Spying on girlfriend

[Paradox]

There is an interesting thread about spying on your girlfriend developing in the main forum.

Some posters are of the opinion that if you can’t trust the girl then you should dump her.

Some fell that it is ok if it saves you from heartache, money loss or a bad future with her.

My father always told me never look in a woman’s handbag because you might not like what you find there.

What are your opinions on spying on your girlfriend?

 

[frivolousz21]

If you feel the need to spy your relationship is over.

 

[mrRuckus]

If you feel the need to spy your relationship is over.

Sometimes you wanna do sh1t just because.


My ex used to try to look in my phone. She thought the end justified the means because "one time" she caught her boyfriend cheating with another girl.

I put a quick stop to that.

 

[BobFuest]

trust your instincts. If you feel the real need, not just jealousy, then you already know what your going to find. why else would u be looking? you just want some sort of confirmation that shes the who-re u thought she was.

 

[frivolousz21]

Ive been there....in my last relationship...I would check her phone...the funny thing is...not because I thought she would cheat on me or was. But because I knew I wasnt holding up my end of the bargin and figured she had no reason to stay loyal when she could get her emotional needs somewhere else.

Even until the moment she left she had no other man...she just didnt want to be with a guy who truely didnt love and give it to her. Thats completely acceptable to me.

in my relationship history only one time was my fear justified....the problem is...most of us are naturally worried about things that dont exist.

 

[joekerr31]

guys spy for a very simple reason.

they know something stinks and that they should walk away, but they keep wanting to get laid.

so they hope if they spy they will either

1) find nothing and then can relax
2) will find something and will have the strength to walk away from the p*ssy.

the reality is:

1) you are insecure with yourself and hence spy. but the relationship is doomed because your insecurity will destroy it one way or another in the long run.

2) if you aren't an insecure person and your spidey senses are going off and you feel you have to spy to find out the truth of whats going on, you will almost always find something and it won't be good.

the mature man doesn't need to spy, because he knows the signs. he makes his decisions based on how his woman treats him. if she treats him poorly, he doesn't need 'proof' or a 'reason' to walk away. if she treats him well, he doesn't need to spy on here to assure himself that her 'good' behavior isn't merely a trick.

you can't trick a mature man and as such he has no need to spy.

 

[Luthor Rex]

What are your opinions on spying on your girlfriend?

I'm with Ronald Reagan on this one:

"Trust but Verify."

:cheer: :trouble:

 

[Mr.Positive]

I'm with Ronald Reagan on this one:

"Trust but Verify."

:cheer: :trouble:

I'm with George Bush on this one..

"I know what I believe. I will continue to articulate what I believe and what I believe - I believe what I believe is right."

 

[STR8UP]

My father always told me never look in a woman’s handbag because you might not like what you find there.

Never look in a woman's handbag.

Never read her diary.

Never check her cell phone.

Never drive by her house/work/hangout to check up on her.

Never do ANY of these things.

If you find yourself feeling the need to do this, the relationship is already over.

You eed to be able to tell the difference between feeling a little jealous and feeling as if the world is falling on top of you. Sounds like it should be simple, doesn't it? It should be, but it rarely ever is. There is a HUGE difference between the two feelings, yet when you are on the inside your brain will rationalize them as the same thing.

My last LT g/f taught me some of the most valuable lessons of my life. I did ALL of those and more. I got ahold of her password to her cell account and obtained a copy of her call log. I even bought a GPS tracker (that I never used) that would have told me her true whereabouts.

I needed PROOF. But the proof was right in front of me.

Guys, when a woman sleeps WITH HER CELL PHONE UNDER HER PILLOW, how much more proof do you need?

Anyway, I ain't proud of that, but I'm glad I went through it cause it made me wake up. That was the LAST time.

 

[joekerr31]

I'm with George Bush on this one..

"I know what I believe. I will continue to articulate what I believe and what I believe - I believe what I believe is right."

bush is a great man. its one thing if you are a genuis and become president, that's hard, but to be an idiot and become president, come on, give the man his respect, that's 1000 times harder, but he did it.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=KKQ098sOpJ8

 

[KarmaSutra]

Never look in a woman's handbag.

Never read her diary.

Never check her cell phone.

Never drive by her house/work/hangout to check up on her.

Never do ANY of these things.

If you find yourself feeling the need to do this, the relationship is already over.

You eed to be able to tell the difference between feeling a little jealous and feeling as if the world is falling on top of you. Sounds like it should be simple, doesn't it? It should be, but it rarely ever is. There is a HUGE difference between the two feelings, yet when you are on the inside your brain will rationalize them as the same thing.

