SILENCE and DISTANCE

[fastlife]

Notice you are concerned about how you appear as opposed to handling her most effectively.

Notice you are investing more of your two most valuable assets--time and attention--into her as opposed to withdrawing them.



"Disappearing like a puzzy" is a social construct, which has merit in dealings with a random girl or guy.

As to your girl or date, it could be argued that your staying following her conscious disrespect is "staying with her like a pvzzy" as opposed to her losing you.


It could be well argued that staying following her disrespect is a sign of a weak or absent frame, and an overt signaling of non-existent boundaries.

Remember, boundaries can be implemented overtly or covertly.


Considering :

Within this context, need not tell her not to disrespect you as she is well aware of what she is doing. Yet you stay.

Action > Words

Overt boundaries not to disrespect when she already knows not to disrespect you implicitly demonstrates (1) You will not walk away if she chooses to disrespect you; (2) how to push your buttons (with no consequence) if she elects to; (3) you will give her more time and attention as opposed to withdrawing them; (4) if the disrespect were unconsciously incited by an issue ruminating in her, you are training her not to bring the issue forward for discussion, as there is no punishment of withdrawal imbued in her psyche motivating her to learn how to properly communicate.

The greatest boundary she will feel is her loss of you. Don't talk about her losing you. Don't threaten that she will lose you. Don't delineate the ultimatum, "If you do it again, you will lose me." Simply exercise the boundary immediately ... she loses you.

Any reparation (assuming the disrespect was not so great) she makes will be felt and imbued in her psyche greater than any overt words you could possibly deliver.

Within the above contexts, this is how you exercise boundaries ... powerfully.

Well said.

Reward behavior within your frame (by acknowledging it exists & thus cultivating its existence); ignore any behavior that isn’t within your frame—like it does not exist, because it doesn’t.

A strong frame doesn’t need defending. It’sself-evident & irreducible. For instance, if someone you barely knew messaged you arguing, “The sky is green,” would you even bother to try to convince them otherwise? Or would you chuckle & shake your head at the absurdity? By arguing a point—especially from an emotional place—you acknowledge the validity of the counterpoint. Another form of qualification.

 

[Glassguy]

Absolutely, silence and distance should be an unconscious process.

Hehe, just the other day I was chatting with my friend (who is a girl), and she asked how I so often get new dates, new plates, and new gfs absolutely obsessed with me. She had never seen anything remotely close to such obsessions among all her friends with their bfs. After some rumination, I narrowed it down primarily to how I naturally operate through silence and distance. The unconscious push-pull invest-withdrawal process ignites extreme passion and a stronger emotional connect with these women.

Though, many men here come to this site seeking to improve themselves and their relations. The first step in improving social relations/acumen is employing conscious directives, that is, consciously undertaking acts that feel different/foreign to you, until they are practiced so often and intertwined into your modus operandi, they become an unconscious process, and thus a part of who YOU have become.

I agree and social skills are definitely the skill that most lack on here that do not have success with women. On top of having social skills that come across as confident yet not arrogant, humorous without being silly/clownish and operating in your frame (clear boundaries) there are several things that one should be doing with women that you mentioned:

1.) Push/pull is an excellent way to spike interest (interest must be there first).
2.) Having abundance (not just faking it)
3.) Showing that you have a purpose(s) in life that do not revolve around ANY woman. A good woman (plate, gf, fiance, wife) should be a compliment to your purpose, not THE purpose. A man with a purpose is attractive and mysterious.
4.) Having a life outside of trying to please a woman. For me its golf, fishing, boating, bow hunting, my daughter and her travel volleyball schedule, etc.
I am truly happy doing those things regardless of if I am dating 0 women or 5. They can sense that and it makes me more valuable.

You cant fake this stuff, buy it or acquire it. You have to develop it. Most guys on here arent willing to put the work into it to get better at it and better their own lifestyle so its no just smoke in mirrors but actually their real lifestyle.

For sure, social skills and being able to talk to a woman is the thing that most need to improve on first. Without getting your foot in the door and expressing interest the correct way, the rest of it is meaningless.

 

[BeExcellent]

Absolutely, silence and distance should be an unconscious process.

