if you guys read my other thread there is this girl i met through a friend of a friend and she wanted me to hang out with her. I really like her but she has a dysfunctional family and has trust issues. Honestly guys i'm a really nice guy, but not to the point where i'm an afc. I do stand up for myself when neccessary but typically am laid back. This girl has been hurt a lot, but is a strong christian and have never had a real gf. I've gone on dates and all, but never really continued with that same girl. I really like this girl though but don't want to hurt her, especially with all she's been through. I don't quite understand her though. She tells me she doesn't want a relationship, but then goes on to say we should hang out, and that she really likes me. She makes it out like she wants a guy that can fix all of her problems in life and hinted i was that guy. I'm really confused, if i am to get with this girl do you have any tips? and if you don't think i should try tell me why.
Should i go out with this girl?? She seems mentally unstable..
- Thread starter Jokerlsk
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Man give it a shot. Good girls are hard to find and you say shes a christian. Thats a big plus in my book and it means she has good values "possibly". If she has trust issues just be real outgoing with her and she will open up. Trust me. Good luck my friend.
Vlad the Impaler
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Jokerlsk said:
Most girls I have dated in the last year fit this description.
Either that, or she's a spoiled brat with rich parents and has banged 30 guys by the time she is 21.
Take your pick.
Igetit!
Moderator
Generally speaking,dating someone who is mentally unstable is a bad idea.The fact that she is "mentally unstable"should be a clue.However,from the way you describe her she seems to be a nice person.So if you decide to pursue her,here are a few tips
O NOT,I repeat,DO NOT become her therapist.You said she hinted that you might be the person to solve all her problems,right?Imo,this is bad.Very bad.Don`t try to solve her problems(even if you have the answers,still don`t do it).Don`t discuss them or talk about them.If she brings them up,change the subject.If you are her romantic interest,your job is to generate fire,passion,chemistry in her,NOT be her therapist.If you create chemistry in her,she`ll forget about her problems when is with you.It will be like she is on vacation:no worries,no problems,no stress,just crystal clear blue water,sandy beaches,warm summer breezes.This is how she wants to feel when she is with you,not like she`s in a therapist`s office.
O NOT,I repeat,DO NOT become her therapist.You said she hinted that you might be the person to solve all her problems,right?Imo,this is bad.Very bad.Don`t try to solve her problems(even if you have the answers,still don`t do it).Don`t discuss them or talk about them.If she brings them up,change the subject.If you are her romantic interest,your job is to generate fire,passion,chemistry in her,NOT be her therapist.If you create chemistry in her,she`ll forget about her problems when is with you.It will be like she is on vacation:no worries,no problems,no stress,just crystal clear blue water,sandy beaches,warm summer breezes.This is how she wants to feel when she is with you,not like she`s in a therapist`s office.
Vlad the Impaler
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That's a great post, I wish I read it a long time ago.Igetit! said:Generally speaking,dating someone who is mentally unstable is a bad idea.The fact that she is "mentally unstable"should be a clue.However,from the way you describe her she seems to be a nice person.So if you decide to pursue her,here are a few tips
Igetit!
Moderator
Let me give you an example of what I mean.Let`s say the two of you are together,and suddenly she start talking about her parents fighting with each other.
her:My parents were fighting again last night.
you:Yeah,it sucks doesn`t it?My parents used to fight a lot,too.Hey,that reminds me of something,have you ever....
Then go off in a tangent.Remember,change her mood,NOT her mind.
her:My parents were fighting again last night.
you:Yeah,it sucks doesn`t it?My parents used to fight a lot,too.Hey,that reminds me of something,have you ever....
Then go off in a tangent.Remember,change her mood,NOT her mind.
I feel like I'm a similar situation. My girlfriend has some issues (after 6 months of dating she told me she is dealing with anorexia), but its really not a huge deal. If she brings them up, just hear her out and then change the subject to something a little more positive. Opening up and sharing deeper issues than her cat being sick or her car breaking down is a pretty good sign that she does trust you which is a good IOI for a possible LTR.
Igetit makes a good point about not being her therapist though. Hear her out, but don't try to give advice or suggestions on what she can do to better her relationships with her family.
Igetit makes a good point about not being her therapist though. Hear her out, but don't try to give advice or suggestions on what she can do to better her relationships with her family.
I know but i've actually never met her in person and she seems to like me alot..... This is the weirdest situation i've ever been in. My friend doesn't want me to go out w/ her, and he's my bro. He's not saying it out of jealousy but more as advice. So i'm kinda battling ideas in my head. I want to go out w/ her, my friend doesn't want me to, and i don't want to at the same time because i don't want to hurt her. I really don't know what to do. But being honest and all i wouldn't ever hurt someone emotionally intentionally.
