Wolf Takes Down The Phoenix Suns!
My goal tonight was to run the Mystery Newbie Mission. I wanted to open sets, instead of just sitting on the sidelines like an afc. Nothing special happened really, just grinding with some Amerasian chick who opened and bounced me to a club (sorta) and a kiss close with a blonde who approached me in line at the same club.
Venue 1: The Grill
My wing T and I start out at a swanky lounge and grill downtown. We open a couple warm up sets with middle aged gals. Nice warm up sets and we move on to a different venue. This is a great day 2 rather than game venue. Next.
Venue 2: Sh1t Test Central
This is where the real action is.
Set 1: Blonde Amazons Three Set
Let the sh1t tests begin. I open a three set of 6' blondes. They are in the 8 to 8.5 range. I walk up and extend my hand into their group space. They stop talking and look at me. But I'm nervous as hell.
me: girls, let me ask you a question. My friend's from out of town and I told him the state of Oregon is like one big friendly town.
one chick: "I don't know about that! I think you can say that about Portland, but I don't know about the entire state."
me: "here's my boy T, he's a city slicker..."
same chick: "city slicker?!" she sneers and laughs interrupting me.
me: "he's a city slicker and he's trying to adjust to the small town vibe."
another chick: "well, I don't think Oregon is like that. I think Portland is like that.
me: I'm silent (unintentional vacuum?)
first chick: "I don't know but you're interesting...go on.
me: I'm flustered and a little resentful at the tests, but I plow on. I'm kinda/sorta in.
Now, a FOURTH girl rolls up to join us, and she's beautiful (8.5). She walks up and stares at me smiling, glances at her group then extends her hand to me for a handshake.
Me: "Uma."
She looks confused.
Me: "Uma Thurman. You got some big ol' eyes!" I messed up here. A girl approaches me and I punish her for approaching me. Wrong move.
She looks confused and sad a little bit.
A GUY rolls up. Now it's a five set. I start talking to the guy and the first three girls roll off. I have to stop that. Whenever I'm introduced to a male in a group I panic and stop talking to the girls. Then they leave. Boy, some serious **** tests but I'm glad I opened.
Set Two: Even More Sh1t Tests:
T wants to open a four set at a table. There's a brunette chick wearing a bright red scarf that he likes. He won't go over there. I want to open it for him. But I wait a full five minutes and open up a couple warm up adjacent sets before I can work up the nerve. Strange, huh?
I finally go over to their table. I seat myself and make myself home, and just start talking loud with a big smile.
Girl One: "I was thinking two things when you came over here!" she says with a smile/sneer.
me: what was that?
her: "you don't want to know."
me: no, tell me, I'm not thin skinned.
her: I thought: 1) why did he come over here and start yelling?! she laughs out loud.
me: why, you don't like people with loud voices?
her: well, I was at the airport and a security person was yelling at me.
me: oh, that sucks. I hate airport security too!
her: oh, you know you're sitting in my friend's seat?! she's going to kick you out when she gets back!
It's just perpetual sh1t like this from these three 30 something gals.
her: she guesses my ethnicity correctly
me: Wow! How did you know that?!
her: well, one of my friends (Dan Cho or something) is the same ethnicity as you and you look like him.
me: you know what, I like to think of myself as an insensitive azzhole, but I really feel touched. I feel vulnerable. I feel an emotional connection with you.
After about ten minutes of flack/grief, she gets all quiet, she lowers her head, her shoulders slump, and she looks slightly red in the face.
me: "what happened to you? I don't even recognize you anymore. I like feisty girls."
her: "I'm out of energy."
You can't get more honest than that, I'm thinking. Killing her with kindness, baby.
I try to number close the girl who returns. She says she has a boyfriend. She was giving me IOI's so I thought I'd try. I didn't read the situation right. The girl sh1t testing me wanted me. Thats why she kept screaming at me and begging for attention.
Translation:
1. "why did you come over here?!" means: "I"m glad you came over here."
2. "...and start yelling?" means: "I love your voice."
3. "you look like my friend.": "I like you and feel safe with you."
Whenever I say to a girl she looks like someone I know, this is a b.s. line which roughly translates to: 'you're cute.'
