Sick of all these chicks pushing for dinner

[Huffman]

Guys stop bashing Harry... he definitely has a point and the women were all expecting dinner.

It's funny, because in all my life I NEVER had a woman expect dinner even once. So maybe I go after cool, bro-type kind of girls that are down to earth, and they love drinks. You, on the other hand, might try to game chic & posh ones. Maybe Harry does too.

Different people have different expectations. My only recommendation would be to reconsider what kind of girls you wanna be dating.

 

[marmel75]

Guys stop bashing Harry... he definitely has a point and the women were all expecting dinner.

It's funny, because in all my life I NEVER had a woman expect dinner even once. So maybe I go after cool, bro-type kind of girls that are down to earth, and they love drinks. You, on the other hand, might try to game chic & posh ones. Maybe Harry does too.

Different people have different expectations. My only recommendation would be to reconsider what kind of girls you wanna be dating.

Wrong. Women base their expectations on what they believe they can get away with. So if they think the guy inviting them out is weak and/or will cave to their expectations they will try to take advantage of that and get a free meal out of it.

These women demanding dinner are basically straight up telling you they are not interested, yet for a "price", in this case, a free dinner, they will sit and talk to you for an hour or two knowing nothing is going to go down.

Fvck that.

 

[nismo-4]

OP, I commend you for not being a meal ticket.

Whenever a woman tries to upgrade a date with me it's an automatic out. I'm not gonna be some beta provider for her to go home to the lover who's not paying to bang her senseless.

Also, might you be doing something to get pegged as a beta? Because a girl from online wanting a dinner date as a first date has now sexual interest in you and just sees you as a beta (attention, resources, time, etc.) Show that you have sexual desires. And don't be afraid to tell her things bluntly (brutal honesty). She's then either gonna:

1. Walk off because your actions showed you won't be an orbiter.

2. Join in on the ride.

Win-win. A woman who likes you and has high interest will be okay with whatever as long as you have the testicular fortitude to lead confidently. My ruling.

Case closed.

 

[RecoveringNiceGuy]

I always meet them at a coffee shop, with plans to get some sweets during the date as a snack, and if all goes well a cheap meal at a fun and unique restaurant. In fact, i'll purposely arrive 10 or so minutes early so by the time I get there I've already ordered and sitting at a table and she buys her own coffee without me needed to wait on her, awkwardly pay or not pay for it, etc. Builds the anticipation and when she finally comes sit down it gives you a chance to break the ice with some humor.

If the date doesn't go well, just end early and don't go get dinner and save the money, and if it does go well you're comfortable enough with each other to get her to open up and share some more intimate conversation while you wait for for the food. She has to earn the meal. I like to take her to a store, make her try on some cute dresses, make out a bit, and if I like her then I buy her a meal. No freebies.

Find a good coffee shop with lots of cool shops, like a candle store, chocolate store, book store, antique store, playground, etc. If something gets awkward, just go for a walk, have some fun at a store, then go back out, find a place to sit, and start conversation again. Keeps her guessing, keeps things interesting, and doesn't force conversation and lets it flow more naturally.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

This kinda **** bothers me some. Chicks always talk about how they're on a diet and don't like to eat and some bs like that, yet they go asking for dinner to a person they don't even know. Like don't get me wrong, I love eating, but I have enough pride in myself to not rely on someone to feed me if I can help it. I'm also not arrogant to where I think I'm better than someone to the point where I have the divine right for them to be my waiter. OP, good for you for not giving in. **** like that just sucks.

 

[marmel75]

This kinda **** bothers me some. Chicks always talk about how they're on a diet and don't like to eat and some bs like that, yet they go asking for dinner to a person they don't even know. Like don't get me wrong, I love eating, but I have enough pride in myself to not rely on someone to feed me if I can help it. I'm also not arrogant to where I think I'm better than someone to the point where I have the divine right for them to be my waiter. OP, good for you for not giving in. **** like that just sucks.

