Should I ignore my ex that I cheated on?

[Cheeks]

Here's the story:http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=189316

Been in strict no contact for a week now, all ties have been cut, and I'm receiving text messages from her. I know that standard operating procedure is to ignore ignore ignore. But I have to admit I feel a little bad about it.

She always tries to open little dialogues with me about topics I'm interested in. Her latest text:

"Do you think Mitt Romney is a capitalist vulture?"

I haven't been responding basically because I know she's riding some other guy's d1ck and I'm in that foggy gray area of wanting her back and trying to get over her.

I just don't know man, I miss her and I miss that connection we had but I just don't know how to play this. It was me that sabotaged the relationship, so I can't blame her for wanting to be with someone else. At the same time, I feel like she's trying to open a door for me and I'm not getting it.

I try to keep telling myself that if she really wants me she'll make it known and anything I say from this point will just harm me. Input?

 

[st_99]

It doesn't sound like you have any emotion free clarity. I mean, what do you want? You're just reacting to her (mentally) and are kind of blowing in the wind.

If you were totally over her, you could just respond as a friendly person without any emotionaly driven agenda, but i don't think you are there. So now you're like, should i say something, should i blah blah, you're thinking about it all day. Dude, just get over it, move on or make her a FB or something, idk. Just decide what you want to do and lead.

My main point is, its not a question of whether you should ignore her or not but just taking charge of yourself
and then doing whatever you feel like without getting bent about any outcome.

 

[scrouds]

Stay the course cheeks, you know you can do it.

 

[sodbuster]

Want her back or not? IF you cheated on her because you weren't interested in keeping her...why are you thinking you want her back...dry spell?

 

[Cheeks]

Yeah I want her back, she was really good to me. I cheated because I was weak and stupid one night. I've been banging this one broad but I feel nothing for her and still miss my ex.

I just don't understand why she's texting me if she has a love life now. She's either trying to keep me around as her little b1tch friend or she's losing interest in the new guy (who is quite the AFC, flowers, confessions of love, etc).

 

[DMEDFISIK]

I was in a similar situation. Your story and her reactions are eerily similar to mine. I cheated as well, but she did some things that made me resent her prior to me cheating. I really should have just broken up with her earlier on. I was even nicer to her than you were to your ex. You can look for a thread I opened on this issue. I eventually cut her out of my life.

It was hard for me but I did get over her.I am just realizing her boring and unadventurous she really was. I knew these: that I am a catch, interesting, and confident. These helped me in moving on. I spent more time at the gym, my piano, friends, school, and dated around. Dating around made me realize there were lots of wonderful girls out there.

Your ex is with another guy, so don't help the novel relationship by being there for her. You've sincerely apologized and it should end there.

Stay the course. In the end you'll have your respect. The worst thing you can do now is give in to her and keep on pleading, thus diminishing your respect and value in her eyes. DON'T DO IT. I repeat, DON'T DO IT. I made this mistake for three months.

If she wants you back, it would be obvious. Accept the change in life and don't call it a loss--it's just a life change. Keep away from her. Continue to improve yourself, and you'll be fine.

I need to get back to cooking. I have a date coming over.

 

[Cheeks]

I was in a similar situation. Your story and her reactions are eerily similar to mine. I cheated as well, but she did some things that made me resent her prior to me cheating. I really should have just broken up with her earlier on. I was even nicer to her than you were to your ex. You can look for a thread I opened on this issue. I eventually cut her out of my life.

It was hard for me but I did get over her.I am just realizing her boring and unadventurous she really was. I knew these: that I am a catch, interesting, and confident. These helped me in moving on. I spent more time at the gym, my piano, friends, school, and dated around. Dating around made me realize there were lots of wonderful girls out there.

Your ex is with another guy, so don't help the novel relationship by being there for her. You've sincerely apologized and it should end there.

Stay the course. In the end you'll have your respect. The worst thing you can do now is give in to her and keep on pleading, thus diminishing your respect and value in her eyes. DON'T DO IT. I repeat, DON'T DO IT. I made this mistake for three months.

If she wants you back, it would be obvious. Accept the change in life and don't call it a loss--it's just a life change. Keep away from her. Continue to improve yourself, and you'll be fine.

I need to get back to cooking. I have a date coming over.

I have no intention of pleading, just wondering if I should bother trying to build attraction and interest with her or if it's a lost cause. For now, I'll continue ignoring until I see something more substantial.

 

[DMEDFISIK]

I have no intention of pleading, just wondering if I should bother trying to build attraction and interest with her or if it's a lost cause. For now, I'll continue ignoring until I see something more substantial.

http://www.futuristicwords.com/2010/12/kill-beatrice/

 

[Buddha_Mind]

http://www.futuristicwords.com/2010/12/kill-beatrice/

Interesting read.

Really great read actually.

OP -- don't go back man! If you were truly happy would you have cheated?

Is this the best you think you can do for yourself in life?

It's not! You're just going back because you haven't met someone better yet!

You will! And you won't make the same mistakes!

Have faith brother!!!!

 

[Cheeks]

Well I gave in and replied 2 days later, lol

Her: Do you think Mitt Romney is a capitalist vulture?

2 days later...

