F*CK her wh*re friend lolAnd what are you going to do when she brings him up again?
F*CK her wh*re friend lolAnd what are you going to do when she brings him up again?
no no no,Advice from the old lady:
My take is a little different. Her ex is dead, right? That means she is never going back to him. Ever. Obviously. So really he is not competition in a literal sense. Did they have a wonderful relationship and she loved him & misses him? Yes? Ok. The way you build something with this woman is you quit being butthurt about her dead ex and you be understanding about it. He’s gone. You are here and alive. So is she.
She is capable of being with someone to the end. She is capable of a quality relationship. That is tough to find these days. That has value.
My grandmother was widowed at age 43 after being married to her high school sweetheart for 25 years. My grandfather was the love of her life. After 18 years of being single my grandmother married her second husband, who she was with until his death at 83. My grandmother was then 91. They were married 30 years. My granny knew how to be a great wife. Her second husband had also lost his first wife so they understood between themselves about that. When each died they were laid to rest alongside their first spouse. This was simply understood. Neither spent time being jealous of the other’s prior marriage. They had photos on the wall of their respective children, and there were photos and remembrances of the respective first spouses too, although not prominently displayed. They lived in his house, which had been decorated by his late first wife. It wasn’t to my grandmother’s taste but she understood that was a connection he had to his late first wife so she never changed the decor.
I don’t think there is anything wrong with you communicating your displeasure with her constantly talking about her late ex. She feels comfortable being open with you. You feel like second fiddle & that he is beyond reproach because he’s dead. That is you feeling inadequate more than anything else. You felt dissed over this guy before & you feel inferior still. You should not have pursued this relationship at all under those circumstances. You can never change that she chose him over you back years ago…and now you are allowing this perceived competition with his ghost to undermine the interaction now.
Stop it. You will poison things between you with your insecurity and inferiority complex. So what if she mentions him sometimes. Don’t teach her NOT to share & confide in you. That destroys intimacy. It also reduces her emotional investment in you.
This arises out of your internal dialogue. She must mourn and release him over time and the grieving process varies from person to person. You have made it clear that you resent that chapter in her life. You are jealous of a dead man. This is not good for you.
In time she will make someone a great partner. Perhaps you. But you gotta let this go. You are here & live. He isn’t. So he cannot compete with you anymore. You win. That’s how you need to see it. Otherwise you are allowing old hurts to prevail in this renewed interaction.
Just my .02 cents.
Wait..she dissed me for ANOTHER guy 9 years ago.Advice from the old lady:
My take is a little different. Her ex is dead, right? That means she is never going back to him. Ever. Obviously. So really he is not competition in a literal sense. Did they have a wonderful relationship and she loved him & misses him? Yes? Ok. The way you build something with this woman is you quit being butthurt about her dead ex and you be understanding about it. He’s gone. You are here and alive. So is she.
She is capable of being with someone to the end. She is capable of a quality relationship. That is tough to find these days. That has value.
My grandmother was widowed at age 43 after being married to her high school sweetheart for 25 years. My grandfather was the love of her life. After 18 years of being single my grandmother married her second husband, who she was with until his death at 83. My grandmother was then 91. They were married 30 years. My granny knew how to be a great wife. Her second husband had also lost his first wife so they understood between themselves about that. When each died they were laid to rest alongside their first spouse. This was simply understood. Neither spent time being jealous of the other’s prior marriage. They had photos on the wall of their respective children, and there were photos and remembrances of the respective first spouses too, although not prominently displayed. They lived in his house, which had been decorated by his late first wife. It wasn’t to my grandmother’s taste but she understood that was a connection he had to his late first wife so she never changed the decor.
I don’t think there is anything wrong with you communicating your displeasure with her constantly talking about her late ex. She feels comfortable being open with you. You feel like second fiddle & that he is beyond reproach because he’s dead. That is you feeling inadequate more than anything else. You felt dissed over this guy before & you feel inferior still. You should not have pursued this relationship at all under those circumstances. You can never change that she chose him over you back years ago…and now you are allowing this perceived competition with his ghost to undermine the interaction now.