Agreed, but the bigger issue is he needs to stop coming across as the kind of guy they can manipulate like that because he already lost before the date started.

Something you are doing is wrong. I have never, ever in my life had a woman expect dinner when I offered drinks. For it to happen 5 times in a row, something is not right here, you have a serious issue with what you are doing or the way you are coming across and it needs to be fixed ASAP or this will keep happening.

How does the typical conversation leading up to the date happen? That might provide some clues...if you have some of the texts that you can copy and paste so we can try and see what might be happening, that would be helpful...

 

[Konada]

Dude... the reason they're turning down your request for drinks is because the date idea itself makes them think you're just trying to get them drunk to have sex with them. It's also because the date itself doesn't show much effort. You're mad at the idea of having to spend, what, possibly $40 on a meal (half of which is paying for your portion of the meal)? Meanwhile, she's thinking that she's going to spend at least $100 to start on getting her hair done, plus another $75 to $100 on a new outfit, $50 on new shoes (that's being generous), $50 on perfume (also being generous) and hour getting her make up just right... and you can't spend $40 taking her out to dinner?

Good grief. Find some cheap-yet-nice-looking places around town and take her to a friggin' meal already.

Does your stand change if its OLD chicks?

After re-reading my text messages I realized I was being on the borderline of needy from getting numbers, which set the tone for me entering the 'provider' role. Thanks marmel for pointing that out, I totally missed it. Let's see how it goes for future chicks.

 

[zekko]

You guys are complaining about spending $40 for dinner, but I know guys who spend WAY more than that on a night out drinking. Shoot, I used to do it myself. Although I don't drink anymore, it bores me.

 

[marmel75]

Does your stand change if its OLD chicks?

After re-reading my text messages I realized I was being on the borderline of needy from getting numbers, which set the tone for me entering the 'provider' role. Thanks marmel for pointing that out, I totally missed it. Let's see how it goes for future chicks.

Not at all...if anything I think it makes it worse if you are showing that type of weakness...I used to kill it on OLD and never had a woman ask me for dinner...drinks always, a few no money at all just straight to their house...also if they live far away(like 30 minutes to 1 hour) and you are wanting to go meet them(much better chance for a lay than "meeting halfway"---I always used to drive to see them if they lived far away), don't be afraid to say something like "OK, I'll make a deal with you...I'll drive to come see you but you are buying drinks." Most of them LOVE that boldness and will readily agree to it.

You need to go read and re-read Naughty Ninja's thread "POF number grabs" and "POF Number Grabs 2". Much of my success was based on his work, and although I modified it to suit me a little better, I'd say I used 75% of what he posted...to great success. This should be stickied on the forum, but since NN was banned or whatever happened to him, it won't be. However, the threads are pure gold for anyone looking for success on OLD...

A shame something that worked so well gets buried on a forum where so many could use it.

 

[Konada]

Not at all...if anything I think it makes it worse if you are showing that type of weakness...I used to kill it on OLD and never had a woman ask me for dinner...drinks always, a few no money at all just straight to their house...also if they live far away(like 30 minutes to 1 hour) and you are wanting to go meet them(much better chance for a lay than "meeting halfway"---I always used to drive to see them if they lived far away), don't be afraid to say something like "OK, I'll make a deal with you...I'll drive to come see you but you are buying drinks." Most of them LOVE that boldness and will readily agree to it.

You need to go read and re-read Naughty Ninja's thread "POF number grabs" and "POF Number Grabs 2". Much of my success was based on his work, and although I modified it to suit me a little better, I'd say I used 75% of what he posted...to great success. This should be stickied on the forum, but since NN was banned or whatever happened to him, it won't be. However, the threads are pure gold for anyone looking for success on OLD...

A shame something that worked so well gets buried on a forum where so many could use it.

