should i just next her?

[pete101]

i picked up this cute 23 year old in coffee place on sunday, i was busy working on my laptop and so was she and i struck up a conversation about her bag as i thought it was nice. we got talking and it seemed she was into me, IOI's playing with her hair, each time she had to take a call from her boss, she'd start talking to me again as in reinitiating the convo (may just be after attention) anyway i found out she was an only child and i asked her 'do you like the attention to be on you?' she said 'yeah because i'm a girl but not in an excessive way'.. i just tried to find similarities cos i was an only child for 6 years too. i said to her 'do you have a bf?' she said 'no im too busy' while smiling. anyway i got the digits after a while and left, kissed her on her cheeks.

i waited till last night to text her.
me around 9pm: did the launch go ok in the then? we shoudl get together for chocolate treats at that chocolatier i mentioned during the day this weekend.
1 hour later 10pm her: it went well thank you! busy tho still.. that sounds good! maybe saturday?
(i was already suspicious she's a flake cos she said 'maybe' saturday.. high IL would be a firm day)
20 mins later me: yeah the chocolatier closes at 7 on weekends so 4 or 5pm would be good, how's then?
5mins later her: sure, i just realised i have a delivery then not sure what time.. confirm tomorrow?
(flake alert, and BS reason.. confirm tomorrow? same as i'll let you know depends what else im doing)
me: sure, we can meet after your delivery whenever that is (i wouldnt want to choose between chocolate and missing out on an online shopping parcel either! haha)
(no reply, now my cynical side tells me.. i bet this girl is a flake and has low IL)
24 hours later today at 9pm her: hahahahaha i know tough choices! im actually not feeling that well why dont we do a weekday evening so i dont pass on my bug?
(see.. flake.. one excuse to another, i'm more than happy to accept she has other things going on she's excited about but there's no need for the flaky excuses)
5mins later me: hahaha how will you pass it on to me..by kissing? we're getting too ahead of ourselves haha. what time do u usually finish work?
chocolatier closes at 7pm during the weeke so will be too early, we'll go for a drink at (insert place) instead or (insert place)
*one weekday evening next week when you're better i mean

no reply.

ok i sent it too quickly, 5 mins after.. tbh tho if she had high IL she'd not care and reply. should i just next her? the reason i wanted to see her was cos i thought she would be gf material.. as in checked all the boxes, i liked that she came from a rich family yet wanted to work 3 jobs during college to pay for her own stuff.. very admirable. seemed genuine. issue is.. low IL. normally i'd not bother because she lives at home with her folks, and so do i.. so having sex will be difficult but because i thought she was gf material i'd look past that.. but cos she has low IL im thinking not to bother because i dont want to get involved with someone with low IL.. i dont think i made too many mistakes with her.. her IL should be high for me.. it isn't that's fair enough. i'll look for girls to just bang instead. i was tempted to contact her next week to meet up, but i think i shouldn't bother now.. even if she contacts me i'll be less interested. a girl with high IL should be more enthusiastic to see me, despite her being gf material, she doesn't have high IL for me, so i say leave it and look elsewhere.

 

[pete101]

should i next her though?

tbh the first 2 texts i sent weren't afc or anything, so i can't blame that.. fair enough the last one i sent about the kissing may have been too much but for a girl with high IL surely she'd play along.

her low IL was indicated from the flaky 'maybe saturday?' i already sensed it so..

i think i'll just not contact her and when she contacts me i'll act less interested/busy

 

[Tiguere]

Put this one in the back burner... Keep on sarging

 

[pyros]

In short:

1 you went straight for the date without building any rapport...ok...
2 you are too suspicious and evilminded man.
3 you got a flake alert, so what? she barely knows you so...not that weird.
4 she had very little interest level, but again, she barely knew you.
5 you're too impatient
6 the thing you said about 'kissing' etc...super afc and lame..probably killed 75% of your chance of meeting her.
7 you offered several places to make sure she could not decline it, no escape, nice...
8 here again, you were way too eager/desperate.
9 you got no reply? really????? wtf?? of course you got no reply. You initiated it right by cold approaching her etc, and you scare the hell out of her by being too impatient and way too eager.


If you had done it the other way around, ie, acting more aloof, kind of indifferent, and tried to build a bit of rapport before asking her out, you would have had a chance.


On to the next.

