should i bother meeting this HB, think im getting used as a tourist guide

[big weezy]

i attempted to pick up this hot girl from dubai in starbucks on saturday evening visiting for the week with her sis. im a knowledgeable guy i know where all the best bars, clubs, restaurants classy places are in my area. it was my friends bday party that night and i invited her to come with her sis, i was kinda doing my friend a favour tryna bring 2 girls to his party one for him, one for me.. but i kind of lost train of thought and cos i over DHV'd about all these places (she has the same places in dubai) i feel i came across as a tourist guide and wasn't direct enough in my intentions.

anyway she didn't come on saturday this is how the texts have gone:

me 10pm Sat: hey hb, are u and your sis still coming? the station is at x place. im here now so come whenever. Big Weezy
her: hello, sorry cant make it tonight. sis isnt being too much of a sport. however would like to catch up sometime when convenient for u. wwe leave on Wednesday afternoon so lemme know. HB
her: and thanks for tonites invite. have a good evening!
me: that's cool, if your sis changs her mind then come later or come solo if u want, place is busy! good atmosphere. i'll be in x place tomorrow, lets get together just me and u then, we'll go to the bar opposite your hotel. how's 9pm? x

(no response) reading back the msgs now i cringe cos it sounds so desperate and afc.. no IL from her.
today i get a BS response: hey wasnt able to get through after saturday nite, said unidentified subscriber. lemme know if u wanna do something tom evening.
me: just me and you? x
her: anything works for me!
5mins later her again: any good places in (place) u recommend for a girls nite out?
me: good. i'd rather spend my night with just 1 gorgeous stylish 29 year old dubain so if u know anyone like this for me pls feel free to introduce me! haha. let's go to ('name') bar in x place for drinks, it's walking distance. i have an early work dinner tomorrow so let's meet at 9, cool? x
me: yes, for dinner: x place, y place, z place. for drinks: x place, y place, z place. for dancing: x place or y place.
her: sounds good.
me: cool, i cant wait to see what sexy elegant outfit you have planned for me tomorrow. enjoy your night with your sis. x
her: thanks for the spots! cya tom

reading this back and reflecting i noted 2 things, she flaked on Sat without telling me first, second she BS'd me about not being able to get in contact 'unidentified subscriber', also i think she sneakily tried to source info from me by suggesting we get together tomorrow (i suspect she wants me to take both her and her sis out and spoil them) when i suggested just me and her she agrees but as a ploy to get me to give her favourable answer when she's tryna weasel info out of me about where to go seeing as she ignored my date offer from Sat.. very sneaky.

im cynical, i suspect she'll flake tomorrow now she's got the info she needed.. OR she thinks im going to spoil her and take her out somewhere expensive, we're going somewhere good but im only gona get one drink that's it.

should i go still? im not well right now and dont think i'll be better by tomorrow, she's leaving on weds with her sis on weds, i suspect she's sharing a hotel room with her sis.. i just dont see them having separate rooms so chances of sex are low.. i dont have my own place, she isnt the type to have sex in the car. so basically i dont want to waste money driving down to the area, spending money on an expensive ****tail and being friendzoned or even better if she is into me not able to have sex in her hotel room while her sis is there too (most lllikely a double bed room)

does it sound like im being used as a tourist guide? im very suspicious and cynical.

 

[NewAndImproved]

You're complying to all of her requests when she's not complying to all of yours. That's why you're being used as a "tourist guide." Right now she's stringing you along, getting information out of you knowing that you'll keep giving it to her so long as you have hope that you'll get that date. But she told you what she was all about with the "we're going on a girl's night out."

The stuff about meeting "one on one" goes without saying. I just would've asked her out directly: "hey let's meet at 7p at X place for drinks." If she replied with anything other than "ok see you then"... I would not have responded!

 

[big weezy]

yeah you're right, i should have been more clear and sexual in the initial response.. i see that now. damn, reflecting back.

girls night out i.e. they're looking for guys to have sex with before they leave london.

i dont think she was indicating to meet one on one.. i suspect she meant with her sis also, i should have thought about it before i sent it.. it made me seem unsure and not dominant.. like i should have said something along the lines of 'that depends.. if you're meeting me just on your own and you're going to wear something sexy for me then we have a deal.. '

then see her response. that at least would demonstrate my intentions.. im not controlling the frame, she is. is it too late now for me to salvage this?

im thinking more about logistics, i.e. where to have sex etc.. im not skilled enough to get her so DTF that she'd do it anywhere.. it's freezing here like 1-2 degrees, not conducive with getting laid temperature.

