Should I ignore my ex that I cheated on?

[Cheeks]

You see, Cheeks, those little messages are tempting but they always leave you feeling empty and like a chump. Don't beat yourself up over it. Just remember how stupid it feels to give in, and you'll be less likely to in the future.

Women are always open to contact (if it's friendly) because it helps smooth things over. You'll morph into one more "friend" (orbiter) and the bad feelings will dissipate faster for her.

You miss your ex, it's understandable and normal. NC is to help you recover faster....good luck man.

You're spot on about feeling empty and chumpish with the messages. It's this strange compulsion...like maybe if I just say the right thing this time she'll come around. But it's always misfire after misfire.

What makes NC so hard for me is that I always find myself alone at nights actively TRYING to stay NC. When it gets really rough I just hop in my ride and drive around, get a coffee, etc. But without a social circle it can be really hard to keep my mind off of her. And trying to pick up other women without any social proof feels pathetic right now.

It's like my self-esteem is so low that I can't even face the world right now. I have that "dumped guy" smell all over me. This may seem ridiculous, but I have this fear that even if I did start dating another woman, my ex would sabotage it by telling her "Oh no, he's a loser and I dumped his ass". I don't know why I have these thoughts other than my ex is in such close proximity. She is literally mind-controlling me.

 

[speed dawg]

What makes NC so hard for me is that I always find myself alone at nights actively TRYING to stay NC. When it gets really rough I just hop in my ride and drive around, get a coffee, etc. But without a social circle it can be really hard to keep my mind off of her. And trying to pick up other women without any social proof feels pathetic right now.

It's like my self-esteem is so low that I can't even face the world right now. I have that "dumped guy" smell all over me. This may seem ridiculous, but I have this fear that even if I did start dating another woman, my ex would sabotage it by telling her "Oh no, he's a loser and I dumped his ass". I don't know why I have these thoughts other than my ex is in such close proximity. She is literally mind-controlling me.

Like I said, you're not alone. You are me about 6 years ago. And I, like you, felt hopeless. You're not. I'm living proof of that today. I had no social circle either. But things will get better and you will develop one. I'm not going to sit here and inundate you with tons of advice - my sole purpose for posting is to let you know you are not in new territory, and there's a whole bunch of guys on this site willing to help if you'll let them. I owe alot to the many anonymous posters who pulled me out of the matrix, that's why I'm here.

 

[Cheeks]

Like I said, you're not alone. You are me about 6 years ago. And I, like you, felt hopeless. You're not. I'm living proof of that today. I had no social circle either. But things will get better and you will develop one. I'm not going to sit here and inundate you with tons of advice - my sole purpose for posting is to let you know you are not in new territory, and there's a whole bunch of guys on this site willing to help if you'll let them. I owe alot to the many anonymous posters who pulled me out of the matrix, that's why I'm here.

Thanks for the reply man. I'm not gonna lie, I just had a pretty epic crying fit tonight. It just all started pouring out of me. Felt pathetic afterwards.

One thing I've learned from this is that it is just not worth it getting into a long-term relationship. I used to be fine being on my own, now I'm a hideous wreck. Attachment really is the root of all suffering.

 

[DMEDFISIK]

Trust me you'll be great. You aren't the first to go through this emotional torture. This is why a strong dose of self-confidence is important.

I went through similar emotional drama after my two LTRs ended, however deep down I KNEW I was able to attract even better girls. And I am doing just that.

Other things that helped me: school, consistent piano playing, continued commitment to my intense fitness program, friends, and dating around. All of these experiences have helped me cultivate mental strength.

Finally, I have experienced that if you are a guy committed to self-improvement, the game just keeps getting better for you. Your options improve and it gets even harder to offer commitment to a girl due to the increase in options.

You'll be just fine. Trust me. It will be hard, yes, but you'll emerge from it stronger.

 

[Cheeks]

Next time she calls or texts me I'm thinking about sending her this:

"Look, I'm sure you mean well, but I can't be a friend to you. Please don't contact me unless its important."

Is this a bad move? I suppose I could just ignore her but its so hard not to get sucked in. I just want it to stop.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

Next time she calls or texts me I'm thinking about sending her this:

"Look, I'm sure you mean well, but I can't be a friend to you. Please don't contact me unless its important."

Is this a bad move? I suppose I could just ignore her but its so hard not to get sucked in. I just want it to stop.