Me: phone was broke, no i dont think that

Her: Oh ok because i remember that guy perry u said you liked or whoever said that

Me: uh huh

Her: I was reading an article when I sent you that--I've lost interest in the subject now- (she uses dashes in her text sometimes...not sure why)

Me: k


Doesn't seem like she's very interested, lol

 

[Buddha_Mind]

Well I gave in and replied 2 days later, lol

Her: Do you think Mitt Romney is a capitalist vulture?

2 days later...

Me: phone was broke, no i dont think that

Her: Oh ok because i remember that guy perry u said you liked or whoever said that

Me: uh huh

Her: I was reading an article when I sent you that--I've lost interest in the subject now- (she uses dashes in her text sometimes...not sure why)

Me: k


Doesn't seem like she's very interested, lol

It sounds like she's trying to keep the dialogue going but your short responses are snuffing her out. From the dialogue above to me it seems like you are not very interested, not the other way around.

IDK man do you think if you got back with her you would want to cheat again? Were there reasons that drove you to cheat or was it only temptation?

 

[Cheeks]

It sounds like she's trying to keep the dialogue going but your short responses are snuffing her out. From the dialogue above to me it seems like you are not very interested, not the other way around.

IDK man do you think if you got back with her you would want to cheat again? Were there reasons that drove you to cheat or was it only temptation?

Well, I was trying to play disinterested cause I figure that's just the way of the gun when dealing with your ex. Sometimes I feel like she's trying to lead me into a trap where she feigns interest and then cuts me off.

And of course I might be tempted to cheat if I got back with her but I wouldn't try to lie about it like I did last time.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

And of course I might be tempted to cheat if I got back with her but I wouldn't try to lie about it like I did last time.

...well man, I don't know exactly if cheating is an issue for you in ANY relationship (which maybe it is)...but probably better to find a woman you don't want to cheat on...or a woman where you don't feel that need...

 

[Cheeks]

...well man, I don't know exactly if cheating is an issue for you in ANY relationship (which maybe it is)...but probably better to find a woman you don't want to cheat on...or a woman where you don't feel that need...

Well, let's be honest, unless we're all a bunch of white knights with oneitis here, there's going to be the temptation to cheat. Whether or not I feel the "need", I'm always gonna wonder what its like to bang that chick over there that's not my girlfriend. Doesn't mean I don't love my girl, it just means I'm kind of a horndog.

 

[window]

hey man your first post was 15th November 2011 and this one is 15th of January, so dont you mean no contact for 2 months instead of 1 week ?

 

[Pair A Dice]

Well, let's be honest, unless we're all a bunch of white knights with oneitis here, there's going to be the temptation to cheat. Whether or not I feel the "need", I'm always gonna wonder what its like to bang that chick over there that's not my girlfriend. Doesn't mean I don't love my girl, it just means I'm kind of a horndog.

Then why be in a relationship? Don't risk hurting someone else when you don't need to involve them and you could just fvck around all you want. Or, if you want a relationship, man up, and go through with it.

 

[Cheeks]

hey man your first post was 15th November 2011 and this one is 15th of January, so dont you mean no contact for 2 months instead of 1 week ?

No, there was light contact for months over moving/financial stuff. Now that the dust has settled I've been marking the days on a calendar that I haven't initiated contact with her. And yes, I'm hung up on this girl and it comes from a scarcity mindset. It's rough living in a small town without any real support system (friends, family, etc.). Losing this girl inflicted a lot more pain on me than I ever thought was possible.

Hence the blunt replies to her texts. I'm in full-on defensive mode right now and don't want to get myself trampled on again.

 

[Cheeks]

Dammit, I just broke again.

Me: If you can deposit that most recent check soon, please do

Her: I know, I'm surprised you didn't say anything earlier--I'll do it tomorrow I just keep forgetting thanks.

Me: no big deal, thanks though

Her:

Me: perry turned out to be an idiot by the way, don't like him anymore

Her: Yeah he takes longer to finish a thought than my father

Me: your dad's a smooth operator in comparison

Her:


This is it guys, I'm going full-on no contact from here on out. I'm starting to see things clearly now: all this back and forth texting BS is just her "humoring" me and placing me firmly in the friend zone. I just lost all the progress I had made and am already feeling lost and emo again.

God help me, I just can't let go of this.

 

[speed dawg]

This is it guys, I'm going full-on no contact from here on out. I'm starting to see things clearly now: all this back and forth texting BS is just her "humoring" me and placing me firmly in the friend zone. I just lost all the progress I had made and am already feeling lost and emo again.

Ding, ding....the light goes off in Cheeks' head finally!

God help me, I just can't let go of this.

Yes you can. We've all been through this, that's why we came to this site to begin with. And hey, look at the positive....why do you want a single mommy anyway? I promise you, you DO NOT want to raise some other dude's kids. And I can also guarantee you that her sh1t does indeed stink.

Pick up some hobbies, devote more time to your job, and move past this. Sex isn't the only thing in life. Look back at all the things you did wrong in this situation (and there are lots of them), and figure out how you'll do it right from now on. Do not look for a relationship, just look to find some people to have a good time with.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

Those last two posts are great ones.

Dude I've pussballed back too...just stop stop yourself now you know better!!!

Be strong man!