So this is why I keep getting rejected...

[Jariel]

As some of you regulars here will know that despite my great success seducing and banging women, I've had this recurring problem maintaining relationships and progressing beyond the first few dates with women.

I recently went on a couple of dates with this amazing HB9. We clicked so well and she was so into me. We ended up having sex on the 2nd date, which she insists is something she's never done before and that I broke her 5 date rule. It was amazing and afterwards she cuddled upto me and clung to me when it was time to go.

This, however, is how it usually goes. Really high IL, bordering on obsessive, but in the coming days I start sensing doubts and a fading interest. Well, this chick rejected me a few days later saying she felt intimidated that I was so sexually forward, but then she also said I'm too shy and nervy. In fact, other girls, including those I banged, choked, spanked and thrown around during sex have also used the "you're too shy" or "you're too sweet" rejection. How can that make sense?

So I asked her to explain. What I heard was something I've heard a few times before. My attention wanders too much, I fidget a lot and seem generally nervous and uncomfortable. She pointed out how we'd gone to a bar and I kept looking around me.

Other girls have said this same thing and explained that it's a real turn off because it gives the impression I'm insecure and shy. The truth is, I'm not at all shy. I hold the attention of groups of people and can ingratiate myself into any social circles. On a date, my heart rate doesn't budge.

I've brought this up in a thread elsewhere on this forum, but I have suffered from attention deficit disorder all of my life and that's the reason my attention darts around. I had no idea it could have such an impact on my dating and relationships or how it causes other to perceive me.

I've never been able to find a solution to this problem. I've tried meditation, yoga and even tried forcing myself to be aware of my behaviour...but I always get distracted from that and revert to my bad habits.

I think the offputting part for women is that it's totally incongruent with the way I look. I'm 6'4, 17 stone and muscular. People say I look like a badass, but I'm like a gentle giant when they get to know me. I fvcking hate that! I have no problem being a decent and respectful guy, but I don't want to be perceived as gentle, sweet and definitely not nervy.

But it's not just about women. I find it really difficult coping with a lot of basic tasks, following instructions and doing some basic things in life.

Is there anything a doctor can do to help or anything anyone can advise?

I feel like if I can fix this, I'll have the final piece in my DJ and self-improvement puzzle.

 

[Maximummax]

I read your previous post about your nervousness.
you can solve this issue in two ways
1) counseling
2) spend time with strippers( as they are hot), Its like a practice to get over your nervousness

 

[loveshogun]

So you do have ADD - have you tried talking to your doctor about it and getting a prescription? Not sure how expensive that would be in the UK, but it's worth looking into.

Also have you tried just telling the person straight up before it becomes a problem? It's not like you're telling her you have herpes. It's ADD. Lots of people have it. And that might color her reaction from "this guy is really shifty and nervous" to "oh, that's just his ADD."

Yes, it will disqualify you from women who don't want to deal with your ADD.

But, a lot of women might be thinking that you're just a shady, shifty, nervous guy, and not even considering that you have ADD. That would disqualify you a lot more.

Either way, if you know what the problem is, then fix it. Everything you did before didn't work, okay - but what have you not tried yet? Some of my friend with ADD say that regular exercise (4-5 times per week), along with "as needed" prescription drugs from their doctors works really well.

I'm sure there's a way to fix it, or at least cope with it.

 

[Jariel]

I read your previous post about your nervousness.
you can solve this issue in two ways
1) counseling
2) spend time with strippers( as they are hot), Its like a practice to get over your nervousness

Well the thing is I'm not nervous, not even slightly. I go on dates all the time, have a lot of sex and am really comfortable in those situations. It's the fact that other people perceive me as nervous that's the problem.

So you do have ADD - have you tried talking to your doctor about it and getting a prescription? Not sure how expensive that would be in the UK, but it's worth looking into.

Also have you tried just telling the person straight up before it becomes a problem? It's not like you're telling her you have herpes. It's ADD. Lots of people have it. And that might color her reaction from "this guy is really shifty and nervous" to "oh, that's just his ADD."

