So how does the whole "lay" process go?

[ElStud]

Seriously though, I want to know this. How does the whole lay process go? Alright, so you got her number, NOW WHAT? Wait let's go even BEFORE the number. When you approach a girl, how can you have INSTANT value to her and make her attracted? Because value is all that seems to matter when it comes to girls. If a girls uninterested in you, it's probably because you have no value to her. Anyway, I'd like to know that. Back to the number thing, you got her number, so now what do you do to move things on?

 

[snowdog]

Be charming in your own way. Make her laugh, hold good eye contact <-extremely important. I know those are clichés but you gotta make her like you.

 

[ElStud]

Be charming in your own way. Make her laugh, hold good eye contact <-extremely important. I know those are clichés but you gotta make her like you.

Yeah, but lol I've had excellent eye contact, smiled, done all that body language sh*t with chicks and some sets still don't hook. Let's put it this way, when I approach a set of girls, it's a hit or miss. Sometimes, the girl'll show interest and sometimes, for no reason, she won't.

 

[WesCottII]

Back to the number thing, you got her number, so now what do you do to move things on?

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say call it.

Seriously man, this isn't rocket science. Stop trying to look for science in an art, just call her up, set a date and have FUN, then escalate.

 

[Mad Manic]

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say call it.

Seriously man, this isn't rocket science. Stop trying to look for science in an art, just call her up, set a date and have FUN, then escalate.

You're missing the point mate, even if he/I/whoever get the number it usually flakes because we haven't shown enough value and/or trust to the girl for her to accept and meet up. One of the key reasons is social proof. I think both me and ElStud here are the kind of guys who maybe know a few people and hang with them, we aren't the mega-party type who socialises with everyone. At this stage (high school, college, uni) it can be said that it's primarily a popularity contest. It changes a little if one games outside these environments, but the social proof and value demonstrations will be needed at some point.

MM

 

[DonGorgon]

Some women require more than other before they let you in .. and your looks and game and money can affect the speed of the process also...

Go play Grand Theft Auto San Andreas and you will see what i mean...

 

[WesCottII]

So Manic, whats the alternative? Not call?

If she flakes, she flakes, her loss. If you see her on a regular basis, you should have already proved what a great time you are = giving you her number.

Social proof doesn't matter half as much as emotions you elicit in women.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

But that's the problem right there. You are just focusing on numbers rather than really trying to get a connection. If you just want to get numbers to feel validated that women are accepting you by giving personal information about themselves, then you should be happy with accomplishing that goal.

If you want to go further than that, then your focus will have to change. You cant feel rewarded if you get her number because that's not what you are after, your goals are now higher than that. Now when your goals are higher, your attitude about that number is higher. It's just digits on a paper, cell phone, it doesn't mean anything more than that, other than a nice reinforcement for trying, or a brownie point.

Now, you getting tired of having false leads or numbers going nowhere. So you have to re-evaluate what you want. If you want to get laid, then ask people if they want to have some fun (is a diplomatic way of saying if they want to fvck) - and if they say yes, the number is just to set up where and when IF it cant be done immediately.

So, next time - DO NOT ASK FOR A NUMBER -- pick up a place in the environment where you want to get laid, and then just ask a girl if she wants to have some fun and see her reaction -- if you ask around enough, maby some girl will feel a connection with you and you'll find what you are looking for.

Post a field report on this.

 

[snowdog]

You're missing the point mate, even if he/I/whoever get the number it usually flakes because we haven't shown enough value and/or trust to the girl for her to accept and meet up. One of the key reasons is social proof. I think both me and ElStud here are the kind of guys who maybe know a few people and hang with them, we aren't the mega-party type who socialises with everyone. At this stage (high school, college, uni) it can be said that it's primarily a popularity contest. It changes a little if one games outside these environments, but the social proof and value demonstrations will be needed at some point.

MM

Well, try to become the mega-party type that socialises with everyone. It isn't that hard. I've always been like that and somehow I've always interested girls because of that. I just didn't knew what to do with that interest, and I'm still working on finding out better, lol. But I've always noticed girls noticing me because I talk to everyone and have fun with everyone.

