Should I date women who have kids

[Wyldfire]

Newman...a marriage or serious relationship is not a competition to determine who contributes more or whose needs matter more. It is a group effort to work together towards a common goal and family unit.

You are too caught up in this unhealthy "men vs women"/"men are good, women are evil" mentality.

Men and women are not meant to compete with each other...they are meant to complement each other. That means a couple helps each other out and don't get caught up in some silly pissing contest about who does more, tries harder or is more important. Doing that is not only retarded, it also destroys relationships.

 

[Wyldfire]

Re: Date who you want

Originally posted by WestCoaster
I would agree with Wyldfire on a lot of this. But fellas, date who you want. If you meet a great gal with a kid or kids, don't close the door completely; you may choose a woman who turns out to be a complete b-tch ... trust me on this from personal experience (not marrying but dating), and from my friends, who married women without kids who have turned out to be awful; while some of my friends married women with a kid or kids, who turned out to be great.

It's all about compatibility, whether the man and the woman get along. If you can't handle dating a woman with kids, don't do it; but I warn you pie-in-the-sky guys out there: many, many, many women without kids turn out to be evil women down the road. You never know ...

And many, many, many women with kids are great people and make awesome wives.

My theory is don't close the door on your options. In the end, you really don't know what you're getting. I've dated wound-up single women who put more self-imposed stresses on their lives than women with the real stresses of raising a child.

It's all about compatibility and chemistry and if the woman is a good person or not.

* Note, a little off-topic here: 99 percent of PUA's I've met in this world turn out to be married AFCs ... so work on your inner game first and worry about the dynamics of your gf/wives later.

Thank you for having a good attitude. It's refreshing around here lately. Lousy men and lousy women are lousy men and lousy women and whether or not they have kids is totally irrelevent to that. It's good to have standards, but standards based on irrational stereotypes and false beliefs is stupid. When a man determines if a woman is worth investing in a relationship he should be more concerned with how honest, responsible, caring, attentive, understanding and communicative she is not whether or not she has kids, is divorced or has a college degree. Look at the traits that really count in the long run when it comes to weathering the inevitable speed bumps all relationships go through. If you follow the right kind of standards your chances of having a successful relationship increases dramatically.

 

[WestCoaster]

What ever happened to the relaxed DJs?

Guys are too wound up here -- me included. C'mon fellas, enjoy life ... he-l, enjoy women, I love looking at them all. I like the tall model types, I like the short chunky ones; I absolutely love minorities -- all kinds; I like single moms; he-l, I often drool at marrieds whether they're with their husbands or not. I'm a horndog deluxe and proud of it.

I just love women, period. (OK, I hate b-tchy ones ...) Everyone here is agendizing things to fit their worlds (me included).

I say we take a more relaxed/enjoy women mode. I remember one of the worst breakups I had -- not enjoyable -- gal landed on me big time. After she dusted me off, I was getting into my car and she was walking to the pool by her apartment. Angry as h-ll, I looked at her walking away in her swimsuit and all I could think was, "Well, at least she had a great a$$."

I need to adopt that attitude more! And so do all of us guys. Relax guys, enjoy women -- all of them!

* Hey guys, Pamela Anderson has two kids. If she hit on you, would you turn her down? LOL!

 

[NewMan]

* Hey guys, Pamela Anderson has two kids. If she hit on you, would you turn her down? LOL!

No - but I've been dating a single mother for the last year and half.

 

[NewMan]

I feel bad that you feel that you have to do this.

I don't

but I have many friends who have got married - and boy how things changed after that.

One in particular - would the guys when we went dirt bike riding (perhaps 1/2 per month) - as soon as he got married - she put pressure on him. To dangerous. Didn't want him to ride etc. etc. etc.

So like a pvssy, he stopped tearing up the desert with us...

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by NewMan
I don't

but I have many friends who have got married - and boy how things changed after that.

One in particular - would the guys when we went dirt bike riding (perhaps 1/2 per month) - as soon as he got married - she put pressure on him. To dangerous. Didn't want him to ride etc. etc. etc.

So like a pvssy, he stopped tearing up the desert with us...

You look at it that way. Others would look at it as him recognizing that when you get married it is your responsibility to not take risks with your life because there are other people depending on you. Marriage is about compromise between two people much of the time. Of course his wife didn't want him taking unnecessary risks with his life. She loves him and doesn't want him to get hurt or die. What's so horrible about that?

 

[Bonhomme]

All depends upon the person

.

 

[Good_ol_boy]

Re: What ever happened to the relaxed DJs?

Originally posted by WestCoaster
* Hey guys, Pamela Anderson has two kids. If she hit on you, would you turn her down? LOL!

