Spinning plates? Who needs em'. I don't.

[Naughty Ninja]

I agree zekko.

Spinning plates just seems like another way of pedestalizing women...it makes no difference than having one-itis. Your happiness is still dependent on a woman (albeit multiple women). Can't we just learn to be happy and content without them?

I haven't had a problem hooking up/getting girlfriends in the past as well so right now my current rotation of 0 women is fine with me. Heck I cut things off with my ex turned FWB last month and had no plates lined up. Tried approaching some new chicks, got blown off...decided to just lay low for a while and focus on other things like getting back in shape, working, and enjoying my free time playing xbox and hanging out with buddies.

The way I see it, spinning plates just means more work I have to do to keep women interested and I've just reach a point of "f*ck it, don't care anymore" Some girl at the store was flirting with me earlier today, I flirted back and went about my business. Girls at the gym are starting to eye me a bit now that I am getting a little leaner and fit. Just continued with my workout. No thoughts of "OMG another potential plate!"

I'm not bashing it. Some guys need it to keep from falling for the first girl who bats an eyelash towards them, but on the other extreme it becomes an annoying d*ck measuring contest....whoever has the most plates is the biggest DJ. Just work whatever angle suits your lifestyle and circumstances, knowing that zero plates is not going to brand you an AFC loser.

That's what I'm saying. lol. I got too much of my own things going on to worry about who's called, who hasn't etc. I'll let someone else deal with the nonsense. And if they come back? I either decide they are worth it or not. Most of the time not.

 

[backbreaker]

Also, I've been through times when I didn't have time for women. At one point I was working full time and going to college. I only dated in the summer, when I had time. I know Backbreaker has discussed going through a period where he was focusing on his business and didn't have time for women. Sometimes you just don't have time to date, you're busy building your future. Similarly, maybe sometimes you only have time to serial date.

3 years. 3 years without a date let alone sex or a GF. so my stance has abostluy nothing to do with needing anything. lol my wife right now will tell you that. And i promise you there is not one person here who has more **** going on in their personal / business life than i do. i promise you. and i still found time to spin plates when i was single. maybe didn't see them as often but i found time. my schedule is broken down to the point where i have to break my day down to 2 minute intervals I BS you not, yet still find time for plates. hell even find time to play a video game or two every once in a while. it takes me about 1 hour everyday to make the next days schedule.
\

Spinning plates just seems like another way of pedestalizing women...it makes no difference than having one-itis. Your happiness is still dependent on a woman (albeit multiple women). Can't we just learn to be happy and content without them?

it works both ways. I can just as easily say, why are you (And others) so hell bent on trying to prove the plate theory wrong? what is so hard about about saying "yeah i'm not seriously dating anyone right now i will go out with a few different girls and when one of them shows me something worth settling down with i will settle"

your overall happiness should not come from a woman, nor was that ever implied here nor anywhere on the site. you just pulled that out of the middle of your ass.


you guys are like the newbies in an AA meeting getting up and telling the people in the back of the room with 10 years clean and sober what part of the big book does and does not make sense lol.

look, all we are trying to say, is at it's basic premise, the way you, me, everyone who came to this forum was "taught" by society the "right" way to do things was wrong.

the way my mother taught me to "court" a woman was to get her number, ask her out, go on a few dates, and if it goes well ask her out, then you date, and you keep dating. at it's core, this is why we are having this argument because you still want to believe this. IN retrospect I see that this is what my mother would like for men to do,l but it doesn't mean it's the most effective way to get a woman. what women want is not necessarily the same thing as what women need, and a woman does ont have your best interest in mind when giving advice

anyway, the way it SHOULD work, is that you are now single, you meet meet a girl and you go out with her. you keep going out with her, you get to know her, you don't rush things, and you meet someone else, and you go out with them too, and you get to know them too.

you keep doing this until one of the girls that you meet and keep going out with makes you say "god damn.. this one is like. way better than the rest of them. i don't want to see the rest of them anymore"


is that. . really that complicated to understand? no it's not. when laid out like that you can also see why it's not in the woman's best interest for you to imply this strategy. First, she has the very real possibility of not winning you. When compared with other women her flaws become more obvious and she actually has to work for you which she might or might not want to do. Also, when a woman knows you are getting tail from someone where, or better stated, at the very least, knows you are not 100% committed to h er at the time, there are things she can't do that she could do when you aRE committed to her.