Stop it. You will poison things between you with your insecurity and inferiority complex. So what if she mentions him sometimes. Don’t teach her NOT to share & confide in you. That destroys intimacy. It also reduces her emotional investment in you.
This arises out of your internal dialogue. She must mourn and release him over time and the grieving process varies from person to person. You have made it clear that you resent that chapter in her life. You are jealous of a dead man. This is not good for you.
In time she will make someone a great partner. Perhaps you. But you gotta let this go. You are here & live. He isn’t. So he cannot compete with you anymore. You win. That’s how you need to see it. Otherwise you are allowing old hurts to prevail in this renewed interaction.
Just my .02 cents.
Ok. Good that she didn’t dump you for him. So there isn’t that going on. He’s still dead. You are still here.Wait..she dissed me for ANOTHER guy 9 years ago.
This new guy is somebody she met like 3 years ago..she self admitted that dead guy was a "on again off again bf"..in reality she dated him for 6 months, broke up with him for a YEAR AND HALF..( she went no contact and he pretty much stalked her) she decided to give him a second shot and dated again for like 4 months, then he died.
Well I'm here to tell you there is such a magic wand. Something that will make you almost completely irresistible to any woman you "point it" at. Something guaranteed to fill your life with love, romance, and excitement.
Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.
Then the OP should not date her. Simple. This is not rocket science. If he cannot accept this possibility then he needs to move on. But this resides entirely with him. His constructed inferiority to the late ex within his own mind.@BeExcellent I gotta disagree with you and very much agree with the guys. I think her dead boyfriend is very much competition for our OP in the literal sense.
Their relationship didn't end because they were fighting, or were having bad sex or because of cheating or for any other reasons most couples break up.
It ended because he died and as such she will forever have him on a pedestal, has only good positive memories of him and their time together, no man will ever measure up.
Oh sure she might love again but not like THAT. The new man will always be second in her heart which is the most important place for a man to be.
I have my own story about this. Last year I dated a man whose wife had passed away from cancer. The first couple months were great but then as real feelings began to emerge, he started feeling guilty, all the feelings he had been suppressing rose to the surface and he became depressed and it was clear to me he would never love me like he loved her (perhaps understandably) - in his mind and heart, she would always be number one.
I needed more than that for myself so I ended our relationship.
The guys here may have different reasons for feeling the way they do but it all comes down to the same thing -- our OP is number TWO in her mind and heart and well, most likely she's comparing him sexually to her late boyfriend as well since for many women sex and emotion go hand and hand.
The tampons position costs you in various ways.She’s using you as her emotional healing tampon. Once she’s done healing, you’re most likely gone. You’re right in your evaluation that she’s not ready to date yet…
Classic case of back burner guy promoted to front burner as needed.
DING DING DING..true I dont have control over who she talks about..but I do..Appearently Talking about exes is not a 2 way street lol. Yea she chilled out after I started talking about mine.@BeExcellent
Our OP may not want that, perhaps he just wants to keep her as a plate but is nevertheless sick of her talking about her
Never try to read a woman's mind. It is a scary place. Ignore her confusing signals and mixed messages. Assume she is interested in you and act accordingly.
Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.
I finally told her I'm tired about hearing about this guy..I'm mean he's been dead for a year now..if she had a problem with that then kick rocks..she shut up and stuck around..go figure
So she started bringing him up again, after you said you were tired of hearing about him? Then you started talking about your exes?DING DING DING..true I dont have control over who she talks about..but I do..Appearently Talking about exes is not a 2 way street lol. Yea she chilled out after I started talking about mine.
Yes sir..childish? Yes. Effective? Most definetly lolSo she started bringing him up again, after you said you were tired of hearing about him? Then you started talking about your exes?
Good to know.Yes sir..childish? Yes. Effective? Most definetly lol