So my GF tell me this morning that

[useless]

First off Im new to this forum, one of the guys that I train with told me about you guys so Ive been reading a few of the articles and what not. Anyways this morning when both me and my GF were getting ready for work, they were talking about Obama being here in town for a speech that he gave last night. She asks me who Im gonna vote for and I told her that I wasn't 100% sure yet.

Shes like your not gonna vote for Obama and this and that (shes an Obama fan) I told her that Im gonna vote for the best candidate not because one is black or white to "make history".

So a few minutes later she tells me "the more that I know about you, the more we grow apart." I told her where that come from and give me an example and than she changed it to "the longer I know you, the more we grow apart."

So whats that mean and what do I do from here?

Im 25 and shes gonna be 34 and we've lived together since April on this year but been together off and on for 3 years if any of that matters.

thanks in advance

 

[Fallen]

Why would a 25 y.o. guy want to to live with a 34 y.o. woman in the first place?


I would have told her to leave, if thats her opinion of your relationship. No one is holding her back and no one is forcing her, to do anything she doesn't like.

Don't buy into that ******** psycho-babble.

And if it gets worse, leave.

 

[Alexander the Great]

First off, what's with the name? "Useless"? You think yourself that?

"As you think, so you shall become."
- Pook


Second, the remark that the more she gets to know you, the further you seem to grow apart. What does it mean, you ask?

What do you think it means? In the context of the voting or not for Mr. Obama, I'd say this could be purely an innocent statement. One that you obviously take WAY too seriously. Who cares that she's amazed that you don't think like her where voting is concerned? Coming to a forum to ask other people for advice just shows that you don't think for yourself enough. That's what I think.

However, considering the actual phrasing "the more we grow apart", makes it seems like something manipulative. Is she trying to control you? Making you do as she wants and approves of? I say: Think for yourself. I say: It doesn't matter if people have differences, they can still be together. If your chick disagrees with that, maybe it's time to open the cage, kick her out and find another hen. (And yes, why would a 25-year old male want to live with a 34-year old woman?)

As to what you can do: Read the DJ bible which is linked at the bottom of this page. Scower through it. Scower through the DJ Tips section on this forum. Read through this section of the forum, the Mature Man. If all that is written doesn't start ringing bells somewhere, the only thing you can do, I fear, is waiting to get burned by either this woman, life, or something else, in order for something fundamental to click inside you, allowing you the clearvoyance to understand what the Matrix is and how you've probably been imprisoned in it all your life.

Now, others are going to be harsh on you here, because you seem like someone who doesn't "get it" yet. Be prepared for that. Know that they mean it well and don't take it too personal.

 

[useless]

First off, what's with the name? "Useless"? You think yourself that?

Now, others are going to be harsh on you here, because you seem like someone who doesn't "get it" yet. Be prepared for that. Know that they mean it well and don't take it too personal.

haha well my name on here is useless cause that the nick name that I use when i fight so I figured what the heck...

and i came her to ask cause I think its best to learn from people who know more that you in a perticular subject.

thanks for the advice, Im gonna check out the DJ bible right now.

 

[procanto]

I don't know man, why were you separated in the first place?
What has she been doing since the separation, going out and partying to see if she can find someone else? Sounds like she is jerking you around. Sounds like she wants her cake and ice cream too.

 

[speed dawg]

I could not be with anyone who could vote for Obama, personally. Differences in politics is a deal breaker for me. I take that stuff personally. I got no problems with people who don't think like me politically, however I want my potential life partner to agree with me in that area, along with religion. Just my two cents.

But the issue here is that she's playing mind games with you. Stick to your guns, sound like you passed the sh1t test by not backing down. If you don't like Obama or whoever, don't change your mind just because she told you to. Good job.

And when she said you were growing apart, you should have said, "Well that's how I feel, take it or leave it" and went on about your business. Do not supplicate to her. Either she likes you or she doesn't.

We need to know more about your situation. On again off again? Probably not going to work anyway.

 

[KingBeef]

First, and i hate to sound like a broken record record, but what is a young guy like you doing with a 34 yr. old woman?? Is that what you want then fine, but if you're settling for now....then why?? Also, the statement she made "growing apart" she might be being manipulative or it could be a sign "beginning of the end" I'd look into women more your age bracket...

- Kingbeef

 

[Bible_Belt]

When you fight with a woman, you hardly ever actually fight about what you are fighting about. She can't say, "I just realized that I am *way* too old to have lengthy LTR with you." No, she'll pick on small things about you like politics until you fight enough to justify breaking up. That's how woman 'next' a LTR.

 

[useless]

I don't know man, why were you separated in the first place?
What has she been doing since the separation, going out and partying to see if she can find someone else? Sounds like she is jerking you around. Sounds like she wants her cake and ice cream too.

were not seperated or anything.

and she does go out and party with her friends, like when I have a fight coming up i dont do nothing but eat, train and sleep for 7-8 weeks. So I dont go out and she goes out with her girl friends which is cool with me.

