it going to take?