Part III
BECOME A "CHILD ADVOCATE."
1) Get involved with a network of parent educators.
2) Make time for play dates and/or parties. Invite parent-chaperones who will observe you as a Superdad in fine form. Make sure mothers are invited. Ideally, they should be solidly married, above reproach, and will not be disparaged for having an affair with you.
These are great sources for collateral witnesses.
2) Enroll yourself and/or your kids in classes/counseling/treatment as necessary: Parenting classes; Co-parenting classes; Anger managment; Couseling for kids caught-in-the-middle; enroll in a Children's First program; Alcohol/drug treatment. Read contemporary books and literature
on the above subject matter. Take the initiative. Become informed. Do whatever it takes. Don't wait 'til it's too late.
3) The most important witnesses are court-appointed professionals, so-called "neutral third parties." They include; the home study evaluator, the forensic evaluator, the custody evaluator, the psychologist, the play therapist, and the GAL. Tread lightly with these people. They are
anything but neutral. These thugs are "GOD" in determining custody decisions. Keep in mind, the judge is gonna rule whatever they recommend. They live by one fundamental principle, "Dads be damned."
Whatever you do, NEVER agree to any form of binding mediation. You'll be giving up all your rights to further litigation. You'd just as well sell your soul to the Devil.
From the beginning, you must "attempt" get these witnesses on your side. They are the "tie-breaker." Truth be known, it's their job to insure the race isn't even close, much less a "tie." Nevertheless, do your best. Be sure to document everything.
a) It's their job to not like you.
b) It's their job to fabricate lies about you.
c) It's their job to soften you up and trick you into giving up custody before trial.
Remember "rebuttable presumption?" Some state's statutes declare both fathers and mothers have an equal right to parent their children. In this phase, that right is summarily taken from you. In other words, the game is rigged. It should come as no surprise, gender discrimination is rife within the Judicial Branch of Government.
With that in mind, you might consider hiring a private custody evaluator. The idea is to bring conflicting opinion/testimony with you to court. This is one sure way to minimize a GAL's highly biased testimony/report.
Additionally, make sure to get documentation/history of any violence, both physical and/or verbal/psychological. Is your STBX any threat to herself, to you, to your kids, or to anyone else? Evidence of this nature is critical to rebut an already biased GAL report/testimony.
I've heard of ONE (1) favorable recommend from a GAL. This dad was a school teacher. He was thoroughly professional and very well connected. Additionally he graduated with "honors" from parenting classes and had become a state-certified foster parent. In other words, he had credentials the rest of us don't have or can't get. The GAL liked this dad because he was "one of them."
In family court, the average "Joe Six-Pack" has a 90% chance of losing. That's why your journal and witness list are of the utmost importance.
Here's another example. Risky? Hell yes! But the results are what counts.
Both Parties agreed, together with the judge, to allow the final custody decision to be handled by a custody evaluator. Dad's attorney was familiar with this evaluator and requested that she hear testimony. Stbx's attorney also agreed with the request.
The evaluator met with both attorneys prior to taking testimony. She strongly advised that the Parties settle ahead of time. (Note: This is why you never agree to binding mediation.)
At this critical moment, Dad's attorney revealed the existence of a detailed journal together with a substantial body of evidence. He suggested the Parties walk away with dignity and share custodybetween them. As a result, Dad's STBX agreed to sharing both physical and legal custody without the evaluator deciding for them.
Dad's guess is that his attorney had spooked his STBX in prior courtroom encounters. She gave up without a fight, certainly not because she wanted to. Of that, Dad is sure.
The lesson here is that Dad's attorney had taken the initiative to thoroughly study the journal well in advance. As a result, Dad's attorney was convinced that the journal would tip the balance in an occasion such as this.
Thus: a detailed journal + a good attorney + strategy = Victory
There was another dad that "bought" his STBX out. He got the house, the kids, and everything for $70K. Still another dad got out of paying alimony for a mere $11K. I realize this sounds like a lot all at once. But over time, it's a bargain. Remember, let your attorney handle the negotiating process.
MOVING ON: Your WITNESS LIST must be exhaustive. Other than court-appointed professionals, people that see you with your children and/or otherwise know you personally are going to be your best witnesses. Remember, not everyone will support you, nor will they be available when you need them.
Potential witnesses include: Extended family; neighbors; day care, school professionals; parent volunteers; medical professionals; adult activity leaders.
The rest is right here:
http://forum.mensdivorce.com//viewtopic.php?t=13374