I guess everything should be taken into context as well. I used NN's strategy. I got numbers really fast but all of them never really materialized into dates. Women here are less open to meeting up with guys without knowing them first, which I think differs in the US context where women are more open about meeting strangers off the net. Have to work on building rapport without coming across as a needy b!tch.

 

[Konada]

Not at all...if anything I think it makes it worse if you are showing that type of weakness...I used to kill it on OLD and never had a woman ask me for dinner...drinks always, a few no money at all just straight to their house...also if they live far away(like 30 minutes to 1 hour) and you are wanting to go meet them(much better chance for a lay than "meeting halfway"---I always used to drive to see them if they lived far away), don't be afraid to say something like "OK, I'll make a deal with you...I'll drive to come see you but you are buying drinks." Most of them LOVE that boldness and will readily agree to it.

You need to go read and re-read Naughty Ninja's thread "POF number grabs" and "POF Number Grabs 2". Much of my success was based on his work, and although I modified it to suit me a little better, I'd say I used 75% of what he posted...to great success. This should be stickied on the forum, but since NN was banned or whatever happened to him, it won't be. However, the threads are pure gold for anyone looking for success on OLD...

A shame something that worked so well gets buried on a forum where so many could use it.

I guess everything should be taken into context as well. I used NN's strategy. I got numbers really fast but all of them never really materialized into dates. Women here are less open to meeting up with guys without knowing them first, which I think differs in the US context where women are more open about meeting strangers off the net. Have to work on building rapport without coming across as a needy b!tch.

 

[AttackFormation]

Oh, so you're in Europe too? I really want to see for myself what the differences are between countries in the social regards.

 

[zinc4]

Last time I foolishly did a dinner date the chick was hunting at me to take care of the bull, I.pretended to be sick once i realized i waant fettibg aby action except payibg the bill and acted like I went to the restroom and walked out stranding her there with the bill. I completely ignored a flood of angry texrs right afterwards and deleted her from my phone. Always decline dinner dates.

 

[Konada]

Oh, so you're in Europe too? I really want to see for myself what the differences are between countries in the social regards.

Singapore.

 

[old_skoolr]

OP based on what you've said in the thread about the demographics your working with. Perhaps saying drinks inst the best move.

I'd definitely push coffee for the first date, it's cheap, it gets a chance to get to know the girl and pick up on some red flags, then if you feel its right is to escalate by going for a walk in the park and see where you go from there.

Harry Wilmington isn't wrong in what he is saying, but with so many of your last dates pushing for dinner, it could be the case of your inner game making them push for dinner.

Food for thought.

 

[Who Dares Win]

Hey WDW
I m curious. I think u mentioned in another post u might take them along if you are shopping. I like the whole frame of I'm doing what I'm doing and you can come along. How do you make the shopping thing seem normal as it's a bit of a girlfriend job.

Unless you refer to a very old post I think you confuse me with someone else.

Regarding that old post I simply needed to buy some stuff (clothes which I know sh1t about) so I asked this girl to come with me, I was sexually interested in her so plan A was to have some kind of date, plan B getting some help with the choice, either case no loss.

Didnt bang her but what she suggested me to buy was really good and many other girls complimented me on that, stuff I wouldnt buy myself honestly, me and fashion are in two different sectors.

Regarding your question about my frame of including them in things Im already doing, it comes from the fact that many girls are not reliable, sometime are late while other times dont even show, other times you get bored or annoyed and its uncomfortable to leave.

Thats why I decide what I wanna do and where I wanna go and invite the girls to join me or simply inform them that I will be there and to let me know if they will be close, this way I can take them and leave them easily, with no risk, no effort nor headache...an other thing I dont like about conventional "dating" is the fixed time and place which requires me to interrupt my plans to make it work, with my other mindset I still do what I want when I want.

One things is to say "see you at 5 near the commercial center" an other one is "I'll be around the city center on friday night, lets talk then".

 

[Konada]

OP based on what you've said in the thread about the demographics your working with. Perhaps saying drinks inst the best move.