Also, things like.. lavish candlelight dinners at 4 star resturants seem to have a way of going out the window when you have 2-3 girls instead of 1 you are trying to impress.


perfect example. when i sold cars back in the day, i would not sale a guy who had a 450 credit score and had to scrape together 1000 for a deposit just to get into ANY car, the same way I would sale a guy who walked in with a 810 credit score. I am basically one's only option for a car. the other he can throw a dart at a name and walk in that dealership and buy whatever the F he wants with just his signature and he knows it.



basically, all we are doing is adding an dditional buffer / layer between between the meet and date stage. WE don't just strait to dating. There is a relationship pegegoorty period wiht a woman where I am going to feel h er out and while i'm feeling her out i'm going to be feeling other women out too. when I find the one that that really stands out, we can proceed. if I feel her out and feel she isn't LTR matieral I will still enjoy her company utnil she moves on or until it just isn't worth my time anymore or I find someone else i DO want to settle down with.

Also keep this in mind the pure numbers. From the time I was 22 years old and broke up with my last real LTR utnil I setted down with my now wife when I was basically 25,...I probably went on.. somewhere around... 60-80 first dates. about half of them i didn't move forward with let's call it an even 70. so out of those 70 first dates in 3 years, and keep in mind I work every bit of 70-80 hours a week plus I work out everyday and at the time i was going to 1 sometimes as many as 3 AA meetings A DAY, the only thing from stopping me from getting more plates was just time... i had very little. anyway, 70 first dates, i probably went on 40 2nd dates and about 20 of them ended up being actual plates. some lasted longer than others.

not counting my now wife. that's 20 women, that i had fun with/ went out with/ got to know that i found out that i was not compilable with long term. 20. it took me close to 100 first dates to find a woman that I was honestly comparable with to the point where i didn't want to see any other women anymore. 100.

Also.. I have advantages here that most men probalby don't have (a little bit of money).. so you would think some of these broads would t their best foot forward.

now, either i',m the pickest bastard on the face of the earth (and i admit, i'm pretty fvcking picky about what I want long term, i have a very hard set of standards i demand out of a woman if she wants me to not fvck other women), or the avg guy settles down WAY too quickly. first and foremost for me to even consider to settle down with a woman physically she has to have something exotic about her. I can't do normal / run of the mill 5'6 blond hair blue eyes for the rest of my life. my first gf was black and had this body that was just mesmerizing. my wife is british and almost 6'0 with very long legs. half the women just.. they were done before they started honestly. but then again, the more of a catch you are the more you can dictate terms. this is MY life we are talking about here, I don't care what you think is and is not shallow.

I quiver at some of the girls that i messed around with if i tried to make work. one girl when she found out i went on another date threw a vase at me and busted my head lol. Stephanie the young 19 year old who liked flashy shinny ****, while smokin hot yeah i would be broke trying to keep her happy. Crystal the low low self esteem no blow job giving woman who thinks her **** doesn't stink and is immuane to gyms (though she's naturally skinny). lol i'm just supposed to make that **** work lol, fvck that.

I quiver even more at the thought of me not approaching my now wife when we were playing eye footsie at the race track with each other because "I had a date that night" with a girl I had been out with 1 time before.

I only dated in the summer, when I had time

see. it's just that right there. the wording. don't consider it dating. you aren't dating anyone yet. you are going out and enjoying yourself and the company of women. nothingg more nothing less. something might or might not come of it but that's yet to be decided.

 

[user43770]

ps- let me expand on something. the difference between thinking someone is "different" and knowing someone is "different". The cycle that a guy will fall into when he has no plates is that he will see a girl, probably a few times, fantiaze about her, imginage the conversations he will have with her, imagine her personality, imagine her tastes.. he will basically build her up in his mind as to how she will be. I know this beucase I did it time and time again. then the first time she opens her mouth and isn't a crack***** or just have obvious red flags (and hell sometimes even then). you are going to think of her as "different" or "the one" not because she is, because you've already determined what she is before she let you show you what she is. don't let her mess around and actually reciprocate some interest in you, it's over then. plates prevent this.

I am so fvcking guilty of this. It makes it so much more devastating if you get turned down.

