Should I apologize?

[getready]

(sorry for the length) So basically this girl whose sorta my friend has turned into a little bit of a slut. I personally think its fine that a girl is comfortable with her sexuality. But anyways she's hooked up with all 3 of my best friends, ****ed two of them. She ****ed the last one at a party at my house last weekend.
So the next day when I saw her after school my friend (one of the ones she hooked up with) and I were cracking jokes at her and whatnot nothing saying anything rediculous at all I was just like "I know what you did at my house this weekend!" and saying how she must really like our group of friends. I then said to my friend "I bet she's super loose", which she heard. But she's usually a good sport and Ive actually said that too her face before after she ****ed my black friend who apparantly has a huge ****.
Anyways she got really upset. She's also really good friends with my girlfriend who now is super pissed at me. She hasn't even talked to me in two days except through text. I texted her and was like "if she wants to **** all of my friends and one of them in my house, i'm going to make fun of her a little". My girlfriend is now demanding that I make some grand apology about how I'm such an *******. Everyone at school is asking if we broke up thats how far she's taking this. She sent me a text saying "Its great how you would rather be in a fight than say sorry. I know you don't think it's a big deal but I do so why cant you do it for me?" I even apologized like two days ago for calling her loose. I don't feel like I should apologize further, and Im not going to beg for her to start talking to me again. What do you guys think? Am I being a complete douche for making fun of a slut who ****ed someone in my house?

 

[amoka]

What do you plan on saying? "sorry for saying you might be loose"? If your girl doesn't want to talk to you because of this incident, don't worry about it. I was in the similar situation when I went out with groups of my friend and my now ex-girl friend to the club. We met this old friend of mine who fvcked one of my friend on my couch several months prior and when I got drunk, we got involved in some sort of argument and I called her a "big whor3".The following day, my then girlfriend wanted me to apologize to her. I told her NO. I won't. She was pissed off but it did not bother me a bit.

 

[Warrior74]

(sorry for the length) So basically this girl whose sorta my friend has turned into a little bit of a slut. I personally think its fine that a girl is comfortable with her sexuality. But anyways she's hooked up with all 3 of my best friends, ****ed two of them. She ****ed the last one at a party at my house last weekend.
So the next day when I saw her after school my friend (one of the ones she hooked up with) and I were cracking jokes at her and whatnot nothing saying anything rediculous at all I was just like "I know what you did at my house this weekend!" and saying how she must really like our group of friends. I then said to my friend "I bet she's super loose", which she heard. But she's usually a good sport and Ive actually said that too her face before after she ****ed my black friend who apparantly has a huge ****.
Anyways she got really upset. She's also really good friends with my girlfriend who now is super pissed at me. She hasn't even talked to me in two days except through text. I texted her and was like "if she wants to **** all of my friends and one of them in my house, i'm going to make fun of her a little". My girlfriend is now demanding that I make some grand apology about how I'm such an *******. Everyone at school is asking if we broke up thats how far she's taking this. She sent me a text saying "Its great how you would rather be in a fight than say sorry. I know you don't think it's a big deal but I do so why cant you do it for me?" I even apologized like two days ago for calling her loose. I don't feel like I should apologize further, and Im not going to beg for her to start talking to me again. What do you guys think? Am I being a complete douche for making fun of a slut who ****ed someone in my house?

Nah. I don't think you are being a douche. Honestly. You have no respect for the "sorta friend". Just admit it. You do not think its okay for a woman to be in touch with her sexuality if it means her sleeping with everyone. You think its okay for a woman in a relationship or marriage or in love to be in touch with her sexuality. There is a difference and you know it. They say jest holds 1000 truths. And yours rocked her to the core. If you start joking that she's a slut so will other people. She cannot have that. They may think she's a slut but she can't have people actually saying it or joking about it. Are you sure that there is no signs of jealousy or anger in this? Be completely honest with yourself. Are you jealous all of your friends got laid? Do you feel like she shouldn't have slept with your black friend? Examine where the source of this joke originated first. Only after you have done that will you know what the next step is. Know thy self.

