Single mothers. Listen and learn.

[Someone Much cooler]

To be real i post on here from time to time maybe a few times a yr, more so for moral support or strenth and focus but i dont really buy the PUA hype or band wagon. I think it is simply calulations, seperation from fear of rejection or emotional hurt. This comes into play with single moms who want their kids to be ur/ur kids royalty. I know a few guys that have put their new shawtis kids before their own and it emotionally fvck the "forgotten" kids up. My ex's pops remarried and kicked his 3 daughters out while they were 17, 18 and 19. now that some gritty ****.
I think that it should be a balance in a relationship, single mom+single dad=Family and they should treat each other like that. No one should be better or more important and everyone should look out for each other.

 

[BobMo']

It's a waste of time to get into a housekeeping arrangement with a singe mom, even if the kid is all grown up. As others have said, you'll always be just another guy. She'll probably not even remember your name a few years from when it ends.

 

[LiveFreeX]

wonderful post. bump bump bump.

 

[zekko]

What about when you are talking about older women, say, in their 40s (I don't think I've ever dated anybody that old). When their children have grown up and moved out. Does that make any difference? I imagine the kids still being #1 would remain a problem, although not as much as when they still live at home.

 

[bigneil]

You can't generalize that much.

A good woman with a kid is better than a bad woman without a kid.

You'll never compare to the child either way - even if it's yours.

And yes, when the kids are older it's easier, but you're dating grandma by that point.

 

[Eternal_water]

I always get the impression they are good for a one off pump n dump and nothing more.

 

[Naughty Ninja]

Not EVERY chick with a kid is a bad person.

Sometimes people make mistakes.

A previous ex of mine had a kid way before she had met me. She was a good person and a good mom and Yes she did really care about me. (And she was friggin hot)

Problem was I couldn't see myself with a chick who already had a kid with someone else.

So in conclusion even though all the good things were there I for one can't be with someone who already has a kid that isn't mine and I took off. I kindof felt like a **** because she never had or gave me problems. But...I prefer to have kids and be with someone who doesn't come with a ready made family.

 

[5string]

What about when you are talking about older women, say, in their 40s (I don't think I've ever dated anybody that old). When their children have grown up and moved out. Does that make any difference? I imagine the kids still being #1 would remain a problem, although not as much as when they still live at home.

Good question.

Mrs.5strings daughter has taken advantage of her both financially and emotionally. 3 kids, 3 baby daddies. Even though almost 40, she's still a pain in the a$$. She's really frustrated right now as she can't take advantage of the wife. Mrs.5string is insulated from her by me. Oh, I could tell you guy's stories nearly beyond belief! The daughter wants my stuff and my money and has tried to get both through her mother.

So the answer is yep, even though a kid is out of the house and gone, they never truly dissapear unless you hire David Copperfield.

 

[zekko]

Good question.

Mrs.5strings daughter has taken advantage of her both financially and emotionally. 3 kids, 3 baby daddies. Even though almost 40, she's still a pain in the a$$. She's really frustrated right now as she can't take advantage of the wife. Mrs.5string is insulated from her by me. Oh, I could tell you guy's stories nearly beyond belief! The daughter wants my stuff and my money and has tried to get both through her mother.

So the answer is yep, even though a kid is out of the house and gone, they never truly dissapear unless you hire David Copperfield.

I know several older women who have two kids, a good one and a bad one. The good one grew up and became successful, live independently, and support themselves well. The bad ones may have had brushes with the law, are disrespectful to their mothers, and sponge money off them like mad.

 

[5string]

I know several older women who have two kids, a good one and a bad one. The good one grew up and became successful, live independently, and support themselves well. The bad ones may have had brushes with the law, are disrespectful to their mothers, and sponge money off them like mad.

A good point zekko.

You could be the best parents in the world with all the love and affection required and you could still end up with a Charles Manson through no fault of your own. Never know.

 

[Blackmm]

Not EVERY chick with a kid is a bad person.

Sometimes people make mistakes.

A previous ex of mine had a kid way before she had met me. She was a good person and a good mom and Yes she did really care about me. (And she was friggin hot)

Problem was I couldn't see myself with a chick who already had a kid with someone else.

So in conclusion even though all the good things were there I for one can't be with someone who already has a kid that isn't mine and I took off. I kindof felt like a **** because she never had or gave me problems. But...I prefer to have kids and be with someone who doesn't come with a ready made family.

Any chick with a kid has to be 1000 percent cooperative with me. She better know that she is in competition with other chicks without children and will never be sought after as much as an equally attractive childless female.