Yes, it will disqualify you from women who don't want to deal with your ADD.

But, a lot of women might be thinking that you're just a shady, shifty, nervous guy, and not even considering that you have ADD. That would disqualify you a lot more.

Either way, if you know what the problem is, then fix it. Everything you did before didn't work, okay - but what have you not tried yet? Some of my friend with ADD say that regular exercise (4-5 times per week), along with "as needed" prescription drugs from their doctors works really well.

I'm sure there's a way to fix it, or at least cope with it.

Thanks for the suggestions mate. I'm a bit reluctant to tell women up front, but then if I can't find any other solution it won't hurt to try. I try explaining my ADD to the girls after the fact, but those first impressions count for a lot and affect their "gut feelings" in ways that can't be reversed. So maybe I should be up front.

I do exercise regularly and the gym is a very big part of my life, but I have not consulted my doctor yet. I'm thinking that is my next step. Nobody likes the idea of drugs, but I will gladly take them and pay for them if it helps me. I do find that I have moments of lucidity where I force myself to be aware of the present and stop my mind from wandering, and those can be really amazing moments. Normally, my mind is just going through random thoughts and I often feel detached from reality.

Since I started writing this reply I have checked my emails twice, sent a text message, made a coffee, checked Facebook and POF 3 times and fidgetted with a pen, so that will give you an idea how difficult it is for me to be productive in anything I do.

 

[OC Speedball]

Holy. shlt. I think you may have just explained why I haven't been able to secure a girlfriend. I get the dates, but then interest just vanishes. And I am 90% sure I have ADD...just never been checked for it. I have a super hard time focussing.

My nervousness is very low on approaches and on dates, but I look around all the time. I had one girl tell me that I should be a sniper, because of how much I looked around...I was so aware of my surroundings. Haha!

I have been meaning to go to a psychiatrist, since I have trouble focussing in college (even though the work isn't that hard for me). I am seriously going to look into this, and I am so glad you brought this up Jariel. It didn't even cross my mind that this could be why I can't get into the relationship stage.

Since I started writing this reply I have checked my emails twice, sent a text message, made a coffee, checked Facebook and POF 3 times and fidgetted with a pen, so that will give you an idea how difficult it is for me to be productive in anything I do.

I totally understand how you feel. I do the same sort of thing. Very hard for me to be productive to my fullest extent. I think adderall is what a doctor would give you for your ADD. You should look into it, as I am going to as well. I tried to rep you for bringing this up (must spread some reputation around), because you identifying the problem may have just changed my life...we'll see.

 

[cordoncordon]

Well the thing is I'm not nervous, not even slightly. I go on dates all the time, have a lot of sex and am really comfortable in those situations. It's the fact that other people perceive me as nervous that's the problem.





Thanks for the suggestions mate. I'm a bit reluctant to tell women up front, but then if I can't find any other solution it won't hurt to try. I try explaining my ADD to the girls after the fact, but those first impressions count for a lot and affect their "gut feelings" in ways that can't be reversed. So maybe I should be up front.

I do exercise regularly and the gym is a very big part of my life, but I have not consulted my doctor yet. I'm thinking that is my next step. Nobody likes the idea of drugs, but I will gladly take them and pay for them if it helps me. I do find that I have moments of lucidity where I force myself to be aware of the present and stop my mind from wandering, and those can be really amazing moments. Normally, my mind is just going through random thoughts and I often feel detached from reality.

Since I started writing this reply I have checked my emails twice, sent a text message, made a coffee, checked Facebook and POF 3 times and fidgetted with a pen, so that will give you an idea how difficult it is for me to be productive in anything I do.