As for your girlfriend, seriously, you stated where you stand, now stand by it. Damn the consequences. If you backslide on this, what else are you going to backslide on? How weak are you? As for doing it just for her, no. So you would betray yourself for some poon? Thats the offer that's on the table. Tell your girlfriend you care about her and enjoy her company and she knows where you stand and if that's a problem for her then that's on her. (fix it up in what ever language you kids use these days) Don't be angry, don't get emotional. Just be cool about it. And don't back down if you feel you are right.

Carry on. Good luck.

 

[maqnetik]

birds of a feather flock together and any woman who chooses "friendship" over her man is worthless

:trouble:

you DO need to check your mouth and who exactly youre hanging out with though

 

[jophil28]

Interesting story - and it illustrates how women feel entitled to do whatever they feel like doing BUT they expect that others will not comment, and that there will be no consequences .
This is the thinking of a self indulgent child.

Secondly, your g/f is placing your relationship on the line and in so doing she is demonstrating more loyalty to the other women than to you. She is siding with her against you . In so doing she has revealed a defect in her own character and a chink in your relationship with you . Your g/f is not really g/f material because she is willing to bet with your relationship.

Beware of women who become offended in behalf of others - you will always be portrayed as the villian.
Frankly, this whole issue is none of your G/fs business.

 

[maqnetik]

Interesting story - and it illustrates how women feel entitled to do whatever they feel like doing BUT they expected that others will not comment, and that there will be no consequences .
This is the thinking of a self indulgent child.

Secondly, your g/f is placing your relationship on the line and in so doing she is demonstrating more loyalty to the other women than to you. She is siding with her against you . In so doing she has revealed a defect in her own character and a chink in your relationship with you . Your g/f is not really g/f material because she is willing to bet with your relationship.

Beware of women who become offended in behalf of others - you will always be portrayed as the villian.
Frankly, this whole issue is none of your G/fs business.

nice post, good game

and this parts gold:

"Your g/f is not really g/f material because she is willing to bet with your relationship."

 

[joe henny]

1. I have very few female friends
2. They never had communication with my ex when we wee together
3. Your ex is out of line and you need to grab your sack
4. tell her to get real
5. your friend is a freak who cares
Magnetik summed it up


birds of a feather flock together and any woman who chooses "friendship" over her man is worthless

 

[Radharc]

It's about loyalty, when there are issues in a relationship, even if they involve third persons, I would expect my gf to work them out with me without turning it into a public spectacle. Ppl are watching too many reality shows these days.

And if you apologize when you are in the right, if you betray your convictions, over some blackmail from your gf she will loose some respect for you and will take notes for future reference. Just explain to her calmly why you feel you are right, if she's not satisfied than thats her problem.

 

[getready]

To warrior- yes i guess i don't respect this girl. I do honestly think she is a good person though and she's usually a lot of fun to be around. Maybe I am slightly jealous? I dunno while i was making fun of her someone else was like Getready you must be next. I was like cmon girl lets do it and she was playing along and winking at me and such.

I think that when you say the problem is not her business thats sort of misguided. After all this girl is my girlfriend's good friend. When my girlfriend first texted me about this (2 days ago) she sent a text saying "How about you don't talk **** about my friends right infront of them." Does this show that she isnt GF material?

I'm about to send her a text saying "[Girlfriend], as i have explained if she wants to get around im going to joke about it. The fact that your getting so emotionally invested against me does show alot about you though. I care for you alot and enjoy spending time with you but if you cant stand by me i don't know how we can proceed."

Good text? Or is that the wrong approach

 

[Chromeo]

loose vag remark = small **** remark

she was playing along with you guys until you made this comment, you went just a little to far. but it was a joke none the less, apologize for upsetting her and tell them all to get over it.

if it makes her feel better, your open to letting her prove you wrong

 

[Radharc]

Tbh the real issue here is not even apologizing to the girl, you can allways say to her that it was all in good fun but you meant no harm, blah, blah, blah.

The problem here is his gf blackmailing him and be willing to risk the relationship over something that its not even her business. She turned it into a cuban missiles crisis when it was totally uncalled for.

 

[getready]

I agree with radharc. I'm getting pissed that my gf is making this such a big deal and making it into a fight between me and her. Im confused as how to proceed. I did origionally apologize for calling her loose and hurting her feelings or whatever, but it seemed to only make my gf push harder and call me immature and then demand a better apology. I think that text i said i was going to send is the right next step, but im not sure.

