So I broke up with her.

[CaptFinnBad]

I didn't want to do it. Basically backed me in the corner, constantly picking fights (basically it was like she was challenging me to break up with her so I did) e.t.c.

It sucks, because I felt at a point if this was to continue it would be the norm and the relationship was doomed regardless.

Love her to bits, she loves me to bits. Both committed to each other. No real problems . It's just we were on a path that lead to unhappiness and me losing all my self respect.

Couple of moments since I've implied via text that I'm hopeful of change and a better future together.

She's told me really in pain over it, she's going to use the time to work on herself, best we don't speak.

I'm in total agreement over it. Haven't communicated much only a few texts the morning after break up, I think it's best we don't speak.

Going to use my time and try put what I'm feeling into something productive.

No matter her reasons (abnormal hormonal levels) , it was steering the relationship into a place I sadly couldn't steer away from.

It just seemed kinder on both of us to pull the plug.

I definitely want her back, but things definitely need to change though (With her and as much me).

i suppose what is the best way to allow space for that change to happen?

I know chances are that I will have to move on but I do want to know that I left, with room for this relationship to have a second chance.

 

[Dr.Suave]

I definitely want her back

Nah, bro. Never go back to an ex. You did the right thing.

 

[johnrambo]

I didn't want to do it. Basically backed me in the corner, constantly picking fights (basically it was like she was challenging me to break up with her so I did) e.t.c.

Women picking fights is a way to break up for them whether the cause is legit or imaginary. Sometimes they make things up, put the blame on you. Your brain goes on the hamster wheel, pleading with her, telling her she's wrong. No use.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

And one morning, her name won’t hurt.
You won’t stalk her online.
You won’t miss her.
And you will be OK.

It took me two years, and while tearing it up with lots of chicks, I still pined for my ex.

Then suddenly, one day, you realize you don’t think about your ex anymore.

And then, another one of these exotic creatures will enter your life again, and you'll feel many of the same things again - hopefully in a more tempered way, having learned some lessons from your past.

I just wanted to say hang in there. It'll be OK.

 

[Gamisch]

I didn't want to do it. Basically backed me in the corner, constantly picking fights (basically it was like she was challenging me to break up with her so I did) e.t.c.

It sucks, because I felt at a point if this was to continue it would be the norm and the relationship was doomed regardless.

Love her to bits, she loves me to bits. Both committed to each other. No real problems . It's just we were on a path that lead to unhappiness and me losing all my self respect.

Couple of moments since I've implied via text that I'm hopeful of change and a better future together.

She's told me really in pain over it, she's going to use the time to work on herself, best we don't speak.

I'm in total agreement over it. Haven't communicated much only a few texts the morning after break up, I think it's best we don't speak.

Going to use my time and try put what I'm feeling into something productive.

No matter her reasons (abnormal hormonal levels) , it was steering the relationship into a place I sadly couldn't steer away from.

It just seemed kinder on both of us to pull the plug.

I definitely want her back, but things definitely need to change though (With her and as much me).

i suppose what is the best way to allow space for that change to happen?

I know chances are that I will have to move on but I do want to know that I left, with room for this relationship to have a second chance.

You did the right thing. The only good move you could've done by the way.

Only wanna point out that NO bro ,
"No real problems" doesn't add it up with the rest of your story. There is/was a severe problem, and that was the fact that her attraction was fading. Realize that because the biggest battle that awaits you is with YOURSELF now. By claiming there were no real problems you'll be begging her back before the weekend is over.

I rather challenge you to make a list of things that were actually quite problematic. Not necessarily here, although it wouldn't hurt to share that so the rest of us can learn from you.

Nah, bro. Never go back to an ex. You did the right thing.

What's your take on the fact that when a man walks away their hamster starts spinning and suddenly they want back in?