OK, maybe these are optimistic translations, but my speculative guess is that this girl was sh1t testing me since her buying temperature was up, and wanted to buy herself time before she caved in and submitted to me. She way she signaled submission was by saying that I looked like someone she know.
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Set Three: Four Party Girls.
T opens an adjacent set of four young girls. The Amerasian girl in the group opens me while I stand behind them, waiting for T to hook.
her: "I'm Asian!" she says to me, pointing to herself, wide eyed, mouth open.
The Amerasian chick wants to bounce with us to somewhere else. T suggests a club, but they say they want to go to a "high energy" place. This girl gets a phone call. "We're going to club x with a couple of people we met."
T and I are indecisive about where we're going. This kills the bounce.
her: "we'll meet you over there?"
me: "yeah? ok."
her: ok.
We all walk out together anyway, deciding on club x. Once on the street, the Amerasian girl says that she's going to her car first.
me: "cool, we'll save a spot in line for ya."
Venue Three: Wolf Enters Club With NBA AMOG's. Wolf is Opened Three Times, Gets Kiss Close.
The Amerasian chick shows up (I didn't think she'd actually make it at that point). But, she's there with some peacocked short guy with spiky hair and U2/Bone glasses. She ignores me. I ignore her. This tool pays the cover for all four girls. I'm thinking that this is the guy she was speaking on the phone to?
Set One: Blonde Opens Me
Meanwhile, some blonde walks up to me in line and starts complaining about having to stand in line. I can feel it. I've hooked this girl already.
her: "don't you like go inside something warm?"
me: "aaaaw, I like the way you said that." I say in a sentimental tone. Note: whenever a girl drops a double entendre on you like that, she wants to have sex with you.
her: she looks at me, licks her lips, then looks inside.
me: "look at you, licking your lips and looking inside! You must really want to go inside!" (I almost blew myself out with my sexual banter last night so I tone it down).
her: she kinos me a bit in line, rubbing her leg against my legs and rubbing her body against mine from time to time.
---
Set Two: Cigarette Girl Opens Me
Another girl opens me while I'm in line. She's getting a cigarette lit by the bouncer. She must be high maintenance, I say about her to the bouncer.
her: azzhole! she yells at me sneering.
---
Once I'm inside, I get on the dance floor. The girl who called me azzhole outside approaches me on the dance floor and grabs my shoulder before walking off.
me: hey, why did you touch me?
her: deer in the headlights expression. She hugs me in a bear hug, puts her face on my lips making me kiss her, then jumps on top of me, almost tackling me. "I have to go to the bathroom, are you gonna be here?" she says pointing to the ground.
me: "I'll be around."
Amerasian Girl Reopens Me:
I see the Amerasian girl grinding with the short glasses guy and then with another guy. She reopens me on the dance floor. "Hey! Hey! Hey!"
I ignore her, forcing her to walk over to me and say hi.
me: "what is it?"
her: "I was talking to you!" I grind with her for a minute or two before she walks off.
---
T opens a three set. I tease the blonde girl that I can see up her dress so she should close her legs. I tell her to spread her legs so I can get a better view. I pull my legs up to show her. The whole group starts laughing. I tell her to put her legs behind her head. I start to show her, but I pull my left glute. I walk offf limping.
The entire group except the blonde starts to bust up laughing. I come back and seat myself and try to put my arm around the blonde. She doesn't comply, blocking me partially with her left arm. I IOD her by leaning away, and then by leaving her completely to join the other two girls and T. We take a bunch of pictures and I do some poses which I now regret.
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Blonde Reopens Me and Kiss Closes Me:
I walk around and find the blonde in line. I ignore her and walk by her. As I turn back around she bumps into me.
me: Heeey! Where did you go?
her: I was dancing with my friends.
We start dancing a little bit for a moment.
her: I'm leaving now.
me: Awww. I'm going to ask for your number.
her: she is silent, ready to comply. But I'm slow on the draw.
her: you'll see me again.
me: oh, ok.
her: she gives me a kiss, first aiming for the cheek then giving me a kiss on the lips/corner of the mouth.
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