Igetit!
Moderator
I didn`t know you had never actually met her in person.
How long have you 2 been communicating?
How long have you 2 been communicating?
WC2
Master Don Juan
If you're looking for a dungeons and dragons online relationship, go for it. If you're thinking about dating a girl who you've never seen, let alone after knowing her for only 3 or 4 days, you really need to get a grip on reality. If you let a woman into your life, you better know what you're getting yourself into.
Better to be brutally honest than brutally wrong.
As far as "mentally unstable" girls go, I will say this-
That word gets thrown around so much around where I come from it's not even funny. A girl is "mentally unstable" because of this and that. Or she's unhappy with herself because of this.
I find 90% of the time it's all bull****. It's just a woman reaching out to find a man that gives her energy. If a woman is complaining about her problems to you, she is telling you in one sense or another:
"I am unhappy because I can't find/get with the man of my dreams, and YOU are not him. This is why I'm telling you this so you can feel bad for me. It's like a confidence boost when you tell me that I'm beautiful and shouldn't worry. Thanks."
Seriously. Any woman in her right mind wouldn't be revealing her problems to a man who turns her on immensely. Do you think they want him knowing that they have these problems? Ha, HELL NO! This is why women will always cry to AFCs; they have no intentions of sexual interaction.
Now the other 10% of the time when a woman IS mentally unstable, it has to be a drastic problem (Family, health, financial, or medical.. and financial is even pushing it).
Stay away from these women. They will date you just for support. They are having a hard time, so they need you, yes you, to be right there beside them to help heal them. Once they have healed, hit the road jack, she's improved and gone on to find a more ample man. I've seen it happen plenty of times.
So long story short.. any sign of a chick being mentally unstable/acting like she is = BAD NEWS!
Better to be brutally honest than brutally wrong.
As far as "mentally unstable" girls go, I will say this-
That word gets thrown around so much around where I come from it's not even funny. A girl is "mentally unstable" because of this and that. Or she's unhappy with herself because of this.
I find 90% of the time it's all bull****. It's just a woman reaching out to find a man that gives her energy. If a woman is complaining about her problems to you, she is telling you in one sense or another:
"I am unhappy because I can't find/get with the man of my dreams, and YOU are not him. This is why I'm telling you this so you can feel bad for me. It's like a confidence boost when you tell me that I'm beautiful and shouldn't worry. Thanks."
Seriously. Any woman in her right mind wouldn't be revealing her problems to a man who turns her on immensely. Do you think they want him knowing that they have these problems? Ha, HELL NO! This is why women will always cry to AFCs; they have no intentions of sexual interaction.
Now the other 10% of the time when a woman IS mentally unstable, it has to be a drastic problem (Family, health, financial, or medical.. and financial is even pushing it).
Stay away from these women. They will date you just for support. They are having a hard time, so they need you, yes you, to be right there beside them to help heal them. Once they have healed, hit the road jack, she's improved and gone on to find a more ample man. I've seen it happen plenty of times.
So long story short.. any sign of a chick being mentally unstable/acting like she is = BAD NEWS!
I.A.F.Y.B.
Master Don Juan
Don't push a relationship with her. She isn't exactly ready for one but, wants to hang out with you. So, just hang out with her and escalate things with her. Take it slow and don't get too attached with each other. If your worried about certin things with her. You will find out once you start dating. Which, is why I am suggesting you take it slow. That way you can see if you really wanna date her or not.
suavesuave
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mentally unstable hahahhahaha
She is going to be an Attention Wh0re if she already isnt one. If shes been hurt a lot she is going to want to inflict pain on you so she doesnt feel alone. Or she will be so standoffish cause she is insecure about getting into a LTR do not purse that with her or basically any girl ever. She wants u to fix er problems aka youre going to be her GF. You are a nice guy which there is no problem with that but she sees you as an emotional tampon I think.
Kev07
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if you get mentally unstable vibes with her before you're even together, its only going to get worse if you get together.
food for thought
food for thought
I still want to be friends w/ her though. Plus idt there is a way i can tell her that i don't want to talk to her anymore w/o hurting her again. Any suggestions on how to do this. I was thinking about saying something along the lines of "idt we should talk anymore" and she'll ask why and i'll say "idt that we're both ready for a relationship." Idt it will work though. She'll probably get mad at me and then i'll feel really bad for leading her on in the first place...