So I have a wife and kids...

[Mantis Toboggan]

In addition to no intimacy, the op also said that their relationship had become like "brother and sister". And get this, would you want to remain married to a woman who cares so little about you and the relationship that she tells you to go find a GF you can fvck?

Not me. :nono:

Hey! Banging that GF on the side is good for children.

 

[KarmaSutra]

I think everyone here thats cheerleading for this guy to leave his wife over lack of nookie needs to get a dose of reality. There are children involved and its not just as simple as filling out a few forms and going about your merry way.

Yes it is. Misery adores company. I can attest the best thing I ever did was divorce my ex-wife. We had a passionless "arrangement" marriage. Rather than rely on fate or circumstance or for her to "come around", I chose to get out and live my life on my terms.

I have a 16 year old daughter who is far better off that we split. That's truth inexperienced, armchair theorists could never understand.

Divorce is always has a negative affect on families .Children whose parents have divorced are increasingly the victims of abuse and neglect. They exhibit more health, behavioral, and emotional problems, are involved more frequently in crime and drug abuse, and have higher suicide rates.

You statistical types are more hurtful than a hollow-point bullet. You look at numbers and justify every act as a detriment of character.

Children of divorced parents more frequently demonstrate a diminished learning capacity, performing more poorly than their peers from intact two-parent families in reading, spelling, and math. They have higher dropout rates and lower rates of college graduation.

Again, you're reaching. My daughter has never gotten below a 3.7 GPA. Pre or post divorce. Why? Because she was a priority of responsibility. Neither of us allowed our differences to interrupt her life.

Divorce generally reduces the income of the child's primary household and seriously diminishes the potential of every household member to accumulate wealth. For families that were not poor before the divorce, the drop in income can be as much as 50 percent.

All I hear is Charlie Browns' fvcking Teacher, "Wha wha wha. Wha wha wha wha wha wha."

The only time I would advocate a divorce for the OP is if him and his wifes relationship is high-conflict. If you two are yelling and screaming at eachother in front of the kids, abuse is invovled, you both are depressed and miserable, etc....then yes the family will be better off not together.

Having a girlfriend on the side while your wife slowly slips into depression will make a woman smother her daughter, leave her in the trunk of her car for a week to rot a stink, then go partying at Blockbuster.

But what I am getting is that the OP and wife get along ok. She wants to remain married and raise the kids, yet is ok with quietly disengaging from a romantic relationship with her husband. I see nothing wrong with this arrangement. If you and her need to pursue extra marital affairs to meet your sexual needs, by all means do so while keeping utmost discretion. Don't take this personally, your marriage is first and foremost a business partnership. You're in the business of raising your children in a stable two-parent household.

Fvcking ridiculous. Utterly ridiculous statements here. This alone proves you have no appreciation for the Husband/Wife dynamic. The foundation is one of friendship, trust, and love. Not cash.

If divorce made everyone better off then why are children growing up with more behavioral and psychologial problems than before when spouses stuck it out?

What fvcks kids up are non-existent parents who are each doing their own thing with other people. Weak Fathers who care more for a slice of hairpie than the guidance and fruition of a proper rite-of-passage.

Don't listen to these clueless posters OP....do what's best for your family, not just yourself.

I would say you're getting dumped on because what you're saying came out of the toilet.

 

[sstype]

I'm done debating this.....marriage is nothing more than a sham these days. Why the hell do people even bother going through the hassle of getting married when the minute something goes wrong "hey just divorce!"

Whatever happened to "for better or for worse?"

 

[KarmaSutra]

Whatever happened to "for better or for worse?"

What should a man do if his marriage will only ever get worse?

Eat a bullet? Take his family out then eat the bullet? Is that better?

 

[sstype]

What should a man do if his marriage will only ever get worse?

Eat a bullet? Take his family out then eat the bullet? Is that better?

So are you saying the institution of marriage is a sham? Why not just abolish it and do serial LTRs then?

 

[loveshogun]

Whatever happened to "for better or for worse?"

People who don't know what a contract is, or what responsibility is.

In my opinion, most people should not ever get married, period. Myself included.

However, that opinion doesn't help people like the OP.

I do agree with sstype that marriage IS a business arrangement just as much as it is (if not more) than a romantic thing.

My philosophy:

If you REALLY love a girl, marry her because it makes business sense. Otherwise, keep her in GF territory. Nothin' wrong with that.

