So I got this 25 year old friend who's a virgin

[izza]

Luke, some thoughts you may find helpful:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?p=1531921&posted=1#post1531921

Alle - hahaha I love that siggy!

 

[Part Weston]

Just read through the entire thread. I must say it was quite interesting and even enlightening to some extent. There were definitely some worthwhile nuggets to be found here.

 

[izza]

You command respect by not asking for it. You're all right by me izza.

I'll answer your questions.

Successes
- more open with my intentions around new people I meet. focused more on girls. so far I have positive responses, some don't like it but I like to know ahead of time. being more sexual works.
- being more relaxed. as you can tell I'm a bit of a jerk sometimes. more chill with friends and less judgmental with chicks. i care less about that. im trying to focus more on having fun.

Challenges
- building more interest and attraction when I talk. i'm working on presenting things. i'd like to be able to talk about nothing and have people captivated. trying out voice exercises to lower the pitch and get a better 'range'
- being 'closed'. sometimes i just dont like to give people information about me. i dont know if this is good or bad.

Hi Alle_gory,

Thanks for the kind words. Sounds like you've made a lot of progress!

I think I mentioned this already, but that quote from Desdinova is hilarious.

I too have worked really hard to have more interesting conversations, to be more captivating. I could say a lot about different things I've tried. Just now at the grocery store, I had a really captivating conversation with the clerk - she was neglecting the next customer, it was funny. It's really fun to be able to connect with random people on a deep level. I know you'll make it there. In fact, you're probably doing much better than I in a lot of areas. We all have our strengths.

By the way, I have to throw out some extra respect for saying, "I'm a bit of a jerk sometimes. more chill with friends and less judgmental with chicks." I just think stuff like that is really hard to say, even if you think it's true about yourself. Believe it or not, if you say that kind of stuff to women, in my experience, they LOVE it! What you said was so honest, so real. In my experience, women are looking above all for a guy who is honest and who is real and complete.

So, lots of great things going there. And it seems you have a good idea what's next for you, that's great! Thanks for being so honest. I learn so much from everyone here.

Best,
Izza

 

[izza]

Just read through the entire thread. I must say it was quite interesting and even enlightening to some extent. There were definitely some worthwhile nuggets to be found here.

Thanks for the compliments!

Best wishes,
Izza

 

[Alle_Gory]

Thanks for the kind words. Sounds like you've made a lot of progress!

I hope so. I was hopelessly AFC during high school. Then I got pissed off that it wasn't going anywhere then I became a huge a-hole and now I'm going back down to earth.

I too have worked really hard to have more interesting conversations, to be more captivating. I could say a lot about different things I've tried. Just now at the grocery store, I had a really captivating conversation with the clerk - she was neglecting the next customer, it was funny. It's really fun to be able to connect with random people on a deep level. I know you'll make it there. In fact, you're probably doing much better than I in a lot of areas. We all have our strengths.

Who knows. Better doesn't mean a whole lot when comparing people. Not so easy to compare like you would when shopping for something.

You're doing a good job of capturing my attention with your e-conversation. So I don't see an issue with this. If you ever do have issues with conversing, its not because you're not able to.

By the way, I have to throw out some extra respect for saying, "I'm a bit of a jerk sometimes. more chill with friends and less judgmental with chicks." I just think stuff like that is really hard to say, even if you think it's true about yourself. Believe it or not, if you say that kind of stuff to women, in my experience, they LOVE it! What you said was so honest, so real. In my experience, women are looking above all for a guy who is honest and who is real and complete.

I have found that we connect with people like ourselves. Depressed? Buy extra tissues for when friends come over. Liar? Chances are most friends are too. Not that lying is bad, for small things its sometimes needed.

We usually attract like minds. This is why I like to be honest. I usually attract and am attracted to honest people. Its especially refreshing to find honest women. Well... mostly honest. It cuts through so much of the drama and BS. I love it.

So, lots of great things going there. And it seems you have a good idea what's next for you, that's great! Thanks for being so honest. I learn so much from everyone here.

You have a good attitude Izza and you look at things objectively. Stick around. We need more people like you and less like Skywalker.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

I'm concerned that you are so flattered by her interest that you are acting more out of a feeling of powerlessness, a desire to seize this opportunity, curiosity, lonliness, and a sudden bout of self-love inspired by this girl.

That's an interesting rendition of what I am trying to portray here. It's almost like an art to be appreciated by the right reader. I wish you also commented on that other thread that got blocked.

Yes, that's right, there is virtually no 'safe' base aside from this one. Earlier last month a married woman from the officed shared an awesome connection with me. Again, just like this girl here, it shares that same juvenile chemistry.