Here is all I will say about this. Back in February I was in Vegas for the CES show, and I ran into an Asian woman there. Very attractive. Born in the USA. Lawyer, real estate agent, deal maker, has her PhD. Seems like a dream to date. I have been in a 3 year very happy relationship, but if I was single, at the time I would have been all over it. But, within 5 minutes of meeting her, something struck me as odd. I could not put my finger on it, but she was just not "all there". She was super smart and not crazy, but I just had this feeling. Later her and I along with some others went to get drinks and dinner. We got to talking and she told me she has ADD. And its true, there would be times we would be talking and I would catch her looking around, or I could tell her mind was elsewhere. She just seemed kinda quirky because of it all. I made the assumption that night that she was 100% not dateable. And it all made sense as we got to talking about all of her misfires with past relationships. Dating her would be mentally exhausting. No matter how pretty she was, no matter how mahy millions she made, no matter how smart she was, you could not date her and be happy. And I knew all that, somehow, within 5 minutes of meeting her. Don't get me wrong, if I was single I would have banged the sh1t out of her, and I could have Im sure, but dating? No way. Would have driven me insane. My gf has listened to some of the voice mails she has left me, and some of the emails too, all work related, and even she can sense it.

My point is, this is probably the exact same vibe that girls are getting from you. They want to F you, as soon as possible, but to date you? Not gonna happen. It is up to you to change this. You are aware now of how you are coming across to people. Do something about it.

 

[OC Speedball]

*Double post*

 

[Jariel]

OC Speedball: I'm kind of relieved I'm not the only one who has reached this conclusion and glad I've been able to bring it to your attention too. I've been rejected previously on this basis, but figured it was her just being fussy. Now I'm realising it may account for a lot of my rejections, maybe even a majority.

I do really well on my looks and I can seduce women via text and phone like it's a second nature, but in person things just fall apart. The dates that have worked out are usually with crazy hyperactive chicks who probably have the same kind of issues as me.


cordoncordon: Thank you for that highly insightful post! I felt like I gained a lot from what you were saying there and I definitely fit into that category of women seeing me as a great fvck, but not suitable for relationships.

I believe it's even harder for a man too because the tics make him look like he is nervous and has no confidence...which as we all know is an essential trait for attracting women.

This is going to be my self-improvement priority now. I've overcome a lot of obstacles in my life and I'm sure one way or another I can overcome this.

 

[5string]

Sounds like anxiety to me. As your doc for some Xanax.

 

[cordoncordon]

I saw how you dedicated yourself to getting into great shape again. No doubt you are a really good looking guy and I can see why you have no issues getting women into bed. If you take that same attitude that you did to working out and apply it to this? I see no reason why you can not overcome it.

When I was a kid I had OCD. Sometimes I would feel urges to repeat something, like walking up a set of stairs, until it felt "right". It wasn't terrible, but it was enough to where I knew it wasn't right. Finally when I was about 15 or 16 I said screw it, and said this is beyond stupid and from then on out, no matter the urge, I just realize how stupid it is and ignore it. I still get the urge every now and again, its something chemical in the brain that causes it, but I just shrug it off because I realize its something crazy to even think about. Sooner or later you will overcome the urges you have as well.

 

[LostAndConfused]

It was amazing and afterwards she cuddled upto me and clung to me when it was time to go.

high interest, obviously

I've never been able to find a solution to this problem. I've tried meditation, yoga and even tried forcing myself to be aware of my behaviour...but I always get distracted from that and revert to my bad habits.

I think the offputting part for women is that it's totally incongruent with the way I look. I'm 6'4, 17 stone and muscular. People say I look like a badass, but I'm like a gentle giant when they get to know me. I fvcking hate that! I have no problem being a decent and respectful guy, but I don't want to be perceived as gentle, sweet and definitely not nervy.

Beta men glance around distractedly, but ALOOF alphas do too! I think you guys are missing this point.

I'm gonna go out on a limb and say I actually don't think ADD is your problem. Glancing around distractedly can be *very* attractive to girls because they have to work harder to get your attention. It makes you a prize.

I've read about this in game blogs, and what I do *personally* is to lean my head in slightly, whilst still looking around to my surroundings to encourage the girl to move into a very intimate proximity to speak into my ear. This allows me to drop some kino while she's talking. Then when I speak, I stare intently at her eyes, and the only "distracted glances" at that point are just downward toward her body. IDK about you guys but this seems to work pretty well.