Also keep in mind that not every girl nessecairily has to like you. Sometimes it just doesn't work, that's the reality. Sure, you can get most girls to like you if you're good, but some people just don't work together.

I had this total hottie at work, but with every word we spoke it was just clear it'll never be something with us. We were just on a different FM-frequency.

 

[bigjohnson]

But that's the problem right there. .....

Are you still a virgin? just checking because last time I looked I wasn't gonna get lifting advice from a guy who's never entered a gym ......

 

[TheBaconator]

You're missing the point mate, even if he/I/whoever get the number it usually flakes because we haven't shown enough value and/or trust to the girl for her to accept and meet up. One of the key reasons is social proof. I think both me and ElStud here are the kind of guys who maybe know a few people and hang with them, we aren't the mega-party type who socialises with everyone. At this stage (high school, college, uni) it can be said that it's primarily a popularity contest. It changes a little if one games outside these environments, but the social proof and value demonstrations will be needed at some point.

MM

Maybe you are just going after the wrong girls. Just like there are dudes who don't fall into the popular category, there are girls as well. You can't let some excuse like that hold you back, i'm sure where you are there are plenty of ladies who shun the whole popular concept and would probably see someone whos not just into following the crowd as intriguing and independent.

 

[Milosh]

Fake it, Cupid

Face it, when it comes to men and women, there's no such thing as "getting" each other, so you fake it, pretend to listen, catch the key words (if you can) and mention it later on, watch soppy romance movies with her, other than that, just check her out, see what she's into, and show equal interest, but most importantly, make your main motive clear to her from the start, you want to get into her pants, flirt from day one, without over doing it, but dont act like marriage material if thats not what you want, because trust me, the last thing you want is a scorned psycho chick on your case after a fling or one nighter..

 

[TheBaconator]

If you want to go further than that, then your focus will have to change. You cant feel rewarded if you get her number because that's not what you are after, your goals are now higher than that. Now when your goals are higher, your attitude about that number is higher. It's just digits on a paper, cell phone, it doesn't mean anything more than that, other than a nice reinforcement for trying, or a brownie point.

Now, you getting tired of having false leads or numbers going nowhere. So you have to re-evaluate what you want. If you want to get laid, then ask people if they want to have some fun (is a diplomatic way of saying if they want to fvck) - and if they say yes, the number is just to set up where and when IF it cant be done immediately.

So, next time - DO NOT ASK FOR A NUMBER -- pick up a place in the environment where you want to get laid, and then just ask a girl if she wants to have some fun and see her reaction -- if you ask around enough, maby some girl will feel a connection with you and you'll find what you are looking for.

Post a field report on this.

Que Elstud coming back to call you a KBJ. People have been telling him this on sosuave for a while, but until he decides to realize that numbers aren't success he will just be back with various versions of the same question.

 

[Mad Manic]

So Manic, whats the alternative? Not call?

If she flakes, she flakes, her loss. If you see her on a regular basis, you should have already proved what a great time you are = giving you her number.

Social proof doesn't matter half as much as emotions you elicit in women.

The alternative is to call anyway, whilst knowing it probably will flake for the same reasons as the others flaked, and finding out and trying to improve your weak points. The most common one is social proof, knowing attractive girls and having a big social network. It counts a lot because women already know lots of guys in their social network. Though I agree it isn't everything, but in many cases here it is the problem.

MM

 

[Mad Manic]

Maybe you are just going after the wrong girls. Just like there are dudes who don't fall into the popular category, there are girls as well. You can't let some excuse like that hold you back, i'm sure where you are there are plenty of ladies who shun the whole popular concept and would probably see someone whos not just into following the crowd as intriguing and independent.