 

[big weezy]

You're complying to all of her requests when she's not complying to all of yours. That's why you're being used as a "tourist guide." Right now she's stringing you along, getting information out of you knowing that you'll keep giving it to her so long as you have hope that you'll get that date. But she told you what she was all about with the "we're going on a girl's night out."

The stuff about meeting "one on one" goes without saying. I just would've asked her out directly: "hey let's meet at 7p at X place for drinks." If she replied with anything other than "ok see you then"... I would not have responded!

hindsight is a great thing, do you think i should still go for it or just cancel given the likelyhood of sex is low.. not just the logistics issue more, cos i appear to have friendzoned myself.. and will very unlikely even make out. i dont wanna waste time and money meeting her if theres no chance of at least getting laid.

 

[big weezy]

grrr im quite angry about this now.. esp at myself for not realizing what she was doing.

is the likelihood she'll flake tomorrow now she's got the info she wants? or possibly she'd come cos i'm taking her somewhere 'nice' for a drink so will go for the novelty factor?

also when she asked for recommendations of places to go for a girly night out should i have just ignored that text or said 'im not a tourist guide '?

i have to be honest with myself, she's not behaving like a girl who's interested.. even if i walk away she wont care, she got what she needed from me.. a list of places to go, she doesn't need me anymore. if she was interested she would have at least sent me a text on sunday saying she couldnt make it.. also she isn't flirty or playful in her texts to me about wearing a sexy outfit.. an interested girl would respond favourably to that.. she's just being straight forward cordial but non submissive.. but it's quite clear she wass just stringined me along to get info from me.. what a b1tch.

im planning to send tomorrow: 'so have you decided what sexy outfit you're going to wear for me tonight? x'

if she flakes, then i'll ignore her.. if she gives me some BS answer about blah blah reason and to keep in touch i'll ignore her.. she's got what she's wanted, she doesn't need me anymore, even in future.. im not going to suddenly magically make her interested in a one on one if we do meet right? the cards aren't stacked in my favor.

 

[big weezy]

well i text her at lunch today: so have you decided what stylish sexy outfit you have in store for me tonight? x

2 hours later her response: with the cold, i can only think of bundling up!

i think i'll just cancel tonight later on, her IL is non existent.. if she was interested she'd play along a bit like 'what would you like me to wear for you?' etc..

she thinks i'll be at a work dinner anyway i'll just say i cant make it.

even if i were to go i doubt she'd be DTF, she probably has a shared room with her sis and im too ill to run proper game so i rather just save the money and hassle and cancel.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

Ugh, this whole post has been cringe-worthy thus far...

Sooooooo... you invite two girls who've never met you to a party as the "first date?" No bueno. There's not enough trust between you and the two girls to warrant them coming to your friend's party since they don't know you OR your friend at all. For all they know, you could just be a guy trying to lure her and her sister into an isolated place with another guy to rape them. All they heard when you said that was "I'm taking you somewhere to get you alone, where no one can help you." This is why you typically make first dates in public. Plus, parties are just wack first-date offers anyway - like, why would you invite a girl someplace where there's going to be competition?

Anyway... the second mistake was coming on too heavy on the text flirting (which, by the way, you shouldn't be doing - Texting like this KILLS relationships). Your blatant attempts at complimenting ("gorgeous stylish 29 year old dubain") and mentions of wanting her to dress "sexy" (i.e. "like a floozy" in her mind) were too much. If you're going to text, it should be the basics - "Hey, great meeting you last night, what's say you and I meet up before you leave?" Basically just enough to get the date.

The third mistake was scheduling the date on the night before she's supposed to leave. Her and her sister are probably going to want to spend that last night soaking up the town with each other, not with a random stranger they just met.

Now, with that last part said, she DID agree to meet you for a date. Your job is not to figure out whether or not she's going to flake - your job is to be confident and assume the date is going to happen. You trying to re-confirm the date isn't going to make you seem like the confident type of individual she's probably like to hook up with - instead, it's going to make you seem like the self-conscious individual who isn't quite sure a girl is going to like him enough to remember to show up. And girls that have a genuine interest in you don't need to be reminded to show up for a date - the only ones that tend to flake are the ones that don't like you.

Most guys, yourself included, do this whole "reconfirm the date" thing because you're trying to make sure she shows up. In the process, though, you don't allow yourself to test her interest in you. If you call her up 2 hours before the date and she says "oh, you know what, something came up," your brain is able to justify the cancellation and think: "Oh well, I'll just ask her out again some other time." However, if you don't call her up, and instead you show up to the date spot where you both agreed you'd go... and she doesn't show up or calls you 20 minutes after the start of the date to say she's not going to make it... the fact that you took physical action to get to the spot, where you wasted gas/bus ticket money and time, will help your brain realize quickly that, by her being disrespectful of your efforts, she's not really that interested.

