So the divorce that I thought was going to be uncontested...

atlantadawg

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Is, wait for it, going to be contested after all.
Fvcking fvck.

Quick backstory: crazy beech, big time history of mental illness in family, drunk, complete trainwreck, separated several months now, 8 year old daughter in the mix. She said all along 'no attorneys and I'll go to mediation for anything we can't work out ourselves' until, that is, $ came up.
I drew up settlement for no alimony (We both do well, both over 6 figures, but she makes significantly more than I do.), no child support, 50/50 custody, no going after her retirement, savings, shared property, etc. Just let me have my daughter 50% of the time and I'll pay half her private school tuition and whatever else needs paying because I've got her back, not because I owe it to the ex, you know?
She comes back with me being garnished for nearly $1k month right out of the gate, says I owe her $10k in back child support, is trying to fvck me out of equity on the house, the whole nine yards. Just went for the jugular right out of the gate. She then tried to threaten me into agreeing to this, because she knows I want to get this done yesterday and avoid a long protracted court deal.
I feel like I have no other option but to retain an attorney and scorch the earth. Ask for everything, including the kitchen sink, and hope her attorney is not a fvcking moron and that we can settle up quickly.

The point of all this, though, is that I was just getting rolling on my game.
Banging a 27 year old, multiple other plates spinning.
I'm having the fvcking time of my life basically already, and it was only looking better from there until the sheet hit the fan in the last few days.
So...anybody been in a similar spot? Advice? What should my next move be? I am in a bit of a holding pattern for the next few days until my attorney is available to start my settlement draft. TIA...
 

Bible_Belt

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Has your daughter been staying with your ex? Did you let your ex stay in the house you shared together? If those two answers are 'yes' then that's going to make it harder for you.

Scorch the earth in return is the correct legal strategy. Unfortunately, it creates a situation that sucks for everyone except the lawyers. One thing your lawyer might consider is filing an emergency petition to get a temporary custody agreement. If you could get that through and make it a 50/50 agreement, that helps your chances of getting 50/50 later in the finalized agreement.

You are most likely to get results with psychological strategies more so than legal ones - just like your wife tried to do by trying to bully you into signing a bad agreement. You're the one who knows her best. Try to push whatever buttons you can to get her to declare a truce. Maybe she's pissed that you're happy. If so, try to make her think you're miserable.

You and her both love your daughter. That's the one thing you still have in common. You could tell your ex that with the costs of a court battle, you won't be able to pay the private school tuition anymore. You have to convey to her that if both of you piss all your money away on lawyers, your child is the one who's going to suffer.
 

Knight's Cross

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All I can tell you from my own experience is to get with your own attorney quick. I was ahead of my ex when it came time to divorce with regard to legal counsel. While it was definitely more $ to do so, it cost me less in the end to go full on heavy in the front.
Now that your soon to be ex is already talking to legal counsel you are behind. I'd wager she knew that she was going to do this all along, and used the "uncontested" line to delay your defense. Does that sting? I hope so. You have to switch gears now. This person is the enemy. They are all about saving themselves and if it destroys you so much the better. Sure, that sucks in realization. That's basically what my lawyer gave me as advice. Soon as we were headed towards divorce it was gloves off to the end. As the others have commented, your daughter is the only thing that matters here. She will be used as a pawn by your ex, and the ex's attorney. So Lawyer up my friend, and put on your TA-50 and your Kevlar helmet. You are in a battle now that your life, and I am not kidding, your life depends on. The next 10-20 years of your existence depend on you winning the divorce proceedings.
KC
 

Desdinova

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She said all along 'no attorneys and I'll go to mediation for anything we can't work out ourselves
This is why I tell everyone to sit down with their soon-to-be ex, calmly split up all your stuff, and do up a separation agreement. You can do it without lawyers. You can get a form online and each get a friend to witness.