Hehe, just the other day I was chatting with my friend (who is a girl), and she asked how I so often get new dates, new plates, and new gfs absolutely obsessed with me. She had never seen anything remotely close to such obsessions among all her friends with their bfs. After some rumination, I narrowed it down primarily to how I naturally operate through silence and distance. The unconscious push-pull invest-withdrawal process ignites extreme passion and a stronger emotional connect with these women.

Though, many men here come to this site seeking to improve themselves and their relations. The first step in improving social relations/acumen is employing conscious directives, that is, consciously undertaking acts that feel different/foreign to you, until they are practiced so often and intertwined into your modus operandi, they become an unconscious process, and thus a part of who YOU have become.

I see the same thing with the way men I know operate. My ex husband naturally did this (does this now with women he interacts with) and so does my boyfriend. Women can get obsessive about men who do this because it does allow that man to get up in the woman's head. I employ this as well myself with similar results. Attraction & desire begin inside the mind. Absence ignites desire because in the space you are granting through absence you are allowing the mind of the other person to create fantasy and illusion but you are also reinforcing standards and quietly asserting self respect.

The other thing silence/distance does is make clear through action that A. You respect yourself, B. You will not put up with disrespectful behavior and C. You are prepared to let things drop and NEXT the person. It is a powerful exercise in exertion of frame/inner game. It demonstrates your VALUE.

It works best BY FAR if this is a deeply internalized thing you do naturally out your own standards and your own self respect. It will not work as well if it is contrived, but you should still learn to respect yourself in this way even if it is contrived until it becomes part of who you are and how you exercise your standards without saying a word (silence and distance).

I would add that the push/pull dynamic (if done as part of the natural ebb and flow between two people) increases sexual tension, enhances attraction and encourages emotional investment. And if in fact it is part of how your psyche operates naturally, if it becomes something you naturally do, a way that you naturally exist, then voila' you have arrived at a place where people will feel your sex appeal without you saying a word. And that gentlemen is to your advantage in many ways.

 

[Urbanyst]

More blue pill mind game horse sh*t.

Here's an idea.. kick b*tches who don't act right to the curb lol.

F*cking losers.

 

[guru1000]

Silence and Distance works effectively when you have an ongoing relation, frequent communications, or a deep rapport with the girl. However, even with girls where rapport has yet to develop, I operate at an approx 30-40% turn around with flakes, declined, or ignored date offers (predominant in OLD). This is a high ratio by anyone's standards. The following text message is a recent working example (I'm in blue):

http://s682.photobucket.com/user/guru1000/media/IMG_3435_zps6vxchkuq.png.html?sort=3&o=0

My date offer is extended only once. Anything other than a "yes," I'm gone.

 

[Macaframalama]

Notice you are concerned about how you appear as opposed to handling her most effectively.

Notice you are investing more of your two most valuable assets--time and attention--into her as opposed to withdrawing them.



"Disappearing like a puzzy" is a social construct, which has merit in dealings with a random girl or guy.

As to your girl or date, it could be argued that your staying following her conscious disrespect is "staying with her like a pvzzy" as opposed to her losing you.


It could be well argued that staying following her disrespect is a sign of a weak or absent frame, and an overt signaling of non-existent boundaries.

Remember, boundaries can be implemented overtly or covertly.


Considering :

Within this context, need not tell her not to disrespect you as she is well aware of what she is doing. Yet you stay.

Action > Words

Overt boundaries not to disrespect when she already knows not to disrespect you implicitly demonstrates (1) You will not walk away if she chooses to disrespect you; (2) how to push your buttons (with no consequence) if she elects to; (3) you will give her more time and attention as opposed to withdrawing them; (4) if the disrespect were unconsciously incited by an issue ruminating in her, you are training her not to bring the issue forward for discussion, as there is no punishment of withdrawal imbued in her psyche motivating her to learn how to properly communicate.

The greatest boundary she will feel is her loss of you. Don't talk about her losing you. Don't threaten that she will lose you. Don't delineate the ultimatum, "If you do it again, you will lose me." Simply exercise the boundary immediately ... she loses you.

Any reparation (assuming the disrespect was not so great) she makes will be felt and imbued in her psyche greater than any overt words you could possibly deliver.

Within the above contexts, this is how you exercise boundaries ... powerfully.

This is mack granite. Chew on it. Sharpen teeth.