 

[No.Danny]

You have the answer yourself. This thread is basically your AFC battling the DJ in you. As you wrote though, you have the right choice

 

[guru1000]

Wrong thread

 

[Black Widow Void]

This one may not be salvageable, but it sounds like your game is.
If you can do a cold approach and build rapport in person, you are already ahead in the game.
Look back. Think of what you did that received positive reaction and also look back and realize what did not.
Building a little bit of commonality isn't bad, but be sure to blend this with a little tension or male/female polarity as well. Otherwise, you are building more of a friendship.
---- my advice may differ from some here, but if she calls, I say answer .. but be very upbeat, keep the call less than one minute because you are "busy" and will "have to call her back" (which you shouldn't). If she calls again, the playing field may be more level.

 

[Bible_Belt]

I've never been a fan of the 'next mentality.' If she's not responding, then obviously stop texting her...for a few days. Womens' moods change like the weather, and the young ones especially have short attention spans. Shoot her a text in a few days just to see what happens - you don't lose anything if she doesn't respond.

If you take that idea further, and cultivate a lot of girls like this, ones who have soft-rejected you, it will pay off over time. All of them will have their moments of vulnerability where they happen to be more lonely or horny than they were previously. Say you'd guess the chances of a particular girl being receptive at only 10%. Most guys would scoff at that as a waste of time. But if you have ten of them, then the odds are that you can fvck one of them at any given time.

 

[Montague_Leach]

seemed she was into me, IOI's playing with her hair

My friend, playing with her hair doesn't mean she really likes you. Women will play with their hair when talking to people.

despite her being gf material

Wait until you know this lass better before you decide on making her girlfriend material. Get more acquainted with these lasses before you take them out, makes the evening so much better knowing who you are.

 

[jimmy18]

If you have to ask "should i just next her?", then the answer is yes.

 

[jay07]

First off, you don't ask a chick you just started talking to for a date via text unless you already have rapport as someone pointed out.

that is something you do in person or on the phone.

text game is powerful if you do it right. and you did it all wrong. your end game was horrible.

texts need to be kept short. and you use them to make her laugh for a few convo s before you ask her out if ur gna do it via text.

how it should have went..

you- so if that launch went well, I guess that means you'll make enough to get me something nice
her- hahaha blaa blaa it went well
you - great, so your cool with a cherry ring pop for your engagement ring right
her - blaa blaa I prefer grape haha
you - oh , that's cool, is the naked barn ceremony still okay with you then?

now obv there's a million things you could take this direction in but you need to build chemistry and make her laugh and feel comfortable before you ask her out if your gonna do text game. that's an example I came up with real quick but I've used similar commentary and it will get them responding cause they like the humor , it keeps them entertained

the number 1 thing people mess up on text game is they treat it like it's a direct and personal conversation. " hey how's your day" " good hbu" " good how are you"... Seriously it's boring and nobody wants to.respond to that garbage. you had no thing leading to anything in that text other than subliminally sending "please.go out with me, please go out with me, please I'm free here here and here..please" get her laughing then stop responding out of nowhere. after a few convo s like that ask her out and save the boring life chit chat for in person

 

[Harry Wilmington]

the number 1 thing people mess up on text game is they treat it like it's a direct and personal conversation. " hey how's your day" " good hbu" " good how are you"... Seriously it's boring and nobody wants to.respond to that garbage. you had nothing leading to anything in that text other than subliminally sending "please.go out with me, please go out with me, please I'm free here here and here..please" get her laughing then stop responding out of nowhere. after a few convo s like that ask her out and save the boring life chit chat for in person

:rockon: :cheer:

 

[pete101]

In short:

1 you went straight for the date without building any rapport...ok...
2 you are too suspicious and evilminded man.
3 you got a flake alert, so what? she barely knows you so...not that weird.
4 she had very little interest level, but again, she barely knew you.
5 you're too impatient
6 the thing you said about 'kissing' etc...super afc and lame..probably killed 75% of your chance of meeting her.
7 you offered several places to make sure she could not decline it, no escape, nice...
8 here again, you were way too eager/desperate.
9 you got no reply? really????? wtf?? of course you got no reply. You initiated it right by cold approaching her etc, and you scare the hell out of her by being too impatient and way too eager.


If you had done it the other way around, ie, acting more aloof, kind of indifferent, and tried to build a bit of rapport before asking her out, you would have had a chance.