 

[f283000]

I agree with radharc. I'm getting pissed that my gf is making this such a big deal and making it into a fight between me and her. Im confused as how to proceed. I did origionally apologize for calling her loose and hurting her feelings or whatever, but it seemed to only make my gf push harder and call me immature and then demand a better apology. I think that text i said i was going to send is the right next step, but im not sure.

You need to stop being such a f**** p****

I can already imagine it. Sean Connery aka Mr James Bond apologizing to a woman because he said something "insensitive."

You are not the one that needs to apologize it's your gf. She is showing you mad disrespect. You need to learn how to assert you authority over women or else they will walk all over you for the rest of your life.

From what you said it seems that you are over this incident but your gf is the one making a big fuzz about it. Next time she mentions it stare at her deep in her eyes, don't smile and tell her you don't want to hear her talk about this ever again. Be serious, be a man, discipline women with words rather than physicality.

It doesn't matter what it's for women do not respect men that apologize to them or other women. Women are genetically predisposed to want the alpha male. The man that is the strongest, most aggressive, takes what he wants and holds no prisoners and doesn't apologize. Get in tune with your masculinity for a bit.

 

[loveshogun]

A few words

Remember that you already apologized.

This girl I was dating a while ago got angry with the fact that I wouldn't give her free dance lessons. She started the argument (cause she saw me charge my friend and asked if I'd charge her), and then said if she were in my position, she would give me free lessons.

And then I said "Sorry you feel that way, but if I were in your position, I'd never ask, because I'd feel selfish."

She got so pissed about it that she wanted to leave my house (she was originally staying over that night).

So I drove her home and told her it was over.

Sh*t, friends that have known me for years still pay me. That's why they're my friends. Real friends don't take uninvited liberties, they EARN them.

Same goes for women.

So it killed me to let go of a pretty face, but girls come and go. And none worth keeping would make mountains out of mole hills.

All you have to do is imagine your worst day at work, or the day your dog dies, or something heavy, and then think "what would this be like with a person who likes to argue?"

My litmus test for a girl as "keeper" material now is the following:

If I were dropped into the middle of the Amazon with this girl, would she be a burden, or a helping/caring hand?

Women, and people in general (you'd be surprised how many guys do this) who make huge problems out of what literally amounts to nothing are not worth your time.

Never be one of those people.

**Disclaimer**
The next few weeks after I'd broken up with her sucked, cause she was GOOOOOD in a very specific way - I think it was all the aggression. I didn't crawl back, and neither should you. You get over it.

 

[maqnetik]

You need to stop being such a f**** p****

I can already imagine it. Sean Connery aka Mr James Bond apologizing to a woman because he said something "insensitive."

You are not the one that needs to apologize it's your gf. She is showing you mad disrespect. You need to learn how to assert you authority over women or else they will walk all over you for the rest of your life.

From what you said it seems that you are over this incident but your gf is the one making a big fuzz about it. Next time she mentions it stare at her deep in her eyes, don't smile and tell her you don't want to hear her talk about this ever again. Be serious, be a man, discipline women with words rather than physicality.

It doesn't matter what it's for women do not respect men that apologize to them or other women. Women are genetically predisposed to want the alpha male. The man that is the strongest, most aggressive, takes what he wants and holds no prisoners and doesn't apologize. Get in tune with your masculinity for a bit.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3FgMLROTqJ0

 

[getready]

Dude i just got ****ing mind trapped in a ****ing phone conversation with her a sec ago. Here are some key points:

"It's not that I wanted you to say sorry to mean it, I just wanted you to say sorry because i asked you too. You could have said it and then walked away and said i didnt mean that." -I told her i don't have to prove myself to you. She says when did I ever ask you too?

"I just don't understand why you won't do this one thing for me. I do so much for you and you won't ever do one thing for me."- How the **** do I respond to that?

I told her that I won't just say something arbitrary just because you want me to if I don't agree with it.

"I don't understand why you don't try to make me happy. I always am trying to make you happy and you won't do this one thing."

Then like I was talking in a strong tone, not at all yelling, and she's like why are you freaking out. I was like your the one making this such a big deal not talking to me for 2 days and getting so upset! I'm not upset at all. I could completely move on from this stupid incident, your the one dragging it out. Then she's like Im not upset, its fine that you won't ever do things for me and will only care about yourself, ill just get over it and well go back to normal tomorrow.

