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Should Have Saw It Coming
- Thread starter ZTIME
- Start date
DAY 27 NC
I'm doing it! I'm getting back to who I know that I am. I've taken care of the house, got a new dog walker, changed doors and locks, and most importantly...I've dropped 25lbs in 35 days! I feel and look great.
But my mind will not allow me to forget about all of this sh**!! It's like I'm taking 50 steps forward, but I can't stop looking back. A lot of my feelings which at first were weak are now turning to anger. I can't stop thinking about all of the crap and the feeling that I've wasted 3.5 years of my life which I'll never get back.
My company virtually runs on "auto pilot" (with the help of 30 employees) which gives me way to much free time. To much time to think about what's happened.
I've been putting more time into company #2 which absorbs more of my time. I've been reading, and doing a lot of things with friends and family, but still I feel like I'm in some sort of rut that won't allow me to stop thinking of the past.
There's been so many times that I just want to pick up my phone or start an e-mail and just RAGE against this chick! But I contain it all as it rips me apart.
Man I don't even know if this is normal or if I'm fuc**** going crazy. I'm told not to post on this thread and get over it, but this is the only outlet I have to get this sh** out of my head.
I'm not going to vent to my friends, family, or employees!! I can't look weak in front of them. So I put on my happy face and move forward.
Sorry, but this is the type of day it is today.
I'm doing it! I'm getting back to who I know that I am. I've taken care of the house, got a new dog walker, changed doors and locks, and most importantly...I've dropped 25lbs in 35 days! I feel and look great.
But my mind will not allow me to forget about all of this sh**!! It's like I'm taking 50 steps forward, but I can't stop looking back. A lot of my feelings which at first were weak are now turning to anger. I can't stop thinking about all of the crap and the feeling that I've wasted 3.5 years of my life which I'll never get back.
My company virtually runs on "auto pilot" (with the help of 30 employees) which gives me way to much free time. To much time to think about what's happened.
I've been putting more time into company #2 which absorbs more of my time. I've been reading, and doing a lot of things with friends and family, but still I feel like I'm in some sort of rut that won't allow me to stop thinking of the past.
There's been so many times that I just want to pick up my phone or start an e-mail and just RAGE against this chick! But I contain it all as it rips me apart.
Man I don't even know if this is normal or if I'm fuc**** going crazy. I'm told not to post on this thread and get over it, but this is the only outlet I have to get this sh** out of my head.
I'm not going to vent to my friends, family, or employees!! I can't look weak in front of them. So I put on my happy face and move forward.
Sorry, but this is the type of day it is today.
Don the Legend
Master Don Juan
Hey Ztime,ZTIME said:
I totally recommend seeing a psychologist. That was the best thing I have ever done. It straighten my life out. You have three in a half years with this toxic woman. You are not just walk away and not feel somewhat messed up. The psychologist will help you through what you are feeling now. Ask your primary care doctor to recommend someone.
What you are going through is normal. Vent all you want on this thread! But please, go and see a psychologist.
Good luck,
DTL
Almost the exact same thing happened to me to a "t".
Be thankful you didn't knock her up. Mine left me with my beautiful daughter, thank goodness. But I still have to deal with her every other weekend for 15 years and 8 months.....
My lawyer was scratching her head over the whole thing. She said "she must have some real issues to walk away from a baby."
Be thankful you didn't knock her up. Mine left me with my beautiful daughter, thank goodness. But I still have to deal with her every other weekend for 15 years and 8 months.....
My lawyer was scratching her head over the whole thing. She said "she must have some real issues to walk away from a baby."
Hey dude,
I'm so pumped to see you doing so well. Even more than you probably realize, you have already made great strides in YOUR best interest. Losing all of that weight along with the other things over 35 days is impressive. Good job. Now, let's keep things rolling...
You say it's driving you nuts you keep looking back... Stop thinking of this as a horrible thing that's holding you back. And do you know what that likely is along with all the anger you're feeling now? I'll tell you- it's all the emotions you've repressed while being the nice guy and letting someone treat you this way. You've been so out of touch with your emotions that they're just now catching up.
