Some past issues? Experienced men only pls.

[captn caveman]

I have been active in my single times, and my girlfriend also has been. (and surprise, that is a problem for me)

Yesterday at lunch me, her, and her best friend, a male, were chatting and the topic came up:

She said,

"Captn caveman had his chance for a threesome, but he turned the offer away."

(this was in the first three months we met, when we were fb's, but I valued her a lot still)

I said:

"Well, at that point I did not know how comfortable you are with that, so I put your comfort in front of my pleasure"

Answer:

"Always your life first, and anyway I had no problem with that"

She and the friend, totally cool with the subject like it is a chat about manchester liverpool match. At this point, images of other men in threesomes, a high possibility, etc flash in my head, I freak out, but keep my cool, say, "choices.. and values" and continue my lunch, mourning my missed opportunity; GF is a 10, possible third 9....


When we get home, I remark,

"Isn't it funny, when we were not that close, I had access to a threesome, but when we get close, I am forbidden that access.., it is plain funny"...

I was not implying that I want a threesome, etc. Just a remark coming from observing the situation.

Guess what,

She freaked out.

"Then go fack whoever you want... dadadadada"


Anybody can give me help on this? I want to understand. What may be the reason for the rampage she went on me?

 

[Nighthawk]

What she wanted you to say was 'of course now that we are so close I couldn't imagine wanting any ***** but yours darling'

 

[azanon]

Now that she's emotionally attached, it doesn't sound like she's as open to sharing you. I would imagine that overall, most women wouldnt be willing to share the man they're attached to (though certainly there are some exceptions (swingers, for example)). So what happened was she realized by your statement that you aren't as attached to her (as to want exclusiveness) as she is to you, and that hurt her and she lashed out at you.

I don't recommend reeling back with a statement like nighthawk suggested, because that sounds too AFCish to me (sorry nighthawk). In my opinion, you should never apologize directly or even indirectly for anything, unless there is no question that what you did or said was wrong; and in this case those conditions are not met. If anything, making her a bit jealous or insecure probably did you some favors.

Just forget about it, and if she keeps bringing it up, ask her to drop it; that is unless she brings it up to tell you that she would be interested. Then tread carefully!

 

[captn caveman]

Now that she's emotionally attached, it doesn't sound like she's as open to sharing you.

Of course... that is what I was telling in that sentence in the first place, that the relationship man is banned a good many benefits that he earned in the single life. (Now thinking, that is a heavy price to pay....)

Check coupling from bbc: Relationship sex... Man how true, how true....

Anyway,

So as long as she lashes out at me for something I did not say, there is nothing that I will do except saying.

"I was making an observation. Not implying that I want a threesome."

I said it, the lashing continued... So I dropped the subject, gesturing "whatever" to her face, but it will be brought up again, as if I am expected to be cool with missing a threesome in an early stage, and learning my gf is relaxed about the idea of threesomes when single, knowing my issues with her past, then I expect her to be thinking twice before attacking me for something I did not say.

I was just wondering if someone had this kind of outbreak about sexual issues with a girl who was a playette herself.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

,..and her best friend, a male,...

Strike One!

we were fb's, but I valued her a lot still

Strike Two!

I said: "I put your comfort in front of my pleasure"

Strike Three! Yerrrrrrrrr Ouuut!!


NEXT!

 

[speed dawg]

Yeah man, why have a relationship with a chick who's open to a three-some? That's just me. I guess if it depends on if it's 2 guys or 2 girls.

"Then go fack whoever you want... dadadadada"

I sense a lowering of de 'ole interest level.

Why did you "value" a 3-some having slvt that talks about her sex life with her "guy friends"?

Don't get me wrong, I respect everyone as a human being. But girls choose to be slvts, and slvts are nothing more than to me than toys to empty my load on.

 

[azanon]

Of course... that is what I was telling in that sentence in the first place, that the relationship man is banned a good many benefits that he earned in the single life. (Now thinking, that is a heavy price to pay....)

Then you already knew the answer you posed at the end of your OP; so why did you ask? Did you just want to discuss something we all already know?

 

[decades]

you know you have a promiscuous woman on your hands here. you know she was open to a three some with you. you know you were FB with her and then went into relationship. you know she discusses these things in front of you and a male friend. what we have here are trust issues. you know, deep down that she has Probably been promiscuous in the past. That she Probably had threesomes in the past, and that she is open to discussing them with a male friend. I would also be concerned. Of course this is the DJ's plight and really, the law of KARMA, being demonstrated. You got a woman to put out early, because of your Skillz. You found a freak and maybe a ho, because of your skillz. And because of your human nature and male tendencies, you slipped into oneits with, well who knows what you have on your hands. The DJ gets plenty of action alright. But when it comes down to choosing long term partners, well just look at the pond you're fishing in.

regards

 

[Desdinova]

Yesterday at lunch me, her, and her best friend, a male, were chatting and the topic came up:

She said,

"Captn caveman had his chance for a threesome, but he turned the offer away."

