Should Have Saw It Coming

[ZTIME]

As the last couple posts have said, STAY NC. She might throw everything including the kitchen sink at you to get a reply back, but you must stand your ground.

Also, Jimmy, this thread isn't for him seeking attention. He came here for support and he's getting it which is why this thread is 7 pgs. He's doing a heck of a job.

ZTIME, keep doing what you're doing.

Thanks,

Just want to set the record straight. I don't love the attention from her. But I appreciate the responses from everyone connected to this thread.

If it's 100 pages, It's the road I took to get over this stuff, and maybe it'll help someone down the road.

If anyone read a lot of my posts, I did say that I would post with true clarity. I get the whole NC thing, and have never responded to a single text or call since day 1.

On day 1 I started following the advice given to me, but needed to establish a few rules for my self based on my beliefs in living right and maintaining my true self.

1. I will not do anything that affects those children either good or bad. They're not mine, but I choose not to do anything that will change the outcome of their lives.

2. I'm not changing my cell #, or e-mail addresses, or business social media pages. NO WAY! I opened this business in 2003 and everything is connected to these items. (I did remove her from my personal FB page, but rarely use it).

3. Full clarity means just that. Every message or event I get you get. It happens to me, I dump it here and someday in the future I'll reread every post and see my progress. I don't enjoy hearing from her, actually at first I hated it...... Now I rage, dump, and move on. reply if you want or just read in to the stupidity as I do.

4. I will read and reread every single post left on this thread. Someday when I'm ready, and have learned from some of the best, I'll be more prepared to lend my own experience to help others.

I'm not running from this. I'm learning. This girl no longer has the ability to control my life. If it doesn't make sense to some of you; "I understand, but I feel like I'm doing what's best for me."

 

[tj rega]

OP - I totally feel for you, brother, and as well, can totally relate due to a similar circumstance.

However, first and foremost, congratz on striving to live a meaningful life and choosing to do the right thing - that's what matters always the most. The truth, and living for it, through it and by it. Your identification with your true-self clearly reflects this so, bravo sir.

I have a similar experience, which I won't go into much detail about. But let's just say I was at the pinnacle of my own alpha/confident self (that being spiritually, physically and emotionally) when I met my ex. On top of being a single mother, she had two sons from two different men out of wedlock and never married, and did not plan to marry, either of the fathers. Here is where I'll also add she has had numerous abortions from other men. The exact number I'll never know - she states 2, I think she is being humbly conservative.

Now then. On top of being a single parent, who has proven to make bad choices in and throughout her life, she also has "daddy issues" and has never known her father - coupled with an emotionally abusive relationship with her mother, I'm more then certain she has multiple disorders.

I only know this because of the "crazy" sociopathic behavior she has exhibited in the last 2.5 years of being together. She admittedly has OCD, her mom thinks she has bi-polar disorder and through my own research, I'm going to go as far as saying she has narccissitic personality disorder and is a borderline personality type.

Now, please don't mistake my objective labeling as judging or putting her "on blast". That's not my intent. My intent is for you, and for others dating "some" single mothers along with anyone else reading this, to educate yourselves about the dangers of dating single mothers - especially those that have had multiple children by multiple fathers.

I can only tell you that my own experience has been a roller-coaster of pain, turmoil, drama and chaos. The two things that kept me?
My own ego and sex. I can't lie - at 41 I've been with my fair share of women and then some, but with her, the sex was truly amazing. I suppose it makes sense because when you don't value yourself, and when you perceive your vagina to be the only commodity you have, you adapt and learn how to use it and use it well. Very sad, but very true.

Although I didn't try and move her in, and she has pushed for this numerous times, I still paid for 90% of her lifestyle and our entire relationship. I've been there for her sons, which are older btw, and who I had a good relationship with. She doesn't have the greatest job, so I guess it comes with the territory, and that "territory" is filled with land-mines and booby-traps, and it becomes harder and harder to navigate the deeper in you get involved.

There's a part of these women that's simply toxic; damaged beyond repair and function - thus they disrupt your life with dysfunction and toxicity & round and round we go. Until we wake up. Then we see it for what it is. And we see them for who they are.

They live in perpetual "fight or flight" and can never truly settle down. They can never fully trust, I mean how can you trust someone else when you can't even trust yourself? They are always on the cusp. Always looking for the next bigger, better thing. Succumbing to temptation all the while tempting every man that they come in contact with - for the ego boost, the extra monkey branch to grab hold of and of course for options - when her current option has had his life sucked out of him. They are physical, emotional and monetary vampires.

I know. I've been bitten, in numerous ways and like many others who can relate, she was the only girl to ever cheat on me...Sure it sucks, but that was her lack of integrity - not mine. To top it off, I've heard her stories - of other men she's been through along her path in life. I saw more red flags then China, yet, foolishly and egotistically, ignored everyone of them. It's a vicious cycle, brother.

But I did learn a thing or two on my own path with her. I learned the value of forgiveness. I learned how to truly be a giver and I learned just how deeply I can actually love. I learned about MYSELF - isn't that something you too, have learned? About yourself?

In many ways, this has prepared me for the next chapter of life, and I'm definitely better because of it.

My friend, you're better because of it, too. Continue to hold your head high, walk away and reflect on your path. Realize what you took from this relationship and sharpen yourself into the new, better, improved version of YOU.

The pain is only temporary but the experience is priceless.