My last LT g/f taught me some of the most valuable lessons of my life. I did ALL of those and more. I got ahold of her password to her cell account and obtained a copy of her call log. I even bought a GPS tracker (that I never used) that would have told me her true whereabouts.

I needed PROOF. But the proof was right in front of me.

Guys, when a woman sleeps WITH HER CELL PHONE UNDER HER PILLOW, how much more proof do you need?

Anyway, I ain't proud of that, but I'm glad I went through it cause it made me wake up. That was the LAST time.

I'll expound on this list with:

If your girlfriend, who you've been banging for a while without protection, suddenly hands you a condom; you know there's a problem in Denmark.

This is precisely what happened to a pal of mine. One day he was fvcking his old lady then she withdrew with bullsh!t excuses and then, voila!, she hands him a rubber.

I told him it was the end of the story.

 

[Gerard-890]

Why I assume you are spying on her because you perceive a cheating to being taking place behind your back correct?

Well this isn't going to ness. help your cause. From my dealings with women, if a woman LIKES YOU and WANTS to cheat then you will never catch her cheating on you. Women cheat in the most low key ways, IF they don't want to get caught.

However, IF they DO want to get caught, then you can easily catch them.

I have to go with Str8up and JoeKerr here, if you feel the guy instinct that your girl is cheating and you go through the trials of catching her, THE situation is already over. I mean, so you've caught her cheating, NOW you dump her?

One of the fears in relationships is that little image in the back of your head of your girlfriend cheating on you with another guy, lying to you about loving you, or actually NOT being there when you need her.

In actuality, you can't CONTROL what someone else will do. I laugh at the guys with the mentality that they can CONTROL a chick, you can make her emotions go up and down (like you can a guy for that matter), but you can ONLY CONTROL YOURSELF.

If the girl is going to cheat she will cheat.

If you are going to be in a relationship today, you must accept that fact unfortunately and also accept the fact that it's really nothing you can do about it. It's AFC I know, but you have no control over that situation. I guess what I'm saying is that IF you like the girl and are happy, let that be enough. But you can't honestly sit up at night IN FEAR of her cheating on you because IF she's going to do it, what are you going to do about it? Dump her? If so, who's to say she hasn't already been cheating? Remember, women hide their cheatings much better than we do, you can go years with a girl and NEVER knew she was screwing 5 guys behind your back.

Trust me.

 

[Bible_Belt]

There is excellent advice on this thread. Conventional wisdom says that if you think your girl is cheating, then she probably is.

That's a good tip about the rubber out of nowhere. My own piece of wisdom would be that after your woman cheats, sex will become infrequent and robotic. If she used to have wild screaming orgasms, but now she is more like a bored hooker - she's probably cheating.

 

[STR8UP]

There is excellent advice on this thread. Conventional wisdom says that if you think your girl is cheating, then she probably is.

That's a good tip about the rubber out of nowhere. My own piece of wisdom would be that after your woman cheats, sex will become infrequent and robotic. If she used to have wild screaming orgasms, but now she is more like a bored hooker - she's probably cheating.

That goes with my theory on how women tend to prefer to have sex with one man at any given time. Generally if she is having sex with two men one is getting "good" sex and the other (b/f, hubby) is getting sex out of obligation or some other reason besides DESIRE.

 

[STR8UP]

I have to go with Str8up and JoeKerr here, if you feel the guy instinct that your girl is cheating and you go through the trials of catching her, THE situation is already over. I mean, so you've caught her cheating, NOW you dump her?

I'm all about having the power to keep your ego in check, but I don't care WHO you are, if you find out the girl you care about is cheating on you, it's a big blow.

That's why I say WALK THE FUKK AWAY. Right then and there. You don't need proof. You don't owe her anything. No explanations necessary. If you think it's happening IT IS. Get out.

It will SUCK in the beginning. But it will be NOTHING compared to the suffering caused by allowing her to continue whatever she is doing just to have HER dump YOU and kick you in the head as she's closing the door. There is no worse feeling in the world.

By cutting all contact you without proof you will leave her BEWILDERED. Your ego will not be completely battered. Your dignity will be intact.

 

[aliasguy]

That goes with my theory on how women tend to prefer to have sex with one man at any given time. Generally if she is having sex with two men one is getting "good" sex and the other (b/f, hubby) is getting sex out of obligation or some other reason besides DESIRE.

Hey, str8up, went over this in your thread about this very topic.

I still disagree, man. I believe women are PERFECTLY capable of getting it on in an enthusiastic way with more than one guy. Maybe not all women. (Some won't even cheat at all.)