First, why is this woman talking about your sex life to other men?

Instead of putting her in her place for disrespecting your relationship, you kept feeding it:

I said:

"Well, at that point I did not know how comfortable you are with that, so I put your comfort in front of my pleasure"

Why does your sex life (current or past) need to be discussed in front of other people?

Answer:

"Always your life first, and anyway I had no problem with that"

Remember, these are only words. She WOULD have had a problem with it, because even in threesomes where no seriousness is involved, women will still get jealous of each other. Women are highly competitive with each other, and their emotions will be touchy.

"Isn't it funny, when we were not that close, I had access to a threesome, but when we get close, I am forbidden that access.., it is plain funny"...

Guess what,

She freaked out.

Understandably. She read into your statement, and probably came to the conclusion that you think of her as a controlling, posessive b1tch. Therefore:

"Then go fack whoever you want... dadadadada"

If you want to fix this, you'll have to clarify what you meant, and let her know that she isn't a controlling, posessive b1tch. However, I'd address the topic of discussing your sex life to her male friends (on another day, of course).

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

He COULD still have a threesome. He could watch her "best friend" bang the sh!t out of her while he sat in a seat on the side of the bed - d!ck in hand.

After this incident, how can you NOT see that this girl was busting on you?
Walk out on your feet like a Man brother.

NEXT!

 

[Latinoman]

He COULD still have a threesome. He could watch her "best friend" bang the sh!t out of her while he sat in a seat on the side of the bed - d!ck in hand.

When I first read the thread...I felt that she was trying to get into a 3-some with HIM and her MALE FRIEND.

So the thread took another course and I decided not to comment as I felt perhaps I lost some of the meaning of his message (English is my second language and it appears is his too).

 

[blueguy]

you know you have a promiscuous woman on your hands here. you know she was open to a three some with you. you know you were FB with her and then went into relationship. you know she discusses these things in front of you and a male friend. what we have here are trust issues. you know, deep down that she has Probably been promiscuous in the past. That she Probably had threesomes in the past, and that she is open to discussing them with a male friend. I would also be concerned. Of course this is the DJ's plight and really, the law of KARMA, being demonstrated. You got a woman to put out early, because of your Skillz. You found a freak and maybe a ho, because of your skillz. And because of your human nature and male tendencies, you slipped into oneits with, well who knows what you have on your hands. The DJ gets plenty of action alright. But when it comes down to choosing long term partners, well just look at the pond you're fishing in.

regards

quoted
for
truth.

It's just funny because almost every advice given in the main discussion is geared at fvking the girl as soon as possible to stay away from the friend zone (which is inferring that a relationship is wanted. because if only action was wanted, that much would be obvious). But what isn't discussed is if the girl is really worth it in the first place.

 

[ElChoclo]

A couple of points Captain,

1 You shouldn't have reopened this one later on. Frankly, I think you were wanting to explore the possibility of a threesome, despite your denial.

2 Here's my suggestion as to the correct explanation;
"She is my property and I decide if I share my property with someone, and in that instance I decided that I didn't want to share her. I may decide differently in different circumstances."

3 What she really resented was the fact that you did not have the guts to ask for it when you were unsure of your status with her, but now you feel comfortable enough to explore the idea, yet still in a weak indirect way. In sexual relationships you can't go outside the status quo once you have established the standard operating procedures. An example would be a guy who just settled for missionary once a month suddenly asking for a threesome after 10 years of marriage. The sudden transition isn't going to work. Expectations are built up, and people expect more of the same.

 

[drmeathead]

why talk about you sex life in public? set a boundary on that one. then set another about you wont talk about any part of your sex life that was before you and she were together. it is none of her business as she had no legitimate claim to exclusivity. if she wanted it back then she should have stepped up and brought more to the table that wanted you to get serious.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Maybe she wanted a threesome with the other dude, which is why she brought up the topic in front of him, trying to use reverse psychology on you to get a mmf threesome for herself. She was angry that you brought it up after the guy had left, probably because she has the hots for him; he makes her think of sex, which was why she was talking about it. She was probably showing off to him as well, trying to build value in his eyes.