Marriages that end in bitter divorce end that way not because of lack of passion, but because the business aspects were all f*cked.

Because after all, if the partnership lacks passion, wouldn't both parties be relatively indifferent about leaving each other?

Divorce court isn't about who doesn't love whom anymore - it's about who gets the money, the house, and the kids.

 

[Groovy]

Whatever happened to "for better or for worse?"

I only read the Op's posts and this post too.

It's true! You married her, because you saw something good in her. She also likes you. That's perfect. You guys have sex problems it seems. Maybe she isn't healthy and thus lacks libido, or you suck in bed... Both of these can be fixed you know. Is she attractive? I understand that you want to dump her if she isn't. But you married her anyways, what the heck? Maybe she just lost her shape and that is no biggie since she can still improve (depending on age and so). Since she may have bad health\psychological problems, which probably can be fixed, you should assist her in that since you are her husband. Don't give up...

 

[KarmaSutra]

So are you saying the institution of marriage is a sham? Why not just abolish it and do serial LTRs then?

I'm not opposed to taking out a Love Lease. Like a car or an apartment, a Love Lease would renew at the end of a specified period of time.

You can choose to renew or leave amicably.

I'm currently working on this patent. It's also a core paradigm in MANtality.

 

[sstype]

I'm not opposed to taking out a Love Lease. Like a car or an apartment, a Love Lease would renew at the end of a specified period of time.

You can choose to renew or leave amicably.

I'm currently working on this patent. It's also a core paradigm in MANtality.

Your credibility just went down the drain with this post. :kick:

 

[Desdinova]

When you boil everything down, marriage is just a LTR with a legal contract. Everything else is just padding, including the legal battles that ensue during a divorce.

To get a basic divorce, all you need are signed divorce papers submitted to the judge. Divorce is about breaking a legal contract. It becomes complicated when the two involved in this legal contract cannot sit down like rational human beings and agree with how to divide their junk and time with their kids.

The traditional view is that marriage is the beginning of a family unit. Many people seem to ignore this and focus on the wedding itself or pleasing those around them who say "when are you getting married?" Perhaps one's answer should be "If you sign a legal document stating that you'll pay for my divorce, then I'll get married."

Anyway, back on topic. I believe that if it's obvious that both people want out of the marriage, then there is no reason to continue it. It sounds as if the OP's wife wants out, and he obviously wants out as well. Fixing a house that's burned to the ground is time-consuming, frustrating, and pointless. It's time to bulldoze the fvcker and start fresh.

 

[KarmaSutra]

What you statistic types will never understand is everything is evolution. Numbers don't change, nor are they infallible.

People are not numbers.

 

[sstype]

So when my wife gets a medical condition that eliminates her sex drive, I'll divorce her. My needs come first...its her fault for not meeting them.....f*ck my marriage vows, compromise, sacrifice, and family; passion and butterflies in my stomach all the time are more important.

Am I doing it rite?

 

[Desdinova]

So when my wife gets a medical condition that eliminates her sex drive, I'll divorce her. My needs come first...its her fault for not meeting them.....f*ck compromise, sacrifice, and family; passion and butterflies in my stomach all the time are more important.

Are you attracted to Rosie O'Donnell? If not, maybe you should change your mind. After all, with enough persuasion, counseling, flowers and money, you can regain attraction because we can make ourselves attracted to someone. Isn't this correct?

 

[Mantis Toboggan]

So when my wife gets a medical condition that eliminates her sex drive, I'll divorce her. My needs come first...its her fault for not meeting them.....f*ck compromise, sacrifice, and family; passion and butterflies in my stomach all the time are more important.

Am I doing it rite?

It's not like his wife all of a sudden contracted cancer and we're telling him to leave her to pursue sex. "Your wife has chemo, and sleeps 15-hours per day, dump her!" No one is saying that. That is NOT the situation. You invented that.

He has two kids just under 10 years old. And her sexual interest in him slowed down after the birth of the first child. So let's assume that it's been 7 or 8 years of declining attraction.

If it were a medical condition, you'd think that after 8+ years of it, she'd say "Hey, my sex drive has slowed down. I kind of miss it. Maybe I should get checked out." Nope....she gets a pass from you. Let's blame the man.