On to the next.

i spent 2 hours talking to her on our first meet, i built the rapport there.. i made my excuses to leave before closing to go have dinner with my 'room mates'.. she should have already been highly interested i ran all my moves i usually do on a first date.. i suspect she just wanted attention.. ie every time she took a call or replied to a work message she'd reinitiate the convo.. maybe just to see if i'd respond and give her the attention she wanted.

but i take your point, all your other points are valid. i just feel i already made all the rapport in person, no need to start off again, if anything i did if you read my first 2 messages, my first 1 i said we should get together to see if she'd agree.

but one thing i do agree on is that me offering so many different places so she couldn't say no to i can't deny that, you're 100% right, im not looking at how it looks, need to take a back seat and just offer one other place.

 

[pete101]

This one may not be salvageable, but it sounds like your game is.
If you can do a cold approach and build rapport in person, you are already ahead in the game.
Look back. Think of what you did that received positive reaction and also look back and realize what did not.
Building a little bit of commonality isn't bad, but be sure to blend this with a little tension or male/female polarity as well. Otherwise, you are building more of a friendship.
---- my advice may differ from some here, but if she calls, I say answer .. but be very upbeat, keep the call less than one minute because you are "busy" and will "have to call her back" (which you shouldn't). If she calls again, the playing field may be more level.

she won't call, remember young girl 23, she'll text a message saying 'how are you?' or something.. to check to see if i'm still interested.. that's at best i can expect. i will ignore it and not reply. this may lead to her following up to suggest to meet like 'hey im better now so we can go for chocolate' - this coudl stilll be a trick though, i've had these texts before.. they're just testing to see if you're still interested.. in the past i'd set a time then they'd flake.. if she does send this i'll be busy not interested or less interested. like 'im quite busy this week, so maybe next week.. we'll see.'

i don't want to do what i normally do and show complete disinterest.. which is what i'm feeling now and don't want to deal with the uncertainty of maybe won't she etc. just focusing on moving forward finding new plates who are interested.

 

[pete101]

I've never been a fan of the 'next mentality.' If she's not responding, then obviously stop texting her...for a few days. Womens' moods change like the weather, and the young ones especially have short attention spans. Shoot her a text in a few days just to see what happens - you don't lose anything if she doesn't respond.

If you take that idea further, and cultivate a lot of girls like this, ones who have soft-rejected you, it will pay off over time. All of them will have their moments of vulnerability where they happen to be more lonely or horny than they were previously. Say you'd guess the chances of a particular girl being receptive at only 10%. Most guys would scoff at that as a waste of time. But if you have ten of them, then the odds are that you can fvck one of them at any given time.

i see what you're saying, most guys will next girls with low IL rather than just keep trying even if the probability is low.

i just feel though, that because i thought she was gf material and had high IL i should next her.. reason being, she may be a quality girl but im not gona get to f her easily (she lives at home with her folks and so do i) so really if she dosn't have high IL now as i expected her to then it's not worth pursuing.. it's not worth trying to just get her for sex (we won't get to f anywhere unless i get a hotel etc) too much trouble than it's worth.. if she had high IL then fair enough i'd consider her to be potentially gf material unlike other girls i just sarge to f i.e. others if they dont have their own place i dont bother with, too much hassle, money, time, dates to get it. but this one wasn't just about sex, but her low IL turns me off, i dont want to be with a girl who hasn't got high IL for me.

 

[pete101]

My friend, playing with her hair doesn't mean she really likes you. Women will play with their hair when talking to people.



Wait until you know this lass better before you decide on making her girlfriend material. Get more acquainted with these lasses before you take them out, makes the evening so much better knowing who you are.

it's more that i respected the fact she comes from a rich family and her dad could easily spoil her but she decided to work 3 basic jobs to pay for her own stuff.. that's admirable, i mean she worked at a clothes store at the mall, and another 2 other places.. her family is loaded, her dad was happy to give her money and even encouraged her not to work initially but then after he caught on to the idea when he found out how much she spends on her nails each week.. so 2 things, one she wants to earn money herself but 2 she prob spends it all and isn't good with money. but that fact i haven't come across often i.e. rich girl who isn't spoilt. most of my tests for gf material are based on how much of an attention seeker she is and how spoilt she is.. but more importantly HOW she treats me.. which is most important but i wouldn't find that out till i went out with her a few times.. but fact she hasn't got high IL tells me there's no point pursuing it.. the girl maybe quality but if she has low IL for you, then there's no point.

