Starting a new habit - cold aproaches

[forgingmyreality]

Ok, first a short introduction, I am an 18 year old guy a month away from joining an university. I first came to this site almost two years ago. And I can say it was quite life changing, it made me realize that I am solely responsible for my life, and my reality.

I can still remember how I was, totally reserved, completely unconfident and kind of depressed. I was so introverted that I had trouble calling my friends, even talking to them when I knew them for so long. I was afraid of walking on the street, because I would face the fear of looking someone in the eyes.
And who did I blame for all my troubles my family, my physique, my friends frankly everyone but myself.

Then this site came along and I slowly began changing, first beginning with reading all the literature possible, chanting good words about myself, this didn't really help me with my problem, but it helped me with my inner game, I then became more comfortable around family and friends, developing a good sense of humor (if often misunderstood) and even looking relaxed in most social encounters. I got a job, joined a local students organization and enlisted in the local fitness

But still I remain a work in progress, I haven't mastered what the site is all about, interaction with women especially the AFCs biggest fear COLD APPROACH

The time to start is NOW, and I WILL make a habit to meet 2 new women a week, every week.

I won't be posting in the other threads because I don't want to fall in a trap of becoming a keyboard jockey. But all your advice will be greatly appreciated in this thread.

No approaches yet, but they will soon follow

 

[Obsidian]

lol, falling into the habit of being a KJ is a strong temptation to resist

Good luck with this. 2 women per week doesn't seem like that much, but I guess it depends on how big your population of nearby young girls is.

 

[forgingmyreality]

Yesterday was the first day but no approaches yet, looks like I still have some social phobia. So after reading Walden's boot camp journal I decided to start the boot camp aswell to fix this problem. I haven't abandoned the original plan, but I think the boot camp will help me get into the confident mood I need to start approaching anywhere/anytime

 

[forgingmyreality]

Week 1 - Day 1

So I started my boot camp, I think the first week shouldn't be to hard, when I went out to the doctors, I already said hello to 10 strangers in the street, with aprox. 80% saying hello back. Even had a short convo with a stranger that could have lasted for 2-10 mins but we were going in different directions.

Saw a couple of quite chicks but, one of them (HB 8/9) was talking on the mobile and walking away from me, so I didn't do nothing, still I felt like I should have done something. And the other one was walking right in my direction (we met on the sidewalk) but she constantly looked down, and I couldn't made eye contact, so saying hello would feel weird to me

That is quite frustrating, most of the people don't make eye contact at all, if they did I could have upped my tally to 15 already.

I started this exercise in great mood, I felt like I was in a video game, trying to reach 50 as soon as possible, but people avoiding eye contact kind of dampened my mood.

Anyway also read, all of the text required, and am quite psyched. But the hard part is still awaiting, because saying hello really isn't a problem for me because of my job (selling umbrellas , in a tourist center).

Anyway 40 hellos waiting, plus two separate one hour outings for saying hello . I wanna finish this week before time, so my goal for today is 15 (I'll report later), but next week 10 2-10 mins convos, that's gonna be a lot more difficult.

P.S. From now one I gonna post one post every day to keep my motivation going

 

[Credos]

Want a easy approach tip on the streets? Ask them for directions, but something really far. After she said the whole thing, say something like: ok I won't remember sh*t about that, why don't you give me your number and I call you if i get lost?

Easy routine, quick ice breaker, and when theres a party around, you call her, thank her again, and ask her to go out with you, simple yes or no would qualify right . Do know that you we're very indirect, so you will have to do a direct afterwards, just to set things right ... Keep on practicing mate, you will get better fast

 

[Slick101]

So I started my boot camp, I think the first week shouldn't be to hard, when I went out to the doctors, I already said hello to 10 strangers in the street, with aprox. 80% saying hello back. Even had a short convo with a stranger that could have lasted for 2-10 mins but we were going in different directions.

Saw a couple of quite chicks but, one of them (HB 8/9) was talking on the mobile and walking away from me, so I didn't do nothing, still I felt like I should have done something. And the other one was walking right in my direction (we met on the sidewalk) but she constantly looked down, and I couldn't made eye contact, so saying hello would feel weird to me

That is quite frustrating, most of the people don't make eye contact at all, if they did I could have upped my tally to 15 already.

I started this exercise in great mood, I felt like I was in a video game, trying to reach 50 as soon as possible, but people avoiding eye contact kind of dampened my mood.

Anyway also read, all of the text required, and am quite psyched. But the hard part is still awaiting, because saying hello really isn't a problem for me because of my job (selling umbrellas , in a tourist center).