Another one of you guys was called "sniper" for being hyperaware of your surroundings.

How is that *not* attractive? In most cases, the girl NEEDS you to be aware of her surroundings for her because she's so distracted and enamored by you. We all know that when we're that engaged in conversation with a cute girl (and this applies to men of any time, from millenia ago to now) who is attracted, she really has no clue what the hell else is going on.

Want proof?

Try dropping some heavy, gina-tingling seduction with a new girl (works best on new girls) while she's driving you in a car. I can tell you, there really isn't a better way to get yourself in a wreck, save for blacked out inebriation. I think you can plot a linear, positive correlation between how wet a girl is and how poorly she drives.

All evidence points to you as the man NEEDING to be aware of your surroundings.

So why are you making this out to be a bad thing? Do know that the concerns that made you make this post could also be adding an element of insecurity to your normal alphaness, and *that* could be what's stopping interest.

But do also know girls are novelty chasers. Especially HB9s, if she's really an HB9. You probably read my thread about us as men being too replaceable. That thread was made when I was butthurt that a gorgeous HB9's texts started to reveal low interest, and that I kept a different HB9's interest up by treating her like a pile of trash. It was a clash between C&F game and ******* game. But the truth is, 9s and 10s will next you so fast your head will spin!

Girls can turn any attractive feature you have (that turned her on at the start of seduction) into an UNATTRACTIVE one if it benefits them. That's one of the perks to female solipsism and it allows the female to have ultimate choice.

Girls are "rationally" subjective too, and if most betas they deal with are too shy to hold eye contact and glance around distractedly too, it makes it easy for them to lump you into that camp as well.

In Psychology we learn about heuristics, which are basically mental shortcuts to making quick judgments/decisions. Not much has been written about this (because its politically incorrect), but I really think women fall victim alot for the Availability Heuristic. That is, they see ONE incident of a plane crashing and they think it's common for planes to be unsafe.

Can't you just picture her saying to her girlfriends, "Yeah Jariel is a really awesome guy, but he always is looking around at other things." "Grrrrrrrllllll, that's just insecurity."

THEREFORE, this girl is simply backwards rationalizing (like most women do) that she doesn't like you because you're "distracted" while it could be a multitude of other reasons, or just her own boredom. So if a girl nexts you for something as innocuous as this, she did *you* a service.

You don't need a girl who logically jumps to the conclusion that ADD is insecure.

So two thoughts/questions for you.....

1 . Is it your frame? Do you have an alpha frame or a beta one? You can glance around distractedly, but do you have good posture? Is she leaning into you and not the other way around? I feel like you have these concepts down pat already, and I've always been under the impression that ADD qualities are generally attractive....it separates you from the clingy beta type when you're distracted by everything *OTHER* than her.

To fix this issue though, you gotta be honest with yourself. Make sure your distracted glances and fidgeting actually ARE ADD and not anxiety. Also, I don't see much of a problem with looking around the room, but try to cut down on your fidgeting. That's one thing that *does* come off as beta. At least you don't have ADHD. Although, I recommend employing ADHD game. When you are in a very fidgety mood, simply walk away from the girl, and say nothing. Go outside, go buy a drink, go have a smoke. if anything, it makes the girl more curious about you which is always beneficial.

2. You're 6'4. That's one quality of EXTREMELY high value in the eyes of women. Qualities like that I consider "hard assets," because they automatically and mechanically separate you above other guys in ways that "softer" assets such as game, status, and dominance DON'T.

So your problem may be similar to mine. You probably act differently than most 6'4" guys. For me, I'm avg height but super attractive. Women automatically look at me and consider me a "nice" "sweet" guy before they even see me, before really getting to know the scheming narcissist underneath.

Why do they do this? Because, at least from my experience, most guys with really great looks actually are super niceguys! They never really had to learn game because they had girls at "Hello." However the problem is that it keeps the 9/10 guys in a permanent state of niceguyness, while the still attractive 7/8 guys can develop douchey traits that scores them the dimes. You'd be surprised how many male models I know who seriously struggle with meeting and keeping women, even though girls all around them have their jaw dropped.