Seems like nowadays it's almost a necessity to walk away every now and then. But most men will say "one chance per woman per lifetime ", meaning the walking away thing is permanent.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Women picking fights is a way to break up for them whether the cause is legit or imaginary. Sometimes they make things up, put the blame on you. Your brain goes on the hamster wheel, pleading with her, telling her she's wrong. No use.

Yeah, that's her way to try and force a break up and the only thing you can do at that point is simply do it to at least keep some level of respect and dignity versus allowing her to get to the point where she has zero respect left for you and does it herself.

At that point she would literally loathe being in the same room with you.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

You did the right thing. The only good move you could've done by the way.

Only wanna point out that NO bro ,
"No real problems" doesn't add it up with the rest of your story. There is/was a severe problem, and that was the fact that her attraction was fading. Realize that because the biggest battle that awaits you is with YOURSELF now. By claiming there were no real problems you'll be begging her back before the weekend is over.

I rather challenge you to make a list of things that were actually quite problematic. Not necessarily here, although it wouldn't hurt to share that so the rest of us can learn from you.



What's your take on the fact that when a man walks away their hamster starts spinning and suddenly they want back in?

Seems like nowadays it's almost a necessity to walk away every now and then. But most men will say "one chance per woman per lifetime ", meaning the walking away thing is permanent.

Yeah, this seemed like one of those situations where it was a slow gradual decline that might not have been noticeable until it got to a certain point but by then it was too late to go back and fix it.

Definitely doesn't gibe with there being "no real problems". Losing attraction is a MAJOR problem and one that was a direct consequence of OPs actions or inactions over time causing dropping respect levels.

 

[Dr.Suave]

What's your take on the fact that when a man walks away their hamster starts spinning and suddenly they want back in?

They can come back but only as a fwb/plate. No commitment, no labels, nothing; Just sex.

Oh, they dont like it? Too bad, your way or the highway.

 

[johnrambo]

Yeah, that's her way to try and force a break up and the only thing you can do at that point is simply do it to at least keep some level of respect and dignity versus allowing her to get to the point where she has zero respect left for you and does it herself.

There is a nice thread 12 years ago entitled "How a girlfriend will dump you: The old fight and break up routine":

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=184988

plus ça change, plus ça reste le même.

 

[CaptFinnBad]

Why did she do that? What did you do or didn't do for her attraction to fade away and do that?

I'm sure in the beginning you were the alpha dude that she couldn't take her hands away from you. It takes a lot of reflection to see what we did wrong in order for that to happen. Women don't break with guys they're in love with.

You posted you have anxious attachment style sometimes, that definitely had to do with her behavior changing towards you.

For sure it did and was the number 1 reason she lost attraction.

Basically controcepton caused her to have server PMDD. Basically lashed out at everyone around, really messing with her.

As her boyfriend I took the brunt of it. Her causing fights over nothing, escalating arguments and withdrawing.

Got me anxious. I chased her which caused her to push away harder.

Something I was working on making progress on, being more secure. Too little to late.

 

[CaptFinnBad]

And one morning, her name won’t hurt.
You won’t stalk her online.
You won’t miss her.
And you will be OK.

It took me two years, and while tearing it up with lots of chicks, I still pined for my ex.

Then suddenly, one day, you realize you don’t think about your ex anymore.

And then, another one of these exotic creatures will enter your life again, and you'll feel many of the same things again - hopefully in a more tempered way, having learned some lessons from your past.

I just wanted to say hang in there. It'll be OK.

Been through heartbreak quite a few times in my life.

My weaknesses is jumping into other womens beds too soon, a week or two of mourning the relationship and I'm sleeping with other women.
It's bull**** really.

Just self medicating for an ego boost, fill a void , when I should be healing and putting in work.

 

[CaptFinnBad]

Yeah, that's her way to try and force a break up and the only thing you can do at that point is simply do it to at least keep some level of respect and dignity versus allowing her to get to the point where she has zero respect left for you and does it herself.

At that point she would literally loathe being in the same room with you.

