SS is bad for me

[hithard]

It must be an attitude shift or something. But every time I come back to the SS forums my relationships blow up. I don't notice myself doing anything different but if I'm with a girlfriend they must notice a change and purposely start pissing me off. Perhaps it's a good thing, a wake up call that I'm not with the right girl and I should go back to FB for a while. My now ex started getting biatchy last week and it just escalated from there. I'm pretty laid back - but arc up if someone tries to stand over me or dictate terms. Her jaw dropped when I told her to pack her things and leave. She hasn't been living here on a permanent basis but had managed to horde a bit of her stuff over here in the past three months. She was a really nice girl, very pretty good with money. But she started to not so much nag, but nitpick at me and I'm over that at this stage of my life. It's either something she has managed to hide for all these months or I bring it out in her. Either way it's a no go from here. Am I being selfish over this?

So perhaps SS is bad for me short term but a deal saver long term. Or it's a subconscious thing of 'relationship is already over time to go on SS'
After all the FB, plates and relationships, I do look around and am just not impressed with the quality of the women out there.
I do worry I'm starting to form a trend of breaking it off with women when I get bored or irritated though. My longest LTR was with what I think was a BPD chick long before what I knew what bpd or this forum was. I sometimes worry if that has left a lasting effect.

 

[PeakIV]

Join the club, I could have written the above post.

The BPD relationship will be a massive wake up call and I know I have taken the massive step of changing. No more Mr nice guy., always guarded, drop people at the first sign of disrespect.

Not a good sign for LTR's but what do you do? You are presented with a modern woman, she kicks off, you get rid.
In the past I would have overlooked things let them slide. Not any more.

Good and bad I suppose , I know it will have a lasting effect. I can't see me having another LTR anytime soon if ever.

 

[Itsjustme]

It's alot easier to just blame it on BPD than it is to look at oursleves and figure out what were doing wrong. Hell I don't know and i'm in no place to give anyone advice right now. It would be easy to say the girl that just left me was BPD but it's not going to change anything even if she was BPD i'm still grateful for the time we spent togethor and all I can do at this point is try my best to make myself a better person.

I know what you mean though, you come here and it's like the answer to everything is "next the *****" If you don't take a long hard look at yourself and fix what's wrong your gonna be nexting the ***** for the rest of your life, so that's not neccesarily the right answer.

 

[( . )( . )]

Not a good sign for LTR's but what do you do? You are presented with a modern woman, she kicks off, you get rid.
In the past I would have overlooked things let them slide. Not any more.

Testify brother.

Modern women... Putting glitter on sh!t won't get rid of the stench.

The sad thing is these old school birds are becoming so rare that it's literally quite possible that most young men have never had the pleasure of even meeting one. I can't imagine what that would be like, being deprived in that way. Phuck that noise.

 

[zekko]

She hasn't been living here on a permanent basis but had managed to horde a bit of her stuff over here in the past three months. She was a really nice girl, very pretty good with money. But she started to not so much nag, but nitpick at me and I'm over that at this stage of my life.

I've always thought that if a relationship doesn't last at least six months, it's not necessarily anybody's fault, it's just a bad match. If she was already starting to nitpick you after only three months I'd say that's a pretty bad sign.

As for SS being bad for you, most of this seduction material stuff was written by horny young guys who were just looking for a series of quick lays at the club. That's what it's geared toward. How much of it can be applied to relationships is a matter of debate.

I really find Danger's post in this thread fascinating:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=196836

He says that before he learned game, women would tell him they loved him in about three months at average. But after he learned game, the average increased to one year. I think that's indicative of something significant, I'm just not sure what.

 

[( . )( . )]

He says that before he learned game, women would tell him they loved him in about three months at average. But after he learned game, the average increased to one year. I think that's indicative of something significant, I'm just not sure what.

That might just be a case of game enabled men attaining higher quality/less needy sexual partners. Either way I wouldn't look too deeply into it.

 

[hithard]

It's alot easier to just blame it on BPD than it is to look at oursleves and figure out what were doing wrong. Hell I don't know and i'm in no place to give anyone advice right now. It would be easy to say the girl that just left me was BPD but it's not going to change anything even if she was BPD i'm still grateful for the time we spent togethor and all I can do at this point is try my best to make myself a better person.

I know what you mean though, you come here and it's like the answer to everything is "next the *****" If you don't take a long hard look at yourself and fix what's wrong your gonna be nexting the ***** for the rest of your life, so that's not neccesarily the right answer.

