shy and have poor confidence, need advice

[Old Depressed Computer]

Been single for around 3 years now. I've had only one relationship, and it ended the worst possible way: being dumped for the one she was cheating with. Spent the last 3 years trying to get over that. On a few occasions I tried to find someone new but never had any success.

Today I realized just how lonely I really am. I really want someone to love. Don't want anything that'll end in even more heartbreak. So I went on POF and updated my profile. Messaged 2 girls but then realized there's a slim chance I'll even get a response. Everyone I know tells me dating sites are a bad idea, but the thing is, I have trouble making simple business phone calls. I purposely limit my interaction with even the cashier at Burger King to avoid embarrassing myself, much less someone I'd be interested in dating. Get me talking and chances are I'll end up with a red face and stuttering so bad I lose my train of thought. The most conversation I have with non-family members is on gaming forums.

So I need some serious advice. Something that's feasible but will help me find a soul mate. These types of posts are rather common around here I imagine, but I really hope someone can help me

 

[Victory Unlimited]

Shyness is actually a form of selfishness. By being shy, what you're actually doing is depriving OTHERS from the benefit of knowing and/or being in the company of a great guy (you).

Listen to the first segment of the the show below. It addresses this social anxiety issue in more depth:

http://victoryunlimitedshow.com/spe...great-debate-american-women-vs-foreign-women/

V.U.

 

[Roober]

oh man...
-time to start working on yourself
-Read the DJ bible and Pook's Book... and report back
-Start exercising at least 4 days a week. Serious exercising, not the BS that most people do. Try the 5x5 stronglifts. It is laid out nicely.
-Start talking to everyone. Maybe get a friend to push you

 

[marmel75]

Get your testosterone levels checked.

 

[sph21]

I was like you. I was the most shy person I'd ever met. My life began to change when I realized from a movie that the only way to eliminate fear is just to face it. There is no other way. You have to face your fears. Don't run away from them. Yes it will be uncomfortable at first. But when you make a habit of facing your fears, it will be easier.

Here are my advices:

1. Recognizing all your fears.
2. Facing just one fear at the moment. I had a huge problem and I got nervous whenever I sat/ talked to a girl even the ugliest one. It me a very long time to fix it. I decided to talk to as many women I could find. Then I realized that there is nothing to worry about when talking to women because most of them are nice. But the end result is way better than those uneasiness feelings I experienced while practicing it. Now I have no problem sitting next to or talking to the most beautiful woman I find.
3. Confidence is created by constantly achieving a small victory over another small victory. Confidence is an ongoing process. It's not a destination. Challenge yourself to overcome a small obstacle everytime you have one. Try new things until you get comfortable with them.
4. Go out there. If you still don't have a gut to go out alone, find a friend who understands who you are and ask him to accompany you when you go out. When you get enough confidence to go out alone, your confidence will grow stronger.
5. Watch how other men did it. It might sound easy to do, but it's not. Your goal is to imitate what works and try it if it works for you too.
6. Forget theories. Naturals don't care about theories. They improvise on a given situation. They only care about what works and what doesn't works and do what works. It takes time and practice. What with this is forget about how PUA's techniques. They are short term problem solver & not good for a long term problem solver. There are good materials on DJ Bible. Check them out to understand how to become a true Don Juan.

I hope it helps you. I hope what I wrote doesn't confuse you because English is not my native language.

 

[wifehunter]

Shyness is actually a form of selfishness. By being shy, what you're actually doing is depriving OTHERS from the benefit of knowing and/or being in the company of a great guy (you).

Listen to the first segment of the the show below. It addresses this social anxiety issue in more depth:

http://victoryunlimitedshow.com/spe...great-debate-american-women-vs-foreign-women/

V.U.

This is nonsense. Full fvcking stop.

 

[Ronaldo7]

You don't want anyone to love, sir. You want someone to fornicate with.

Love is a mist of emotions. Only gullible beings are entrapped by it.

You need to satisfy your physical needs with a woman. You need to fulfill your essence.

 

[wifehunter]

Say anything!!! Talk to all women, old and young. Practice!

It's your delivery that matters, not the content. You could be talking about mangos and watermelons. It doesn't matter!

 

[wifehunter]

Oh, If you want to learn delivery.... Watch Eddie Murphy Delirious and Raw. It's not family friendly content here, but his delivery is golden!!!

 

[Konada]

I used to be really shy so I get where you are coming from. I still have my moments as a natural introvert, it doesn't fully go away but it gets a lot better. Build your confidence up first and foremost, and the women will come.

1. Build yourself up at the gym, especially build muscle

2. Learn a martial art

3. Put yourself into situations to build up a social circle and lots of friends, including guy friends.

4. Succeed in your career and education

5. Practice speaking platonicly with women

Good advice if OP wants to build his self-esteem. Not so much if he wants to gain confidence with women.