Embrace that anger in positive ways- hit the gym, write in a journal, go for a run, etc. It's normal what you're feeling, but allow the emotions to flow through you without judging yourself so harshly.
I've been there, my friend. You get so used to walking on eggshells trying to cater to someone else's feelings, you get totally disassociated from your own. The good news is now they are coming back and you can learn not to do this in the future. In the future, you will stand your ground and learn to express yourself and your needs without guilt.
Don made a great point above about seeing a counselor or someone trained to talk to. Everything I just mentioned above is so similar to what I went through and talking to a trained professional that I was comfortable with helped me understand what had/was happening to me.
It's hard to believe that a relationship could throw things so far out of whack that your whole mental balance is lost and you can feel the things you should be feeling at the times you should be feeling them.
Keep up the good work dude! I'm following your thread and happy for the progress you're making. It'll feel like at times you're going backwards, but understand you're not. If you are asking that question, you are being self aware and this is what actually keeps you from falling into those old patterns.
Continue posting here as you are. You're getting great advice from what I'm seeing the others tell you.
I'm so pumped to see you doing so well. Even more than you probably realize, you have already made great strides in YOUR best interest. Losing all of that weight along with the other things over 35 days is impressive. Good job. Now, let's keep things rolling...
You say it's driving you nuts you keep looking back... Stop thinking of this as a horrible thing that's holding you back. And do you know what that likely is along with all the anger you're feeling now? I'll tell you- it's all the emotions you've repressed while being the nice guy and letting someone treat you this way. You've been so out of touch with your emotions that they're just now catching up.
Embrace that anger in positive ways- hit the gym, write in a journal, go for a run, etc. It's normal what you're feeling, but allow the emotions to flow through you without judging yourself so harshly.
I've been there, my friend. You get so used to walking on eggshells trying to cater to someone else's feelings, you get totally disassociated from your own. The good news is now they are coming back and you can learn not to do this in the future. In the future, you will stand your ground and learn to express yourself and your needs without guilt.
Don made a great point above about seeing a counselor or someone trained to talk to. Everything I just mentioned above is so similar to what I went through and talking to a trained professional that I was comfortable with helped me understand what had/was happening to me.
It's hard to believe that a relationship could throw things so far out of whack that your whole mental balance is lost and you can feel the things you should be feeling at the times you should be feeling them.
Keep up the good work dude! I'm following your thread and happy for the progress you're making. It'll feel like at times you're going backwards, but understand you're not. If you are asking that question, you are being self aware and this is what actually keeps you from falling into those old patterns.
Continue posting here as you are. You're getting great advice from what I'm seeing the others tell you.
Man Thanks.gov87 said:
Sounds like you've been down a similar road. All I can say is I wouldn't wish this crap on anybody! It has such a way of messing with you that you think you may be going insane.
I'm serious when I'm saying that the rage is getting a little out of hand! Not like towers and assault rifles, but I would pay a lot of money to just blow up at this girl and let her know exactly how I feel. But I'm sure as everyone here already knows..That probably wouldn't help and it would make me look weak.
The wasted time and the attachment to the kids is really the part that gets to me the most. I put a lot of work into that situation.
But yes, I've truly lost the weight I needed to and have changed my diet, my schedule, and increased my activity load. It's funny when you dust off the P-90X dvds, you can get amazing results.
Going to the doctor on Monday to get some blood work done and a check-up to make sure I'm doing all of this diet and work out stuff properly. I'll ask about a therapist, but I'm normally hesitant about them.
If I told you what I did for a living you guys would probably think that there is no F-ing way that I would be in this type of situation. But hey, it can happen to the best of us.
As always, Thanks for the posts. You guys have really helped more then you could ever imagine.
Dude you will make it through this and turn out even better because of it. I can almost gurantee you that you will never allow a female to get you into a situation like this ever again. You will become an expert at seeing pattrens, signs, symptoms and red flags. All of the things you'd normally miss while interacting with females will now scream out at you.ZTIME said:
Your senses will become so sharp that at first you might assume that you are being overly paroinoid, but dont worry that is just your brain adjusting to the newly acquired abilty to sniff out bullsh!t with females who don't have your best intrest at heart. Go ahead and swallow the red pill just dont let it consume you to the point of toxic bitterness. You will love again but next time you will be wiser.