Mine was BPD or something had a bad history (mother killed herself in front of her, daddy left her to foster home in which she was molested) yeah I found that out after and played captain save a ho. She ended up a bit psycho but she was a beautiful person (to everyone else anyway). The just end up getting wired wrong rather than being bad people. But still I can say it was her being crazy and me being dumb enough to fall for her. I'm still glad thats over

Anyway it's funny that you mentioned about fixing yourself. Am I broken now or was I broken then. I know what I want in a woman now (just sifting through them is giving me the $hits) and I expect decent treatment.
Back then I didn't know what I wanted, or how I should be treated. I was concentrating on working out, investing and building my business at the time but my skills with the ladies was still only in the natural-afc range.

But the big difference know I suppose is the emotional connection I make with people. I just got lazy. Or no longer want to fully invest myself in people. I've been through a lot of women now though. Maybe I desensitized myself to their BS a little to much.

 

[hithard]

He says that before he learned game, women would tell him they loved him in about three months at average. But after he learned game, the average increased to one year. I think that's indicative of something significant, I'm just not sure what.

It sounds stupid but I usually leave the forum for a few months and do really well with women. If I'm currently reading the forum $hit flucks up with LTRS or plates but not ONS or FB. So obviously my persona, or thought processes change enough for women close to me take notice.

 

[GotED?]

Fellow Comrades - I just noticed that everyone on this thread is around the same age, and I feel the same way as you all. Experience and wisdom gained in life is precious and unbelievably valuable. What we are talking about here is something that others hasn't figured out yet. It is hard to explain - the cautiousness, and learned abililty to DUMP women first and not settle, and never letting yourself be walked all over again. This is PURE masculinity, earned through sweat, tears, and maybe even blood (been beaten up by an ex-BPD partner). Be good to yourself for this is self-respect and love of one's own existance as a good man who has realized the real faces of women, however, believe that there is also a good woman like yourself out there but the search continues until then....

With respect,

Exodus

 

[hithard]

Fellow Comrades - I just noticed that everyone on this thread is around the same age, and I feel the same way as you all. Experience and wisdom gained in life is precious and unbelievably valuable. What we are talking about here is something that others hasn't figured out yet. It is hard to explain - the cautiousness, and learned abililty to DUMP women first and not settle, and never letting yourself be walked all over again. This is PURE masculinity, earned through sweat, tears, and maybe even blood (been beaten up by an ex-BPD partner). Be good to yourself for this is self-respect and love of one's own existance as a good man who has realized the real faces of women, however, believe that there is also a good woman like yourself out there but the search continues until then....

With respect,

Exodus

Ahhh..... That's the exact wisdom I needed.
Much respect.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Peak,
"No more Mr nice guy., always guarded, drop people at the first sign of disrespect."........You have it in one,and not just for Ladies......The OP should be grateful to have met our little community,he is well on the way to being a true Don Juan....His strength is that he can"go back to FB for a while"....spinning plates,the only way to go!

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Congratulation HITHARD, you made the blog today:

http://rationalmale.wordpress.com/

 

[Itsjustme]

if you are a codependant with low self esteem its actually easier to blame yourself than it is to blame it on the BPD. I know from experience.

Can't argue, I am and I was, all I can do is try to fix that.. What's the saying no use crying over spilled milk. All you can do is clean it up and try and use the experience to make yourself better, stronger the next time around. Don't spill the milk brothers but if you do, go buy some more.

 

[DonJuanabe]

"...women are to be prized, and her intimacy is a rare and precious gift, rewarded to only the man who can prove himself worthy of it." Thanks Rollo:

Not too long ago I dated a girl who, if she didn't want me to kiss her, would shove me. I don't mean turn her cheek, or put her arms up, I mean a full-on shove.

The first time she did it was on a date where I showed up wearing jeans while she was dressed nicely. I went to kiss her and was, to my surprise, shoved -- she was angry that I was wearing jeans while she was dressed nicely. I told myself not to get emotional, just plow through like nothing happened, make her think I am not phased at all.

The second time it happened I had to force myself not to react, had to force myself not to cancel the date and tell her to go the f*ck home. I was pissed but hid my emotions. Again, plow through, show I'm cool and don't care.

Looking back I know I should have gone off on her with ice cold, calm, collected tone like Dad talking to seven year old daughter. I should have conveyed higher value but didn't because of just what Rollo wrote:

"...women are to be prized, and her intimacy is a rare and precious gift, rewarded to only the man who can prove himself worthy of it."

 

[backbreaker]

"...women are to be prized, and her intimacy is a rare and precious gift, rewarded to only the man who can prove himself worthy of it." Thanks Rollo:

Not too long ago I dated a girl who, if she didn't want me to kiss her, would shove me. I don't mean turn her cheek, or put her arms up, I mean a full-on shove.

The first time she did it was on a date where I showed up wearing jeans while she was dressed nicely. I went to kiss her and was, to my surprise, shoved -- she was angry that I was wearing jeans while she was dressed nicely. I told myself not to get emotional, just plow through like nothing happened, make her think I am not phased at all.