I totally agree with the rest of your post, well thought out, but in this case...
Sorry, I don't want to get Hepatitis!!

 

[Gipper]

Oh for f*ck's sake, Wyldfire is back.

I thought this troll crawled back under her particular bridge.

NewMan, my cousin was castrated in a similar manner by his wife. Except he was involved in that most dangerous of activities....flying remote control model airplanes! Gasp!

It still makes me ill to watch him get henpecked.

Gipper

 

[Good_ol_boy]

Originally posted by Wyldfire
You look at it that way. Others would look at it as him recognizing that when you get married it is your responsibility to not take risks with your life because there are other people depending on you. Marriage is about compromise between two people much of the time. Of course his wife didn't want him taking unnecessary risks with his life. She loves him and doesn't want him to get hurt or die. What's so horrible about that?

A lot of the guys here have never been married. A long "relationship" to them is dating for 3 or 4 months. They lack the "married" experience. I don't advocate "going AFC" when you get married, but things are definitely different when you are "married" then when you are "dating" or "living together".

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by picard
I find it strange that there are many young single mothers. How the heck did they get divorce that quickly at young age? Don't these women practice birth control when they were in their teens. I find it a little scary to date these women. I worry that they might be looking for a rich weathy benefactor to raise the kids.

The final question for you guys. Is it best to avoid single women with kids ????

Hey Picard, are you even still reading this thread? It seems like we've forgotten about your question.

You should be concerned, especially if you aren't inclined to help raise someone else's children. No matter what anyone woman says about not looking for another father for their children, you will need integrate your life with someone who has children integrated in hers, there's no way around it. The question you need to answer is whether you want to deal with whatever that may entail.

Right now I'm having the same concern. Two of the women I'm going out with have children. We haven't gotten near to having a real relationship so I have not had much to deal with other than their somewhat limited availability, no biggie. I know that if and when it becomes serious, interesting situations will begin coming up.

My other problem I'm having is that a good portion of the single women I meet are seemingly anxious to have children. I worry that when they find out that I'm a bachelor in the truest (unencumbered) state, I am labeled "fresh meat" and the possibility of a woman getting pregnant either intentionally or not is aways a possibility. Y'know, I need to again start thinking about getting some plumbing work done; but that's another thread altogether.... Hmmmm......

 

[KarmaSutra]

You aren't protecting yourself against anything. All you're doing is blaming an entire group of women for your own poor judgement and choices. You, sir, are passing the buck and making excuses for a very clear and foolish mistake on YOUR part. It's easy to blame others for our mistakes in life...but it takes real maturity and wisdom to hold ourselves accountable and learn from those mistakes. You're embracing victimhood and that serves no useful purpose in life.


Make no mistake, I fully accept responsibility and have learned from my mistakes. Which I've deemed life lessons. I don't hold her in contempt anymore. She is what she is and that won't change. What I've learned is to not get involved with single mothers again. I'm not committing genocide to those with vaginas and babies. I've realized that girls who are selective enough to have babies with men who will be there to take care of them are vastly superior in every aspect to those who lay down and shat out kid after kid with guys who end up on a Maury paternity show . . .

Only you can say which group you lie in.


Karma

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by KarmaSutra



Make no mistake, I fully accept responsibility and have learned from my mistakes. Which I've deemed life lessons. I don't hold her in contempt anymore. She is what she is and that won't change. What I've learned is to not get involved with single mothers again. I'm not committing genocide to those with vaginas and babies. I've realized that girls who are selective enough to have babies with men who will be there to take care of them are vastly superior in every aspect to those who lay down and shat out kid after kid with guys who end up on a Maury paternity show . . .

Only you can say which group you lie in.

I'm in neither group. I dare say the vast majority of single mothers aren't in it, either. Everyone's situation is unique. I don't believe in categorizing/stereotyping men in that way, nor do I believe in categorizing/stereotyping women. I'm sure if I said that all men who don't have kids are either sterile and can't have kids but really want them or hate kids that you'd take offense. You're doing the exact same thing to single mothers and it's simply not cool or justified at all.

If you want to say that one or two single mothers you've dated were one way or the other...all the more power to you. But you are basically saying that I am a certain way that I'm not and regardless of how you try to portray that it's still offensive, inaccurate and rude. That's the point I'm attempting to make on this thread.

 

[KarmaSutra]

I wasn't pointing you out at all.


I suppose if I gave a sh1t about it I could though . . .

Guilty conscience?


Karma

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by KarmaSutra
I wasn't pointing you out at all.


I suppose if I gave a sh1t about it I could though . . .

Guilty conscience?


Karma

Guilty conscience for what?

For being naive and inexperienced and marrying the first guy I had sex with? For being 18 years old and having my first serious relationship and not having any experience knowing about red flags or warning signs and no one pointing that out to me?