SAYNO said:
More good advice here, Z.
You're going to be experiencing so many feelings, that it will drive you nuts... if you let it. This is where I think it'd be good to talk with a therapist every now and then to help you sort them out. Even if you don't go that route, your posting on here will help you greatly.
Seeing your situation and reading the stuff you write helps further me along as well. I want you to know that. When we share our own struggles, they help others and most times we don't even realize it.
You mentioned that you feel like you have so much rage you just want to go back and let it all out on her. I know what ya mean, dude. As the realization of all the BS you put up with, you now want to call her out on all of it so she can see what a messed up person she is. But, as you quickly thought back, it won't do any good... there's no point. You are right about this but wrong about why--- you said bc it'd make you "look" weak. I want you to think about this... who cares how it makes you look? Will her seeing you as weak, a woman that you shouldn't want anything to do with, matter at all? Will you appearing weak affect the food on your plate this evening or your health in some dramatic way? The answer, of course, is no.
Who cares what she thinks or ANYONE else about how you look. The only person that should care is you and you should be concerned with what is in your best interest. You'll develop this mindset as you continue your progress and it'll save you so much wasted time. So, let's rephrase that- "I don't need to tell her the way it is bc there is no point, it will not benefit me at all bc she is who she is and she is the only one that can change herself. I DON'T CARE what she thinks of me bc I'm doing what's best for ME."
People like her will continue being miserable. Just like the bad patterns we developed that got us in our messes, they will stay in their's until they can't handle anymore. Sadly, a lot never do confront their issues. She might be one of them, but you can't be taken down with her.
Keep thinking about how far you've already come in this short amount of time. It's awesome dude.
DAY 28
Wow!! two days left to a complete 30 days of NC! Milestones...just milestones.
I started this journey by finding this site and starting the NC rule. So far I've stuck to it like a Baptist reads a king james version bible.
Starting this thread and posting my journey has been the best remedy for my situation. I've been able to read posts from a lot of folks who have much more experience then I personally have ever expected.
So today I'm thanking all of you. Every post...Every single one of them has been read and re read several times and they're all much appreciated.
Yes, this sh** sucks and yes, the rage that's building inside of me is sometimes self destructive. But I'm making the best of it. I'm sticking to what I know and what I've learned here. NC and self improvement.
Emile Coue put together a conscious autosuggestion that repeated subconsciously several times a day helps toward a quicker recovery. "Every day, in every way, I'm getting better and better." This is what I force into my head when those thoughts of relationship bliss creep into my mind.
Let's be honest, my mind is making up the whole bliss thing. Maybe as a way of protecting my ego from the horrible reality of what I let myself become during a worthless relationship.
Wow!! two days left to a complete 30 days of NC! Milestones...just milestones.
I started this journey by finding this site and starting the NC rule. So far I've stuck to it like a Baptist reads a king james version bible.
Starting this thread and posting my journey has been the best remedy for my situation. I've been able to read posts from a lot of folks who have much more experience then I personally have ever expected.
So today I'm thanking all of you. Every post...Every single one of them has been read and re read several times and they're all much appreciated.
Yes, this sh** sucks and yes, the rage that's building inside of me is sometimes self destructive. But I'm making the best of it. I'm sticking to what I know and what I've learned here. NC and self improvement.
Emile Coue put together a conscious autosuggestion that repeated subconsciously several times a day helps toward a quicker recovery. "Every day, in every way, I'm getting better and better." This is what I force into my head when those thoughts of relationship bliss creep into my mind.
Let's be honest, my mind is making up the whole bliss thing. Maybe as a way of protecting my ego from the horrible reality of what I let myself become during a worthless relationship.
sodbuster
Master Don Juan
The only problem with blowing up at a woman is "you EXPECT her to listen THIS time? She's never ilstened in the past.... so save your energy and intellect for something useful..."