 

[JD57]

It's a great theory - it keeps the frame in the proper place, it allows the guy to see women for what they really are, it minimizes pedestalization.
The problem is for a lot of guys, it's hard to find 1 girl to bang, much less 3 or 4.

 

[zekko]

The problem is for a lot of guys, it's hard to find 1 girl to bang, much less 3 or 4.

Well, there is that, lol.

I'm in favor of spinning plates, I'm just not obsessed with it like a lot of people around here. I don't think it's necessarily the cure-all that it's depicted to be. Some guys think if you're not constantly spinning plates, then you revert to chumpdom like Cinderella at midnight. Just respect yourself and it isn't necessarily so.

I think every guy should at least try spinning plates at some point in their life. I spun plates from my mid to late 20s, and for a time in my 30s. It's great life experience. Of course, so is having a girlfriend.

 

[backbreaker]

Well, there is that, lol.

I'm in favor of spinning plates, I'm just not obsessed with it like a lot of people around here. I don't think it's necessarily the cure-all that it's depicted to be. Some guys think if you're not constantly spinning plates, then you revert to chumpdom like Cinderella at midnight. Just respect yourself and it isn't necessarily so.

come on this is a reductive fallacy and you know it zekko.

 

[EastWind]

Backbreaker, you have a lot of great posts and obviously a lot of experience and insight into the workings of women... but, no offense meant, you're becoming dogmatic.

I know where you are coming from because I'm the same way when talking to mates who do not have quite the same level of experience with women that I have. I tell them the way it is. They accept it or they don't, and then act completely different. But they're HAPPY. And I don't mean "AFC illusion" happy, some are just perfectly happy with not being aware of every little switch and lever in girls' minds. And they're successful with girls, to an extent.

My point is... if the OP and other people who agree with him have found out that having no plate works great for them on account of having a busy life; well then, great and kudos to them. I have made the same experience. Some things work for some people and are pointless for others.

 

[Black.Magic]

Still getting my head around "spinning plates" concept.

Does this mean having at least 3 other women in your phone contacts list, whom you can call up whenever another woman flakes on you?

This sounds ideal, but not essential if you're game is so tight that you can pick up another dame just the same.

 

[zekko]

come on this is a reductive fallacy and you know it zekko.

You haven't heard the claim that 99% of women problems can be solved by spinning plates?

Anyway, I agree that spinning plates is probably the best strategy for dating. I just don't cling to it as a doctrine as fiercely as some. It's a good idea though.

 

[bigneil]

I agree with the OP. It's not about spinning plates, it's about plates spinning you. If you are on a hot streak, women will flock to you.

 

[Naughty Ninja]

I'm not trying to put down people who do plate theory. If that works for them. Great.

I just prefer to keep sane and not go berserk thinking, re-thinking every move with one, two, three or more chicks.

Once you take the advice off here or even some from PUA and don't make it robotic and keep it filed in your mind while keeping your cool and living for yourself first you stay as normal as possible.

Let's get real. Most of these so called 'know it all' gurus either are desperate and insane or eventually go insane. There's many examples of friggin total weirdos in this 'pick up' pua so suave etc stuff.

Improve yourself.

Be your best self.

Don't be a sheep or a robotic 'this is the way I have to do this' guy.

Take whatever good advice you can find and do what works for you.

and last but not least. Fvck the nonsense. You'll live longer.

They're all just just chicks. One decides she'd rather be with someone else? The sun will STILL come out tommorrow and life goes on. Remember that.

 

[runner83]

Plate spinning is the only way to go when you are still playing the field.

Read this:

http://rationalmale.wordpress.com/2011/08/19/plate-theory-2/

But it's important to realise that "plates" can consist of many things other than women...

Plates can be your career, other stuff you are interested in, friends you hang out with etc etc

Having said that, you can knock plate theory all you like. But simple fact is that if a chick leaves you for another dude because you are getting a Oneitis for her since you aren't banging at least one other chick, it doesn't matter whether you are a zen master or not, you are still not getting laid.

 

[Naughty Ninja]

But simple fact is that if a chick leaves you for another dude because you are getting a Oneitis for her since you aren't banging at least one other chick, it doesn't matter whether you are a zen master or not, you are still not getting laid.

If a chick leaves you for another dude doesn't mean you won't meet anyone else or get laid again. No one controls anyone. Except themselves. She leaves? Good for her. Congratulations. The sun will still come out tomorrow.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Spinning plates just seems like another way of pedestalizing women...it makes no difference than having one-itis. Your happiness is still dependent on a woman (albeit multiple women). Can't we just learn to be happy and content without them?