Similarly, I've noticed with alot of my super tall friends (One is 6'4", one is 6'5", and they both have looks) is that they actually *DO* have insecure body language. I don't really get it, I'm not a tall guy so I can't make any claims here, but it seems very similar to the attractive guy in that the Tall guy doesn't have to work too hard for women in the first place so he doesn't fix BL problems.

So it's of my belief that you as a high status guy will INEVITABLY meet girls like this HB9, who will toss on ANY reason they can to reject you.

Thus its probably good you aren't seeing her anymore, as I bet there's another HB9 who finds the ADD qualities quirky and gets her even more wet at your sight. You should also take it as a compliment that *fidgeting* was the only thing she could disqualify you for

 

[FairShake]

I think the offputting part for women is that it's totally incongruent with the way I look. I'm 6'4, 17 stone and muscular. People say I look like a badass, but I'm like a gentle giant when they get to know me. I fvcking hate that! I have no problem being a decent and respectful guy, but I don't want to be perceived as gentle, sweet and definitely not nervy.

Dude, you're 35. It's time to get past looking "badass" to other people.

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

Hey Jariel,

I think I remember you from years ago when I used to be regular on here. I just came back recently.

I think you need to see a psychiatrist. I don't think you're nuts, but there might be a reason that you're doing what you're doing and you don't even realize it. A professional would be able to help pinpoint the problem.

LostAndConfused: I understand what you're saying about making the girl work for your attention, but I think there is a different issue here with Jariel. I think he is actually creeping girls out and coming off as just plain awkward. That is not attractive, regardless of "alpha" or "beta" male status.

 

[sstype]

Definitely get checked out.....and also I think if you were really serious about wanting a girlfriend, you wouldn't be in a such a hurry to try to f*ck them so quickly. It's a recurring theme I keep noticing with your relationships.

What's happening is they don't take you seriously as boyfriend material, and freak when they find out you want something more. You're behavior comes off unstable and incongruent (shifty, very attractive, sexually aggressive yet a nice guy). Either be the assh0le who pumps and dumps (and no cuddling/spooning afterwards) or if you're looking for a girlfriend get to know her over the course of a few weeks to a month, don't act like some larger-than-life casanova (i.e. be normal), and determine if there is real compatibility between you two before consummating the relationship.

In other words, take your freaking time. If you act like a horndog, then expect to be treated as such.

Good luck bro.

 

[Serg897]

So it happened again huh? This is actually quite interesting. By now you should be desensitized to this sh!t - you know you can easily attract the hottest women, so once you get the part of yourself figured out that makes you run into this problem of not being able to maintain long term relationships it should be smooth sailing from there.

A few comments I have.

You are actually in a unique situation. This has happened enough times now with enough different women that you know its not an accident. Science is all about reproducibility, and I think your experience really does show that since you have done the same thing and gotten the same result many times its time to significantly change your approach and try different things.

First, why are you still going straight to the bedroom within the first couple of dates? Its been said here on this forum before, even by you, that when the interaction is sexualized right away it often leads to short and unstable relationships. Of course this may not actually be the problem in this particular situation (may be something different that is driving these women away), but you could try a little experiment with yourself and see if breaking this pattern gives you different results. Try escalating the sexual tension but stopping short of actually taking her clothes off and going all the way. It may lead to a different dynamic.

Second, I wonder how much you are actually engaging these women in other ways (besides in a sexual way) during the dates - what do you talk about? Do you talk about her? Do you follow the basic 70-30 rule that is always talked about on this forum? (i.e., she does 70% of the talking). Do you talk about hobbies, interests, things that communicate you are a worldly, sophisticated, intelligent, informed person? Do you maintain eye contact and focus your attention on her? Sounds like you dont, and this may be your downfall.