Everyone does things their own way -- I don't think there is anything wrong with a response like that and it is straight forward and the truth. You're not being a d!ck, you just can't be her friend because of the constant upwelling of thoughts/emotions/past...I would just drop the 2nd sentence all together... "I'm sure you mean well, but after all of this, I just can't be a friend to you".

I know it sucks man stay strong cheeks. Dude I am no perfect being nobody is we all learn and we all make mistakes and we've all lost things we really cared about. Just keep on keeping on stay strong focus on the future new and good things will come. You're a good man bro!

 

[Cheeks]

Well the latest text just rolled in:

Her: "Hi Blushy (her nickname for me) what's instrument called that's a miniature piano. I remember u saying u liked its driving me nuts

She's obviously drunk and thinking of me. I wonder if her boyfriend knows thats she sends me this sh1t. Now I just imagine them together waiting for my response so they can laugh when I give in. This has helped me to refrain from responding.

But I have to admit, I feel really bad for ignoring her. I've heard that if "ignoring doesn't work, nothing will", but I'm just so confused about the situation.

 

[Cheeks]

Thought I would update you guys on my ex just for the laughs.

I finally responded to her pandering texts with a "stop sending me this ****".

She responded with "Oh shut up and have a sense of humor." Then proceeded to tell me how she was going to throw out my jury duty notice since I was being such a prick (I used to live with her).

I said NO ***** BRING IT TO WORK. When I showed up she gave me a dirty look and handed me the notice, which was ripped up into a thousand pieces and stuffed into an envelope. I was like, damn, I can't believe this cvnt.

So I demanded an explanation and an apology. She went from cold to friendly in about 2 minutes and started talking about how much her daughter misses me and whatnot. My head was spinning from all these mood swings so I just bought a bottle of wine and headed home to drink myself into a stupor.

Then she starts texting me, asking about the girl I'm dating. Says "Try and be charming and maybe you can lay her on your hard squeaky bed lol".

The next morning I was all hungover after school so I texted her asking her to make me coffee at her place. She obliged, and when I got there she proceeded to show off all the flowers her new guy bought her and bragged about the kinky sex she was having with him. I just brushed it off like I couldn't care less but I have to admit it stung a bit.

I just carried on conversation with her like she was an old acquaintance and she kept bringing up our relationship with **** like "You never took me anywhere nice", "You said some pretty nasty things to me", "You were never affectionate" etc.

So finally I had enough punishment and just said thanks for the coffee, peace. And the funny thing is, after all of that, I'm pretty much over it now. The reality of the situation is finally solidified in my head and I'm no longer reacting to her mentally, just trying to get on with my life. Its been a hell of a trip.

 

[DMEDFISIK]

I'm glad you didn't cave in to her desire. She's trying to punish you, and it's good that you didn't react. It's important you minimize contact as much as possible until you are over her fully.

 

[Groblin]

Well I gave in and replied 2 days later, lol

Her: Do you think Mitt Romney is a capitalist vulture?

2 days later...

Me: phone was broke, no i dont think that

Her: Oh ok because i remember that guy perry u said you liked or whoever said that

Me: uh huh

Her: I was reading an article when I sent you that--I've lost interest in the subject now- (she uses dashes in her text sometimes...not sure why)

Me: k


Doesn't seem like she's very interested, lol

You could just be an ass and text her back about moon bases and such. :moon:

 

[DonJuan_DeRosco]

Aw man, cheeks, cheeks. STOP ENTERTAINING THIS BINT!

No contact means NO CONTACT!!!

You are slowly getting pulled into her power play, I mean you're meeting up with her. See how this progression is working, a few texts, the meeting, and now coffee?! Her whirlpool is spinning hard and your circling the damn thing.

Stop and bail, you kicked her ass to the kerb for a reason, remember that.

FLEE!

 

[Buddha_Mind]

Thought I would update you guys on my ex just for the laughs.

I finally responded to her pandering texts with a "stop sending me this ****".

She responded with "Oh shut up and have a sense of humor." Then proceeded to tell me how she was going to throw out my jury duty notice since I was being such a prick (I used to live with her).

I said NO ***** BRING IT TO WORK. When I showed up she gave me a dirty look and handed me the notice, which was ripped up into a thousand pieces and stuffed into an envelope. I was like, damn, I can't believe this cvnt.

So I demanded an explanation and an apology. She went from cold to friendly in about 2 minutes and started talking about how much her daughter misses me and whatnot. My head was spinning from all these mood swings so I just bought a bottle of wine and headed home to drink myself into a stupor.