 

[Solomon]

as a black man there is a lot sterotypes and other b.s. I'm almost 30, I'm at that age now where other black people think it's "weird" that I don't have any kids out of wedlock. It's to the point that some people even question if I'm straight.

I see guys now playing sugar daddy with these broads, and taking care of them. I talked to a chick on pof a year ago and she found out she was pregeant just before we were suppose to hang out her biggest worry wasn't the kid or rasing it her first thing she said was

"Who wants to be with a single mother?"

6 months later, I finnally met her by accident when I was walking with two beaitfuil girls back home (just friends lol) and she was drunk with some guys waiting for a train. It looks like she had that MISSMORTION.

I'm conflicted at times, I mean my mother was a single mom for almost 5 years before she remarried. Did it mess me up a bit? you bet. But it wasn't her fault my dad was a good looking fella who knew the game. It's unfortunate he died before he could pass it on to me. But I'm learning on my own

My point is, I loath single mothers because these women think their entitled to another man with this "I'm a packaged deal".

we live in a society were it's being glrofied on shows like "teen mom" and "16 and pregeant" to be a single mom, I know I'm getting older and finding chicks who don't have kids is harder and harder every year.

It's truly depressing

 

[Warrior74]

I wish em good luck, and advise they meet single dads.

No thanks. We've already learned our lesson. They are still FBs for us too if at all. A single or weekend dad has a way better perspective than any non kid having guy could have. Ask a few who are single.

 

[floydb25]

I'm just wondering how you can be a chump with the same person for 25 years. If I do it for 3 months, I get pissed off at myself and hate the girl for using / playing me for that long. Been this way forever. Never progressed in chumpdom with the same person beyond 3 months. Ever. And I had major self-esteem, depression, insecurity, co-dependancy issues. Still, wouldn't allow it. I always knew something was amiss, and it wasn't all in my head (contrary to their misdirective claims). Their hotness didn't keep me sucked in, either.

Also: why do you list 100 as your age?

 

[5string]

I'm just wondering how you can be a chump with the same person for 25 years. If I do it for 3 months, I get pissed off at myself and hate the girl for using / playing me for that long. Been this way forever. Never progressed in chumpdom with the same person beyond 3 months. Ever. And I had major self-esteem, depression, insecurity, co-dependancy issues. Still, wouldn't allow it. I always knew something was amiss, and it wasn't all in my head (contrary to their misdirective claims). Their hotness didn't keep me sucked in, either.

Also: why do you list 100 as your age?

Well Floyd. When I got married to my first wife, I just adored her kids. Did everything a dad should do. I'd like to think I was a great role model. Both turned out awesome. The relationship with them exists to this day despite the divorce. Call it AFC all you want since I stayed 25 yrs. Regardless, it was a mistake on my part and I have admitted to all of you and most importantly, myself. The good thing is that I moved on which is a wonderful example of "it's never too late."

I list my age at 100 for identity purposes. Let's just say I'm over 50.

The purpose of this thread was to warn others of the downfalls of getting with a single mom, especially if you don't have to which you don't! There are plenty of childless chicks out there to choose from. My advice is to not make the same mistake I did. That comes from one who's been there and paid the price.

 

[glass half full]

you can't just judge them because they are single mothers. One good thing to measure them by, is the kind of life they lead. Are their friends the type you could date? Because after their kids, in the list of importance are their friends. They will always trump you in rating. They better like you, or your deal with her will be short lived. And does she work in a factory? Same thing. You have to impress those friends of hers too. Conduct a single mommy like an interview. And follow your mind, not your nuts.

 

[soulforge]

you can't just judge them because they are single mothers. One good thing to measure them by, is the kind of life they lead. Are their friends the type you could date? Because after their kids, in the list of importance are their friends. They will always trump you in rating. They better like you, or your deal with her will be short lived. And does she work in a factory? Same thing. You have to impress those friends of hers too. Conduct a single mommy like an interview. And follow your mind, not your nuts.

this is a very important point you make... about her friends...

what are you thoughts on this matter? if her friends are mostly low value trashy woman, then does that reflect on your girlfriend?

my ex always maintained, what her friends do, is what they choose to do & it does not mean she is anything like them.

most of my exes friends was single mothers, drinkers, some took cocaine, some slept around... nearly everyone of them had failed relationships!

also about her friends not liking you...

one of my exes best friends did not like me, because of my ethnicity, she would actually warn my ex, to dump me & told her on many occasions, that we should not be together blah blah blah

how the f@ck do you get past that


as for single mothers.... guys just don't do it... maybe if she has just the one kid, then fair enough.. but my ex had 3 kids.... they always always came before me, on every level.

and she would make a thing of pointing it out, that her kids will always come before me!!

once she even said to me... in her own words... IF ANY OF MY KIDS EVER DECIDED THEY DID NOT LIKE YOU... THEN I WOULD END THE RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU!!

so basically i would have to keep her sweet & the other mans DNA sweet too, or else she shows me to the f@cking door!

in the order of things.. i came 4th place....

first her kids..

then her family..

then her friends..

then me.. just don't do it guys... you will pay a heavy price!