She's not compromising by taking any steps towards improving her life as an emotionally-healthy, sexually-active adult. She's not making any sacrifices by catering to her husband's needs. So you place the burden of "compromise" and "sacrifice" on him. But not the other adult in this union. Again...the woman gets a free pass.

Entering life as a divorced person is not tearing apart the family. Not anymore than going out and dating other women while you're married and have two young children at home (as his wife suggests he does). There is no benefit for the children to grow up thinking that this loveless house, with two asexual parents is normal.

 

[Albatross953]

Lots more passion around this topic than I figured would be here.

Look I spent eight months working a program called Marriagebuilders. It works - google it and see for yourself. There is a forum over there that you will get great advice on.

They will probably tell you Plan A for six months and if she won't make an effort then you leave.

I think you owe the kids six months before you do someone else...give it a try you will not be disappointed.

 

[Sh0t]

prostitutes bro.


You have a family, kids. Don't risk getting involved with "game" and the possible entanglements of "other women". Go read love-shack. People try it all the time and it often results in bad scenarios.

If I were in your place, I would just start buying hookers and going for one-night stands in those cities where I have work trips. Always out of town, don't even think about doing anything in the city you live.

Are you in a state that has no-fault divorce? If not, you might be getting set up to take a big fall.

 

[Heynow999]

Again, thanks for all the replies.

A funny change of events has happened.

I had an account on POF and I was chatting with several women. I forgot to clear my browser history and when my wife opened up my laptop my POF account popped up, holy sh!t !!! She calls me at work crying. My mother was there and she saw it and they talked for a while.

It was probably the best thing that could happen. My wife realizes that she is depressed and has to do something about it. We have agreed to spend more time with each other and actually go out on some dates. For once my wife has finally admitted that she is part of the problem and it is not all me. I finally feel vindicated


I took down my POF account. The funny part is my wife sent a message to each of the girls I was talking to saying that I am married and not a decent person!!!!

 

[Albatross953]

Seriously go to Marriagebuilders. The woman still loves you.

 

[sstype]

Again, thanks for all the replies.

A funny change of events has happened.

I had an account on POF and I was chatting with several women. I forgot to clear my browser history and when my wife opened up my laptop my POF account popped up, holy sh!t !!! She calls me at work crying. My mother was there and she saw it and they talked for a while.

It was probably the best thing that could happen. My wife realizes that she is depressed and has to do something about it. We have agreed to spend more time with each other and actually go out on some dates. For once my wife has finally admitted that she is part of the problem and it is not all me. I finally feel vindicated


I took down my POF account. The funny part is my wife sent a message to each of the girls I was talking to saying that I am married and not a decent person!!!!

Keep working on your marriage. This is a good thing. Wife now knows that you have OPTIONS and will take her offer to get a gf seriously. She's now scared you may leave her. Its good hearing that she is taking responsibility for herself.

At the end of the day....you are the MAN, the leader of the house. Your wife needs you more than you need her, never let her think otherwise. Don't ever grovel or beg for sex from her. If she doesn't want you to stray she better shape up. Don't let the threat of divorce deter you from straying if she fails to satisfy you in bed. She is more likely to leave you anyways for being a grovelling beta loser than a man who doesn't let his wife treat him like a starving dog. Women, married or not, would rather share a successful MAN than have a faithful loser all to herself. Always remind her that.

Good for you and wife for working it out and not destroying your family like the SoSuave knuckleheads were hoping for.

 

[Desdinova]

For once my wife has finally admitted that she is part of the problem and it is not all me. I finally feel vindicated

That is actually good to hear. Most women will NOT admit that they are part of the problem. Most will call you a cheating bastard and aim to take you to the cleaners.

The rest is up to you. If you feel that this is a good opportunity to rebuild your marriage, then go for it. But I'll put this disclaimer out there: the shock of seeing your POF profile may only help things in the beginning. If you genuinely want to start to repair your marriage, you have some work to do yourself. Take her out just as if you were dating again. Plan fun action dates where you two can do things together. Don't forget to flirt with her, pinch her ass, spank her with a mini-golf club, etc. The more fun you can make these dates, the more you can re-build your marriage.

Good for you and wife for working it out and not destroying your family like the SoSuave knuckleheads were hoping for.

I don't hope for anything. A person comes here with a problem, we give advice based on the description. His wife could have taken it two ways, either viewing him as a cheating bastard, or getting a wake-up call.

But if you really enjoy the satisfaction of rubbing things in, go read post #16.