Then she starts texting me, asking about the girl I'm dating. Says "Try and be charming and maybe you can lay her on your hard squeaky bed lol".

The next morning I was all hungover after school so I texted her asking her to make me coffee at her place. She obliged, and when I got there she proceeded to show off all the flowers her new guy bought her and bragged about the kinky sex she was having with him. I just brushed it off like I couldn't care less but I have to admit it stung a bit.

I just carried on conversation with her like she was an old acquaintance and she kept bringing up our relationship with **** like "You never took me anywhere nice", "You said some pretty nasty things to me", "You were never affectionate" etc.

So finally I had enough punishment and just said thanks for the coffee, peace. And the funny thing is, after all of that, I'm pretty much over it now. The reality of the situation is finally solidified in my head and I'm no longer reacting to her mentally, just trying to get on with my life. Its been a hell of a trip.

Man, I think by going over to her place for her to make you coffee after she ripped up your jury notice is a bit intense...WHY? What value is there? I know you needed closure so maybe this was not such a bad thing--but honestly you are torturing yourself going back and forth. You need to delete her number now and go NC. Or you're just never going to heal man. Update your address ASAP with the post office (you can do this online) and you won't have to deal with that sh!t anymore.

 

[speed dawg]

Cheeks, she literally has NO RESPECT whatsoever for you and is just fvcking with you now.

Please, for the love of all of us, STOP TALKING TO THIS CVNT! Man up, dude, geez.

Get everything you need from her, change your address (or whatever you need to do so she doesn't get your mail) AND LEAVE HER FVCK ALONE!!!!!!

 

[Cheeks]

Hey guys, **** has gotten pretty crazy since the I originally posted this thread. I had been maintaining indifference and minimal contact with her. Yesterday she calls me to ask my help moving some furniture out of her place (I own a truck that she helped pay for). She offered to buy me dinner and drinks so I obliged.

By the end of the night we're back at her place having CRAZY rough sex. I can't even begin to describe it, but let's just say I came out with a black eye and a gouged lip. The whole time she was begging me to "admit that I loved her", which I never did. She was literally riding me and gasping "Why didn't you love me" while her new boyfriend was texting her Valentine's Day messages. WTF.

This morning she claims to feel like a horrible person for cheating on her boyfriend. I don't even know what to make of this broad anymore. I guess if you're gonna take away anything from this story: never confess love and continue acting like you don't give a **** if you ever want to nail your ex again. I suspect I haven't heard the last from her.

 

[scrouds]

Validation done, she won't be contacting you any time soon. Thanks for playing.

 

[speed dawg]

Validation done, she won't be contacting you any time soon. Thanks for playing.

Yep, this cat is history. Well, he actually has been for a while. He's a ****roach in her eyes. Congratulations Cheeks, on literally taking ZERO advice from this forum. Oh, I'm sure you think you out-smarted us because you laid your mystical ex-girlfriend.

 

[Cheeks]

I don't see what the big deal is. She bought me an expensive dinner and drinks all night. She invited me to her place and initiated sex. I backed off at first, I wasn't an eager goon. Honestly, if she's willing to cheat on her boyfriend with me, I don't see their "relationship" lasting much longer.

In fact, I told her that she should stay with the guy afterwards, and how I wouldn't tell anybody about our indiscretion. She kept trying to bait me into asking her back and I was aloof the whole time.

Before I left her place, she informed me that she texted her boyfriend that I had stayed late last night. She said he was pissed. I don't know what's going to happen now, but I definitely care a lot less than I did. If she comes back, whatever, if not, she's trash anyway.

 

[scrouds]

He's the rebound guy, she didn't really like him that much anyways. So here's what happened. She got her validation from you and instigated the breakup of the rebound guy. That was the guy that made her feel better about your cheating, but not really that good, because she believes she can do better. The hamster is barely walking too, don't take much to read into this.

She'll be single in 2 weeks, if not already on to the next cocck on the carousel.

 

[Johnnyventana]

I totally missed this post. I enjoyed the past and present story.

You got your last F out of her. Now to the curb with that H0! And clearly ignoring a H0 and not telling her you love her, drives her cray!

BTW, she's trying to pull you into a drama triangle with this new dude. Karpman Drama Triangle

 

[JaZZyWaTCh]

The worst thing you can do now is give in to her and keep on pleading, thus diminishing your respect and value in her eyes. DON'T DO IT. I repeat, DON'T DO IT. I made this mistake for three months.