Been there, done that, paid $200 k and 800 a month for the t-shirt..... You'll make it..... it just doesn't seem like it right now. BUT, my child support ended and I'm 6 months from done with college for the oldest. So the gift that keeps on giving is close to OVER.
Been there, done that, paid $200 k and 800 a month for the t-shirt..... You'll make it..... it just doesn't seem like it right now. BUT, my child support ended and I'm 6 months from done with college for the oldest. So the gift that keeps on giving is close to OVER.
DAY 29
Wow, It's hard to believe that tomorrow will be 30 days of NC! A few weeks ago I would have never thought that I could have pulled it off. Now I'm almost half way through my 60 days..... Don't worry, I have no intentions of ever making contact but when landing on this site the 60 days of NC was the first thing I read and set as my first goal. "Every great journey starts with the first step".
I've been going out every night after work at least for an hour or more. I live in one of the most elite towns in southwest Florida and it's loaded with places to go (beaches, bars, clubs, etc.).
The problem I'm having right now is that I'm 43. I figure my dating range to be from 32-40 (last girl was 31). I'm not sure if it's the same way everywhere in the U.S., but it seems like every single girl in this age bracket has children. It's nuts.
I don't want to lower the age bracket into the 20s. I feel that's way to young and immature for my tastes, but it seems like I'm locked into dating girls with kids. It's everywhere out there. Divorced or separated, low life ex boyfriend, no child support, car about to get repossessed, etc. It's like they all carry around the same secret handbook and follow it to the T.
Wow, It's hard to believe that tomorrow will be 30 days of NC! A few weeks ago I would have never thought that I could have pulled it off. Now I'm almost half way through my 60 days..... Don't worry, I have no intentions of ever making contact but when landing on this site the 60 days of NC was the first thing I read and set as my first goal. "Every great journey starts with the first step".
I've been going out every night after work at least for an hour or more. I live in one of the most elite towns in southwest Florida and it's loaded with places to go (beaches, bars, clubs, etc.).
The problem I'm having right now is that I'm 43. I figure my dating range to be from 32-40 (last girl was 31). I'm not sure if it's the same way everywhere in the U.S., but it seems like every single girl in this age bracket has children. It's nuts.
I don't want to lower the age bracket into the 20s. I feel that's way to young and immature for my tastes, but it seems like I'm locked into dating girls with kids. It's everywhere out there. Divorced or separated, low life ex boyfriend, no child support, car about to get repossessed, etc. It's like they all carry around the same secret handbook and follow it to the T.
sodbuster
Master Don Juan
When you meet a young one, just tell her,"I'm not sure you are emotionally mature enough for me" Chances are, she will rock your world..... trying to prove it
I'M HALF WAY THERE!
I started this whole NC thing right here and today I'm 30 days in. Wow, the emotional part of this whole thing is overwhelming at times. I've chosen to post here on a regular basis so that I can see my progression along with absorbing the advice from all of you. Gentlemen....It's appreciated.
I'm in my office today for a little while. I'm sitting at the desk that operates a $18m company that I created with my own hard work and sweat. I'm proud to see my professional accomplishments on a daily basis. It helps me to understand that there are no goals that I can't achieve.
You know, I sit back today with a new found clarity and understanding of how deep we can let ourselves dive into a pit of despair which we create on our own selfless merits. We fool ourselves into believing that we are doing the right things for others while forgetting the path and process that made us who we are.
I think that a big part of the "Red Pill" philosophy is to understand who and what we truly are, and to hold on to that without giving it to others who really haven't earned or deserve it. I've been out, I'm social, and I see men exactly in the same situation that I was in 30 days ago. I'm not completely healed, but I'm starting to see and understand the signs of these guys being slowly raped of their masculinity and ego to feed their need of having "the one" on their arm and in their bed. They subconsciously make them "1 IN a million" when in all reality They're "1 OF a million".
Ohh friends, for me this journey has just begun but today I celebrate the small step of 30 days NC.
The next 30 days will be used to get myself ready to get back out there and have some fun. I'll continue to post, reflect, and learn right here. I'm still getting a grasp on the anger and rage, but I'm learning to funnel that energy in a positive direction.
