We've been friends for about 10 years now, we've worked at the same tv stations. In fact I got him on here because you know, gotta look out for your bros. Anyway, this guy was a player...he wasn't tall, didn't have a lot of money, but he had natural game. A couple of years back he was up to 7 or 8 girls in his rotation and I was up to 4. We used to chop up game and I learned a lot from him.
I watched him change though. With 7 or 8 girls, he eventually got burned out. One by one they dropped out or he dropped them for several reasons. Crazy, BDP, kids, baby daddy drama, game playing. I used to joke that the little miss goody two shoes he was dating would be his future wife. Surprise surprise, guess which one he married? She doesn't give bjs, she works two jobs, she made him wait months before he hit it (he didn't care, he had several others). She was a challenge, blew hot and cold, dated other guys. And eventually he told me he was sick of the game and was ready to give it up. They started dating exclusively, she got pregnant, and they got married. I hate to say it but compared to the other girls he used to bang, this one was came in last place in terms of looks. In her favor, she comes from a strong nuclear family, and her parents are still married. Thats always a plus in my book.
The thing I noticed though was this. As he became more exclusive with her...his frame slipped. He talked less and less about what he wanted and more and more about what she wanted. He wanted to get out of the TV business...now he's shooting for a management position at our station to bring in more income. He wanted to move out of state, but now they bought a house. I understand about family, having a had one, and I understand about sarcifices, having made them. And I understand about not following your own path in life, having given mine up for a my ex. I tried to warn him, but he wouldn't listen. He told me I was just bitter and I have a problem with women.
Leading up to the wedding he complained constantly on how much money they were spending (not alot, we are lower middle class folks, but still 5-8k is a lot for us). He was saying how he could finish paying off his car for that and they went in their savings (mostly his) to pay for it. I told him to cut that wedding budget in half, but of course she wouldn't have that so he dismissed it out of hand.
I missed the bachelor party as I had a major client in town for my side business. He went into detail about the strippers and how hot they were and how they wanted to give him bjs and have sex for no additional fee. Of course he turned them down.
And now almost a week into his marriage I asked him, how does it feel? Do you feel any different? And of course the answer was no, he felt the same. He showed me the wedding photos and I hate to say it but it looked like his wife has actually put on weight (duh, she had baby 6 months ago), but I don't really see her as being the type to get it off. She was already short and plump to begin with.
I'm of two minds, on the one hand, I'm happy for him. But on the otherhand I just can't see getting married in this day and age. If I'm going to gamble on my future, I guess I have the go big or go home mentality. I want the total package, drama free and very attractive. He said that attraction wasn't everything and that he didn't want to be 40 and single and that he wanted to be there for his son. I can respect that. As a weekend Dad I know how hard that can be. I can't help but feel he sold him self short though. She fully wears the pants now. So much so that if the fellas are hanging out and talking about girls and past conquests, he'll check his phone to make sure he didn't pocket dial her. This happened once and he was in the dog house and on the sofa for a few days. I just find it hard to live like that again. Once through the ringer and out of the cage, I don't think I could ever go back. Him and other friends/family keep telling me that I'm going to grow old alone and that I'm too picky. But hell, I was born alone and I'll die alone. I spent large portions of my childhood and adult life alone, so it doesn't scare me.
I live in a small town. Population 224,810. Lots of college and military and retired people. Night life is pretty lame. The nearest major cities are about 2-3.5 hours away. Getting married is what people do here. Especially in the south. I know people who are in their mid 30s on their second and third marriage. I get looked at like a freak when I tell them I've never been married (I was practically common law, but that doesn't count in this state unless you represent the other person as your spouse in public, thank god for lawyer friends). People get married here and then cheat. Its as common as sand on a beach. I know men who have been ruined by marriages and still jump back into the fray. I can't see doing that. I can't see being that guy who says, "oh we went through a rough patch" but we are better for it now, only to get divorced a few months/years later or end up in jail on domestic abuse or get all stalkerish. I've seen my friends go through that.
I mean do guys just get tired and give up? Do they just stop holding out for hope and wife up the first non drama chubby chic? I see so many fatties here with rings on their fingers and I'm like the Dad on Arrested Development "Her?". I've been told I'm childish, immature, afraid of commitment all the shaming tactics.
I've dated women who have told me how they have been complete sluts in college, but want me to wait 6 months for sex. How can guys even fall for that? It's insulting.
Maybe I am bitter. I dunno. I just don't see myself falling into that trap for less than average women. But that's the reality I see with grown men around me every day.
I was at my other office and my coworker there was watching the least funniest sitcom on tv. Two and A Half Men. In that particular episode, Charlie Sheen's character was basically feeling bad because he was turning 40 and had nobody. Even his stalker eventually moved on. In the next episode he was making a fool out of himself trying to keep up with a 24 year old and buying into her frame, trying to go clubbing and hanging out with her friends. I know better than to that. She can roll with me or just be and FB, not trying to hang out with youngsters. But at the end of the episode his nerdy/gay brother takes him to a club with older women to make him feel young again. I have a few older ladies who have shown me interest, but honestly they don't do much to raise the staff to half mast. The older ones that are attractive usually have some beta husband who pays all the bills while they still ride the **** carousel behind his back. I refuse to end up being that guy, and I don't mess with married women.
Anyway, I'm focusing on my finances, and now I'm focusing on my health. I work so much I barely have time to spend with my daughter, much less seriously date. I had my fun in college and in the club scene. I just can't see going to get married because its the "next logical step".