I knew a married woman was off bounds -- but her interest in me just rocked my world. She would call me like three times a row on my cell or something when she was interested. We hugged each other and I kissed her passionately on her cheek. She sat next to me during a sales meeting with her arm around me. I fantasized about losing my virginity with her and was even seriously thinking of pursuing her for that and was hugging my pillows and listening to music just thinking about her. (I just wrote her a personal note earlier last year as a business exercise and got more than I bargained for)

You are right -- there is a feeling of powerlessness, a desire to seize an opportunity, curiosity, lonliness (to a lesser degree), and a version of self-love that's inspired. Both of these women appear to have the same feature.


You don't want to put the breaks because you'll feel you'll lose something. I had that feeling with the married woman when I put the breaks on her and stood back, when it appeared she moved on or the romance died down because of my withdrawal of what could have potentially been a full blown fling. But then I don't know -- they are 'real women' in 'real life' at least and represent some real social dynamics.

It's good that you have a more balanced rendition of what I'm portraying here and seem to understand what I'm saying. I'm unsure what role this lady will have - but I'm just keeping an open mind. I keep complaining that I've never been with a woman before or seen a naked woman in my life -- well hello --- I better really shvt up and stop complaining because it looks like some wishes are starting to come true in a wierd way -- like the genie in the bottle is a b1tch.

 

[izza]

I feel like I was aware of a lot of the stuff in these videos. Basically, a lot of people live really odd or unfulfilling lives. Those women who explore their sexuality more are the lucky ones! The Vicodin addict makes me sad. Was there any particular video you wanted me to see?

A lot of this does not come as a surprise to me. People hide their sexuality and their sadness so much, I guess I just assumed this sort of thing was happening a lot. It is sad though. So many people in this world are suffering, and it's shocking how much of that is a result of their decisions.

Life's solutions are so simple, but so few are ready to seize them. It's really an amazing thing.

Izza

 

[KennethJones]

I am a V4L (Virgin For Life). I see nothing wrong with that.

 

[bigpoppa650]

Do not eat with a fornicator. (should be disfellowshiped from the church if their fornication or sins are known) (New testament)

dude Im pretty sure Jesus would gladly sit down to a meal with a fornicator. Isnt a Christian supposed to support those that deep in sin? Didn't Jesus go around helping hookers and criminals and not stick his nose up at em?

 

[bigpoppa650]

Find me any point of scripture, especially in the new testament, where there is any light stand where it says that "you shouldn't do it, but if you mess up God will understand". It says more like "Hazard, do not touch the electric wire or you'll get shocked" in it's treatment of fornication.

First of all human beings are by design imperfect and yes we sin a lot. However if what you're saying about God is true than every one of us would be doomed to hell, every single person on this planet has sinned and continues to sin. I believe that Christ was sent to us because we are that weak. If we have respect for Jesus and pray for forgiveness and live life consciously to do the right thing then I believe Christ will understand.

Luke Skywalker Stop acting like you never sinned before, get off your high horse and stop thinking you are so much above it just cuz you're a christian. There is hope for everyone and anyone, STRAIGHT UP

 

[Alle_Gory]

I knew a married woman was off bounds -- but her interest in me just rocked my world. She would call me like three times a row on my cell or something when she was interested. We hugged each other and I kissed her passionately on her cheek. She sat next to me during a sales meeting with her arm around me. I fantasized about losing my virginity with her and was even seriously thinking of pursuing her for that and was hugging my pillows and listening to music just thinking about her. (I just wrote her a personal note earlier last year as a business exercise and got more than I bargained for)

This is adultery by definition (messing around with a married woman) and you have the audacity to brand everyone else here sinners.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

This is adultery by definition (messing around with a married woman) and you have the audacity to brand everyone else here sinners.

I've already studied that, in the Bible and on various websites -- believe me I have to fight the lies that "I'm missing out by not taking advantage of opportunities" -- because they are lies. I'm avoiding a snare.

First of all, since I'm not married I can not commit adultery. If I have sex with a married woman, then technically, I'm committing fornication and SHE is committing adultery against her spouce. Since I'm not responsible for the marriage contract between the woman and her spouce, then this can not concern me. Therefore, perish the idea of labelling 'adultery'.

Hugging and kissing a married woman on the cheek -- that's things cousins, friends do. It's like saying I'm having incest if I hug a female cousin and kiss her on a cheek. The office is one big happy family. I feel like I can be open and comfortable with her and may express myself in a unique way because she is a special friend that appears to understand me and connect with me. If that's how I feel about it, then I don't see anything wrong with it. I need friends anyway there like that.