But we seem to be in agreement that MANY women cheat. I think it's a LOT, probably even MOST. The exact percentage doesn't matter, though. And, if a LOT of women are cheating, then a LOT of guys are getting "cut off," or are getting "robot" sex at home. I just don't see that out there. Most guys I've known who find out their woman is cheating are genuinely surprised, and claim that the sex was going along "as usual" (although, admittedly, that might be a problem right there.)


I know these folks at work, and hookups are common, and people are running around like crazy. Most are married. Do you REALLY believe that these women are cutting off hubby or the BF, just because they have something on the side? I know you honestly believe that only one guy at a time gets the "good stuff" from a given woman, but I don't know WHY you believe it.

To get REALLY honest and revealing here, my sex life with my ex was GREAT. High frequency, enthusiastic, hot , hot, hot, right through the end. And, even after we divorced, we fooled around now and then for a few years; STILL hot and nasty, even though she had other guys. The kicker: she was running around on me throughout the marriage! And I still got basically daily hot f*cks with her --- all the way down the line.

So, maybe she's an exception, I dunno. Maybe these women I know through work ARE cutting of their husband and boyfriends. I'm not sure. But why are you SO sure that women can't be sexually interested and enthusiastically f*ck more than one guy?


It sounds like when some guy starts posting on here: "my gf would NEVER cheat."


I dunno, str8up, I respect your views, and almost always agree with you, but I just don't know where you get this.

Maybe my experiences cloud my view here, but I tend to believe that women are generally capable of things, and usually act in ways, that are FAR worse than most of us would care to believe. (MY eyes have been opened.)



Edit: I misspoke above. I shouldn't have used the word "worse." I should have described the behavior as "selfish, short-sighted, sensation-seeking, manipulative, and sneaky" --- pretty much like us guys.)

 

[STR8UP]

It sounds like when some guy starts posting on here: "my gf would NEVER cheat."


I dunno, str8up, I respect your views, and almost always agree with you, but I just don't know where you get this.

Maybe my experiences cloud my view here, but I tend to believe that women are generally capable of things, and usually act in ways, that are FAR worse than most of us would care to believe. (MY eyes have been opened.)



Edit: I misspoke above. I shouldn't have used the word "worse." I should have described the behavior as "selfish, short-sighted, sensation-seeking, manipulative, and sneaky" --- pretty much like us guys.)

You're still taking this as I am trying to defend women or something which I am not.

Look up some of my past threads about "good girls" cheating, and a new sexual revolution. These threads were dedicated to how women fukk around a lot more than most guys would LIKE to believe.

ALL I am saying here, all I have BEEN saying is that women have the tendency to want to have sex with only one person.

What this means is that generally if she is fukking more than one guy it is because she is getting her emotional "needs" met PARTIALLY by one and having the gaps filed by another. One is the "sure bet", likely the hubby or b/f that she knows she can come home to if all else fails. The other one is the guy she runs to because guy #1 "just doesn't pay enough attention to me anymore". Thus, in a "normal" situation the way this plays out is that when the woman begins a sexual relationship with guy #2, she partially shuts off the emotional side from guy #1, changing the dynamic of the sexual part of their relationship. Part of her needs are being fulfilled from another source, so some of the passion is now missing from her primary relationship.

This isn't to say that there aren't exceptions. It sounds like your ex was an exception.

I would say that most of the time in a case like this the woman didn't have a normal emotional connection to guy #1. This would be odd in a marriage. If she were single and fukking more than one guy it would be easier for her to balance her emotional bank between two people without one of them carrying more weight than the other.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

I have been the cheated and I have been the cheater, and I can tell you this after all that experience, there are two elements to cheating - a reason and an opportunity. Opportunity is the easy part, in fact as men, it's often all we focus on. We worry she'll ƒuck some hot stud while she's out on a GNO, she's just setting herself up with an opportunity to cheat. I know, I've been the guy she cheats with on the GNO. But this is all about opportunity. We want to spy to find out how she facilitating it, who she's doing it with, who's covering for her, etc. but this only amounts to the mechanisms of opportunity without considering the reason she (he) cheats.

I have MANY opportunities to cheat on Mrs. Tomassi in my line of work, but I have no reason to do so. I have been in situations with beautiful women who could care less if I was married and could've cheated with no chance of being caught, but I had no reason to do so. The temptation was hard, but that was because I had no reason to cheat. If I'd had a reason there would've been no temptation, I just would've done it. So guys need to ask themselves more about why their particular woman would want to cheat than about how she'll do it. It is true, if a woman wants to ƒuck, she'll find a way to ƒuck, and you'll either be doing the ƒucking or you'll be doing the wondering why.