 

[useless]

We need to know more about your situation. On again off again? Probably not going to work anyway.

its been on id say like 99% of the time. we only stopped being together for a few weeks at th every beginning.

what do you need to know and Ill provide the info

and yeah shes older, shes my buddies sister and i like older chicks to a certain extent.

 

[Bible_Belt]

when I have a fight coming up i dont do nothing but eat, train and sleep for 7-8 weeks.

Cool. What kind of fighting do you do?

 

[useless]

Cool. What kind of fighting do you do?

MMA

by the way whats does LTR mean?

 

[Sinistar]

First off Im new to this forum, one of the guys that I train with told me about you guys so Ive been reading a few of the articles and what not. Anyways this morning when both me and my GF were getting ready for work, they were talking about Obama being here in town for a speech that he gave last night. She asks me who Im gonna vote for and I told her that I wasn't 100% sure yet.

Shes like your not gonna vote for Obama and this and that (shes an Obama fan) I told her that Im gonna vote for the best candidate not because one is black or white to "make history".

So a few minutes later she tells me "the more that I know about you, the more we grow apart." I told her where that come from and give me an example and than she changed it to "the longer I know you, the more we grow apart."

So whats that mean and what do I do from here?

Im 25 and shes gonna be 34 and we've lived together since April on this year but been together off and on for 3 years if any of that matters.

thanks in advance

First off you are AFC right now - not meant to hurt - just getting to the point. A lot of guys at your age and in your mindset will seek out older women and it even makes sense at first. Heck, they are more "experienced". And often we tell ourselves that they are even hotter than than 24yr HB right. Plus they are a bit easier to pull (or they pull us in). And they are less likely to flake given how the good the sustained attention feels at 34 compared to 24. These (and many others) are rationalizations and justifications to avoid the real tasks that will help us most as we get older.

Ideally, at your age you would be learning the game better. And there is no better way to do that than playing against the masters - the younger HB's. You will learn many lessons from these interactions and gain a lot more confidence. Plus you learn to lead and take charge rather than letting a cougar guide you in her way. The cougar way is the lazy way (IMHO and from past experience).

Next, living together without the commitment of marriage is usually unwise and ends poorly. You have no options and she can do whatever she wants (no matter who moved in with whom).

And you mention on and off. I never ceases to amaze me at how many of us (my self included) can't see "on and off" to mean "it's over". Why do we all waste so much time doing "on and off"? One of life's great questions I guess. I know all I did was waste time.

Put all this together and you are living right smack dab in the center of her FRAME. When you are so firmly entrenched in a woman's FRAME it is basically impossible to learn to and maintain your own FRAME.

And that brings us to her statement. She probably doesn't have a lot of respect for you right about now so I see her statement as a sh!t test and a demonstration of her lack of respect. She's sh!t testing you to see if she can sway you to vote for who she likes. I'm sorry, but it just makes me laugh thinking what women will do sometimes to test a guy. And she put you in a great lose-lose scenario. If you vote for her candidate she'll see you as supplicating no matter how much you try and rationalize/justify aligning with her. And if you vote for the other side, in your case and in her frame, you're screwed and she'll just make an even bigger deal of it.

You should have responded with something very short and simple and non-negotiable. "It's none of your business and where is my dinner."

 

[jafyk]

I could not be with anyone who could vote for Obama, personally. Differences in politics is a deal breaker for me. I take that stuff personally. I got no problems with people who don't think like me politically, however I want my potential life partner to agree with me in that area, along with religion. Just my two cents.

But the issue here is that she's playing mind games with you. Stick to your guns, sound like you passed the sh1t test by not backing down. If you don't like Obama or whoever, don't change your mind just because she told you to. Good job.

And when she said you were growing apart, you should have said, "Well that's how I feel, take it or leave it" and went on about your business. Do not supplicate to her. Either she likes you or she doesn't.

We need to know more about your situation. On again off again? Probably not going to work anyway.

Wow Americans don't cease to amaze me when it comes to politics. Politics is enough for people not to be together. What I've realized is that no matter who is in power nobody is totally satisfied with it. You don't even know these politicians personally for all you know both sides could be saying whatever just to win and it's nothing personal it's just the nature of the game. Besides it's not like when either one comes into power they make all the decisions themselves, I believe they have people they consult. If you get fired from your job tomorrow, get in an accident , break up with your significant other etc how much of that can really be blamed on the person ruling the country. I can understand why you might not vote for a certain politician if you were a lobbyist. So, why let politics affect your personal life and relationship. Aaah! it blows my mind.

 

[jafyk]

Useless, I agree with some of these guys. She's building a case against you. It's best for you to get out first (end the relationship) because when a woman doesn't want you there's nothing you can do right and when she wants you it's vice-versa. She's trying to manipulate you with the things she's saying.

 

[KontrollerX]

"So whats that mean and what do I do from here?"

It means she's a daffy fvckin dingbat and you should be with someone else.

Start listening to the Tom Leykis show.

And don't be moving in or living with any other chicks.

Get out of your current living arrangement as soon as possible.