At the moment I've been trying exactly the same experiment. I've been dating a woman who has a steady full time job as a veterinarian (i.e. she makes way more money than me!!). I purposely haven't escalated sexually all that much, in contrast to all the other times I've been physically aggressive and the interaction crashes and burns in one way or another. Its been five dates and every single time I call her she has been interested in meeting up again. Everytime we meet up its a good time and we've talked about many interesting topics - she is a real person with real opinions. This might be one way of starting a real relationship with someone.

Of course I've had relationships start off sexual and last a while too. There really arent any hard and fast rules, this is just food for thought. I hope you get this stuff figured out. I can tell from your posts you are an intelligent and thoughtful person - I know this is a problem that can be solved, with enough experiments and dating more women!

Cheers,
-Serg

 

[Chamber36]

I'd say you just need a good dose of "I don't give a Fvck". And if your eyes keep jumping around the room, that is a sign of insecurity. That makes it seem like you are uncomfortable in an unfamiliar environment.

The best meditation imo when I'm dealing with women, is to meditate about ice and how I can embody ice. There's something about being ice-cold that attracts women.

Also, if there are any guys who seem to have a certain charismatic touch which you seem to lack, I advise you to spend some time around them so you can pick at their brain and see what makes them tick. It has recently worked for me.

And I agree with what Serg897 says.

 

[OC Speedball]

OC Speedball: I'm kind of relieved I'm not the only one who has reached this conclusion and glad I've been able to bring it to your attention too. I've been rejected previously on this basis, but figured it was her just being fussy. Now I'm realising it may account for a lot of my rejections, maybe even a majority.

I do really well on my looks and I can seduce women via text and phone like it's a second nature, but in person things just fall apart. The dates that have worked out are usually with crazy hyperactive chicks who probably have the same kind of issues as me.

It sounds like you're just like me...except, I'm not as experienced as you . I get awesome initial attraction and my phone game is tight. But then after the first date or hangout attraction just fizzles out. So right now, ADD may be the best explanation I have for this. I'm really gonna practice staying focussed on the girl now and see what happens. Hopefully things will change.

I feel like a psychologist going out and doing a social experiment. Haha. We should keep a journal about this Jariel.

*Huge wall of text*

You raise some good points, a girl WOULD want a guy that is aware of his surroundings, but at the same it is well known that solid eye contact is very important. I don't want to hijack this thread from Jariel, but for me I maintain solid eye contact when she is talking, but I tend to glance around when I'm talking or if we're not talking.

My posture is fine (hands on legs when sitting, hands at side when standing), but I also talk with my hands/make hand gestures. I blame this on being Argentine. Every girl and every guy in my family uses their hands when they talk, so I was raised seeing this and developed this trait as well.

 

[Rubato]

Jariel, as a medical student, my advice to you would be as follows:

You have identified this problem, at least twice, but have yet to do anything about it.

You exercise. That's good. I don't know what your diet looks like. But I think I remember reading somewhere on here you're in good shape. So your diet is probably OK.

I have been diagnosed with ADHD as well and while I have never been accused of being shy, I do get accused of being arrogant and rude from time to time. I don't fidget, but my attention does shift, even when on a date and in situations that should warrant anxiety from the average person. It's just something I do. I have to maintain conscious control of it, particularly when I'm talking to my professors in order to avoid coming across as a pr*ck.

It sounds like you are out of non-pharmacological ways of dealing with this situation. You could try finding a cognitive behavioral therapist, but I didn't think that helped me very much. You could also try hypnosis, but I've never seen any study showing its efficacy (that doesn't mean it isn't efficacious, it just means it has been shown scientifically to be efficacious). You could also try supplementing with an Omega 3 supplement that contains high doses of EPA and DHA in at least a 3:1 ratio respectively. Neurological tissue is formed most favorably from Omega 3 fatty acids (believe it or not, most of your brain is fat) and when these are not present in our diet, our body uses Omega 6's instead, which is less favorable. It is also favorable to have EPA in excess of DHA in whatever you are supplementing with (some would even recommend a 7:1 ratio) but DHA has a higher binding affinity than EPA in the brain. Both are important, but because DHA's binding affinity is so much higher than EPA's, you need excess EPA to ensure that enough of it is utilized in the brain. Some people supplement only with EPA... I would use both, in a ratio like I described. People who take fish oil supplements or other Omega 3 supplements may not be getting the results they want because they are not taking a supplement either with EPA and DHA in it, with sufficient quantities, and in the right ratio. This will probably help, but I doubt it will bring you where you really would like to be.

