So I actually made myself approach a girl who was exactly my taste tonight

[Atom Smasher]

Easier said than done. I'm deeply entrenched here - my house, job, friends and parents are all within 10 to 30 minutes from me

I know nobody in the city

How far from a relatively big city do you live?

Everybody in the suburbs has the same problem.

However, if you work on your attraction level, you will start to find eligible women climbing out of the woodwork, even in the suburbs.

I still think the foremost thing you need to do is to work on chatting up both men and women in your day-to-day, because there is nothing more effective to build up social ease.

 

[Atom Smasher]

I was agreeing. Couldn't resist the editorial comment though.

Thanks for clarifying. I wasn’t quite sure what you were saying there.

 

[Chi Town]

1. Click on BigDave’s name.

2. Click ignore button.

3. All your fvcking Dave problems are solved.

So many people can’t do it. They gotta see the drama and even post in his threads and ridicule everyone else for participating like they are above it all.

Or you can ban him like yall did the Guys who actually contributed to the site.....what do you think about that?

 

[bigdave17]

Do they get laid, or are they doing the five finger shuffle?

Most of them get laid but a lot of them have very low to no standards (like most men)

My best friend's girl is kinda chubby, plus she can't have kids. So that would be a instant no for me. Another friend married an older woman with kids (yuk)

 

[bigdave17]

How far from a relatively big city do you live?

Everybody in the suburbs has the same problem.

However, if you work on your attraction level, you will start to find eligible women climbing out of the woodwork, even in the suburbs.

I still think the foremost thing you need to do is to work on chatting up both men and women in your day-to-day, because there is nothing more effective to build up social ease.

I'm 45 minutes from Chicago. I love occasionally partying in the city but I would hate to live there, just not my thing at all. The problem with the burbs is 2 fold - it's hard to find women who are my age and good looking but then a huge percentage of them tend to have kids (women without kids want to live in Chicago, women with kids want to live in suburbs)


As far as your last comment goes. I socialize with people all the time, especially at my job. It doesn't help me find attractive and quality women who want to date me

 

[bigdave17]

Im not a city guy , but i am the only one that doubt tje fact that there is no hot women around were Dave live.

He see them at the gym and at the bar, so they live around were he live.


Excuse imo

they exist but it's never in an easy to meet situation. Approaching at the gym is incredibly daunting, as is approaching at malls and bars

 

[Murk]

Bro text her, I wanna see some drama unfold

 

[bigdave17]

How did you get this girls number Dave? Was the outcome independent, no agenda approach really so daunting as you make all of these other scenarios seem?

That no agenda approach can be highly productive everywhere. All of the time. In any situation.

You need to repeat it and hammer that into your thick head to break through this irrational thinking.

You need to stop thinking 20 steps ahead with every woman you lay eyes on and just focus on being confident and comfortable with the approach.

It doesn’t matter if she ends up having kids, or if you find some other reason to dislike a woman. It doesn’t matter if you get the number and never reach out.

What matters is that you get so good and so comfortable with approaching women without an ounce of outcome dependence that all of those beautiful women just get lost in the mix and are merely coincidental in crossing paths with you.

A lot will fall in place after that. Naturally. Problems begin to fix themselves. Behaviors will change without you trying so hard. It will get easier.

Replicate success, Dave. You already did it. You already conquered it. You have proven you are capable and good at it.

Now do it again. And again. And again. Bathe in it until it bores you and you get thirsty for risk, rather than thirsty for acceptance. That alone, Dave, will radically change the way women see you. It has a compounding, domino effect that makes everything after much more flexible and forgiving. There will be more room for error and small mistakes. It will make it easier to recover from and regain control.

Trust me on this.

Everything seems impossible to you now because you have no room for error. One misstep and you’re done. This can be changed.

she was a rare girl who fit my taste who lives near me and I made myself approach her and her friend (which was very difficult)

only few other situations do I really encounter women who fit my taste. The biggest number of them I see are at my gym but I still can't figure out how to overcome the headphones issue

 

[sosousage]

she was a rare girl who fit my taste who lives near me and I made myself approach her and her friend (which was very difficult)

only few other situations do I really encounter women who fit my taste. The biggest number of them I see are at my gym but I still can't figure out how to overcome the headphones issue

you throw their phone through the window and say it had spider on it

XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD



nah jk, but doing it in gym seems tryhard

 

[Atom Smasher]

Or you can ban him like yall did the Guys who actually contributed to the site.....what do you think about that?