So, don't cancel the date - just show up and assume she'll be there. And if she doesn't show up, at least you'll know she doesn't like you vs. having to do all this speculation. Hope this helps!

 

[big weezy]

Ugh, this whole post has been cringe-worthy thus far...

Sooooooo... you invite two girls who've never met you to a party as the "first date?" No bueno. There's not enough trust between you and the two girls to warrant them coming to your friend's party since they don't know you OR your friend at all. For all they know, you could just be a guy trying to lure her and her sister into an isolated place with another guy to rape them. All they heard when you said that was "I'm taking you somewhere to get you alone, where no one can help you." This is why you typically make first dates in public. Plus, parties are just wack first-date offers anyway - like, why would you invite a girl someplace where there's going to be competition?

Anyway... the second mistake was coming on too heavy on the text flirting (which, by the way, you shouldn't be doing - Texting like this KILLS relationships). Your blatant attempts at complimenting ("gorgeous stylish 29 year old dubain") and mentions of wanting her to dress "sexy" (i.e. "like a floozy" in her mind) were too much. If you're going to text, it should be the basics - "Hey, great meeting you last night, what's say you and I meet up before you leave?" Basically just enough to get the date.

The third mistake was scheduling the date on the night before she's supposed to leave. Her and her sister are probably going to want to spend that last night soaking up the town with each other, not with a random stranger they just met.

Now, with that last part said, she DID agree to meet you for a date. Your job is not to figure out whether or not she's going to flake - your job is to be confident and assume the date is going to happen. You trying to re-confirm the date isn't going to make you seem like the confident type of individual she's probably like to hook up with - instead, it's going to make you seem like the self-conscious individual who isn't quite sure a girl is going to like him enough to remember to show up. And girls that have a genuine interest in you don't need to be reminded to show up for a date - the only ones that tend to flake are the ones that don't like you.

Most guys, yourself included, do this whole "reconfirm the date" thing because you're trying to make sure she shows up. In the process, though, you don't allow yourself to test her interest in you. If you call her up 2 hours before the date and she says "oh, you know what, something came up," your brain is able to justify the cancellation and think: "Oh well, I'll just ask her out again some other time." However, if you don't call her up, and instead you show up to the date spot where you both agreed you'd go... and she doesn't show up or calls you 20 minutes after the start of the date to say she's not going to make it... the fact that you took physical action to get to the spot, where you wasted gas/bus ticket money and time, will help your brain realize quickly that, by her being disrespectful of your efforts, she's not really that interested.

So, don't cancel the date - just show up and assume she'll be there. And if she doesn't show up, at least you'll know she doesn't like you vs. having to do all this speculation. Hope this helps!

i think you misunderstood how it happened.. i did meet them, i met one sister in starbucks invited her and her sis to come to the party (it's at a high end bar), i showed her where it was on google maps and the website of the place.

she flaked, i suggested to her to meet up the next day for a drink opposite her hotel.. she didn't respond.

then yesterday she texts me in the evening saying to get together tomorrow night (i.e. tonight) Í wasn't the one who invited her out tonight, she asked me to meet up with her.

the party on Sat night, i wouldn't worry about the competition, there was a big group of us. the reason i invited her to the party at a bar was cos she only just met me so being somewhere public would allay her fears.

now her back and forth with me isn't what i'd normally expect from an interested girl, factor in it's gona cost me about 20 bucks and gas money to go down there, also im not feeling well, also she's sharing a hotel room with her sis. i dont have anywhere to take her to pound. so really it's pointless me going esp if she doesnt have much IL if any.

what really i should have done, was on the initial meet be more flilrty and DHV more... get her attracted, rather than act like a tourist guide desperately tryna get her to this party on Sat with her sis.. if she did come then i'd know she had high IL, and even if i didnt get to sleep with her on Sat i could have tried Sunday during the day while her sis was in university class.. they're leaving tomorrow i dont have enough time or logistically a good plan to get it tonight so im just gona cancel.. not wasting my time or money on a chick who isn't that interested in me.

 

[AlphaGhost]

OP, your coming across extremely thirsty.