1. Join a dance class (salsa, ballroom, latin ballroom)
2. Join a public speaking class to open yourself up
3. Ask out women, practice dating. Don't NEXT every woman to protect your ego, push as far as you can go to learn.
4. Learn game

 

[Skyline]

Try reading aloud for the stuttering thing. I used to stutter and slur words and then I started reading aloud. It can be anything to a book, description of something, or even lyrics to a song. Keep doing it until you can read it aloud perfectly.

I only did this for about an hour a night, for about 2 weeks straight, and I now rarely stutter or stumble. Just make sure you stand up when you do it. Laying down, or sitting, makes you more comfortable and you want to learn how to talk as if you were giving a speech.

The being afraid to talk to a stranger is a tough one but easy to hurdle over if you think about it. You said you play games so put on your headset and just talk to people in the game. If it gets awkward you can just leave the game or mute them.

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

Start small and work your way up. Smile at the odd random stranger. Say hello and thank you to checkout chick. Once comfortable there, strike up the occasional conversation with someone at a bus-stop or book shop. Make a couple of friends. Look to improve a little bit each day, and you may be amazed at where you are in a year~~~

 

[Old Depressed Computer]

Thank you all for the tips.

Some other things that might be noteworthy- I'm relatively lazy when it comes to physical activity. I'm more of a guy who spends most of his time inside, using electronics. Pretty much all my communication is over the internet, except for my mother. If I'm not on the computer or playing a video game, I'm most likely eating, sleeping, etc. When I was younger I was in the boy scouts and somehow managed to get eagle scout, but I honestly don't think I really deserved it and only met the requirements because my dad pushed me. I'm not really the first thing you'd picture when someone brings up eagle scouts. Every time I have to do some heavy lifting, I'm reluctant about it.

I also don't play the kind of games with voice chat. I primarily play Nintendo games and they seem to be afraid to fully implement that feature. Even so, the shyness doesn't go away in the rare occasion that I chat on Discord or something. I still sound super awkward. However, I am decent at commentating games when I am alone and recording for YouTube. But the second it sounds like someone might be outside my apartment I tend to shut up until I think they're gone. One of my biggest problems is that I'm terrified of coming off creepy. This happened with the first girl I liked in middle school. I suspect that I was a factor in her changing schools. And it was all because she was nice to me once and I became overconfident.

Also, sex is not a major priority for me. I'm still a virgin--- never even had sex with my girlfriend when we were together. I was fully intending to wait until marriage for that. All I want is someone who I love as much, or even more than her. I hate the stereotype that men only want sex. Sure it probably feels good but it's not necessarily a sign of love, especially with how many people just want to **** once and never meet again. I want something meaningful that lasts. I'm considering going back to college but after the trainwreck that was last time I tried that, I'm hesitant.

 

[wifehunter]

Thank you all for the tips.

Some other things that might be noteworthy- I'm relatively lazy when it comes to physical activity. I'm more of a guy who spends most of his time inside, using electronics. Pretty much all my communication is over the internet, except for my mother. If I'm not on the computer or playing a video game, I'm most likely eating, sleeping, etc. When I was younger I was in the boy scouts and somehow managed to get eagle scout, but I honestly don't think I really deserved it and only met the requirements because my dad pushed me. I'm not really the first thing you'd picture when someone brings up eagle scouts. Every time I have to do some heavy lifting, I'm reluctant about it.

I also don't play the kind of games with voice chat. I primarily play Nintendo games and they seem to be afraid to fully implement that feature. Even so, the shyness doesn't go away in the rare occasion that I chat on Discord or something. I still sound super awkward. However, I am decent at commentating games when I am alone and recording for YouTube. But the second it sounds like someone might be outside my apartment I tend to shut up until I think they're gone. One of my biggest problems is that I'm terrified of coming off creepy. This happened with the first girl I liked in middle school. I suspect that I was a factor in her changing schools. And it was all because she was nice to me once and I became overconfident.

Also, sex is not a major priority for me. I'm still a virgin--- never even had sex with my girlfriend when we were together. I was fully intending to wait until marriage for that. All I want is someone who I love as much, or even more than her. I hate the stereotype that men only want sex. Sure it probably feels good but it's not necessarily a sign of love, especially with how many people just want to **** once and never meet again. I want something meaningful that lasts. I'm considering going back to college but after the trainwreck that was last time I tried that, I'm hesitant.

Drive Uber... The pay sucks ($10hr), and you have to deal with dooshes. But, I get to use electronics, and talk to hot chicks. If I'm feeling chatty, I can talk to any chick now.

Priceless!!!

 

[Roober]

Thank you all for the tips.