The second time it happened I had to force myself not to react, had to force myself not to cancel the date and tell her to go the f*ck home. I was pissed but hid my emotions. Again, plow through, show I'm cool and don't care.

Looking back I know I should have gone off on her with ice cold, calm, collected tone like Dad talking to seven year old daughter. I should have conveyed higher value but didn't because of just what Rollo wrote:

"...women are to be prized, and her intimacy is a rare and precious gift, rewarded to only the man who can prove himself worthy of it."

]to me, it's not even about the disrespect, while that is very disrespectful, i just am not attracted to women who take themselves THAT seriously.

when i am on a date i go to have fun, that it's. i don't like prudes.

 

[DonJuanabe]

I wouldn't call her prude but her demeanor definitely was on the serious, negative side of things. Not much of a sense of humor, never light-hearted or happy-go-lucky about anything.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

I read the blog post. Fundamentally I agree with the notion that some women will 'steadily erode' a man with a 'stream' of nitpickings and nagging. Certainly some men have handed over their balls. Rollo, I do agree that at first its a concession to 'keep the peace', but over days/weeks/months soon she's taken everything and left nothing behind.

Why do some women work so hard to grab the wheel? Once they have it they crash the boat into the rocks. Why do they wish to steer so badly?

At some point though, it seems like EVERY relationship I have (I'm talking good friends, family, etc) there has to be some basis of understanding or patience with a person...there is no 'perfect' woman and surely even the greatest DJ is not 'perfect'.

Isn't there something to be said about temperance and patience?

But maybe the fundamental notion of the argument is, "don't put-up with a nagging woman! grab your balls son!" which fundamentally, I agree with!

But sometimes people are going to let you down! Sometimes people are going to make mistakes! You'll never have a woman if you cut anyone with a human fault out of your life!

 

[Boilermaker]

I like RT's concept ( or HitHard's idea) of bumping a woman to an FB status,
but I think it requires a level of game I haven't achieved yet.

I have recently NEXT'ed a long LTR; and ended up hooking up with a much better woman ( the pyschiatry resident from Boston put out from Day-1) and I feel much much better. More feminine, better life prospects, better life history, not abused, older (25), two sexual partners before me, much more submissive and takes Game-like a sponge. She called me her strong "alpha wolf" the other day, out of blue. Rewarded her with a peck on the cheek THat's my kind of woman Also teaches me all kind of medical stuff which I find fascinating. (Fact of the day: Did you know your nut sack is made of the same skin material of a woman's vaginal vulva?)

My ex- will be in town soon and she will undoubtedly try to initiate contact (well at least to pick her sh!t up from me) but I have absolutely no thoughts of going back.

It could be nice if I could demote her to be a skanky FB that she deserves ; but I don't think I can pull that sh!t off.

That's more like Jophil, Scara type of game to me.

 

[hithard]

But sometimes people are going to let you down! Sometimes people are going to make mistakes! You'll never have a woman if you cut anyone with a human fault out of your life!

Yes this is the part I am aware of and I suppose context is everything.
We were going on holiday(nothing major) at the end of this week and I explained to her how I had to work(I own the business) a bit extra to get ahead and have some extra cash so I could relax while we were away. Last week she just made it difficult and was laying on the guilt trip. It wasn't in your face stuff but it did set a tone. I had to ask myself 'Is this what I want in my life when I am under the gun'? If she is willing to pour more pressure over me when I am obviously busting my ass to make time together easier, then I have to question her worth as a partner. In my opinion women can be grouped into certain personality types so if I see actions I have seen before I tend to clue up pretty quick.
Am I always right... Probably not but I don't want to waste years finding out either.
She messaged me 3 in the morn, a long message, followed by another and a short pissed off one.
I'm not going back and I liked her enough to not waste her time as a FB when she is hoping for more. She maybe pissed off she wasted three months on investing in the relationship, but it's better than wasting three years of my life.
Breakups for me have gone from a wrenching pain to a dull ache over the years. It's the little things you miss about a person sometimes. I think when you like who you are as a person it makes it easier to be alone in these moments. I will take a couple days-week before I look up some FB's
Looks like the game goes on.......

 

[sodbuster]

Rollo's blog is EXACTLY what happened in my marriage...after children. After our first, she wanted to be done; I had told her I wanted 2 or 3 before the wedding and SHE agreed to it. In marriage counseling, I told her I want 2 or 3 kids...can be with you or someone else. SO we had another.

Over time, she kept pushing and I let some little things go. It just got worse until I told her that she was abusing me and it needed to stop or I would file for divorce. She told me I had to apologize or she would file for divorce...I guess I let her file,because I didn't apologize.

If she THINKS you are weak, you need to correct it right away. Perception is her reality and once she gets emotionally invested in an idea, you can't change it and she won't.