With all the compliments and constantly asking her out, I dont think she's into you, i'd delete her number and move on

 

[big weezy]

well she beat me to the punch by flaking again:

hey, think i might be coming down with the bug, feeling unwell. wont eb able to make it tonite. maybe next time i am in london or if you come to dubai before that. apologies!

wtf.. what a manipulative b1tch.. she was using me for info all along.

i feel like sending back 'no thanks, i dont appreciate being used as a tourist guide.'

is that likely to do nothing but make me look butt hurt?

she fake offered to meet up just to get info out of me about where to go, like what NewandImproved said, i was just too slow and excited to figure it out there and then.

she didn't get back to me about meeting up on Sun pretending it said 'unidentified subscriber'.. BS.. she only contacted me to get info from me.. now she has what she wants she wont care whether i'm p1ssed off with her or not.

 

[Kbomb]

well she beat me to the punch by flaking again:

hey, think i might be coming down with the bug, feeling unwell. wont eb able to make it tonite. maybe next time i am in london or if you come to dubai before that. apologies!

wtf.. what a manipulative b1tch.. she was using me for info all along.

i feel like sending back 'no thanks, i dont appreciate being used as a tourist guide.'

is that likely to do nothing but make me look butt hurt?

she fake offered to meet up just to get info out of me about where to go, like what NewandImproved said, i was just too slow and excited to figure it out there and then.

she didn't get back to me about meeting up on Sun pretending it said 'unidentified subscriber'.. BS.. she only contacted me to get info from me.. now she has what she wants she wont care whether i'm p1ssed off with her or not.

I think you are butt hurt. You did not do the work to attract this girl and now you complain that shes not attracted?

Its all good man, more learning, more growing. It aint no thang.

 

[big weezy]

I think you are butt hurt. You did not do the work to attract this girl and now you complain that shes not attracted?

Its all good man, more learning, more growing. It aint no thang.

tbh i am more butthurt about being manipulated and giving info.. f it, i dont care, i'll tell her where she can stick it. at least she'll know im aware of her BS.

 

[NewAndImproved]

well she beat me to the punch by flaking again:

hey, think i might be coming down with the bug, feeling unwell. wont eb able to make it tonite. maybe next time i am in london or if you come to dubai before that. apologies!

wtf.. what a manipulative b1tch.. she was using me for info all along.

i feel like sending back 'no thanks, i dont appreciate being used as a tourist guide.'

is that likely to do nothing but make me look butt hurt?

she fake offered to meet up just to get info out of me about where to go, like what NewandImproved said, i was just too slow and excited to figure it out there and then.

she didn't get back to me about meeting up on Sun pretending it said 'unidentified subscriber'.. BS.. she only contacted me to get info from me.. now she has what she wants she wont care whether i'm p1ssed off with her or not.

Can't say I'm not surprised. Everyone here called it.

Can you just stop replying now?!!?! Don't respond to her text you'll just sound bitter and butthurt. Just go NC.

And you keep saying she's "manipulative" but at least half of this is your fault. A different kind of guy would have never allowed himself to be in this situation to begin with. The signs were obvious. She was using you but you kept clinging to hope that your kindness would be rewarded with a date. Instead of getting pissed, look at your obvious mistakes and don't make them next time. That's the best revenge man.

 

[NewAndImproved]

One more word of advice based on experience:

These girls were just passing thru. The extended text conversations you had were not productive at all. You just needed to show that you were a cool dude, implying that you had the hookup at certain spots and TELLING them that they had to come out with you. You were trying to get her to take time out of her short trip where she and her girls were going at 100 mph to go out on a date when instead you should've been a fun and exciting guy that was the most exciting part about their trip. I think that would've worked better.

I had girls keeping in contact with me for YEARS just based on one night of fun on vacation. When they finally came back to my town it was on.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

Wow - seems I got back a bit late.

Well, seeing as she said she would meet up with you on Saturday and then bailed out... once they flake the first time, they're OUT. So yeah, you shouldn't have even set up another meeting with her.

But hey, no need to come across bitter and/or try to send some witty response back to her. So she had low interest, so what?? Just think about how much money this girl saved you - if she had shown up you would have spent money on her for drinks and/or club entry and still not gotten anywhere with her. Then, you would have been even madder if she didn't give u any play. If the worst thing she got out of you was information, consider yourself lucky! :cheer:

 

[casaanova]

Your invites were way too oversold/high pressure. After she declined the first party and bar, you should have switched to inviting her over to your place to chill and watch a movie. She may really have been DTF and didn't feel like going out to a party/bar first, you never know (a lot of girls on vacation are like that).

i feel like sending back 'no thanks, i dont appreciate being used as a tourist guide.'

Don't burn your bridges dude, that's butthurt and AFC. Just chalk it up to experience, you're stronger because of this. Use the knowledge to spin more plates this week

 

[big weezy]

Can't say I'm not surprised. Everyone here called it.

Can you just stop replying now?!!?! Don't respond to her text you'll just sound bitter and butthurt. Just go NC.