For sure. That's where this was heading. Had zero options available.

It would be a slow painful death if I didn't. Don't know if initiating it would mabye reset the playing field and leave a chance to start again ?

Probably a bad idea, but I really do like this one and if she chased me, truthfully it's a road I'd go down.

Opinion?

 

[Stoic]

One thing I always ask at the end of a relationship or some mini crisis -

what could I have done better and what have I learned?

Sure, a hormonal woman can be hell to deal with. I often wonder if a woman is too severely hormonal that it’s just best to leave. Even if she has so many other good qualities.

Most healthy men crave peace in their life. A hormonal woman destroys any chance of that.

 

[BeExcellent]

Advice from the old lady:

Hormones can be a b I T c h, literally. The thing is that half the time they literally sneak up on you as a chick. You see they adjust gradually over the month of the cycle. This week it might be fine if you leave the toilet seat up, next week it might mean a fight for no good reason. Hormones cycle up and down. It’s part of the female state, but very very VERY few women will admit that, most are in denial about it. If you notice a pattern then honesty that’s half the battle, but the other half of the battle is realizing what’s happening in that moment, and that’s very difficult (ask me how I know) to do.

It’s not something men can relate to either.

Sometimes a break is actually healthy to reset. The majority of the time moving on is best. But people do get back together and figure it out too. Only you know what is right. For now it’s best to heal and grow for your own sake. Time and space is your friend. Heal and focus on yourself. The rest of the picture will become clear in time.

 

[Augustus_McCrae]

Advice from the old lady:

Hormones can be a b I T c h, literally. The thing is that half the time they literally sneak up on you as a chick. You see they adjust gradually over the month of the cycle. This week it might be fine if you leave the toilet seat up, next week it might mean a fight for no good reason. Hormones cycle up and down. It’s part of the female state, but very very VERY few women will admit that, most are in denial about it. If you notice a pattern then honesty that’s half the battle, but the other half of the battle is realizing what’s happening in that moment, and that’s very difficult (ask me how I know) to do.

It’s not something men can relate to either.

Sometimes a break is actually healthy to reset. The majority of the time moving on is best. But people do get back together and figure it out too. Only you know what is right. For now it’s best to heal and grow for your own sake. Time and space is your friend. Heal and focus on yourself. The rest of the picture will become clear in time.

Interesting post. A woman who actually admits that a woman’s menstrual cycle/hormones can literally make her a b I t c h.

It’s something that I and all of my friends know to be true, yet the women they have been involved in relationships with won’t admit it and refuse to deal with it.

What is the “advice from the old lady“ about why most women refuse to admit this and To deal with it?

And what is the “advice/perspective from the old lady“ about a woman’s ability to maintain a clear logical view of things when they’re placed in positions of importance and/or management when their hormones are in flux?

-Augustus-

 

[Glassguy]

OP I hate to tell you but this chick ended things long before it actually ended. Thus the picking of fights with you, etc.

You lost value in her eyes and more than likely, there is another man/other men that she's sees that value in now.

And its ok. These things happen in life. When you REALLY care about someone, have that great vibe, superior friendship and the sex is off the charts, it's hard to let it go because you know how hard it is to replace that because its hard to find to begin with.

Just understand that the only control you have in this situation is over yourself. So get in the gym, go play some golf and start meeting new people.

At the end of the day the world doesn't give a shyte about you (or me) and it's up to us to make ourselves happy, self improve and move forward.

I find that the times in my life when I felt like I really lost something valuable, I always end up finding something even better. But you won't do that if you live in a self pitty party.

Go get your MOJO back and get back out there. Not for her, but for you.

 

[Glassguy]

Oh and good for you for dumping this chick. It takes BALLS to do that buddy. You saw the writing on the wall and left. Most men don't have the stones to do that. They just take the abuse until the chick makes herself leave.
Kudos.

Now having said that, go 100% no contact and move on. Remember her for the bytch she was at the end, because that's who she really is as a person to you.