I started this whole NC thing right here and today I'm 30 days in. Wow, the emotional part of this whole thing is overwhelming at times. I've chosen to post here on a regular basis so that I can see my progression along with absorbing the advice from all of you. Gentlemen....It's appreciated.
I'm in my office today for a little while. I'm sitting at the desk that operates a $18m company that I created with my own hard work and sweat. I'm proud to see my professional accomplishments on a daily basis. It helps me to understand that there are no goals that I can't achieve.
You know, I sit back today with a new found clarity and understanding of how deep we can let ourselves dive into a pit of despair which we create on our own selfless merits. We fool ourselves into believing that we are doing the right things for others while forgetting the path and process that made us who we are.
I think that a big part of the "Red Pill" philosophy is to understand who and what we truly are, and to hold on to that without giving it to others who really haven't earned or deserve it. I've been out, I'm social, and I see men exactly in the same situation that I was in 30 days ago. I'm not completely healed, but I'm starting to see and understand the signs of these guys being slowly raped of their masculinity and ego to feed their need of having "the one" on their arm and in their bed. They subconsciously make them "1 IN a million" when in all reality They're "1 OF a million".
Ohh friends, for me this journey has just begun but today I celebrate the small step of 30 days NC.
The next 30 days will be used to get myself ready to get back out there and have some fun. I'll continue to post, reflect, and learn right here. I'm still getting a grasp on the anger and rage, but I'm learning to funnel that energy in a positive direction.
Greasy Pig
Master Don Juan
Inspirational OP! Nothing is as powerful as a man who discovers the power of his skyrocketing SMV (Sexual Marketplace Value).
Now go out and start pumping and dumping.
Now go out and start pumping and dumping.
DAY 32
Nothing In this world we live in can replace good friends. The perspective of an outsider looking in can sure be an eye opener.
I've got a good buddy who came into town Saturday night. He stays here during season and works the local bars and restaurants, racks up some cash and heads back up north in the summer. He offered to rent a room from me for $500 a month. Seeing as I now have "unlimited" space I agreed. This guy is Alpha times a million. (bartender, cross fit trainer, stand up comic, super outgoing). You get the picture.
Sunday morning he's up @ 8:30 drinking a beer and starts cleaning like a mad man. So I hear all of this noise and make my way downstairs to see what's going on. Every window is now open, furniture cushions are off while furniture is being vacuumed, and you can smell pine sol everywhere. So here's where things get interesting.
My friend looks at me and calmly says "What the F**k happened to you"? "how in the world would you ever put up with such an uncaring bit**"?
I asked him what he was talking about, and he proceeds with: "Dude no disrespect, but I've been here quite often. I'm used to seeing this place look like a fu****g museum Not a **** hole." he says "This is my therapy for the day. I'm happy to be here in Florida hanging with a good friend, so I'm cleaning all day long to get this place ready for chicks and fun!" he looks around and says "do you have any idea how fu****g lucky you are, look at this place! It's insane! and you... Jesus!! I know at least a 100 people who want to be you. This year is going to be crazy!"
We talked for a while about my last relationship and some of his epic breakup stories. The guy is hilarious. It's funny to hear his insights into women, relationships, and general life.
I had to take off early to catch the Den vs. NE game. I told him not to worry about cleaning anymore. His response: "Dude, 10 years ago my wife left me, I was a mess. I was drinking uncontrollably, had no money, and was living in my truck! You let me live in this house for 8 months, you gave me a job, you saved my fu****g life! This place will be spotless when you get back enjoy the game."
So that's my post for the day. Any time you're going through a rough patch in life, surround yourself with good people.
Nothing In this world we live in can replace good friends. The perspective of an outsider looking in can sure be an eye opener.
I've got a good buddy who came into town Saturday night. He stays here during season and works the local bars and restaurants, racks up some cash and heads back up north in the summer. He offered to rent a room from me for $500 a month. Seeing as I now have "unlimited" space I agreed. This guy is Alpha times a million. (bartender, cross fit trainer, stand up comic, super outgoing). You get the picture.