 

[Macaframalama]

More blue pill mind game horse sh*t.

Here's an idea.. kick b*tches who don't act right to the curb lol.

F*cking losers.

L7

 

[nismo-4]

Extremely useful advice, in the relationship/ deep stages that is!

In the initial stages, there's usually a power struggle, and you're in competition with a lot of other guys for any given girl. Going silent and distant is a good thing, no doubt. But what if she isn't attracted to you? What if she isn't chasing you? What if you aren't near first place? What if you do this too early? You'll be going S&D till kingdom come. And not even learning anything.

Well, going silent and distant will prevent you from being an orbiter or any other beta role, but you'll be viewed as a non-entity, useless, or uninterested. End of the day, you didn't get the girl. Sometimes you dodge a bullet i.e. when she needs someone to tease or string along.

How guys view it after going S&D:

She's not interested, I just weeded out an attention seeker! I'm not about to be her new beta.

How girls view it:

I wasn't interested in him anyway. For some reason, Kevin did look good in that LA Lakers hoodie yesterday, let me call him!

She has to have some interest there, may be evident if she calls or texts. Otherwise, she'll be glad you're gone so she can focus more on the personal trainer from Planet Fitness.

Female attention is a good thing, but if it doesn't go past that, it's just that she sees you as a beta male at most.

Alpha moves are great to use, but do they bring you results outside of weeding off attention seekers and women who only see you as someone to fill some beta void Chad and Tyrone aren't?

In order for her to lose you, she has to actually have you. How can she have you when she barely knows you?

Then again, there's a reason why guys have to play mind games too.

 

[Igetit!]

My date offer is extended only once. Anything other than a "yes," I'm gone.

Yep....I 100% AGREE. If it's not a "yes",it's a no. If I ask a chick out and she starts talking about....

"Maybe"
"Might"
"I don't know"
and "We'll see"....I'm out.

You wouldn't believe how much BS you can bypass and time you can save,simply by moving on to the next girl.

 

[ubercat]

Well I believe in a second chance. To account for the emotional nature of women.

Most women aren't capable of shrugging off a bad day. If she flakes because her period came or her boss was ragging on her and she's just Damned angry that's a girl. It's not always LI Just drop her a hi a week later
If she bites ask her out.

Although I have a one strike rule for disrespect. I don't think there's any excuse for being a sh1tty human being

 

[Glassguy]

Well I believe in a second chance. To account for the emotional nature of women.

Most women aren't capable of shrugging off a bad day. If she flakes because her period came or her boss was ragging on her and she's just Damned angry that's a girl. It's not always LI Just drop her a hi a week later
If she bites ask her out.

Although I have a one strike rule for disrespect. I don't think there's any excuse for being a sh1tty human being

I agree to an extent.....but regardless of the situation, if she cancels the day of the date without an offer to reschedule for another specific day and time, its best to be silent and move on.

If a woman had a terrible day at work and just didnt feel like doing something that evening, she wouldnt just send a "sorry cant make it tonight" if she has high interest. You'll get a "I had several things come up today and I cant make it this evening. I really want to see you, can I make it up to you Saturday night if you're free?".

The way the say it/text it will mean everything. Give me a "sorry cant make it" and I will give you a non verbal "GTFO" through my silence and failure to pursue. Give me something that I can relate to, as in "what came up" and a clear counter offer for a day and time and I am fine with it.
But if they want to reschedule for another specific date/time, she must show up because if it happens again she will get ghosted at that point.

 

[guru1000]

If you are a KING, why don't you act like one? Why do you allow your frame to bend to whims of women?

Some don't truly comprehend the power you can wield by thinking more of yourselves. S & D is a powerful covert style of communication that enforces/reinforces your frame (and thus the frame) as anything that attempts to exist outside of your frame will be given no time and attention and thus collapses from your awareness.

The question of what she thinks of you (as @nismo-4 states) is irrelevant, as she no longer rents space in your awareness. What's relevant are that the actions that you commit to that reinforce your (KING) frame, which, in a nutshell, is investing your two most valuable assets--time and attention--only into those who are merit such a lofty reward.