Not saying you're a hater SSTYPE, but this kind of applies,..

16. Dancing Monkey Hate

Hater: Men who run game are just doing the bidding of women. Alphas don’t entertain women.

If you want success with women, you are going to have to entertain them… one way or the other. The same is true of women. Once a woman stops entertaining men with her body, her femininity, and her commitment worthiness by getting fat, old, ugly, *****y, or single mom-y, she stops having success with men. We are all doing the bidding of our biomechanical overlord, and on our knees to his will we surrender, by force or by choice. You fool yourself if you believe you have some plenary indulgence from this stark reality.
Or: If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.

 

[sstype]

Not saying you're a hater SSTYPE, but this kind of applies,..

16. Dancing Monkey Hate

Hater: Men who run game are just doing the bidding of women. Alphas don’t entertain women.

If you want success with women, you are going to have to entertain them… one way or the other. The same is true of women. Once a woman stops entertaining men with her body, her femininity, and her commitment worthiness by getting fat, old, ugly, *****y, or single mom-y, she stops having success with men. We are all doing the bidding of our biomechanical overlord, and on our knees to his will we surrender, by force or by choice. You fool yourself if you believe you have some plenary indulgence from this stark reality.
Or: If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.

I never said men should not run game, use all the tools available to you....but don't go off and feel pressured to have multiple women on standby because SoSuave mandates so. Things don't work out with one girl and you have no backup options....ok big deal.....life goes on....more women will come along. Sometimes you will have more women than you can handle, other times you will struggle to get one date, and maybe you'll be dating one girl and be happy with that.

Having said that, you can knock plate theory all you like. But simple fact is that if a chick leaves you for another dude because you are getting a Oneitis for her since you aren't banging at least one other chick, it doesn't matter whether you are a zen master or not, you are still not getting laid.

Sorry,but feeling like you need x number of backup women to not get oneitis is still putting the ***** on the pedestal. You're just putting a bandaid on the real problem....which is being codependent and rushing to be intimate with any available woman. How about just don't get oneitis in the first place? Whether you have plates spinning or not. Is it really so hard for guys not to go completely oneitis if god forbid she's the only option at the moment?

From a results standpoint, if my game/presentation was terrible to one woman, having other options didn't mean sh*t to her. Yeah I still was getting laid regardless, but it sucked that I lost someone I wanted anyways due to f*cking it up.

If i was doing everything right, she couldn't of cared less that she was the only girl I was pursuing at the time as long as I making the right moves and keeping her attracted. You can have an abundance mentality without actually having abundance. It's all in your head.

The plate theory is great for recovering AFCs, but once you reach a certain point it's not really necessary.

Just my two cents.

 

[Zarky]

ITT: lots of romantic betas

I bang multiple women because I like to bang multiple women. If you don't, then don't. But don't make it seem like your personal preferences are somehow universal truths.

 

[sstype]

ITT: lots of romantic betas

I bang multiple women because I like to bang multiple women. If you don't, then don't. But don't make it seem like your personal preferences are somehow universal truths.

What's up with all the personal attacks? This is a discussion board, not an echo chamber. Sorry I won't tow the party line 100% (even though I agree with a majority of the advice given). You're right my personal preferences are just that, you're all grown ass men so to each his own.

 

[pyros]

I just dont get it.
Let's say you started to see girl A. After a few dates you meet girl B and have a few dates with her. Then you realise girl A is really good, you like her a lot, seems wonderful girl, great sex. You become some kind of a couple, you stop seing girl B. Then girl A becomes your gf...and times goes by...
why the heck should you spin any other plate? I mean, you do this spining plates thing as long as you dont find a great woman. Once you do, you stop it. So if you find a great girl fast, there is no spining thing. OF course if the girls you're meeting are so-so, you keep spinning. But here in SS, it seems you just keep doing it until you think is 'enough' and it just doesn't make any sense. It just does make sense, if you're just meeting average no29n-special girls.
Right?
A friend of mine spins plates, goes on dates, bangs average girls...so? it seems he cant find any special wonderful girl, so he keeps spining...but he says he doesnt have a gf because he prefers to spin. Ha ha, he's 29 and he has never had any LT relationship.