What bull**** right? She made this big scene trying to get a rise out of me, then plays it off like its no big deal? Women are tricksters. The whole conversation was full of tricks like this. I noticed them but couldn't stop them. I just kept getting trapped. Another one was when she was saying how she couldn't believe that i say i love her yet I wouldn't do this one thing for her. Then when I call her out saying that I don't have to prove herself she says she never asks me too thats not what shes saying at all blah blah blah. I say it clearly is and shes like you always think Im trying to manipulate you and force you to do things, which isn't what i was saying.

Theres so much more but I can't remember my head is buzzin. How do I control the situation and get out of these traps? How do I win? I feel like I'm playing her stupid game. How do I make it my game? I didn't back down if anyone was wondering, but i still feel like i lost.

 

[Radharc]

Theres so much more but I can't remember my head is buzzin. How do I control the situation and get out of these traps? How do I win? I feel like I'm playing her stupid game. How do I make it my game? I didn't back down if anyone was wondering, but i still feel like i lost.

Thoso are stupid mind games and tests, you pass them as long as you dont comply to her whims. It´s basically like this:

Her: roll over on the floor and then kiss my ass
You: Wtf? why on earth?
Her: Come on, so I can see that you love me.
You: no, its stupid and uncalled for.
Her: I can´t believe it, I do all this stuff for you and you can´t do this tiny little thing for me.

It´s gratuitous and it only matters for her in the sense that it is a test. The moment you comply, you fail, and basically send the message that there is nothing you wouldn´t do, no matter how demeaning, idiotic and immature for her ***** - she has all that power, she wins. You refuse it, she just keep going back to normal and it won´t phase her one bit.

There´s no logic whatsoever in it other than that of a test. The way to control it is to refuse to empower it. Avoid getting into long logical arguments with her over something that lacks any real logic.

 

[jophil28]

Dude i just got ****ing mind trapped in a ****ing phone conversation with her a sec ago. Here are some key points:

"It's not that I wanted you to say sorry to mean it, I just wanted you to say sorry because i asked you too. You could have said it and then walked away and said i didnt mean that." -I told her i don't have to prove myself to you. She says when did I ever ask you too?

"I just don't understand why you won't do this one thing for me. I do so much for you and you won't ever do one thing for me."- How the **** do I respond to that?

I told her that I won't just say something arbitrary just because you want me to if I don't agree with it.

"I don't understand why you don't try to make me happy. I always am trying to make you happy and you won't do this one thing."

I assume the above refers to your g/f ? IT is not clear who are talking to .

THis situation is spiralling downwards and has distorted itself into a shootout between your g/f and you.

Dude, you are out of your depth with this woman you call your g/f - her statements above are loaded with shaming tactics, veiled threats and some obscene manipulations .
And you are trying to "reason" and "debate" your way out of the sh1t that you are now swimming in. She has dragged you into this and you have followed like a good chump b/f.

The way to deal with a g/f who sides with her "best friend" against you is to just say nothing except this," I expect loyalty from my SO and clearly your loyalty is to XXX rather than me. The issue that is upsetting you is irrelevant, but your disloyaty to our relationship is disturbing and unacceptable to me"....
then just walk away and go to radio silence for a week to emphasize and amplify your point.

Your g/f is entitled to have a personal opinion about what you said to "Loose Vag." BUT is it not her place to push herself into the middle of it and appoint herself cop, judge and jury.

When she contacts you after you go silent, you should only agree to talk to her if she is contrite and willing to change her attitude. IF not you go back to radio silience indefinitely.

This whole incident has revealed a character flaw in your g/f , and a weakness in your frame and how you administer it.
She has shown that she is willing to shift loyalties according to how she feels. That makes her unsuitable for contention as a long term SO . She has done you a favor in fact.

 

[f283000]

Theres so much more but I can't remember my head is buzzin. How do I control the situation and get out of these traps? How do I win? I feel like I'm playing her stupid game. How do I make it my game? I didn't back down if anyone was wondering, but i still feel like i lost.

Read the part of my previous post about learning to discipline women with words rather than smacking them across the face.

Here's some psychology for you which nobody has mentioned yet. All throughout your life you will encounter people that will try to bring down your hopes, energy and masculinity.