Anyway 40 hellos waiting, plus two separate one hour outings for saying hello . I wanna finish this week before time, so my goal for today is 15 (I'll report later), but next week 10 2-10 mins convos, that's gonna be a lot more difficult.

P.S. From now one I gonna post one post every day to keep my motivation going

Dont wait for eye Contact...

read Bad Boy Lifestyle...

You dont know the girls and you will never see them again... who gives a fvck what will happen... you can even approach them with sumting Stupid .... after you approach like once or 2 times... You will get into the HABIT where You will WANT to approach...

My advice is approach a guy first and a not soo good looking girl...

then youll be ready for a HB....

I do it all the time in my university... I get around 3 numbers in an hour...

I dont give a fvck... and it works... im juss having fun.. I tease and neg and ****y Funny bullshizzle....

You get the point

 

[forgingmyreality]

Week 1 - Day 1

@Credos

Thanks for the tip, but I live in a small town and I think this would be hard to do, but I'll try it in October when I go to college.

@Slick101

Great advice, really why should I care about someone I probably won't see again, after all I just want to have fun. I'll try the no eye contact hello tomorrow
-------------------

Anyway went to the gym, and managed only 2 hellos, but in my defense the gym wasn't really packed. But on the other hand after half one hour some really HBs came to the gym, one of them was even walking on the treadmill alone, a perfect opportunity to start a convo, but I chincked out and rather talked with my friend. (I noticed that it's easier to talk to strangers when I am alone and not with a friend)

Anyway the rest of the day wasn't so successful, I kind of started to doubt myself, especially for weeks 2 and 3. But then I set myself to do this ****, and why should I break a promise to myself because of social fear, why shouldn't I be able to talk to anyone, anywhere...
Besides that, I really think that if I were to pass week 3 I would have no problem finishing the bootcamp, and an attitude that this experience can give me would really help me in college

I' ll have a hard time to say anymore hellos today because of the weather (there's heavy rain here) but if it clears up, I'll try to reach 15.

For tomorrow I am planning my first one hour outing, probably in the park I think it will be easier to say hellos there (I am going to the supermarket for my second outing, cause i think it's harder to say hello to busy people, but I shouldn't avoid the problem). And I'll also try to be more successful in the gym
I'll post about my success tomorrow night

 

[Slick101]

Let Me Know

 

[forgingmyreality]

Week 1 - Day 2

Ok, the first half of the second day is over. Got 16 hellos today, so my total should be at 28 (I am aiming for 35 till the end of the day), my response ratio was similar to the first day of the exercise.
I didn't count hellos which gave no or little response, because that won't help me reach my goal. Still I am on track of finishing the first week by Sunday.

I noticed that the success ratio of hellos really depends on my mood. I started this day in great mood, kind of inner laughing to the whole thing, but after a while the game started to feel more boring and kind of annoying. That kind of happened to me also on the first day when I lost my good mood after the morning hellos. So I'll read some motivational texts included in the boot camp to help me get back in my stride. On the good note here, I am more and more excited about next week, it should be a lot of fun and more challenging

I am still not quite comfortable with no eye contact hellos, so I am going to focus on them. I made a few but the success ratio was lower then with the usual hellos (like 60%), but I think this very much depends on the tone of my voice, the louder and more comfortable I say a hello the more chance I have of getting a response. I think that a 95% ratio is possible here with the right attitude, but I am gonna aim for aprox. 80% that seem quite good.

P.S. Oh yes, saw a good looking HB in a waiting room (It seems forever how long I have to wait for my meds) but flaked. Should have sat next to her and started a convo

 

[zerocelcius]

Good Job! You are on the right track, keep it up.

Good Point about the "95%...." depending on your mood/attitude.

:rockon:

 

[Obsidian]

lol, it's funny that you're counting hellos

oh well, gotta start small, I guess

 

[Lust]

lol, it's funny that you're counting hellos

oh well, gotta start small, I guess

Yeah,

In my experience, guys that start out too small, especially those who start off with "Hello's" or "Eye Contacts" don't really do well later on. Why? Because you are already making approaching a woman and having a decent conversation with her much more complicated than it is.

You don't need to break it down this far into "Hello's".

What I think is that guys subconsciously perceive approaching women as a much bigger thing than it really is when you start off too small.

Screw hellos, just go out with a few buddies, have a bit of fun, clown around and talk to some women. It shouldn't be this hard.

 

[Obsidian]

have a bit of fun, clown around and talk to some women

Well, I think the fun part comes a little later -- after you've already been able to calm your nerves through desensitization.