I have nothing to feel guilty for. I tried as hard as I could to make my marriage work.

No one could ever accuse me of "laying down" for just anyone, either. I can count my partners on one hand. I don't have sex outside of a relationship and have currentaly abstained for almost 5 years because I don't want a relationship with anyone at this point in my life.

I didn't stay with my husband because he turned out to be a very bad man. I made the mistake of trying to work things out and staying "for the kids". In the end, I ended up leaving for the kids sake as well as my own. I would be dead by now if I had of stayed. I was too inexperienced and young to know what I was doing when I married him. He hid his bad side very well for quite some time. The only ones who have really seen how bad he can be is my and my kids.

I'm obviously not one to sleep around with anyone who comes along. In fact, I'm extremely selective about that. Only in a relationship, period.

So, as I said...I don't fit into either of your scenarios.

 

[WestCoaster]

Wyldfire, you need to start a DJ board for women so they don't fall into the young marriage/kids thing with bad dudes. Then again, people probably wouldn't listen, they'd just pick up the Cosmo magazine and take bad advice.

You sound like a quality person Wyld.

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by WestCoaster
Wyldfire, you need to start a DJ board for women so they don't fall into the young marriage/kids thing with bad dudes. Then again, people probably wouldn't listen, they'd just pick up the Cosmo magazine and take bad advice.

You sound like a quality person Wyld.

Nah...talking too much to other women annoys me to no end. I'm a logical/rational thinker about things and most women aren't. When I surround myself with other women I tend to feel like I've been dropped in the middle of a sped convention. That's why I kinda like posting on here...although as of late there's a lot of guys on here who sound a lot like girls. It's maddening...

 

[NewMan]

Men and women are not meant to compete with each other...they are meant to complement each other. That means a couple helps each other out and don't get caught up in some silly pissing contest about who does more, tries harder or is more important. Doing that is not only retarded, it also destroys relationships.

No one's competing with anyone here.

I'm just pointing out that should a guy get married, he is facing an attitude much like your displaying. If a guys on this board are willing to accept that situation - great for them. But they need to be warned, that as soon as your married, her attitude will change - and she will expect you to change along with her. Of course we are talking in generalizations here - but guys experiences on this board bear these generalizations out.

You look at it that way. Others would look at it as him recognizing that when you get married it is your responsibility to not take risks with your life because there are other people depending on you. Marriage is about compromise between two people much of the time. Of course his wife didn't want him taking unnecessary risks with his life. She loves him and doesn't want him to get hurt or die. What's so horrible about that?

Please refer to my statement about women killing men's dreams, desires and hobbies.

You see, he was riding BEFORE he married her. He was riding when they were ENGAGED - no problem. As soon as she was married, she tries to change him, and stop him doing something he loves.

Men need an output. Whether it's guy time at the bar, camping with the guys, fishing, or dirt bike riding. Women need to stop trying to change a man after they are married.

My other problem I'm having is that a good portion of the single women I meet are seemingly anxious to have children. I worry that when they find out that I'm a bachelor in the truest (unencumbered) state, I am labeled "fresh meat" and the possibility of a woman getting pregnant either intentionally or not is aways a possibility. Y'know, I need to again start thinking about getting some plumbing work done; but that's another thread altogether.... Hmmmm......

I agree. That's why today I am a lot more carefull than I used to be (plus I have a lot more to lose). The female selection process need to be more vigorous - even though I'm currently dating a single mom, I was extremely careful about getting to know her and her situation before I did anything crazy.

It not easy (for me) to intergrate into the "Ready Made Family" - I think genetically, for males - this is a Darwinian problem.

For being naive and inexperienced and marrying the first guy I had sex with? For being 18 years old and having my first serious relationship and not having any experience knowing about red flags or warning signs and no one pointing that out to me?

This society could well do with some kind of baby and marrage liecence - I mean, you need to be 21 yrs. old to drink - but you can get married at 16. How rediculous.

 

[WestCoaster]

Agree with he baby license

I say make it 21 minimum and if it happens before then, serious repurcussions. About half or more of the world shouldn't have even had kids ... look at the prison populations and the clowns who commit crimes and don't get caught.

Baby licenses would be great ... and perhaps shrink the population. Honestly, do we REALLY need more future convienence store workers?

 

[WestCoaster]

You'd be wrong Friv, but the last thing this country needs are more unwanted pregnancies, fatherless or motherless kids, and more people period.

I hope your family work out Friv, but remember if it does work out: You're the EXCEPTION not the RULE.

Most shotgun weddings turn out to be divorces.

* Good reminder for everyone here: Your own life experience is not always a reflection of the rest of society. It is only your lived experience.