She comes back with me being garnished for nearly $1k month right out of the gate, says I owe her $10k in back child support, is trying to fvck me out of equity on the house, the whole nine yards
Now you need to get a lawyer. If you don't fight that legally, she gets everything she wants. My ex wanted something crazy like $26,000. She ended up with $5k of my retirement savings and THAT'S IT. My separation agreement saved my ass.
 

RangerMIke

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Oh man.... this was me, except my ex didn't have any means and a crappy job. Everything was going fine... then BAM... I spent a small fortune on legal fees to end up getting somethign I was fine with.

Get your own lawyer. Don't know about Geogia law, I was lucky Louisana is a community property State so there was really little she could do other than get half. She has half my military retirement (which is by law) and she kept all the equity from the sale of the house that she rolled into a new smaller house with a MUCH smaller mortgage payment which is all hers. In exchange we balanced out our Roth IRAs, and I kept an investment account whose half value was about what she kept from the sale of the house. And spousal support for one year.

I would have agreed to all this without lawyers, but my ex was ticked because it appeared I was moving on too fast... Truth is she was right, and it sounds like you are doing the same. Like you I started dating another recently divorced 27 yo (man I can't believe how similar this is) while we were separated. It was her way to deliver a little payback. Truth is that I should have kept my d!ck in my pants. That is why I always advise guys to go into monk-mode until their divorce is final.

But I totally get where you are coming from, I felt like I had been let out of a cage and I went a little crazy.
 

sodbuster

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Yep, it's WAR, have your attorney get her mental/medical records and go for FULL custody and child support. You really don't WANT it since it cuts into your sex life. BUT start there and negotiate down. Since SHE makes MORE than you do, even at 50/50, you should get child support....
 

Tenacity

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Lol, and I get flack on this site for telling guys not to get married? Why in the FVCK do you guys get married in 2015 knowing damn well, this is how it's going to end?

There's no love, there's no happily ever after, that shyt is a fairy tale. The OP's "soul mate" is trying to fvck him over financially in a MAJOR way, kind of allows "Satan" to take the night off then huh?

OP, get an attorney YESTERDAY. Why you guys have all of this TRUST for women I have no fvcking clue, you don't take a woman's word on SHYT. Get you an Attorney and do the following:

- Protect your a.ss, do you have a pre-nup already? If not, get the separation agreements like others have said if possible at this point.

- You need receipts/reports for everything you have spent on the child up until this point.

- You said she makes more than you? If you have no Pre-Nup, I want you to go AFTER her for alimony so you can maintain the lifestyle that you had during the marriage.

- I want you to fight for FULL CUSTODY, not 50/50, FULL CUSTODY. If you can't do that, then settle for 50/50. I want you go fight to try and get YOUR WIFE to pay child support, not you.

- Fight to get a good portion of the collection of assets and see if you can get a right to her FUTURE earnings, contracts, etc. Again, you said she makes significantly more which makes her the Breadwinner.

I want you to THROW the kitchen sink at her, and report back on this forum how it went. It's time we FIGHT BACK guys, come on.....FIGHT BACK...

In the meantime, I'm going to continue trying to wake as many guys up that women are NOT our friends anymore and you DO NOT enter a legal relationship with them. No Marriage, No Kids and No Cohabitation. NOTHING.
 

Scaramouche

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Dear Atlanta,
Yes what Tenacity says is right....This Country is tougher on Men than Yours,and even here it would be a 50/50 split...her greed and the greed of her Family Lawyer are going to be her undoing...don't worry,you will come out just fine!
 

atlantadawg

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Clarification on a couple of points and update:

Thanks for the good advice, everybody, but some of y'all need to work on your reading comprehension.
To clarify: no pre nup, and I have just retained an attorney. I have $1000s worth of receipts that I've spent on kiddo post separation, and an ironclad track record of time spent with daughter post separation. She doesn't know jacksh1t about my plates/extracurricular activities between being all in love with her loser new boyfriend and being drunk about 75% of the time. Additionally, I am adept at running my game on the low. I can drop any plate at any time, also, if need be for the sake of the case.