You'll notice I still respected boundaries and never challenged her to go out with me, or deliberately pursue a course of escalating things with her against my mother's permission. If I were to ever sin and do anything, yeah, she's really hot, but no, I have maintained my integrity.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

I feel like I was aware of a lot of the stuff in these videos. Basically, a lot of people live really odd or unfulfilling lives. Those women who explore their sexuality more are the lucky ones! The Vicodin addict makes me sad. Was there any particular video you wanted me to see?

Not really. I figured you were studying stuff about sexuality and women and thought these videos were relevant to your studies.

I'm also interested in 'women and sexuality - and hearing 'secret lifestyles and stories', which is why I recommended that video set.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

dude Im pretty sure Jesus would gladly sit down to a meal with a fornicator. Isnt a Christian supposed to support those that deep in sin? Didn't Jesus go around helping hookers and criminals and not stick his nose up at em?

If they are in the world, and someone is called to that particular ministry (usually someone of the same sex, or someone that will not likely be tempted themselves into a lifestyle of sin....eg an ex-heroin addict that has a problem relapsing with drugs should not go and witness to a drug dealer who sells heroin -- unless he's really off of it), then I think that is the idea.

It all depends on spiritual maturity and what level you are because it works both ways -- one can be converted into a lifestyle of sin and be seduced by the lies that you are 'missing out on having fun', rather than the other way around.

In terms of church conduct. The church is suppose to help someone who is open to being helped. However, if someone is a known and unrepentant fornicator, and is either seducing women to have sex, and/or is seducing impressionable guys into that sort of lifestyle, then they should be ex-communicated from the church because they do not have the right motives going to church. I think you have to look at the overall context and make a judgment.

 

[Alle_Gory]

In terms of church conduct. The church is suppose to help someone who is open to being helped. However, if someone is a known and unrepentant fornicator, and is either seducing women to have sex, and/or is seducing impressionable guys into that sort of lifestyle, then they should be ex-communicated from the church because they do not have the right motives going to church. I think you have to look at the overall context and make a judgment.

So tell me Luke. What did the founder of Christianity, Jesus Christ, think of Churches?

 

[cw92]

Luke are you protestant, (Sola Scriptura)?

Or Catholic?

 

[izza]

Not really. I figured you were studying stuff about sexuality and women and thought these videos were relevant to your studies.

I'm also interested in 'women and sexuality - and hearing 'secret lifestyles and stories', which is why I recommended that video set.

That makes sense. Thanks for forwarding. I appreciate it.

I think I'll rewatch them in a couple of months. I think this kind of thing is important to remember. Although these videos don't discuss how common these behaviors are. Speaking of common secret behavior, have you seen this article:

http://www.canadiancrc.com/Newspaper_Articles/Globe_and_Mail_Moms_Little_secret_14DEC02.aspx

Anyway, thanks again! Anytime you see something that might help me, I appreciate the forward!

Best,
Izza

 

[Luke Skywalker]

So tell me Luke. What did the founder of Christianity, Jesus Christ, think of Churches?

Well, there are different types of churches, which are discussed in the beginning of Revelation. Most churches fall into one or the other archetype discussed there and Jesus has allot to say about each archetype. You can read it yourself. First few chapters of Revelation.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

Luke are you protestant, (Sola Scriptura)?

Or Catholic?

What do you think?

 

[izza]

Although I like religious discussion, can we take this to other topics? I just don't see how this is relevant. I'm not following this thread, if you have any questions, PM.

Also, Luke why do you keep allowing yourself to get provoked into a stupid discussion where people's goal is to mock you. FYI I don't think discussing religion is stupid, I think it's unwise to discuss religion with people who have a bad attitude. For instance, why discuss with people who are just trying to make themselves feel better through mockery. That is not charity. That is not enlightenment. That is enabling them to act like fools. You are just talking about you, but you are not telling the truth about the situation. Some people just want to poke holes in you. I have wasted plenty of time with hole-pokers. Their immediate goal is to hurt others. It is a band-aid on their pain.

It seems you will waste lots of your precious time before you learn this lesson. But that's ok, I sure did waste a lot of my time before I learned.

Until you learn to see mockery as a vein of THEIR insecurity, you will have a hard time having a constructive conversation with such people.

Also, all of the above is a dating tip. Dating makes people really emotional and can bring out the worst in people. Until you are ready to speak the truth, until you are ready to set clear and reasoned limits, I believe dating will be a disaster for you. I can appreciate your cautious attitude. You tell the truth about yourself, and that's great. I'm also concerned that you have a sort of laissez-abuser attitude that doesn't help you, it doesn't help other people. It's just being a pushover. Not that I'm saying people should be violent, or retributive. I think people should kindly speak the truth when others are misbehaving. And that is definitely a dating skill.

Izza