I think your idea sucks.

 

[bigdave17]

That's an odd response coming from a man who claims to have fairly reasonable and simple tastes in women when he's called out on having standards that are too high...

Dave.... here's the deal:

Next Monday morning I have to get up at 4 am for work, which means I will be turning in fairly early Sunday night. On Sunday night, before I turn in, I am going to check the main forum here and look for a new thread from you stating how you went about getting another woman's phone number with an outcome independent approach that worked for you here.

If I do not see that thread, Dave, I am putting in my vote with the mods to have you permanently banned from SS (some have already put their votes in). Not a slap on the wrist, not a little break, but permanently banned. It will not be because others are begging and itching for it to happen. It will not even be because you're a difficult man to work with. It will only be because it is blaringly obvious to me that you are so scared to death of what you actually want that you are willing to move the goal posts in any way possible, whether you know it or not, to make any suggestion given to you on how to succeed seem like an unlikely, improbable and even impossible avenue to success.

This is a man who cannot be helped. This is a man with no purpose behind asking questions and seeking advice. This is a man who has no purpose in his presence.

I am certain nobody grabbed you by the hand and dragged you kicking and screaming to turn you into a successful salesman.

I am certain nobody grabbed you by the hand and dragged you kicking and screaming into the gym to lose weight and build some muscle.

I am certain nobody grabbed you by the hand and dragged you kicking and screaming toward any facet of true success in your life, and I can assure you, nobody is going to grab your hand and drag you kicking and screaming toward a great woman.

You have to go out there and make it happen.

This very thread is a testimonial to the fact you are capable of doing it. It is testimony to the fact that it is not unlikely, improbable or impossible. It exists purely because it was already done. Success in this aspect was achieved. If you are too afraid to repeat it, if you are going to throw hurdles and excuses into the way to avoid repeating it, if you're going to respond with more reasons why it cannot be done, then your presence here has no purpose.

I'm looking forward to seeing that thread.

Its not that my standards are impossible...i live in suburbs, finding quality dateable mid to late 20s women with no kids is hard man. Especially with me only wanting somebody who works out

 

[Atom Smasher]

People who are banned are people who contribute strife and ill-will to the site, along with a sustained disdain for moderation. If they also occasionally provide(d) good content, I always feel it's a shame that they were so pig-headed that they had to force our hand and deprive the site of good insights.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Its not that my standards are impossible...i live in suburbs, finding quality dateable mid to late 20s women with no kids is hard man. Especially with me only wanting somebody who works out

45 minutes from Chicago? That's not bad or prohibitive at all.

I've got to tell you, dude... I used to spend a lot of time in the Chicago subs (around the Waukeegan area), and I found it ridiculously easy to pull attractive girls, even though I didn't know what I was doing. In fact, to this day I occasionally tell people how different and easy it is in Chicago than in NY.

Every trip out there netted me attractive companionship. If ever there was an easy environment, it's the Midwest in my experience.

Come to New York and you'll realize how hard it actually is. You've got the world at your fingertips, if only you will see that.

 

[Atom Smasher]

she was a rare girl who fit my taste who lives near me and I made myself approach her and her friend (which was very difficult)

only few other situations do I really encounter women who fit my taste. The biggest number of them I see are at my gym but I still can't figure out how to overcome the headphones issue

I keep telling you that you're far too particular, and you keep on posting about how few women fit your taste.

You're in boot camp, bro. Work on yourself with less than ideal women and then work your way up to your taste. You have to earn the right to date better women.

I assume the "headphone issue" is that they're working out with headphones and you can't make conversation. If that's correct, the solution is eye contact, a nod and a friendly half-smile. She will find a way to get near you without her headphones on.

 

[sazc]

If you want to appeal to her when you ask her out, then suggest doing something she is interested in/will like/something fun to do in the city.