Sunday morning he's up @ 8:30 drinking a beer and starts cleaning like a mad man. So I hear all of this noise and make my way downstairs to see what's going on. Every window is now open, furniture cushions are off while furniture is being vacuumed, and you can smell pine sol everywhere. So here's where things get interesting.
My friend looks at me and calmly says "What the F**k happened to you"? "how in the world would you ever put up with such an uncaring bit**"?
I asked him what he was talking about, and he proceeds with: "Dude no disrespect, but I've been here quite often. I'm used to seeing this place look like a fu****g museum Not a **** hole." he says "This is my therapy for the day. I'm happy to be here in Florida hanging with a good friend, so I'm cleaning all day long to get this place ready for chicks and fun!" he looks around and says "do you have any idea how fu****g lucky you are, look at this place! It's insane! and you... Jesus!! I know at least a 100 people who want to be you. This year is going to be crazy!"
We talked for a while about my last relationship and some of his epic breakup stories. The guy is hilarious. It's funny to hear his insights into women, relationships, and general life.
I had to take off early to catch the Den vs. NE game. I told him not to worry about cleaning anymore. His response: "Dude, 10 years ago my wife left me, I was a mess. I was drinking uncontrollably, had no money, and was living in my truck! You let me live in this house for 8 months, you gave me a job, you saved my fu****g life! This place will be spotless when you get back enjoy the game."
So that's my post for the day. Any time you're going through a rough patch in life, surround yourself with good people.
Ztime, you can't be more right.ZTIME said:
You know the old "bros before hoes" adage right ?
Let me tell you this :
Women will come and go. But good friends will stay forever. So yeah, cherish them from time to time. Don't become that guy that get isolated from his friends because of his GF.
NEVER REPEAT THAT MISTAKE AGAIN
Learn from this experience
And now, "bros before hoes" won't appear as cheesy as before right ? and you see the truth behind those words, as you will see the truth for women. Keep reading here, and keep improving yourself.
You're on the right path.
Best of luck
Will they really just make up any random story as an excuse to try and bother you??!! So I'm past day 32 and I've been great with the NC. I live my life to be an awesome guy. Watching the football game tonight with a couple of friends and I get a random text at 11pm.
"Really you could pay the comcast which I was so nice and left on for you!"
" I need router also to return because there is a late fee of $75.00 that I have to pay and they are going to charge me $400 on top if not returned"
Comcast refers to the wireless internet which somehow was put in her name. I really don't even know why.
However 3 weeks ago I called them and switched the name and new account info. I even payed the bill that would have been owed by her so there would be no argument.
So this text is impossible! I don't want to dwell on it and it really shouldn't matter, but I can't understand why someone would completely make up a random story and text my phone with it!
I'm literally typing this on my iPad with my paid for wireless internet. Just venting. I'm dumping it here and ignoring it.
"Really you could pay the comcast which I was so nice and left on for you!"
" I need router also to return because there is a late fee of $75.00 that I have to pay and they are going to charge me $400 on top if not returned"
Comcast refers to the wireless internet which somehow was put in her name. I really don't even know why.
However 3 weeks ago I called them and switched the name and new account info. I even payed the bill that would have been owed by her so there would be no argument.
So this text is impossible! I don't want to dwell on it and it really shouldn't matter, but I can't understand why someone would completely make up a random story and text my phone with it!
I'm literally typing this on my iPad with my paid for wireless internet. Just venting. I'm dumping it here and ignoring it.
Greasy Pig
Master Don Juan
^^^^ This. Don't cave. She's got nothing on you and you don't need her for anything. Every time you wipe your arse, think of the paper as her. You don't want to keep it, you flush it away and carry on living an awesome life.
As the last couple posts have said, STAY NC. She might throw everything including the kitchen sink at you to get a reply back, but you must stand your ground.
Also, Jimmy, this thread isn't for him seeking attention. He came here for support and he's getting it which is why this thread is 7 pgs. He's doing a heck of a job.
ZTIME, keep doing what you're doing.
Also, Jimmy, this thread isn't for him seeking attention. He came here for support and he's getting it which is why this thread is 7 pgs. He's doing a heck of a job.
ZTIME, keep doing what you're doing.