Virtually all, perhaps all of the attractive women around my age go out a lot and have big social networks. However my case is unique, in despite being at a uni with 12, 000 people, I've managed to have zero friends and end up a recluse. I'm the only one who can do that, believe me, whilst actually being normal by most measures. But that's a discussion for another day/thread. I just think that most people on this site fail because of the same common reasons, like looks/height/social proof rather than gaming errors, though that may apply to a few. But I know that ElStud approaches sets by himself and doesn't get that far, and in these environments it's all about 'who you know' and your percieved social value.

MM

 

[Luke Skywalker]

Are you still a virgin? just checking because last time I looked I wasn't gonna get lifting advice from a guy who's never entered a gym ......

That's fine because I'm not giving advice about sex techniques, but about what you are focusing on.

When I focused on getting laid, I could have gotten laid if I wanted to, but you don't see me writing pity-party threads complaining that I cant get what I want since I don't care about getting laid, so to some extent, this is my choice to stay virgin.

 

[bigjohnson]

When I focused on getting laid, I could have gotten laid if I wanted to....

Yeah, sure, and I coulda been a Gold Medal swimmer, if I'd wanted to, you know.

 

[Mad Manic]

Until you've been on both ends of the social spectrum and really have gotten social experience, you don't know sh1t.

I have been mate, this is my current situation.

I have MANY friends at uni and I know kids who are cool but don't really socialize that much and instead focus on their studies, but every once in a while will go out and pull back a chick to fvck like it's nothing. What you're saying is true only at very small schools/high school. With your lack of social experience you really don't have a right to comment on these matters as if you were an authority.

What lack of social experience? Because I'm honest about my current situation now? Well to me it's better to be honest rather than parading myself as a god on sosuave like many people do. I did get laid when my life and social situation was better, I know that.

Also haven't you ever thought that whatever's causing you to have zero friends is what is causing you not to have success with women?

Of course I have, I'm not that stupid, despite ending up here. But with friends I've had or indeed family, they always felt I was sociable and normal and when I told a close friend about my problems at uni (he's left now and we're not in contact anymore) he was surprised and said he didn't know why. Bottom line, my life is a mess and that's MY reasons. But as I said I suspect it may well be others' reasons. If you were very well socially proofed and well networked what problems would you have with girls and why post on sosuave instead of being out and about?

MM

 

[Luke Skywalker]

Yeah, sure, and I coulda been a Gold Medal swimmer, if I'd wanted to, you know.

Getting laid isn't comparable to being a Gold Medal swimmer, if you can pick up any girl that you want at any time and get laid with her, then that's Gold Medal material (assuming your looks is accounting for 30% or less of your game, I think people like stand who have a 95% looks game disqualified) However, getting laid with any skank because you are desperate to stick it into something hardly qualifies for Bronze or even a prize, you are just getting your feet wet. So before you compare apples to oranges, this is what we are talking about is getting the feet wet.

However, I'm not interested in getting my feet wet because my religious (moral standard was tested before and was not breached) standards, I may as well be a religious asexual, but that doesn't make me stupid on a few very basic facts.

You know what, this is the bottom line truth here. Unless you are like stand, who brags that random women throws themselve on to him since he has killer looks and gets instant fvcks, I don't think it's possible to get an instant attraction like that. But if you ask girls directly for sex, that saves time, because you cut all the BS out, they either say yes, or they say no and whatever reaction they may have and you go your marry way. No worrying about numbers, dates, what she is thinking. But you ask in a diplomatic way --- you dont ask a girl if she wants to fvck, you may say to someone you have rapport with "Would you like to have some fun?"

 

[Jitterbug]

Seriously though, I want to know this. How does the whole lay process go? Alright, so you got her number, NOW WHAT? Wait let's go even BEFORE the number. When you approach a girl, how can you have INSTANT value to her and make her attracted? Because value is all that seems to matter when it comes to girls. If a girls uninterested in you, it's probably because you have no value to her. Anyway, I'd like to know that. Back to the number thing, you got her number, so now what do you do to move things on?

http://youtube.com/watch?v=uDoQFcQEpOQ

"What's wrong with a kiss, boy? Why don't you start with a nice kiss?"

At your level, you should be looking at getting dates and THEN kiss-closing, not the lay. One small step at a time.