I'm suggesting this based on the assumption that you asked these types of questions when you chatted her up the night you met her. If you suggest an activity you already know she likes doing, you will have a greater chance of success that she will say yes.

As far as get being newly single, don't smother her. That's probably why she hasn't responded to you, because you smothered her in text. It's not about the content, it's about the frequency.

When a guy really chats me up over text, I know he's interested. She just ended a relationship, she doesn't want to think a stranger is overly interested in her right now, she wants to have fun with someone, the kind of fun that leads EVENTUALLY to romance and falling in love.

So don't get mushy in text and don't over text her.

Recent mushy texting examples that I have encountered....

"good morning [name] I brought you a virtual latte from Starbucks, I hope you have a great day"

And

Me: " honestly, on old it seems to be a hit or miss with been, mostly miss"
Him "I'll prove to you that im different "

both of these examples demonstrate a man who is desperate, a man who measures his own value partly by having a woman

DO NOT be that man.

i say you figure out what type of date might appeal to her, and all her out for this weekend, a day date.

then you drop her off at home and head to the bars and do what amante asked you to do.

 

[RickTheToad]

45 minutes from Chicago? That's not bad or prohibitive at all.

I've got to tell you, dude... I used to spend a lot of time in the Chicago subs (around the Waukeegan area), and I found it ridiculously easy to pull attractive girls, even though I didn't know what I was doing. In fact, to this day I occasionally tell people how different and easy it is in Chicago than in NY.

Every trip out there netted me attractive companionship. If ever there was an easy environment, it's the Midwest in my experience.

Come to New York and you'll realize how hard it actually is. You've got the world at your fingertips, if only you will see that.

The problem with NY is it's so prohibitively expensive to get to the city; let alone get a drink with a lady. When I was in Queens in my 20's, it wasn't that bad, but now... Wow. I've tried, and the ladies are certainly attractive, but I'm spending 100 bucks just to get in and out of the city. Now, I hear they want to have another toll for congestion. What DiBlasio and Cuomo are doing are making Manhattan and Brooklyn prohibitively too expensive to commute to for social purposes. I've toyed with the idea of renting a small place in either, but the rents are just sky high.

@bigdave17, have you considered renting a small apt in Chicago? Maybe even split the rent with some of your friends to help lessen the cost? It could solve your issues in meeting the types of ladies you wish to meet. I have the reverse issue within ladies from Brooklyn and Manhattan. They will meet me in the city, but I just don't want to go down there due to the costs.

 

[RickTheToad]

If you want to appeal to her when you ask her out, then suggest doing something she is interested in/will like/something fun to do in the city.

I'm suggesting this based on the assumption that you asked these types of questions when you chatted her up the night you met her. If you suggest an activity you already know she likes doing, you will have a greater chance of success that she will say yes.

As far as get being newly single, don't smother her. That's probably why she hasn't responded to you, because you smothered her in text. It's not about the content, it's about the frequency.

When a guy really chats me up over text, I know he's interested. She just ended a relationship, she doesn't want to think a stranger is overly interested in her right now, she wants to have fun with someone, the kind of fun that leads EVENTUALLY to romance and falling in love.

So don't get mushy in text and don't over text her.

Recent mushy texting examples that I have encountered....

"good morning [name] I brought you a virtual latte from Starbucks, I hope you have a great day"

And

Me: " honestly, on old it seems to be a hit or miss with been, mostly miss"
Him "I'll prove to you that im different "

both of these examples demonstrate a man who is desperate, a man who measures his own value partly by having a woman

DO NOT be that man.

i say you figure out what type of date might appeal to her, and all her out for this weekend, a day date.

then you drop her off at home and head to the bars and do what amante asked you to do.

 

[RickTheToad]

If you want to appeal to her when you ask her out, then suggest doing something she is interested in/will like/something fun to do in the city.

I'm suggesting this based on the assumption that you asked these types of questions when you chatted her up the night you met her. If you suggest an activity you already know she likes doing, you will have a greater chance of success that she will say yes.

As far as get being newly single, don't smother her. That's probably why she hasn't responded to you, because you smothered her in text. It's not about the content, it's about the frequency.