Don't give in. Don't respond to her texts and don't answer her phone calls. You got out of this so stay out of it. Another chance with her more than likely ends up with her resetting to the caring person she once was (a trick) and ultimately ends up in this exact same situation that ended things.

I don't know about you, but my time is too valuable on this earth to take that risk when I KNOW there are better options for me. Billions of women on this earth to choose from. Maybe you won't find in the next week or month, but you will never find it until you keep free from this ex and start getting out and about. So put yourself out there now and don't look back.

On the flip side it this ex sees you moving on and having options, she might just get her head straight and your value goes up. But I wouldn't put too much stock in her.

When someone shows you who they are, believe them.

 

[CaptFinnBad]

So a few flirty text back and forth. Kinda seemed like it was inevitable, we were going to see each other.

"Where I'm at, I've decided that I'm going to be in a happy and positive relationship. For me to have that I need to bring my best self to the table, be happy and fully functional in myself , and in order for me to do that I need to work on me. So that's what I'm doing.

I also know for any positive happy relationship there needs to be that balance from both people in it.

I would I would like that person to be you , but if you can't be that person, I know I can find someone else that will be.

I've decided to be happy no matter what, your choice is whether or you want the same"

I kinda sent her this... Basically my version of what was in a book I'm currently reading.

IT DID NOT GO DOWN WELL!!! She had a fit, angry text how it's about all about me me me, go find another girl, and a very angry phone call.

Blocked me on most things. Sent me a text this morning though, which I didn't respond too.

Something along the lines "it's okay for me I'm all hunky dory, everything is so hard for her, she needs to cut contact so we both know our it feels".



Going to keep focusing on gym, my business, connecting with friends. Don't want to go into a downward spiral.


Also phoned a therapist today, got an appointment tomorrow. I don't believe I have any deep issues.

Just want to book myself into the garage, get outside perspective , have a look at myself and see if there are things I need to uncover and work on.

 

[Glassguy]

So a few flirty text back and forth. Kinda seemed like it was inevitable, we were going to see each other.

"Where I'm at, I've decided that I'm going to be in a happy and positive relationship. For me to have that I need to bring my best self to the table, be happy and fully functional in myself , and in order for me to do that I need to work on me. So that's what I'm doing.

I also know for any positive happy relationship there needs to be that balance from both people in it.

I would I would like that person to be you , but if you can't be that person, I know I can find someone else that will be.

I've decided to be happy no matter what, your choice is whether or you want the same"

I kinda sent her this... Basically my version of what was in a book I'm currently reading.

IT DID NOT GO DOWN WELL!!! She had a fit, angry text how it's about all about me me me, go find another girl, and a very angry phone call.

Blocked me on most things. Sent me a text this morning though, which I didn't respond too.

Something along the lines "it's okay for me I'm all hunky dory, everything is so hard for her, she needs to cut contact so we both know our it feels".



Going to keep focusing on gym, my business, connecting with friends. Don't want to go into a downward spiral.


Also phoned a therapist today, got an appointment tomorrow. I don't believe I have any deep issues.

Just want to book myself into the garage, get outside perspective , have a look at myself and see if there are things I need to uncover and work on.

You should have NEVER sent this to her. And her reaction fully confirms that there are other dics in the picture.

Cut ties my man. This one is O.V.E.R.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

A bunch of people will tell you never go back to an ex, she's an ex for a reason, but its very difficult when one is invested in the relationship

I counsel women with C-PTSD. Some of them are battered, but still pining for the abusive ******* because "we've been together for X years". Well, I have news for you, honey, you won't get back the time you invested. And the longer you stay with the abusive person, the more you keep investing emotionally like flushing money down the toilet, the more foolish you are for expecting something back.

Even when you're not abused, just chalk up the investment you put in the relationship as a fee for gaining life experience, and don't make the same mistakes with the next relationship.