Should I keep doing what I was doing with her now that in a relationship with her?

[jnMissouri]

I would end conversations first. I'd skip texting a day every few days. By about a week she would take turns initiating sometimes. 2 weeks she would call. After 3 weeks she flew to meet me. Spent the weekend together. She called me her boyfriend, we were both interested in each other, acting like a couple. She goes back, tries to take some of my stuff to get me to come get it back after visiting her.

She has called me both nights since she has arrived home. I've noticed when she and I first started texting, our responses to each other were usually rather quick. I've slowed things down and she has started to mirror my response times. I didn't respond to one of her last texts. I know text game like this can either work well or backfire. I'm wondering if

1) I'm better off not responding sometimes to statements (not questions) or if she'll get mad.

2) If I'm better off not calling her and letting her call me. I've found strangely that because I worry about girls not picking up when dating or early on in a relationship, I never call early on and they call me instead all the time. Then eventually they complain that I never call and I start calling once I'm more comfortable with them answering. If I DO call her, I feel it's best after a few days of not talking on the phone and calling her in the middle of a text conversation when I know she's around.

I'm trying to avoid being predictable with her. I end calls and text conversations first like before. But I wonder if I will piss her off not replying to some texts where she just made a comment now that we are a newer couple (still dicey, not out of the woods yet) and same for skipping some days. There is some element where once in a relationship if you game too much it will piss them off IMO.

I figure it's better to not text or call enough than TOO much. I can more easily make that right by surprising her with a call. I know when texting multiple girls the girl who is LEAST responsive is the one I always want to hear from most, while the endless texts from the others end up annoying me because I keep thinking that the text ding is the girl I want to hear from but it ends up NOT being that girl I want to hear from until later.

 

[jnMissouri]

Some have told me she will sense if I'm playing games and THAT will kill it. Not to be unavailable when I am available.

 

[dustmuffin]

Long distance relationships never work

 

[jnMissouri]

Long distance relationships never work

I agree, but not planning on being long distance forever, just starting out this way. The plan is obviously going to be for us to eventually settle somewhere together. I have been wanting to move from here for years anyways and have been doing recon during travels. Her state happens to be a candidate.

 

[Stoic]

I think you are over thinking it. You hopefully have a busy life anyways. If you're available, talk, if not, call her back. Politely end the conversation if you have to get other things done..

 

[jnMissouri]

I think you are over thinking it. You hopefully have a busy life anyways. If you're available, talk, if not, call her back. Politely end the conversation if you have to get other things done..

I do. I am in the mode of "If I'm busy I don't answer". I end conversations first most of the time. She mirrors my behavior a lot. At first we always texted each other within minutes when first talking. Now she mirrors my pace. If I take 15 min to respond, she takes 15 min to respond. If I take 5 min, she takes 5 min. If I take 3 hours, she takes 3 hours. She has also caught onto my pattern of always being the one to end calls and texts first so now SHE does that sometimes. Even my friend when I showed him the texts noticed she mirrors my tempo.

 

[jnMissouri]

Treat her like a kid, and you're a loving, fun, but not overly attentive father. It may cause her a little angst, but it should keep the balance and dynamic right. Make reserved playfulness your primary mode, and demonstrate annoyance, when appropriate.

I DO still tease her like a bratty little sister. But of course I'm chivalrous in person. She loves that. I'm more concerned about the pattern of texting. Should I skip some days and let her wonder what I'm doing like I did when we were just talking, or will this piss her off now that we are in a new relationship? Like tonight, should I text her or not. I sometimes ask her how her day was and she loves it, jumps on an immediate response with a flurry of texts. But considering we had a great conversation last night and this morning about "us" I'm wondering if this is a good time to practice "two steps forward, one step back" by pulling back a little bit after having the talk and giving her a little bit of certainty and keep her guessing by not texting her tonight. Make her wonder what I'm doing, heck she might reach out to see. And if she does do I answer the call/text or not, and if so, right away or call/text back after 10 minutes? My worry is being predictable and too available, but with it being Friday night, I worry she might think I'm out with another girl, considering we are long distance, if she doesn't hear from me.

 

[jnMissouri]

I do. I am in the mode of "If I'm busy I don't answer". I end conversations first most of the time. She mirrors my behavior a lot. At first we always texted each other within minutes when first talking. Now she mirrors my pace. If I take 15 min to respond, she takes 15 min to respond. If I take 5 min, she takes 5 min. If I take 3 hours, she takes 3 hours. She has also caught onto my pattern of always being the one to end calls and texts first so now SHE does that sometimes. Even my friend when I showed him the texts noticed she mirrors my tempo.

The girl has game. My friend agreed in several cases I showed him, she was using game to increase MY interest. The signs were super obvious. Now that we've slept together and a budding relationship, she is trying to be unpredictable herself....we noticed she practices 2 steps forward, one step back too.

 

[ubercat]

Hmm too much thinking. You re worried about losing her. Focus on health first given circumstances then building your life. She comes along or doesn't. BF/gf is after 3 mths. Maybe longer these days.

Then u can do ldr nourishing.

 

[jnMissouri]

Hmm too much thinking. You re worried about losing her. Focus on health first given circumstances then building your life. She comes along or doesn't. BF/gf is after 3 mths. Maybe longer these days.

Then u can do ldr nourishing.

Yeah, usually after 2-3 months is when girls usually bring up a relationship. She tried to lock me down quick and man I agreed, she is HOT and successful. One of a kind. I figure why not agree, lock her down too, and let her let her guard down a bit so that she's not on her best behavior and see if any red flags develop. The quick relationship with her could be a Latin thing. First time I ever dated a Latina so I wouldn't know. I know a lot of Asian (especially Vietnamese women) are like that, I've dated a few of those recently and noticed they were identical in behavior to this girl.

In some ways I agree I'm over thinking, too worried. But I find that if I don't think about things I am more likely to do something stupid to muck it up. Say the wrong thing, text too little, text too much, etc.

 

[ubercat]

Problem is you shouldn't be easy to lock down. This site is full of deflection, avoidance and fake vulnerability tactics. This should be about you vetting HER. You need to kill this scarcity mindset you have. You ve been reading. You ve got the words but you re not walking the talk. With roughly 5 billion women on planet she isn't one of a kind

 

[jnMissouri]

Problem is you shouldn't be easy to lock down. This site is full of deflection, avoidance and fake vulnerability tactics. This should be about you vetting HER. You need to kill this scarcity mindset you have. You ve been reading. You ve got the words but you re not walking the talk. With roughly 5 billion women on planet she isn't one of a kind

I don't know why some people think that everyone is dating some hoe at the local bar or Tinder. She is a multi millionaire....and a 9...in her late 20's....Yeah, there aren't that many like her.

 

[ubercat]

Well if you don't give deets of course you will get generic replies. But the advice is still good. Hot millionaire or not female nature doesn't change and the fact that you want her badly doesn't mean that she's going to do the same. I'm quoting the classics always protect your heart. Some days you get the bear some days the bear gets you.

 

[americandude]

I wouldn't say that long distance relationships NEVER work because I had a two year LDR with a 19 year old French girl before I moved to France and we lasted another 15 years! The only people that say that LDR's don't work are the one's that haven't had a successful one yet. It is important that you meet up fairly often though to keep the flame going and if she's into you enough, it can last. It was six months after our first contact that she first came to visit me and she came back another time before I first visited her. If she's into you enough, the distance won't matter.