Update: got an email from her attorney yesterday about where to send the 'revisions to the proposed settlement.' I told her to send it straight to my attorney and we'd respond from there. Crazy ex later called to say goodnight to daughter and I asked her about it. She claimed that they revised the child support sections, home equity sections, etc., i.e. everything I had a strong objection to, but didn't offer any specifics. I am a little surprised at any effort to be conciliatory on her part, but definitely still don't trust her in any way, shape, or form. This is an interesting gambit on her part from a negotiation standpoint in either case. I figure we see what they say, but still ask for everything including the kitchen sink, as I am thinking that the odds that she moved her position enough that I would find it acceptable, given the drastic difference in where we started from, hover around slim and none, regardless of changes. As it stands now, will be asking for primary custody, alimony, child support, genuinely equitable buyout on primary home and lakehouse, part of retirement, compensation for the hits my credit have taken due to her refusing to transfer utities and then not paying the bill, etc. Unless by some miracle her revisions are adequate to head this thing off, she better get her check writing hand limbered up. :crackup:
 

WanHungLo

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Had to chime in after years of watching because this hits real close to home.

-Consider taking a couple of days off of work and consult a dozen or more of the best lawyers. If she gets one of them you can claim conflict of interest because this lawyer has confidential information about you that impacts the case(even if it doesn't really) and she may have to get another one, doesn't always work but some times it can help.

-Above all else do what your lawyer says, this is why your paying him.

-Don't stop at 50/50, seriously you only stand to lose ground. Go for the neck ALWAYS.

-Understand women talk, she is was and will continue to get counsel from her friends and family on how to destroy you in ALL aspects of your life.

-If you know she is going out, meeting other people and drinking hire a PI, these things can be spun in your favor. Also with your income assume she has one watching you.

-ALWAYS smile even when your hurting, ALWAYS be polite, and tell her good morning. ALWAYS stay level headed and focused. If your really concerned don't even have a drink, celebrate after she has been crushed, you don't want to give her ammunition. I got my ex to say some really nasty things in front of the mediators because I knew she was hung over and I simply asked her about her night, like I gave a crap.

-If she is having your wages garnished for child support, she makes more then you and your child is 50% in your custody, than express a concern that when the kid is in your care there will be a large difference in the quality of life between the two households. Worked like a charm for a friend of mine and he ended getting child support even though she had full custody.

Also being a child of a terribly messy divorce I can tell you leave the kid out of court as much as possible. Still make everything about the child, just try to keep them out of the fight seriously it really sucks.
 

atlantadawg

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WanHungLo said:
Had to chime in after years of watching because this hits real close to home.

-Consider taking a couple of days off of work and consult a dozen or more of the best lawyers. If she gets one of them you can claim conflict of interest because this lawyer has confidential information about you that impacts the case(even if it doesn't really) and she may have to get another one, doesn't always work but some times it can help.

-Above all else do what your lawyer says, this is why your paying him.

-Don't stop at 50/50, seriously you only stand to lose ground. Go for the neck ALWAYS.

-Understand women talk, she is was and will continue to get counsel from her friends and family on how to destroy you in ALL aspects of your life.

-If you know she is going out, meeting other people and drinking hire a PI, these things can be spun in your favor. Also with your income assume she has one watching you.

-ALWAYS smile even when your hurting, ALWAYS be polite, and tell her good morning. ALWAYS stay level headed and focused. If your really concerned don't even have a drink, celebrate after she has been crushed, you don't want to give her ammunition. I got my ex to say some really nasty things in front of the mediators because I knew she was hung over and I simply asked her about her night, like I gave a crap.

-If she is having your wages garnished for child support, she makes more then you and your child is 50% in your custody, than express a concern that when the kid is in your care there will be a large difference in the quality of life between the two households. Worked like a charm for a friend of mine and he ended getting child support even though she had full custody.

Also being a child of a terribly messy divorce I can tell you leave the kid out of court as much as possible. Still make everything about the child, just try to keep them out of the fight seriously it really sucks.
She's the one acting like a lunatic, not me. I have maintained my integrity and kept a very level head in my dealings with her. I have sh1tloads of crazy, rambling, verball abusive texts accusing me of all kind of ludicrous sh1t. Even have some recordings of her drunken craziness, but they unfortunately came out fairly muffled.