You can probably read my ADHD in this post. I'm especially distracted right now and keep wandering off in tangential directions.

Since you live in the UK, I believe you have access to most of the medications we have in the US. I am not sure what the brand names are over there, but I know you have methylphenidate (MPH) and dextroamphetamine (Dex) available. I have taken both of them and find them both to be highly effective solutions to the problem. I prefer MPH because it has been demonstrated to be less neurotoxic than amphetamines but I do switch to Dex every few months for biochemical reasons... basically MPH increases the dopamine levels in your brain by a different mechanism of action than Dex, so cycling back and forth every so often helps prevent your brain from rewiring itself to adapt to the new chemicals you have introduced to it.

There are newer therapuetic agents available as well, some I have tried and some I haven't. Modafinil should be available and it did not seem to do more for me than function as an expensive placebo. But it is indicated in the UK as a treatment for ADHD, I believe. Atomoxitine and clonidine are both non-stimulant treatments for ADHD that work by different mechanisms of action. I have not used either of these.

I would strongly suggest visiting your doctor and asking to be evaluated for adult ADHD. MPH is a milder drug than dex and doctors are often weary of rxing dex since it is straight speed. I would highly recommend starting there. If your pdoc is not comfortable rxing controlled stimulants, I would ask for a referral to a neurologist or a psychiatrist.

From what you say, it does not sound like your problem is anxiety even though it may appear that way to an observer. Benzodiazepams (benzos) like alprazolam (Xanax) will not help you. They serve a very valuable medical purpose, but speaking as an individual who has used and studied them, they are extremely addictive, even more so than amphetamines, IMO. Benzos will help you sleep, quell a panic attack, sedate you for a procedure, stop a seizure, and control situational anxiety, but if you have ADHD, they will not make you more focused. They will probably make you less focused because most medical professionals believe ADHD is caused by low dopamine levels in the pre-frontal cortex of the brain. Benzos work by increasing the concentration of various GABA molecules in your brain that are inhibitory to neurotransmitters and chemicals, including dopamine. So for someone with ADHD, they effectively compound your issues by making your dopamine less effective when you already don't have enough of it!

They also your mind like alcohol, usually without the corresponding impairment in coordination and residual hangover.

You really need to seriously evaluate whether you feel like you have ADHD and whether you feel like it's effecting your life to the degree you are implying. If it is, you need to do something about it. I know I typed a lot here... let me know if you have any questions.

 

[cablecow15]

Similarly, I've noticed with alot of my super tall friends (One is 6'4", one is 6'5", and they both have looks) is that they actually *DO* have insecure body language. I don't really get it, I'm not a tall guy so I can't make any claims here, but it seems very similar to the attractive guy in that the Tall guy doesn't have to work too hard for women in the first place so he doesn't fix BL problems.

So it's of my belief that you as a high status guy will INEVITABLY meet girls like this HB9, who will toss on ANY reason they can to reject you.

Thus its probably good you aren't seeing her anymore, as I bet there's another HB9 who finds the ADD qualities quirky and gets her even more wet at your sight. You should also take it as a compliment that *fidgeting* was the only thing she could disqualify you for

Im 6'5 not really had great luck with women , but im always wondering about my bodylanguage .

Its something that worries me , even now as i sit in this chair im slumped down , I always find myself crossing my arms or slouching because half of the time I don't know what to do with my long arms or legs , its like their in the way

 

[Zarky]

This may sound weird, but have a friend take a video of you on his camera phone while you're out. You will see sh*t that you do that you had no idea you did, and it will make you cringe. Stop doing those things. It will take lots of time and lots of videos.

If you can't get someone to video you, set your own phone up nearby and video yourself.