Right now I'm still trying to get the hang of #-closing. I'm improving, but it's still not really spontaneous and fun. Even though it shouldn't be a big deal, I get nervous doing it, as if I had some phobia. Desensitization is important for curing anxiety. Eventually I'll probably be able to have fun doing it.

 

[Lust]

Well, I think the fun part comes a little later -- after you've already been able to calm your nerves through desensitization.

Right now I'm still trying to get the hang of #-closing. I'm improving, but it's still not really spontaneous and fun. Even though it shouldn't be a big deal, I get nervous doing it, as if I had some phobia. Desensitization is important for curing anxiety. Eventually I'll probably be able to have fun doing it.

I used to go with the whole, wash, rinse, repeat process where I'd approach and approach and approach a sh!tload to desensitize myself, but I found than when I am out having fun, in a happy, relaxed state I did better in my interaction.

But smeh, wash, rinse, repeat is a proven method that works though, so whatever floats your boat.

 

[forgingmyreality]

Week 1 - Day 2

@Lust

Yes, I know Hellos won't get me in bed with a woman any time soon, but I decided I'll follow through the MOTU's bootcamp because it was proven to work. Besides I think they really do help to get you in to the stride of things, but only under a STRICT deadline which I'll follow to the T. Anyway if you've read my post you see I am trying to finish this part of bootcamp as soon as possible to get to the real meat of things. If it seems like I am worrying about hellos too much, this is only because I am concentrating on them (why not do it good, if you are at it).

Anyway went to the gym and got to 35, but I'll probably be at 40 by the end of the day, so tomorrow should be the last day of the exercise!! . I've lost that fun feeling I had the first day when doing hellos, but still I don't have a problem doing them.

Lust and Obsidian you made me even more determined because I want to prove you wrong. Also read some off the unsuccessful bootcamps and decided that I really don't wanna be one of them, because they are really sad.

P.S. The workout was pretty good, I love doing squats

-------------------------------
Ok, got back from the night out, and upped my tally to 38. I also got 2 # closes from HB 6s. But I was helped by social proof. (Talked to a group of people, I already kind of known (on a hello basis) with a help of my friend, and got numbers from 2 girls) I am tired so I am going to write more tommorrow.

 

[forgingmyreality]

Week 1 - Day 3

Today was a bad day, I was working in our vineyard all day, so I wasn't able to do any hellos, but should be able to finish tomorrow, I only have 12 to go.

 

[Obsidian]

today was a bad day? It's only 2 o'clock!

 

[Ricky]

I too think you should set the goal higher. The hellos are ok, but try to go for conversations.

I set a goal to meet 100 women one month. It was a great goal, because there were a few days where I didn't talk to any and that really put on the pressure for me to meet the goal.

Once you get far into the goal you hit a groove where opening girls becomes the default thing to do.

Even with all the convos you find it can be rare to have a chance to close. Sometimes the convos are short (but still more than a hello for it to count).

In any event, sometimes it will seem forced but you'll get better and better at it.

Just to give you some final stats (this was two years ago). I met 100 women, of that I went for the number only 17 or 18 times and was only turned down twice for a number, so about 16 numbers.

Out of that group, a few were possiblities, but one is a girl I remain friends to this day. MY LTR was a girl I met later.

It was fun and I'd love to do it again. Hell it was exactly two years ago when I started, perhaps I'll do it again for fun!

 

[zerocelcius]

He is doing the boot camp!

He is doing what he is supposed to be doing. It sounds like you guys didn't even complete the boot camp!

How are you on this site telling people they shouldn't be doing this sites boot camp?

forgingmyreality you know what you are doing, and they don't even have a clue of the boot camp. Don't let them get you down. And don't be afraid to add some spice to the boot camp. If the first week is getting boring try adding some convo. It won't hurt.

Keep up the good work and prove them wrong!!!

 

[forgingmyreality]

Week 1 - Day 4 (First battle won)

Thank you all for the constructive criticism but zerocelsius is right, I am following the boot camp, and I really don't won't to change things, because I know that if I do, I'll probably abandon the program all together.

Anyway about the program, I kind of got to 50, didn't really said hello to people on the street, but meet a lot off new people during my usual social activities. Should I count this, because they aren't totally textbook hellos?
I don't want to "adjust" steps to the boot camp, but on the other hand the hellos aren't really challenging anymore. I would appreciate your advice, if you say I should I'll make 10 more hellos today, for the sake of the program.

But most certainly I am going to prepare for next weeks program by reading all the required material. My goal for next week is 2 talks minimum a day, so I should be finished in 5 days.