As @ubercat states, women are emotional, PMS, have bad days and do not always bring their "A" behavior at times. However, even given these meritorious rationalizations, S&D serves you best. You allow her the opportunity to reach out when "she feels better" to redress her "sleight." A King frame and a Panderer frame cannot concurrently exist. Always choose the former.

S&D works most effectively with stronger rapport/relations, but even where rapport has yet to develop as in Post 25, what frame has my S&D and her ensuing backpedaling set? What message have I sub-communicated and rapport have I forged that not even 1000 words could effectively deliver?

S&D powerfully forges a strong rapport and a strong frame. Use it accordingly.

 

[Glassguy]

I agree but important to not get into the narcissistic silent treatment loop. This can be overdone.

At the same time, feeling obligated to speak to some of the most toxic people on the planet (women youre dating, often times) is every bit as poisonous.

I totally agree with @guru1000 . Women do have bad days, hell I have bad days......but I chose to not be around moody, grouchy people. So S&D even in a small sense can show that you are not into being around a negative Nancy for a short period of time.

@LARaiders85 I agree it can be overdone, but imagine dating a woman in comparison to parenting a child. If your child behaves favorably, they get rewarded. If your child misbehaves, they get disciplined. Any good parent that does this from the beginning and is consistent with it all the time will ultimately raise a well behaved kid. The KEY difference is, if you are dealing with a woman who consistently needs S&D as a form of covertly telling her that she is not behaving to your standards, you should replace her. Obviously not an option with parenting lol, but you get my drift.

Either a woman is going to fall in line to your frame, through you being consistent in both rewarding good behavior and also applying S&D when her behavior is not acceptable, or she is just going continue pushing boundaries over and over, regardless of how much S&D you apply. At that point its time to look at other options and eject.
Disrespect, if not correctable, should not be tolerated.

 

[MrWood]

I think the OP is on the $$$
Previously I would confront, or screw up a text game... now I use S&D with all my plates to various degrees, with outstanding success.
Only caveat I see is where the girl is absolutely not an initiator if in the first 3 or so dates, this can backfire abit.

A old FWB is coming to visit after 1.5yr of silence, hit her up and she said "I remember you are a good lover, lets meet up", she will be taking the train from StPetersburg Russia the night I fly back to Helsinki from London. I had nexted her because she was sh1tty in bed (Russian men are horrible lovers from what im told)

 

[guru1000]

UPDATE on:

http://photobucket.com/gallery/user/guru1000/media/cGF0aDovSU1HXzM0MzVfenBzNnZ4Y2hrdXEucG5n/?ref=

The frame was already firmly in place before I showed up to this first date based on our exchange above. All I needed to do is maintain frame. When I met her, her IL was already through the roof as it was in our convo following the exchange above and before the date. I attribute her high IL to the established frame and ensuing congruence, and not due to my physicality alone. She treated me like a celebrity and I reciprocated the same interest back to her. At the end of the date, she attempted to make plans for one day this week, to which I politely declined as I have other plans. I won't post her pic as I do with other girls, as she is a mini-celebrity singer and don't wish to risk damage to her social media presence. Let's just say, she is a solid 9, 17 years my junior. And some of you know my taste in women.

Here is her post-date text to me (I'm in blue):

http://s682.photobucket.com/user/guru1000/media/IMG_3457_zpslv8yivxk.png.html

Frame is everything. When you correctly employ S&D and she comes back, you own the frame. And should she not come forward to redress her "sleight," your frame was lost (and thus a dead relation) regardless.

 

[MrWood]

Here is the full text (sorry for crap screen) from Hello to lay - after 2years of silence...

floppy arm win, no LMS

 

[wifehunter]

"SILENCE and DISTANCE"

Because 'communicaton and closeness' is for non-dysfunctional relationships.

 

[greatsnake]

"SILENCE and DISTANCE"

Because 'communicaton and closeness' is for non-dysfunctional relationships.

LOLd

 

[Fireballs]

On the same topic, I would be interested to hear anyones experiences performing a soft next like this..

https://nextasf.com/forum/nextasf/h...y-step-instructions-and-answers-to-questions=

 

[wifehunter]

On the same topic, I would be interested to hear anyones experiences performing a soft next like this..

https://nextasf.com/forum/nextasf/h...y-step-instructions-and-answers-to-questions=

Sounds like a huge hassle.