 

[TheLadiesMan]

I would have said that I count as 2 men, and it would have been a foursome, and then I would F'd the hell out of her with the inner strength of 10 men just to show her who calls the plays.

Women can only handle so much d*ck.

 

[jonwon]

He COULD still have a threesome. He could watch her "best friend" bang the sh!t out of her while he sat in a seat on the side of the bed - d!ck in hand.

After this incident, how can you NOT see that this girl was busting on you?
Walk out on your feet like a Man brother.

NEXT!

I was going to post something similer.

Seems odd how she is cool talking about 3somes to some male friend but then again when the topic comes up about him wanting in another context well she gets arsie.

Seems a little odd to me. But then again i have an over active imagination so could be all innoccent! But only way to find out is i think is to ask her, her idea of 3somes, does that = him and a girl or her and a guy and i wonder what guy it could be, since there both so comfortable talking about it.

But then again it could be nothing, perosnally i dont know how to procceed here, but i am a firm beliver in male and female cant be mates unless one is a total pig. There is always some undertone going on.

But if you turn into a jelous pri** you will lose her anyway. Tricky situation to be in. Only you can know what she ment and if you dont know, maybe you dont know her as well as you should, to be thinking this maybe the girl for you?

Tbh the next relationship i enter into i will have to know she is 100% no baggage or mind games, i know all about her before i invest too much emotional attachment.

Seems you have invested too much emotional attachment and you are now not totally comfortable with the girl you have got here? but this is simply a repost of some of what others have said, just in different words

Sorry it alwasy raises concerns when there is a male friend in the loop for me!

 

[drmeathead]

dude i was that friend...actually her brothers friend. she would tell her bf good night and she loved and be in bed naked with me 5 minutes later. he suspected something was up and asked her about it and she lied. if suspect something is up, it probably is. unless a guy is a nut himslef he doesnt wake up in the morning and go she is probably cheating on me for no good reason. if it smells like **** and looks like **** it probably is **** you dont have to taste it to find out

 

[Drum&Bass]

don't sweat it..I think you answered honestly, the older i'm getting the more comfortable I am about that..i guess you don't mind your girl hanging out with another guy because you don't see him as a threat or anything to be concerned about..its cool..if I ever got a LTR with a girl i wouldn't give a f-ck who she hung out with.

i would just hope she didn't cheat.
if she talks about personal stuff with other people i would speak up about it if it bothered me, maybe she's a retard with a lack of what ever that would posess her to dis-respect you..if you talked to her and she ignored you and kept doing things you didn't like then obviosly she's not a girl your gonna want to invest more time with..her loss..

I'm now entering that stage where women are not that big of a deal and can't really hurt me very much, i don't mind being single.

because of your Skillz. You found a freak and maybe a ho, because of your skillz. And because of your human nature and male tendencies, you slipped into oneits with, well who knows what you have on your hands. The DJ gets plenty of action alright. But when it comes down to choosing long term partners, well just look at the pond you're fishing in.

i thought this was a really cool quote from, persistent exaction and sums it up right there.. Don't be affraid of being honest with a girl..you said you didn't want a 3 some cause you thought of her happiness..thats awesome.. AINT NOTHING WRONG OR AFC WITH THAT..if she doesn't appreciate you, BE STRONG ENOUGH TO LEAVE WITHOUT LOOKING BACK.

I trully feel now that AFC behavior is fear of leaving a relationship or fear of being single but if you can be honest with yourself and act how you want when you want without fear of losing a girl then I think that is the most DJ thing ever.

p.s. even DJ's are human...it is human nature to want to dedicate yourself to 1 girl..don't be affraid of getting hurt and don't be affraid of bitterness..all that stuff will pass...just be smart enough to know types of girls who are worth it and never allow yourself to get so hurt that it stops you from living your life.

 

[Victory Unlimited]

Yo Drum & Bass,




EXCELLENT POST.

Dude, I think your mindset is on point. There is more truth stated in your post than many here are willing to accept. Sometimes, when guys have been SO focused on the question of "How do I become BETTER at getting women?", that it becomes very easy to inadvertantly put them on a pedestal.

This is slippery slope. Because in taking the time to master this part of our lives, we elevate the importance of women in general. I know that I've been guilty of doing this myself. Only here recently have I begun to reorganize my priorities and place women on an appropriately "lower rung" of my happiness and fulfillment scale where they belong.

As I have said before on another thread, pursuing OTHER dreams, goals, and objectives in our lives is the most natural and effective form of "plate spinning" there is. Nothing works better at preventing Oneitis than actually having MORE than ONE important, worthwhile thing in your life that occupies your time.



Peace...one day.