 

[backbreaker]

I just dont get it.
Let's say you started to see girl A. After a few dates you meet girl B and have a few dates with her. Then you realise girl A is really good, you like her a lot, seems wonderful girl, great sex. You become some kind of a couple, you stop seing girl B. Then girl A becomes your gf...and times goes by...
why the heck should you spin any other plate? I mean, you do this spining plates thing as long as you dont find a great woman. Once you do, you stop it. So if you find a great girl fast, there is no spining thing. OF course if the girls you're meeting are so-so, you keep spinning. But here in SS, it seems you just keep doing it until you think is 'enough' and it just doesn't make any sense. It just does make sense, if you're just meeting average no29n-special girls.
Right?
A friend of mine spins plates, goes on dates, bangs average girls...so? it seems he cant find any special wonderful girl, so he keeps spining...but he says he doesnt have a gf because he prefers to spin. Ha ha, he's 29 and he has never had any LT relationship.

actually you are over complicating the issue.l you had it dead on in your first paragraph. that's it.


no one is saying you should date multiple women if one of them is heads and shoulders better than the other. In fact that's a pretty tale tale sign that you need to STOP spinning plates. it's hard to explain and i'm not goiugn to try to in a forum but you will know when you met a woman that is worth settling down for. it's almost hard wired into us.

what we are saying, is that for most men, you will make a woman "that" woman regardless 9if she is or if she isn't if she's your only viable option at that time.

A friend of mine spins plates, goes on dates, bangs average girls...so? it seems he cant find any special wonderful girl, so he keeps spining...but he says he doesnt have a gf because he prefers to spin. Ha ha, he's 29 and he has never had any LT relationship.

I was a "lifelong bachelor" until i met my wife. hell even when i met her i still struggled with the idea but settling down won out. your view point changes when that person comes into your life. his thing is though, like mine was is that i had dated so many women that i could not invasion one just standing out that much.

he will settle down one day i will virtually grantee it.



you know what.. on second thought i will explain how I knew i was ready to settle down.


actually i got the advice from this very forum. that damn DJ bible. some good **** there

[FONT=verdana, arial, helvetica]http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?threadid=16013


anyway, I took this advice to heart, one of my fav post on the entire site. so years ago I made a list that would embody the woman of my dreams so to speak. I had some things that I was inflexible on.. she had to be somewhat exotic in some sense if I am gpoping to fvck you for the rest fo my life i can't do ho hum plain jane. that's okay for a few f's buyt not for the only virgina i'm sticking my **** into for the rest of my life lol. that's just me and i make no apologizes if my personal dream woman is not politically correct. she had to skinny, she had to not have any serious baggage, she had to not be a hard core drug user, she couldn't be a smoker, she couldn't have ****ty credit, could not have any kids or an ex husband, she had to enjoy horse racing, had to be a gym rat becuase i am and a gym rat and a non gym rat, just isn't going to work becuase of the diets and the jealously, etc, she had to not be a spoiled brat. notice her job or how intelligent she was was not in there. honestly i could care less. i mean no one wants a dumbass but youshe had to have her own life and be okay with men not around her 24 x 7, and she had to like herself / not have degree does not get my **** hard. e low self esteem. i then had some things I would prefer but not mandatory. had to be a neat freak, had to know how to cook.

so every woman i dated or plated i ran through those test. io would date a girl and she might be a gym rat but hate horse racing. horse racing is my life and i'm not change my life for anyone so we would not be compatable.. i'd spin her but i would not commit. honestly i probably chased off a good..4-5 women that i know i could have dated even married if i really forced the issue, they weren't baqd women at all but they weren't women that i would want to stop fvckign other women for, for the rest of my life.they didn't meet all my criteria for women. until i met my wife, no woman I dated met all of the necessary criteria.

so a woman might be better than the other 2 or 3 women i was spinning but if knew by using my list that she was not a candidate for a serious LTR/ marriage, i'm not ben going to play around talking about shacking up and **** like that. why waste her and my ti me?
[/FONT]

 

[HalfAddict]

I had been spinning 3 plates for a couple months now, that was entirely too much of my get awesome time dedicated to flaky unpredictable fickle creatures. I took another look at the local scene, still blows. I dropped contact with all three of em. I'd rather go to the gym, read books, do homework and play Battlefield Three.