I'd definitely push coffee for the first date, it's cheap, it gets a chance to get to know the girl and pick up on some red flags, then if you feel its right is to escalate by going for a walk in the park and see where you go from there.

Harry Wilmington isn't wrong in what he is saying, but with so many of your last dates pushing for dinner, it could be the case of your inner game making them push for dinner.

Food for thought.

Yep. Its amazing how this could've went over my head while applying the DJ mindset here... In hindsight, I probably blew my most recent opportunity with a HB8 because I suggested drinks and she seemed uncomfortable about the idea and hence suggested dinner instead. Probably thought I was just trying to get her drunk and have sex with her as Harry pointed out.

In reality I'm a pretty chill kind of guy who says seemingly 'needy' stuff but body language plays a big part of what I can pull off. Definitely have to be more careful with my words online.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Well, here is an example of a messaging to get a number from a HB7.5 I got this morning:

Me: hey there, I'm definitely capable of making you laugh...but I can't promise I'm the good guy to your good girl. Some days I am more than others. Just depends on the mood I guess. Can't be good all the time, right? That would just be booooooring....

I'm BITG

HB7.5: Hello BITG. Right you can't be good all the time. I'm not good all the time either, depends on the situation.

Me: Well, I will keep that in mind NAME. For a rainy day. How's the site treating you so far?

HB7.5: lol. I was on before but took my ad off, didn't have much luck. But deciding to give it another try.

Me: I hear ya...it's been ok for me...nothing spectacular yet, but I'm keeping an open mind I guess, haha. You up for grabbing a drink one night and talking more in person, NAME?

HB7.5: I'm also keeping an open mind, you never know. Yes I would love to.

Me: ok, what's your schedule looking like? Only night I have open this week is Thursday. Let me know if that works for you...

HB7.5: Thursday would work for me too. I work days so evenings are good for me.

Me: ok sounds good. Getting ready to head into work in a little bit, what's your number? I'll hit you up later on and we can work out logistics, cool?

HB7.5: ok sounds good. Xxx-xxxx. I've been at work since 6. Looking forward to talking to you later. Have a good day

And that's that...when I text it will be a few BS texts followed by a place and time to meet...easy, smooth number grab in about 10 minutes or so.

 

[ubercat]

thanks w-d-w
I'm starting up online dating this week so I expect a steady stream of flaky chicks to ramp up and I don't want to be waiting around for them so I'll definitely give you ideas a try.

I wonder if Harry might have skimmed to this post and missed that these were online dating chicks. because in another thread he's definitely on the record as saying online dating chicks only get coffee dates.

also to the original poster I'm wondering if culture is at play here. long story short I dated a Chinese girl for several years. a common Chinese greeting is "ni chi le ma?" have you eaten yet. so if you were in Singapore dating Chinese girls it might be politic to take them for dumplings or some other small snack to appease honour on both sides. communal eating is a big thing in Chinese culture and there should be lots of little street markets in Singapore near to shopping so the original poster could use a few ideas from this thread. "hey I'll be shopping at blah blah blah....yeah no problem we can grab some dumplings or something if we get hungry...etc. as long as it's not a provider frame I agree with Zekko you shouldn't be stressing about spendinare:$20 on a girl.

Plenty of gold here guys and I'm very keen on actionable advice in posts so in summary I'd say the key points are:

make the girl tag along on what you're doing anyway
culture can play in so don't assume that game is the same everywhere in the world
moving a girl around a few activities on a night can pay off
find a few cool local coffee shops with interesting shopping around them. I personally like markets for this
Guru1000 and RangerMike made great points about being clear in your intention and keeping the frame on getting to know each other

and don't be hating on the board until you learn to use the search function. there's plenty of knowledge here from experienced guys. I've personally picked up knowledge here which which it will take me several years to apply. small steps and often

 

[Bokanovsky]

Any time something like this comes up, your response should be: "So you're inviting me for dinner?"