When a guy really chats me up over text, I know he's interested. She just ended a relationship, she doesn't want to think a stranger is overly interested in her right now, she wants to have fun with someone, the kind of fun that leads EVENTUALLY to romance and falling in love.

So don't get mushy in text and don't over text her.

Recent mushy texting examples that I have encountered....

"good morning [name] I brought you a virtual latte from Starbucks, I hope you have a great day"

And

Me: " honestly, on old it seems to be a hit or miss with been, mostly miss"
Him "I'll prove to you that im different "

both of these examples demonstrate a man who is desperate, a man who measures his own value partly by having a woman

DO NOT be that man.

i say you figure out what type of date might appeal to her, and all her out for this weekend, a day date.

then you drop her off at home and head to the bars and do what amante asked you to do.

I think it depends on the type of text you are sending. If a dude can make it a bit sexual, but not in your face with innuendos and a wink face, that usually helps; IF the lady has some interest. At least, it doesn't give off the neediness or "friend" vibe. Replying in short one or two word texts do not work either. Cause then she could think the dude is a prick or not interested.

If a lady reaches out to me, I text a bit, but try to expand and find something I can turn into a bit of a mild risque type of chat to gauge her interest.

 

[LiveYourDream]

***Viewer be warned...The following Includes depictions of a wife and kids and family life. They are an example for communicating a point with OP. They are not intended as broad advice. It is understood such depictions may contradict the views of many readers. That is understood. There is no need to post/respond further explaining or debating it. Please refrain from derailing the intent of the post, by doing so. Thank you. Onward.
————————————-
@bigdave17
When a person is obese the last thing they FEEL like doing or WANT to do, is go to a gym and work out. They FEEL fat and gross and the idea of being in a gym FEELS really uncomfortable, AT FIRST. They are worried what OTHER people will think about them. They FEEL super self conscious. They FEEL fat and gross and like everyone is going to be judging them. So they let THOSE FEELINGS run their life.

They come up with a 1000 excuses why they can’t go to the gym, today. One day’s excuses turns into the next day’s excuses and pretty soon a week has passed and then a month and before you know it a year. THEY CHOOSE TO AVOID FEELING UNCOMFORTABLE!!!

The idea of going to the gym provokes a FEELING of anxiety. Their excuse brings them momentary relief from having to face going to the gym. It is only a temporary relief because underneath it all they know SOMEDAY THEY WILL HAVE TO FACE IT IF THEY WANT THAT FIT BODY!!!!

And they do want that fit body! Right now that FEELING of anxiety is what THEY LET RUN THEIR LIFE. So they don’t go to the gym. And to squash that FEELING of anxiety further they get themselves a large pizza and a pint of ice cream and they eat it all. And maybe more. They avoid that FEELING of anxiety at all costs. Soon enough a year has passed and then another. Now not only are they not fit, they are fatter than ever before!!!

Sound familiar????

Then a moment came when YOU DECIDED!!!!!
ENOUGH OF THIS!!!!!! ENOUGH OF THIS!!!!!

You decided that you would do WHATEVER it took to get fit!!!! YOU DECIDED!!!

YOU WENT TO THE GYM!! YOU DID!!!!!

Did you feel anxious and self conscious??? You sure did!!!! Did you feel uncomfortable???? You sure did!!!! Did you feel anxious??? You sure did!!!

YOU DID IT ANYWAY!!!! Did it kill you? Nope. Did you live to tell about it? Yep. Was it as bad as you thought it was going to be? Not really. YOU WALKED OUT FEELING FVCKING PROUD OF YOURSELF!!! YOU DID IT!!!

FVCK THAT FEELING OF ANXIETY!!!
FVCK THAT FEELING OF DISCOMFORT!!!
FVCK WHAT ANYBODY ELSE THINKS!!!

YOU WENT THE GYM!!! YOU DID IT!!!

YOU WALKED OUT FEELING FVCKING AMAZING!!! YOU FELT ALIVE!!! YOU FELT PROUD OF YOURSELF!!!

@bigdave17 YOU DID IT!!!!

Then the next day came. What happened??? Was going to the gym easy??? Fvck No!!!