I guess this post has no other meaning than for me to reflect on my thoughts on marriage. Feel free to chime in. I'd like to hear from some of the happily married guys on here.
I watched him change though. With 7 or 8 girls, he eventually got burned out. One by one they dropped out or he dropped them for several reasons. Crazy, BDP, kids, baby daddy drama, game playing. I used to joke that the little miss goody two shoes he was dating would be his future wife. Surprise surprise, guess which one he married? She doesn't give bjs, she works two jobs, she made him wait months before he hit it (he didn't care, he had several others). She was a challenge, blew hot and cold, dated other guys. And eventually he told me he was sick of the game and was ready to give it up. They started dating exclusively, she got pregnant, and they got married. I hate to say it but compared to the other girls he used to bang, this one was came in last place in terms of looks. In her favor, she comes from a strong nuclear family, and her parents are still married. Thats always a plus in my book.
The thing I noticed though was this. As he became more exclusive with her...his frame slipped. He talked less and less about what he wanted and more and more about what she wanted. He wanted to get out of the TV business...now he's shooting for a management position at our station to bring in more income. He wanted to move out of state, but now they bought a house. I understand about family, having a had one, and I understand about sarcifices, having made them. And I understand about not following your own path in life, having given mine up for a my ex. I tried to warn him, but he wouldn't listen. He told me I was just bitter and I have a problem with women.
Leading up to the wedding he complained constantly on how much money they were spending (not alot, we are lower middle class folks, but still 5-8k is a lot for us). He was saying how he could finish paying off his car for that and they went in their savings (mostly his) to pay for it. I told him to cut that wedding budget in half, but of course she wouldn't have that so he dismissed it out of hand.
I missed the bachelor party as I had a major client in town for my side business. He went into detail about the strippers and how hot they were and how they wanted to give him bjs and have sex for no additional fee. Of course he turned them down.
And now almost a week into his marriage I asked him, how does it feel? Do you feel any different? And of course the answer was no, he felt the same. He showed me the wedding photos and I hate to say it but it looked like his wife has actually put on weight (duh, she had baby 6 months ago), but I don't really see her as being the type to get it off. She was already short and plump to begin with.
I'm of two minds, on the one hand, I'm happy for him. But on the otherhand I just can't see getting married in this day and age. If I'm going to gamble on my future, I guess I have the go big or go home mentality. I want the total package, drama free and very attractive. He said that attraction wasn't everything and that he didn't want to be 40 and single and that he wanted to be there for his son. I can respect that. As a weekend Dad I know how hard that can be. I can't help but feel he sold him self short though. She fully wears the pants now. So much so that if the fellas are hanging out and talking about girls and past conquests, he'll check his phone to make sure he didn't pocket dial her. This happened once and he was in the dog house and on the sofa for a few days. I just find it hard to live like that again. Once through the ringer and out of the cage, I don't think I could ever go back. Him and other friends/family keep telling me that I'm going to grow old alone and that I'm too picky. But hell, I was born alone and I'll die alone. I spent large portions of my childhood and adult life alone, so it doesn't scare me.
I live in a small town. Population 224,810. Lots of college and military and retired people. Night life is pretty lame. The nearest major cities are about 2-3.5 hours away. Getting married is what people do here. Especially in the south. I know people who are in their mid 30s on their second and third marriage. I get looked at like a freak when I tell them I've never been married (I was practically common law, but that doesn't count in this state unless you represent the other person as your spouse in public, thank god for lawyer friends). People get married here and then cheat. Its as common as sand on a beach. I know men who have been ruined by marriages and still jump back into the fray. I can't see doing that. I can't see being that guy who says, "oh we went through a rough patch" but we are better for it now, only to get divorced a few months/years later or end up in jail on domestic abuse or get all stalkerish. I've seen my friends go through that.
I mean do guys just get tired and give up? Do they just stop holding out for hope and wife up the first non drama chubby chic? I see so many fatties here with rings on their fingers and I'm like the Dad on Arrested Development "Her?". I've been told I'm childish, immature, afraid of commitment all the shaming tactics.
I've dated women who have told me how they have been complete sluts in college, but want me to wait 6 months for sex. How can guys even fall for that? It's insulting.
Maybe I am bitter. I dunno. I just don't see myself falling into that trap for less than average women. But that's the reality I see with grown men around me every day.
I was at my other office and my coworker there was watching the least funniest sitcom on tv. Two and A Half Men. In that particular episode, Charlie Sheen's character was basically feeling bad because he was turning 40 and had nobody. Even his stalker eventually moved on. In the next episode he was making a fool out of himself trying to keep up with a 24 year old and buying into her frame, trying to go clubbing and hanging out with her friends. I know better than to that. She can roll with me or just be and FB, not trying to hang out with youngsters. But at the end of the episode his nerdy/gay brother takes him to a club with older women to make him feel young again. I have a few older ladies who have shown me interest, but honestly they don't do much to raise the staff to half mast. The older ones that are attractive usually have some beta husband who pays all the bills while they still ride the **** carousel behind his back. I refuse to end up being that guy, and I don't mess with married women.
Anyway, I'm focusing on my finances, and now I'm focusing on my health. I work so much I barely have time to spend with my daughter, much less seriously date. I had my fun in college and in the club scene. I just can't see going to get married because its the "next logical step".
I guess this post has no other meaning than for me to reflect on my thoughts on marriage. Feel free to chime in. I'd like to hear from some of the happily married guys on here.