 

[Hyper2010]

Just been reading this thread and though I'd through in my two bits worth...

By dating a single mum you substitute your masculinity on THE most basic and primal level. You are providing safety, nurture, resources, time and money from YOUR own pocket to aid in the progression and development of someone else's DNA. In nature animals are known to actively kill and eat other animal of the same species to elimenate competition
to their own young.

Unless you pump and dump, as the relationship develops you will ultimately end up literally putting your hand in your own pocket. Think about it this way, if you go out together, grow close, get married and go the distance you will have to base every aspect of your life and its path around the baggage which comes with a girl.

Can you imagine having to purchase a house with an extra room/rooms to accommodate her kid? Paying through the nose for extra holiday places? Extra food? More demands?

Long and short...It boils down to you having to alter your entire lifestyle because she was irresponsible and careless enough to take a bare back load from someone she wasn't entirely sure of or committed to.

I speak from experience. Don't do it.

However, I know many of you reading this won't listen....If you must date a woman with baggage look at it this way. Your mindset should be, SHE IS THE ONE LUCKY to be with you.

I want to close this by asking a question to you all. On these forums which I enjoy reading and which are massively useful, we talk a lot about being an alpha male, being in control of ourselves, freedom, choice and making our own decisions.....But would a TRUE alpha male ever date a single mum?

Your thoughts guys

 

[Solomon]

Just been reading this thread and though I'd through in my two bits worth...

By dating a single mum you substitute your masculinity on THE most basic and primal level. You are providing safety, nurture, resources, time and money from YOUR own pocket to aid in the progression and development of someone else's DNA. In nature animals are known to actively kill and eat other animal of the same species to elimenate competition
to their own young.

Unless you pump and dump, as the relationship develops you will ultimately end up literally putting your hand in your own pocket. Think about it this way, if you go out together, grow close, get married and go the distance you will have to base every aspect of your life and its path around the baggage which comes with a girl.

Can you imagine having to purchase a house with an extra room/rooms to accommodate her kid? Paying through the nose for extra holiday places? Extra food? More demands?

Long and short...It boils down to you having to alter your entire lifestyle because she was irresponsible and careless enough to take a bare back load from someone she wasn't entirely sure of or committed to.

I speak from experience. Don't do it.

However, I know many of you reading this won't listen....If you must date a woman with baggage look at it this way. Your mindset should be, SHE IS THE ONE LUCKY to be with you.

I want to close this by asking a question to you all. On these forums which I enjoy reading and which are massively useful, we talk a lot about being an alpha male, being in control of ourselves, freedom, choice and making our own decisions.....But would a TRUE alpha male ever date a single mum?

Your thoughts guys

I agree with you mate, but I will say this

What about the older guys? as you get older SM's are more and more common. what do you do then?

Just saying

p.s. I agree with all of you guys SM's are just for pumpNdump I just hate dealing with the fact of being number 2 and imgaine and deal with that babydaddy nonsense etc

 

[Hyper2010]

Well the way I lock at it for older gents, is that if you consider the average age for popping out someone else's kid to be between 18-25 (or 13-25 here in England) then by the time a woman reaches say 30 or 35 the kids old enough to go out on their own and leave time for you as a couple....That could actually be manageable or acceptable expending how leniant you are.

Generally speaking the older they get the less time theoretically you would have to spend with them and the less of a hindrance they may pose to your own relationship with SM. By the time they are 16-18 hopefully they would be off the college, university, moved out etc. Guess its just a matter of time and how you would like to spend it.

Couple of things you would have to consider though regardless though;

- lifelong input and presence from her ex. Like it or not he's always there and regardless of how much she says she hates his guts and cannot stand him, keep in the back of your mind that once upon a day they were extremely sexual by all accounts

- If she has a son, and he's say 16+, there's nothing to stop him taking a pot shot at you if you happen to upset his mother. Especially if he has a natural dislike towards you or sees you as a threat due the daddy issues of having been raised with an absent or abusive father

- Unlikely scenario, but what if she has a really hot 18 year old daughter who likes older men. Sound silly, but from my experience of SMs they have all, and I do mean ALL, had things for older men and due to a lack of a male role model are psychologically programmed to seek out a father figure

Guess its just a matter of waiting ordering what's best for you

P