Those FEELINGS were there again!!! Those FEELINGS were prompting you with new excuses. Traffic is bad. Too late now it’s super busy. You’ll can go tomorrow. Those feelings are urging you to skip it!!! Those feeling are trying to sell you ONE MORE NIGHT at home eating your favorite foods and watching some tv. Just one more night??? You can eat, eat, eat that anxiety away?? What are you going to choose???

Up the ladder to get fit???
Down the ladder to more of the same???

@bigdave17 YOU SAID FVCK MORE OF THE SAME!!! YOU CHOSE TO GET FIT!!!

YOU DID IT!!!! Was it easy??? Fvck No!! Did those FEELINGS try to sell you more excuses??? Yep! Did those feelings try to sell you on sitting at home to eat, eat, eat??? It sure did. Sometimes it still does!!

What did you do? You told it to fvck off! You told it you weren’t buying what it was selling anymore!!! You ignored it!!! YOU TOOK CONTROL BACK!!! YOU WENT TO THE FVCKING GYM AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN....

You found out you kind of liked it. It felt good. You always felt better after you went!!! Were there more days when you didn’t FEEL like it? Yep! Did you go anyway??? Yep!

WERE YOU ALWAYS GLAD AFTER YOU WENT??? EVERY SINGLE FVCKING TIME!!!

@bigdave17 You did that!!! You chose to rule that part of your life!!! You have a fit body to show for it!!! Was it hard?? Fvck Yeah!! Was it worth it??? Absolutely!!

Do you you look back and wish you would have made the decision to do it sooner in your life??? You do!!! You look at all those nights where you ate, ate, ate and they don’t touch what it feels like to feel fit like you do now!!!

Once you decided to go to the gym anyway, and you did it, MOMENTUM BUILT. It got easier and easier and now it is really no big deal! YOU DID THAT!!

@bigdave17 I could be wrong and please tell me if I am, I see you as a man who wants a wife and kids and happy home, I’m going to leave out all the redpill commentary on marriage and know you will make the best decision for yourself when the time comes. For this thread I am going to say you ultimately want a wife and kids.

You don’t want to be a bachelor forever. (For Dave, not a commentary on anyone else). You--Dave want to come home each night to your wife and kids. You want your weekends to be with your wife and kids, You want to spend the holidays with your wife and kids. You want all that and more. IN YOUR HEART YOU WANT A BEAUTIFUL WIFE AND KIDS.

In your heart you wanted a fit body!!!
You wanted a fit body so much that YOU WERE WILLING TO ACT, INSPITE OF FEELING DISCOMFORT AND ANXIETY!!!

@bigdave17 YOU DID IT!!!

YOU CAN DO THIS TOO!!
YOU CAN!!!
IT IS A CHOICE!!!

Your new gym is approaching women, getting numbers, and going out on dates.

Does that bring up FEELINGS of anxiety and discomfort??? Sure as fvck does. So what?!?!?! Are you going to let those feelings stop you?!?!?!

You need to date a lot of women, have girlfriends and all kinds of experiences, on the journey to having a wife and kids, and the family life you want.

Are you going to come up with excuses and eat, eat, eat or are you going to go to the gym?

Are you going to come up with excuses or are you going to go after your dream of having a wife and kids???

Play with me here...
Imagine the house you want with your beautiful wife and kids standing in front of it!! Picture them. YOUR WIFE AND KIDS WAITING TO GREET YOU AND WELCOME YOU HOME. See them. They are waiting!!!
There are there!!!! They miss you!! They wonder when you are coming home!! They want to know when you are coming home to them?!?!

There is a bridge between you and them.

(continues below)

 

[LiveYourDream]

Part 1 above

@bigdave17 YOU HAVE A PROCESS/JOURNEY TO GET TO THEM!!!

Just like getting fit happened with action step, pounds lost, action step, pounds lost, actions step, pounds lost...it was a process.

Your body changed one bit at a time. So did how you see your body and experience it. You couldn’t pin point which workouts or which meals turned you fit. EVERY SINGLE STEP ADDED UP AND EACH ONE MATTERED!!! Did it seem like that workout or that meal was going to give you a fit body??? NEVER!!!