 

[pete101]

First off, you don't ask a chick you just started talking to for a date via text unless you already have rapport as someone pointed out.

that is something you do in person or on the phone.

text game is powerful if you do it right. and you did it all wrong. your end game was horrible.

texts need to be kept short. and you use them to make her laugh for a few convo s before you ask her out if ur gna do it via text.

how it should have went..

you- so if that launch went well, I guess that means you'll make enough to get me something nice
her- hahaha blaa blaa it went well
you - great, so your cool with a cherry ring pop for your engagement ring right
her - blaa blaa I prefer grape haha
you - oh , that's cool, is the naked barn ceremony still okay with you then?

now obv there's a million things you could take this direction in but you need to build chemistry and make her laugh and feel comfortable before you ask her out if your gonna do text game. that's an example I came up with real quick but I've used similar commentary and it will get them responding cause they like the humor , it keeps them entertained

the number 1 thing people mess up on text game is they treat it like it's a direct and personal conversation. " hey how's your day" " good hbu" " good how are you"... Seriously it's boring and nobody wants to.respond to that garbage. you had no thing leading to anything in that text other than subliminally sending "please.go out with me, please go out with me, please I'm free here here and here..please" get her laughing then stop responding out of nowhere. after a few convo s like that ask her out and save the boring life chit chat for in person

could i just not keep it more simple and just ask her out stating date and time after the first msg?

what you wrote above wouldn't work here in europe, the humour is very different.. we'd think what you wrote above as very cheesy and not funny, but that's american humour it's just different, like wise if we used something else it wouldn't be received in the same way.

but the rest of your post is valid that it communicates 'please go out with me'

i just thought i could keep it simple, ask how the launch went, we shoudl get together this weekend. then state the time as i did in next text. she said sure, confirm tomorrow etc.. i should have declined then or just said 'ok'

some people say on here don't text unless it's to arrange a date and others like you say to use it to build up a rapport for laughing.. im on the fence i dont know which is the right way to do it but definitely my way isn't.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Texting is a dangerous game. All you need to do is accidentally trigger a negative feeling in her and it's game over.

That's why it needs to be used sparingly and with purpose and intent.

 

[pete101]

let's be real though.. if she had high IL what i wrote wouldn't have put her off and she'd play along right?

so me thinking she had it after we met has convinced that it was nothing more than attention seeking and validation seeking behaviour from her to give her attention.. i.e. she feigned high interest to get attention.

this situation annoys me as i feel led on and getting my hopes up, i rather she didn't give me the number so at least i knew where i stood rather than wasting my time on her.

i'm gona next, im convinced that if she had high IL what i said above would not have put her off.. you could clearly see from the start of the text interaction she was flaky. i can't handle these women who are so busy they take ages to text you back like what they're doing is so important, fair enough not after 5 mins but when it's more than 1 hour 2 hours the next morning that's it. i'm not even going to acknowledge her if i see her this weekend, maybe say hi.

i wouldn't be so furious if i didn't think she was gf material AND had high IL, this wasn't just about a bang with her, those girls are easy to forget. f her, i'm starting to hate her now for leading me on.

 

[pyros]

let's be real though.. if she had high IL what i wrote wouldn't have put her off and she'd play along right?

so me thinking she had it after we met has convinced that it was nothing more than attention seeking and validation seeking behaviour from her to give her attention.. i.e. she feigned high interest to get attention.

this situation annoys me as i feel led on and getting my hopes up, i rather she didn't give me the number so at least i knew where i stood rather than wasting my time on her.

i'm gona next, im convinced that if she had high IL what i said above would not have put her off.. you could clearly see from the start of the text interaction she was flaky. i can't handle these women who are so busy they take ages to text you back like what they're doing is so important, fair enough not after 5 mins but when it's more than 1 hour 2 hours the next morning that's it. i'm not even going to acknowledge her if i see her this weekend, maybe say hi.

i wouldn't be so furious if i didn't think she was gf material AND had high IL, this wasn't just about a bang with her, those girls are easy to forget. f her, i'm starting to hate her now for leading me on.

not so sure man. What you texted her was a pretty big attraction killer. Besides, more often than not, when you meet a girl she has medium IL, so dont do that again, and do not try to 'capture' her by offering several places to meet, and do not be so over eager and you'll be fine.
Besides, she was not that flakey really, so stop the evilminded thinking.

And one more thing, do not take it so personally. As many ppl say here, dating etc is a numbers game, so the norm is to get several numbers, and just bang one girl while all the rest either flake or ignore you, so its not such a big deal.

STOP thinking she was damn gf material for god's sake. You can start thinking that once you've had several dates, lets say around 10. Jeeezzzz...

In any case, if you had done it better...you may have had a chance, keep that in mind.