I don't know that I even need the PI angle at this point, unless I really need to play hardball at some point and, say, get her busted for DUI, which would be like shooting fish in a barrel. She and her boyfriend's attention whoring on Facebook have provided some great ammunition, and I have LOTS of additional evidence/cards up my sleeve.

I am the child of a messy divorce myself, and am subsequently very sensitive to keeping my child shielded from the drama as much as possible.

Mauser, the asking was a strategic move on my part to see if she'd give up some good intel and she did. She is (undiagnosed) very in the BPD/manic depressive neighborhood, and I made a lucky guess that she was in a manic mood. I didn't give up **** in terms of my position, and it was obvious from context that she doesn't even know I have an attorney yet.
 

Tictac

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Georgia is a 'no-fault' state.

So they don't care what she's done or what she's doing.

Family Court is nearly always hostile to men.

Once your ex lawyer end up, it became a war. You're just pretending it's not.

You let her get way ahead of you. Best to see if you can now limit the damage.

Find and retain the baddest lawyer in your jurisdiction and get busy trying to save your daughter and yourself.
 

atlantadawg

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Tictac said:
Georgia is a 'no-fault' state.

So they don't care what she's done or what she's doing.

Family Court is nearly always hostile to men.

Once your ex lawyer end up, it became a war. You're just pretending it's not.

You let her get way ahead of you. Best to see if you can now limit the damage.

Find and retain the baddest lawyer in your jurisdiction and get busy trying to save your daughter and yourself.
See my earlier comments about reading comprehension. Not 'pretending' anything, you dumbass.
 

Prime_Beef

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Consider taking a couple of days off of work and consult a dozen or more of the best lawyers. If she gets one of them you can claim conflict of interest because this lawyer has confidential information about you that impacts the case(even if it doesn't really) and she may have to get another one, doesn't always work but some times it can help.

-This advice is not pertinent, council has already been retained. It is important your attorney knows the judge and operates frequently in his department. If u wind up in court and have the time, watching the judge and how he/she handles things will give you some insight. Frequently there's a court appointed mediator and a court appointed psychologist who interviews the child, trying to ascertain whom the child is most bonded to. Many games will be played proceeding this..
I have been in court when the judge told me point blank "...research proves small children belong with their mothers in almost all cases and we generally follow those guidelines in this court.."
Good luck.
 

Tenacity

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atlantadawg said:
See my earlier comments about reading comprehension. Not 'pretending' anything, you dumbass.
Dude you are the DUMBASS for still marrying American Women when you have access to thousands of:

- Videos
- Articles
- Blogs
- Reports
- Stories
- Cases

........of how that's just a STUPID idea today. There's no benefits you get from marriage in relation to women that you don't already HAVE from dating them. Then you did the shyt without a prenup, stupid on TOP of stupid.

This is why women are fvcking up this country, it's "dumbass" guys like you dude who are allowing them to. Plus to CAP this off, you said you were a child of a Divorce, so then you already know FIRST HAND that Marriage is bullshyt and doesn't last, yet you STILL sign up for it?
 

Prime_Beef

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this may be true

Tenacity said:
Dude you are the DUMBASS for still marrying American Women when you have access to thousands of:

- Videos
- Articles
- Blogs
- Reports
- Stories
- Cases

........of how that's just a STUPID idea today. There's no benefits you get from marriage in relation to women that you don't already HAVE from dating them. Then you did the shyt without a prenup, stupid on TOP of stupid.

This is why women are fvcking up this country, it's "dumbass" guys like you dude who are allowing them to. Plus to CAP this off, you said you were a child of a Divorce, so then you already know FIRST HAND that Marriage is bullshyt and doesn't last, yet you STILL sign up for it?

But this is not the op's topic. He's seeking guidance, and post fact declarations of his prior choice doesn't help him and is off topic.
 
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