Guy's spy because it's an inborn biological trigger to be suspicious. We get off on the chemical rush that comes from discovering our parental investment (see monogamy) confidence has been betrayed. A Man's reproductive methodology is scattershot - breed with the largest available pool of physically acceptable females. This methodology has to be sacrificed in order to facilitate a woman's methodology of parental investment (i.e. extended monogamy). So with so much at stake from a biological perspective it serves a man's interest to have an inborn "instinct" for identifying prompts that trigger suspicion. Note that I didn't use the word "Jealousy" this is entirely different from the biological, chemical rush that suspicion releases into a Man's bloodstream. Once we confirm betrayal with one woman, we adapt and apply it to the next and repeat the cycle of that chemical rush. It's the same fight-or-flight response we get in dangerous environments. In fact, just talking about it or relating common experiences is often enough to trigger it to a degree.

The reason for this is securing parental investment efforts. Studies have shown that Men (not women) are faster and better able to identify their own children in a crowd of uniformly dressed children. This is an unlearned, inborn ability. For a guy to pair off and mate with a woman he must abandon his breeding methods to accommodate hers. Biologically this is the biggest risk he can take. Forsake all other opportunities to invest in one.

My advice to guys with a desire to spy is, you will only find what you expect you will. In every instance I've been suspicious of a GF in my sexual past, my instinct was ALWAYS correct. But I focused on the opportunities they had and the mechanics of her cheating rather than the reasoning for it. 9 times out of 10 the guy she opts to cheat with will be more of a "man" than you are, why? Opportunism of course, bigger & better deals abound, but why did she want to cheat? That's what the spying guy needs to ask.

Once you've been uncovered as a snoop you're done BTW. All the feminine social conventions that revolve around spying is engineered to work in a woman's favor. When a guy spies he's reprehensible, untrusting and possessive. A woman spies and she's just confirming what a cad the guy is.

 

[joekerr31]

relationships of convenience often end in cheating.

what i mean by 'convenience' is that the bond between you is pretty limited. the most valuable thing she brings to the table is her p*ssy and the most valuable thing you bring to the table is attention. if this is all that really binds the two of you together - which is more often the case than not - things will go south at some point. because eventually you'll get bored of the p*ssy and won't be able to resist fresh p*ssy. and your attention that you provide her with will eventually wane and she won't be able to resist fresh attention.

but, if the relationship is about more than these basic attractors, and has developed into one of mutual respect and maturity, then cheating becomes much less likely, in fact it becomes improbable.

and the reason is simple. replacing p*ssy and attention is easy. but replacing a bond of trust with another human being isn't. as such, to cheat, and to put that bond in jeapordy, is something most people won't do. if only from a selfish POV, they have no desire to undermine their own efforts that have gone in to building the relationship they have with you.

now some people will say 'i thought she was the one and she cheated on me, so your theory is bullsh*t'. but if she cheated on you she obviously isn't 'the one'. moreover, your 'infatuation' with her (note i don't use the term love here) is merely over dependence and neediness - which leads to a miscalculation to the commitment the other person has to the relationship.

important to note in all this. a lot of guys get really upset when they get cheated on. and i can understand why. but at the same time, you have to see the flip side of the coin. better to get cheated sooner rather than later so that you become cognisant that the other person does not see the bond they share with you as being of high value.

what you will also find as well is that many people who cheat on a significant other who was good to them and who was trust worthy and committed to the relationship, often down the road regret their actions. they regret they at the time they lacked the maturity to nurture a mature, trust worthy relationship with another human being and instead were merely chasing fresh p*ssy or attention.

cheating in relationships is just like cheating at sports. sure, you can juice up on steroids and attain the home run record, but its a hollow victory. not only will people look at you sideways, when you look in the mirror you don't see a champion, you see someone who had to cheat to win.

people who cheat on their signifiance other are no different. in the moment they get their high from fresh p*ssy or attention, but in the long run the result is that they ultimately think less of themselves as a person and never really develop the level of integrity and self respect that i believe is an integral part of become as proud and happy with yourself as you can be.

so i re-iterate, the mature man knows the signs of a relationship that is chugging along based on p*ssy and attention and which is failing to grow, and knows the signs of when things have come to the inevitable conclusion and she is out there preparing to branch swing. the need to 'spy' really isn't necessary unless you haven't reached a level of maturity where you trust your spidey senses or are so addicted to p*ssy that you lack the capacity to act in your best interest.

 

[MightyMate]

I dont trust girls at all. But i cheat on them more than they possible could on me so no need to spy.