Some other things that might be noteworthy- I'm relatively lazy when it comes to physical activity. I'm more of a guy who spends most of his time inside, using electronics. Pretty much all my communication is over the internet, except for my mother. If I'm not on the computer or playing a video game, I'm most likely eating, sleeping, etc. When I was younger I was in the boy scouts and somehow managed to get eagle scout, but I honestly don't think I really deserved it and only met the requirements because my dad pushed me. I'm not really the first thing you'd picture when someone brings up eagle scouts. Every time I have to do some heavy lifting, I'm reluctant about it.

I also don't play the kind of games with voice chat. I primarily play Nintendo games and they seem to be afraid to fully implement that feature. Even so, the shyness doesn't go away in the rare occasion that I chat on Discord or something. I still sound super awkward. However, I am decent at commentating games when I am alone and recording for YouTube. But the second it sounds like someone might be outside my apartment I tend to shut up until I think they're gone. One of my biggest problems is that I'm terrified of coming off creepy. This happened with the first girl I liked in middle school. I suspect that I was a factor in her changing schools. And it was all because she was nice to me once and I became overconfident.

Also, sex is not a major priority for me. I'm still a virgin--- never even had sex with my girlfriend when we were together. I was fully intending to wait until marriage for that. All I want is someone who I love as much, or even more than her. I hate the stereotype that men only want sex. Sure it probably feels good but it's not necessarily a sign of love, especially with how many people just want to **** once and never meet again. I want something meaningful that lasts. I'm considering going back to college but after the trainwreck that was last time I tried that, I'm hesitant.

Okay... hmm...

1. First of all, quit playing videogames. It is such a colossal waste of time. Find your interests and start a hobby or a couple hobbies.
2. All men want is sex. Any man who says otherwise is a downright liar. DO NOT tell women you don't want sex.
3. Some men want love and their is nothing wrong with that, but....
4. You do not love yourself, you will be completely incapable of properly loving anyone else
5. If you want to go back to school.. do it! This ties strongly into #1
6. Put the electronics down and start living... "inside, using electronics" is depressing, lonely, and well... lazy!

"A man's mission is his first priority". You need a mission that has one person in it... YOU!

 

[resilient]

OP, you mentioned you took three years to get over your last relationship. That's a long time, man. I was in a relationship for nine years and it took me about a year to get over it. In that time, I rediscovered myself. I vowed to not go out on any dates. I purposely wanted to stay single. I used to be a hardcore gamer on console and portable as well and most of all; a shut in. I would let the ex dictate all our socializing and couples events. I rarely went out to catch up with the bros. I lost all inner confidence, sense of self, direction, and what I wanted for my future. I lived day to day supporting the ex's career dream and let myself go. I found myself in an existential crisis when she dropped the divorce card despite all my attempts to save the marriage.

The best advice I can give you is to live for yourself.

Go discover the world.

Pick up random hobbies to teach yourself new ways to look at life and relate to other people. Join social circles around these hobbies and form solid friendships. Take an interest in other people and listen to what they have to say. When women pick up on this silent confidence they will begin question why, take interest, and will seek you out.

The more you look hungry and desperate for love, the more it will run away from you. Women have an excellent radar in sensing this without words.

Cultivate a devil-may-care attitude with women. Plates come and go. The one thing is constant is you.

When you know you can replenish a dropped plate, you stop caring about flippant interest level.

 

[AlphaNate]

You could have an anxiety disorder. Have you seen a psychiatrist?

 

[Old Depressed Computer]

Yes. I have autism.

 

[Bokanovsky]

How old are you?

If you are young enough, here's the surest way to overcome shyness. Get a job that requires you to interact with people, a lot. Sales, customer serve, attorney, whatever. Then work at becoming really good at what you do. You will find your shyness disappearing somewhere along the way.

Oh, and quit playing video games and posting on gaming forums. Haven't touched a video game since my early 20's, which was probably the best decision I've ever made. That sh!t is as addictive as crack and nearly as bad for you.

 

[JohnChops]

Okay... hmm...

1. First of all, quit playing videogames. It is such a colossal waste of time. Find your interests and start a hobby or a couple hobbies.
2. All men want is sex. Any man who says otherwise is a downright liar. DO NOT tell women you don't want sex.
3. Some men want love and their is nothing wrong with that, but....
4. You do not love yourself, you will be completely incapable of properly loving anyone else
5. If you want to go back to school.. do it! This ties strongly into #1
6. Put the electronics down and start living... "inside, using electronics" is depressing, lonely, and well... lazy!

"A man's mission is his first priority". You need a mission that has one person in it... YOU!

Agreed with the above except don't put sex on a pedestal, it's fine to want it, but groveling for it is just plain retarded. I've told women before that I've bailed on girls who were into ****ing me, their response? Skyrocket IL, and they try harder. They dont want the blow. To their sexual ego.