Simp question about friendly cashier

[corrector]

How about the next time you see her you figure out a way to engage?

I would ask her how her day is going or some such, she will most likely talk about being tired or wishing she was off as is often the case with service workers.

Then you could say: “oh so what would you be doing if you were free today?” Her answer will most likely give you some insight about the things that are important to her. Maybe she wishes she was out for a hike, or she likes to bake, or she would like time to play with her dog.

This gives you an open. Like maybe “oh I love hiking, I recently discovered this trail (or lake or whatever that’s really pretty) we should go for a hike together, when are you off?” You’re a smart guy @corrector, and a good conversationalist surely you could strike up a discussion leading to meeting her off work for something fun.

The trick is to get them to talk by showing interest in something about her other than her fine cleavage. Let her talk, if you are eloquent and smart you can keep it going for more than a few sentences. Also, I do not know if coffee shops have tip jars in Canada, but you could make sure that she sees you tipping her as well - this shows class and gets noticed. You need to find subtle ways to set yourself apart somehow. And smile, always smile women love a smile.

Just some ideas for you.

Thank you. I do agree these are great suggestions, however, I would like to review the process of thoughts that were in my mind, at least at that time, of what I was thinking of talking to her about:

1) Noticed it was very quiet around, no other customers around within the space, just me and her. "It's rather quiet around here now, was it busier earlier today?"

2) She had an exotic type of mixed look. "May I ask where you are from?" As I'm mixed myself, if she has a good attitude, it could be an interesting convo.

The reason I'm mentioning this to you, is that is what I had to work with at that time. Even the best idea now can't change the past and circumstnaces which may have caused me to "gulp" saying something (ie that should appear to be reasonable) to engage on her and just stick on this business-mode and don't get where all of the anxiety and fear is coming from. There may be some serious issues with "inner game" since I should have said something, and I felt "blocked", like it was somehow inappropriate, when it's in fact totally appropriate.

Therefore, good ideas are always great on paper, however, with execution, there are sometimes these anxieties and mental blocks that I'm not performing as well as I should. If I can somehow manage the nerves then hopefully I'll take social risks so it's not just about business.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

In this case, she makes coffee as she is a barista, so I mean, since she served me coffee there and wasn't doing anything, then I could have continued talking to her while drinking the coffee-latte she just served. It would be silly to suggest another coffee date if you can talk to her right now.

A) she's working, so she might not be relaxed enough for a real conversation
B) just like florists rarely get flowers, baristas rarely get coffee dates. Doesn't mean they don't like them. Be original.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

@corrector youre over analyzing the situation. Classic analysis paralysis, just jump in brother, every time you don’t is a lost opportunity, not only to meet and charm a pretty girl, but for you to develop the confidence you lack.

Just do it.

If it doesn’t work, it’s the same as not having done it.

Shoot your shot bro. What’s the worst thing that can occur?

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Shoot your shot bro. What’s the worst thing that can occur?

 

[Scaramouche]

Hi Corrector,
Didn't know she worked in a Coffee Shop,thought she was a checkout chick in a supermarket...Like Bar Maids,she probably gets knocked onto by a lot of Guys...But Hell you have nothing to lose,she's not going to bite you.

 

[MtmVaott]

Thank you. I do agree these are great suggestions, however, I would like to review the process of thoughts that were in my mind, at least at that time, of what I was thinking of talking to her about:

1) Noticed it was very quiet around, no other customers around within the space, just me and her. "It's rather quiet around here now, was it busier earlier today?"

2) She had an exotic type of mixed look. "May I ask where you are from?" As I'm mixed myself, if she has a good attitude, it could be an interesting convo.

The reason I'm mentioning this to you, is that is what I had to work with at that time. Even the best idea now can't change the past and circumstnaces which may have caused me to "gulp" saying something (ie that should appear to be reasonable) to engage on her and just stick on this business-mode and don't get where all of the anxiety and fear is coming from. There may be some serious issues with "inner game" since I should have said something, and I felt "blocked", like it was somehow inappropriate, when it's in fact totally appropriate.

Therefore, good ideas are always great on paper, however, with execution, there are sometimes these anxieties and mental blocks that I'm not performing as well as I should. If I can somehow manage the nerves then hopefully I'll take social risks so it's not just about business.

I'd rather go with these:
1) "It's rather quiet around here now, quite unusual, right?
2) "Hey, I have a migration background and I'm worried how this will turn out in [recent job event], I don't want to be rude, but does a likely event occur in your job as well?"
You see what I did there? These questions don't put her on the spot, you make your intentions somewhat clear, and she can immediately start talking about her personal experiences and feelings.
Like you, I tend to freeze and block mentally. I may also dissociate and loose any visual information coming through my eyes for a few seconds. If this is true for you as well, you won't get further, since the blockades will only become more severe the more important she becomes. Abundance probably helps.

 

[corrector]

These questions don't put her on the spot, you make your intentions somewhat clear, and she can immediately start talking about her personal experiences and feelings.

This is the main issue is worried about putting someone on the spot. I want to engage with her in a natural type of way that is so normal that it could just be a throw-away. With me even any basic type of conversation or small talk could be challenging.

However, the tips that you and @Pierce.Manhammer have mentioned sound helpful in making these social ice-breakers sound so natural and under-the-radar that it should be the go-to default line if I freeze up.

Like you, I tend to freeze and block mentally. I may also dissociate and loose any visual information coming through my eyes for a few seconds. If this is true for you as well, you won't get further, since the blockades will only become more severe the more important she becomes. Abundance probably helps.

Abundance with regular (ie women who are not on OF) women is a luxury so it's not an option. I don't have any women in my life even on a family level (ie there are no female cousins I'm close to, have no sisters, not close to any Aunt, or single female friends, etc....). It was so bad at one point I used to grope mannequins.

That being said, I did see some short-lived benefit when I used pheromones back in 2011 and 2013. I don't use those anymore.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

The only wasted shot is the one you don’t take.