Some random examples:

example 1: Maybe when you were a child you wanted to be president and your aunt told you that you were too stupid to ever be president (that's killing your hopes)

example 2: One day you woke up in the morning and were feeling great for whatever reason. You're so hyped up that you are singing and dancing the two step as you make breakfast. Then comes your room mate who starts b|tching about whatever problem he has in his life totally trying to kill your mood rather than trying to vibe from your positive energy (that's killing your energy).

example 3: and then we have the example of you showing authoritative masculine behavior, telling some sloot what's on your mind, showing balls, and your gf of all people trying to shut you down.

What you have to understand is that from the day you were born people have been trying to suppress your masculine energy. This is mostly done by our mothers, then our teachers, then people, friends and girlfriends.

Society has done such a wonderful job of it in fact that some authoritative male behavior is now labeled as "douchebag" or "jerk" behavior. You're taught your not supposed to be like those guys yet those guys are getting all the pu**y

Women don't respect men that apologize to them or other women because WOMEN DON'T REALLY GIVE A S*** ABOUT THE ACTUAL APOLOGY, JUST YOU FEELING GUILTY AND SUPRESSING AUTHORITATIVE MASCULINE BEHAVIOR!

Your gf said it herself

"It's not that I wanted you to say sorry to mean it, I just wanted you to say sorry because i asked you too. You could have said it and then walked away and said i didnt mean that." -I told her i don't have to prove myself to you. She says when did I ever ask you too?"

Women don't care about whether or not you are sincere. They only care about you being a good little boy and them patting you on the head like the little pet that you are for doing as told. But when you do this she loses respect for you and attraction for you. Good boys that apologize even though they were right don't get women wet. It's the guys that do what they want without apologizing that have women after them.

You could go on a car egging spree at night and she will ask you to apologize. Not because she cares about those people and their cars but just because she wants you to feel guilty about doing whatever you felt you wanted to do at that time (masculine energy).

Remember: Never allow anyone to supress your masculine energy.

 

[loveshogun]

It's a hard knock life

It´s gratuitous and it only matters for her in the sense that it is a test. The moment you comply, you fail, and basically send the message that there is nothing you wouldn´t do, no matter how demeaning, idiotic and immature for her ***** - she has all that power, she wins. You refuse it, she just keep going back to normal and it won´t phase her one bit.

There´s no logic whatsoever in it other than that of a test. The way to control it is to refuse to empower it. Avoid getting into long logical arguments with her over something that lacks any real logic.

This is true, Radharc, but let's get our priorities straight. The ship is sinking and we're worrying about putting out fires on the lower decks.

OP, before I begin, remember that this all started because of something you said. You don't deserve the flak you got for what you said, but you DID say it, so remember that.

Anyway, I'll be honest, I know nothing about your relationship besides what you told me. And, based on how much it's bothering you (so much that you're willing to go online and ask strangers for advice) I think this is the breaking point for you.

You need to make a decision, and you're the only one who knows enough about the situation to do so.

If this girl really is great to you 95 percent of the time (don't lie to yourself on this one - how many times has she actually pulled your a** out of a fire?), you can forgive it all and roll over, because it'll be worth it. It takes a real man to understand this kind of short term sacrifice for a long term gain.

But, based on what you've told us, I don't think it'd be worth it to you. Especially since you acknowledged that you f*cked up, and you already said sorry, and that's all she should have needed.In my opinion, you should leave the relationship and work on not getting into relationships with people who would rather kick you while your down instead of helping you up.

If you do end it, be civil and mature about it - and most importantly, don't backslide into the relationship. Doing so would be a thousand times worse than the "rolling over" option I mentioned above. In the case of backsliding, you'd lose your integrity as a man, AND you'd be stuck with a girl to whom you'd just handed a lifetime's worth of ammunition.

I'm also assuming you're in HS/College. You will get over it all.

Remember, it's not like you shot the president or committed genocide in Darfur. You said some stupid things, and then you said you were sorry. I think a good woman could forgive you for this. Hell, I even understand her being upset initially, but you said sorry to everyone involved. That's what the word "sorry" was invented for.

If she doesn't want to believe it when you are sincerely sorry, why would you want to be with her?

One last thing - next time try not to make too many jokes about a girl's p*ssy, regardless of how close you are to her. I think that's the easiest lesson to glean from all of this.