Just pump em and dump em or keep a few girlfriends around who don't know you've got more than one relationship going and make sure that you stay at your place and they stay at their place and you only go to her place or she comes to your place when you want to hang out together or knock it out with her.

Avoid serious relationships and avoid marriage.

They do not benefit a man at all in today's world.

If you can't kill the need for a serious relationship bug inside of you though just make sure the next time around that once again you both talk about things in the beginning and make sure you hold the frame for the relationship moving forward which means hold to the dream of the relationship you want so if the girl is against something that is extremely important to you or does something as one of her habits that is against how you want a woman in a relationship with you to be move on and look for a new chick until you find what it is that you really want and who would be totally compatible with you.

Look for chicks with the same goals, dreams, religion or lack thereof, political beliefs or lack thereof and outlook on life as you have for the best possible results.

Don't ever settle.

If you can't find what you are looking for in a serious relationship partner just keep hittin it and quittin it with random girls.

Better to live that lifestyle than being married or in a longterm relationship with the first girl who says yes to having a relationship or marriage with you and then it going to fvcking hell later on as the resentment towards eachother grows from absolute lack of compatibility.

Also do a forum search here for red flags that show you the type of behaviors of girls to avoid.

Some examples I can give is...

-Avoid single mommies like the plague

-Avoid druggies unless you're into that

-Avoid chicks with tramp stamps ie tattoos unless you are a biker/gangbanger type of maniac

-Avoid chicks that vomit out some sob story immediately when you first are getting to know them as it is a false sympathy trap they are putting out to manipulate your emotions to draw you closer to them and under their control. They are usually fvcked up in any number of ways mentally.

-Avoid chicks that only have guy friends and no women friends in site or scarcely any woman friends. As a girl who cannot get along with other females is usually mentally fvcked up and the guy friends aren't friends but guys she occasionally fvcks or replacements for you when you get boring to her. You'll hear all kinds of excuses that sound reasonable for why she can't make female friends. Don't believe a one of em. A girl like this is fvcked up beyond all recognition and thats really all you need to know.

-Avoid older women that come on like gangbusters talking about wanting to start a family with their dream man as of course who they have in mind to be that guy is you and what they also want is financial security so you will be her choice for provider and baby daddy. Avoid this trap. Her attraction is false as she only wants financial security as well a baby to trap you.

 

[speed dawg]

Wow Americans don't cease to amaze me when it comes to politics. Politics is enough for people not to be together. What I've realized is that no matter who is in power nobody is totally satisfied with it. You don't even know these politicians personally for all you know both sides could be saying whatever just to win and it's nothing personal it's just the nature of the game. Besides it's not like when either one comes into power they make all the decisions themselves, I believe they have people they consult. If you get fired from your job tomorrow, get in an accident , break up with your significant other etc how much of that can really be blamed on the person ruling the country. I can understand why you might not vote for a certain politician if you were a lobbyist. So, why let politics affect your personal life and relationship. Aaah! it blows my mind.

The ideals, pal. You know, liberalism vs. conservatism? Who cares the puppet in charge.

Talk about overreacting.

 

[Colossus]

I agree with you, Speed dawg.

It comes down to the core values. I have a really, really good friend who is my complete political opposite, yet we roomed together for 2 and a half years and are still good friends to this day. We've had many discussions, but only one or two of them started to get heated, at which point we just left the room. The point is we respect each other as friends and as people with different values. He is a liberal poly-sci major, I am a conservative med guy.

An LTR on the other hand, is a different story. I would date a woman who had some marginal differences in political views, but not one who was markedly different from me. Why? Because it goes back to the whole 'unequally yoked' thing: it is going to cause problems down the road.

Say she supports a canidate who wants to tax the fvck out of the 250k + income bracket. That's my future income bracket, thank you. Of course I dont support this. Or say she is a major proponent of 'gay rights'....a lot of political issues are indicative of deeply-held beliefs. If I dont support 'special' rights for gays then I dont want my S.O. to either.

These remarks arent meant to be incendiary, just to illustrate. I'm sure I will be flamed for being a right-winged nutjob but I really dont give a fvck. I personally despise most politicians and politics in general. But I am a citizen and I am going to exercise my rights as such and vote for what I think is best.

To the OP:

-She is looking for a fight because she knows it will not last.
-Women will almost always take the indirect route to breaking up. I.e.--picking fights, subtle insults, henpecking, etc.
-As everyone else has reiterated, it is not in your best interest to 1) live with a woman, and 2) be in an LTR with one 9 years your senior.

One last note:

If ANY woman I was dating openly said those things about my political choices, it would be over. The rel. is destined for ruin. So my advice is you should exit before that happens.

 

[decades]

why are you living with a chick almost ten years older than you. Set the cougar free....

 

[useless]

thanks for the info guys, i had lunch with her today and my buddy had texted her "McCain for president" as a joke. anyways i brought up what she said earlier and i told her that i agreed with her and than she sat there and was like, "well what i meant to say was that the longer i know you the more i realize i dont know you."

i just shurged

thanks for the advice guys, it really means a lot