DID YOU DO IT ANYWAY?!?!?! YOU DID!!!
YOU GAVE UP THE HABIT OF MAKING EXCUSES FOR WHY YOU WERE NOT FIT!! YOU CHOOSE TO RULE YOUR BODY!!! YOU TOOK CONTROL!!! YOU FELT ANXIOUS AND UNCOMFORTABLE BUT YOU @bigdave17 DID IT ANYWAY!!!

YOU CHOOSE NOT TO LET FEELINGS OF DISCOMFORT AND ANXIETY STAND BETWEEN YOU AND THE BODY YOU WANTED!!! YOU DID!!!

YOUR WIFE AND KIDS ARE WAITING FOR YOU!!!! See them. They are there. They wonder when you are coming home?!?!

You have a journey to go through to get to them! Are you going to do it???? Are you going to postpone it another day and another day?!?!

Your family is waiting!!!!!

Imagine there is 10,000 steps to knock out to get to them. Just 10,000 and then you are home with them. There are waiting!!!

Is your mission to knock out those 10,000 steps and get home to your family????

Is anything more important????

Your family is waiting???

Your wife and kids are wondering what’s taking so long???

Where are you Daddy??? What is taking so long??? We miss you!!!!

10,000 steps some easy, some hard, some really fvcking hard, some that make no sense, some make you feel anxious or uncomfortable....but JUST 10,000 and you are home with your family!!!

Nothing is more important to you than your family!!! You love them with all your heart! Your wife! Your kids! They love you! You love them! They wonder when you are going to be with them?!?!

Here you are! Your mission is clear! 10,000 steps to get to your family. Your kids want to know where you are. What is taking you so long?!?! They want to see you! They want to play with you! They want to hug you! Your wife wants to feel YOUR arms around her! She loves you! They are waiting!!!

What are you going to do?!?!?!
Say fvck that anxiety!?!?! Say fvck feeling uncomfortable?!?!? Say fvck whatever is in my way between getting home to my family?!?! And fvck those 10,000 steps!!! You couldn’t care less if it was a 100,000 BECAUSE NOTHING GOING TO HOLD YOU BACK FROM YOUR FAMILY!!!!!!!

Your family yearns for you come home Dave!!!

Are you taking the next step, as expeditiously as possible, to get home to your family or are you making excuses?!?!

What are you going to tell your kids on the other side????

Well.. Chicago was a 45 minute drive and that was too far away for me???

Well...The woman had headphones on so I felt intimidated that she might reject me???

Well...I felt nervous approaching some of the women??

Your kids are looking at you. Your wife is looking at you. They know you only have 10,000 steps and then Daddy will be home!!!

You lose weight pound at a time. You get home to your wife and kids one step at a time.

You make excuses or you do it!
You have a fit body because you did it!

You want to go home to your wife and kids?!?!

Every excuse you give here at SS is an excuse you put between being home with your wife and kids!!!

You could be spending your life fat gorging on pizza and ice cream, wishing you had a fit body like others. YOU DECIDED ENOUGH OF THAT!!! YOU GAVE UP THE HABIT OF EXCUSES AND DID WHAT NEEDED TO BE DONE NO MATTER HOW UNCOMFORTABLE IT FELT!!!!! YOU DID IT!!! YOU ARE LIVING FIT NOW!!! YOU DID IT!!!

Your wife and kids are waiting for you to come home!!! They miss you!!

How much longer are you going to make them wait??? We miss you Daddy!!!

10,000 steps! That’s all! The faster you knock them out...the sooner you get home!!!

As Amante asked get another number. Go approach some women. Each one is a step knocked out! Each number is another step knocked out. Each date is another step knocked out.

Like the gym felt uncomfortable at first, approaching will too. Like the gym, you will always feel better for having done it. Soon enough it will be no big deal. It’s just getting comfortable that takes a while.

THIS ISNT ABOUT BEING COMFORTABLE!!!
THIS IS ANOUT GETTING HOME TO YOUR WIFE AND KIDS!!!! THEY MISS YOU!!!

THEY WANT YOU TO HURRY UP AND COME HOME!!!

Are you a man who would do almost anything for your wife and kids?

Now is the time to show it!!!

@bigdave17 What action step/s are you knocking out today/this week, to get home to your wife and kids????

Your family is waiting!!!
When are you coming home daddy???