And you keep saying she's "manipulative" but at least half of this is your fault. A different kind of guy would have never allowed himself to be in this situation to begin with. The signs were obvious. She was using you but you kept clinging to hope that your kindness would be rewarded with a date. Instead of getting pissed, look at your obvious mistakes and don't make them next time. That's the best revenge man.

no i wasn't. i only realized that she was using me about 5mins after she asked about suggestions of where to go.. then i posted on here, saw your reply and it confirmed my suspicions.. it's manipulative cos she tried to fake offer me to meet up knowing it would put her in my good graces or believing so (and it worked i'll give her that) but then sneakily goes and asks for what she really wants fake offering to meet knowing full well she wasnt going to show anyway.

i dont care at this point about not looking butthurt or whatever.. im not letting her get away with thinking im a sucker who fell for her stunt and isn't aware of it.. yes im a sucker for falling for it but im not letting her know i still dont realize it.

i really should have taken a step back when she asked for suggestions of where to go and sent 'yes i do, but im not a tourist guide'

 

[big weezy]

At least she initiated the text.

I'd love to be able to offer a dissenting opinion, but I agree with the other posters. She seems flake-prone and she'll probably do it to you again. She's communicating, but her responses and questions seem to offer little to no interest in you personally.

If it were me, I would cancel on her and see what she says. Just a quick text: "Hey sorry but I had something come up. Can we reschedule?" If she seems non-chalant about it, I'd leave her alone.

And just my opinion here: I generally don't bother with women from ultra-conservative cultures. When I think of Dubai, I think of women from very affluent families who want to have their cake and eat it, too, ie. don't have to wear burkas but are entitled to "the finer things" in life without havingto give up sex.

yeah i agree with the other posters too.. i got used.. but more importantly i let myself be used by letting my guard down and not being cynical about her initial text offer to meet up.. she had no intention to meet up at all.. she was just trying to keep me sweet to extort vital info.. her whole 'unidentified subscriber' was the reason she couldn't text back was BS.. i sensed that but i let it slide as i thought it was a counter offer to meet (not realizing that it was a fake counter offer just to extort info from me) when she sent the follow up asking for recommendations it didn't click in my head straight away she was using me.. and by then it was too late as i already sent the recommendations.

 

[big weezy]

Your invites were way too oversold/high pressure. After she declined the first party and bar, you should have switched to inviting her over to your place to chill and watch a movie. She may really have been DTF and didn't feel like going out to a party/bar first, you never know (a lot of girls on vacation are like that).


Don't burn your bridges dude, that's butthurt and AFC. Just chalk it up to experience, you're stronger because of this. Use the knowledge to spin more plates this week

i dont have a place for her to come over and chill you see.. that's half the problem. nowhere to bang.

nah it's too late, f her.. i dont care if i bun bridges, she's not interested.. her lukewarm msgs say it all.. im not going to lower myself and try to rekindle something with her.. yeah she's hot but she's not so hot that i'm going to bend over backwards like i've done already to accommodate her and her manipulative ways.. who's the say she wont do the exact same thing next time she's here..? chances are.. highly likely.. girls like this keep men on a string as and when they need to to get info or things they want.. like espi said.. affluent families entitled to xyz without giving up sex..

i was being too 'nice' that's my fault.. afc trait.. unacceptable for my level of knowledge. if she responds again i'm gona tell her straight out her story is BS, i dont care if i look butthurt.. i dont want to meet her again nor see her after using me this way.. doesn't matter whether it's a guy or a girl im not spending my time with a user taking advantage of my good nature.

 

[big weezy]

Wow - seems I got back a bit late.

Well, seeing as she said she would meet up with you on Saturday and then bailed out... once they flake the first time, they're OUT. So yeah, you shouldn't have even set up another meeting with her.

But hey, no need to come across bitter and/or try to send some witty response back to her. So she had low interest, so what?? Just think about how much money this girl saved you - if she had shown up you would have spent money on her for drinks and/or club entry and still not gotten anywhere with her. Then, you would have been even madder if she didn't give u any play. If the worst thing she got out of you was information, consider yourself lucky! :cheer:

tbh harry i know you said to just show, but i was going to flake myself anyway.. im ill at the moment and not in the mood to go out nor healthy enough, but i said i had an early work dinner so was gona use that as an excuse to flake the last minute.. she just stole my thunder by flakign first. but yeah least i know to have saved my money.

im just annoyed at myself really for thinking her fake counter offer was a genuine one rather than one to extort info out of me then flake.. i should have seen it straight away.. but i didnt. that's what im mad about.

anyway lesson learned.