Pce!

t


For more info on single mothers:

http://www.mgtowhq.com/viewtopic.php?f=20&t=104

 

[The_411]

ZTIME,

There are some good books about toxic relationships and how they can affects long after they "end".

I was in a similar relationship at 30 for two years minus the kid baggage.
From what you wrote about your mother my guess is that her intervention into relationships has adversely affected your decision make process in interpersonal relationships with women.

The other thing I would point out is that right you are vulnerable not just to your ex but other women of the same ilk.

Do not ignore your gut and try to avoid letting emotion take precedent over rational thought. If you ever get stuck ask the board or even ask your friend.

Understand that if you ask a friend or people here about a woman and you find yourself defending her actions then it means you're ignoring red flags.

Your ex keeps in contact to "Hoover" you to keep you emotionally attached to her to keep you enmeshed in her roller coaster drama so that she can try to manipulate through her craziness. That's why she's asking you thigs that don't make sense.

Keep working on yourself stay no contact which means no talking texting no facebook no looking at old e-mails or photos or anything that is attached to her.
I'd also staying away from getting involved in any relationships for a while and work on doing man things.

 

[ZTIME]

OP - I totally feel for you, brother, and as well, can totally relate due to a similar circumstance.

However, first and foremost, congratz on striving to live a meaningful life and choosing to do the right thing - that's what matters always the most. The truth, and living for it, through it and by it. Your identification with your true-self clearly reflects this so, bravo sir.

I have a similar experience, which I won't go into much detail about. But let's just say I was at the pinnacle of my own alpha/confident self (that being spiritually, physically and emotionally) when I met my ex. On top of being a single mother, she had two sons from two different men out of wedlock and never married, and did not plan to marry, either of the fathers. Here is where I'll also add she has had numerous abortions from other men. The exact number I'll never know - she states 2, I think she is being humbly conservative.

Now then. On top of being a single parent, who has proven to make bad choices in and throughout her life, she also has "daddy issues" and has never known her father - coupled with an emotionally abusive relationship with her mother, I'm more then certain she has multiple disorders.

I only know this because of the "crazy" sociopathic behavior she has exhibited in the last 2.5 years of being together. She admittedly has OCD, her mom thinks she has bi-polar disorder and through my own research, I'm going to go as far as saying she has narccissitic personality disorder and is a borderline personality type.

Now, please don't mistake my objective labeling as judging or putting her "on blast". That's not my intent. My intent is for you, and for others dating "some" single mothers along with anyone else reading this, to educate yourselves about the dangers of dating single mothers - especially those that have had multiple children by multiple fathers.

I can only tell you that my own experience has been a roller-coaster of pain, turmoil, drama and chaos. The two things that kept me?
My own ego and sex. I can't lie - at 41 I've been with my fair share of women and then some, but with her, the sex was truly amazing. I suppose it makes sense because when you don't value yourself, and when you perceive your vagina to be the only commodity you have, you adapt and learn how to use it and use it well. Very sad, but very true.

Although I didn't try and move her in, and she has pushed for this numerous times, I still paid for 90% of her lifestyle and our entire relationship. I've been there for her sons, which are older btw, and who I had a good relationship with. She doesn't have the greatest job, so I guess it comes with the territory, and that "territory" is filled with land-mines and booby-traps, and it becomes harder and harder to navigate the deeper in you get involved.

There's a part of these women that's simply toxic; damaged beyond repair and function - thus they disrupt your life with dysfunction and toxicity & round and round we go. Until we wake up. Then we see it for what it is. And we see them for who they are.

They live in perpetual "fight or flight" and can never truly settle down. They can never fully trust, I mean how can you trust someone else when you can't even trust yourself? They are always on the cusp. Always looking for the next bigger, better thing. Succumbing to temptation all the while tempting every man that they come in contact with - for the ego boost, the extra monkey branch to grab hold of and of course for options - when her current option has had his life sucked out of him. They are physical, emotional and monetary vampires.

I know. I've been bitten, in numerous ways and like many others who can relate, she was the only girl to ever cheat on me...Sure it sucks, but that was her lack of integrity - not mine. To top it off, I've heard her stories - of other men she's been through along her path in life. I saw more red flags then China, yet, foolishly and egotistically, ignored everyone of them. It's a vicious cycle, brother.

But I did learn a thing or two on my own path with her. I learned the value of forgiveness. I learned how to truly be a giver and I learned just how deeply I can actually love. I learned about MYSELF - isn't that something you too, have learned? About yourself?

In many ways, this has prepared me for the next chapter of life, and I'm definitely better because of it.

My friend, you're better because of it, too. Continue to hold your head high, walk away and reflect on your path. Realize what you took from this relationship and sharpen yourself into the new, better, improved version of YOU.

The pain is only temporary but the experience is priceless.


Pce!

t


For more info on single mothers:

http://www.mgtowhq.com/viewtopic.php?f=20&t=104

This (in bold) is a statement involving questions I came her seeking answers for of which I am still very clouded on.

Starting out as a young Christian boy I was burdened with the belief of one true god and the rules that were implied to make your way to heaven. A path by the way which is riddled with judgment. I won't delve too far into religion since we are not here for that. However most religion exposes you to some very judgmental people.

I can still remember growing up (being raised by my grandmother) and hearing the "I love you" phrase almost like I was being forced into a response I had to give, ("I love you too").

I look back to my recent relationship with that very same feeling. Ended phone calls or good night kisses all ending with the "I love you" phrase. What did it mean? If I simply replied with "Thank You", It would start a group of questions about my loyalty to the relationship and her being judgmental about me. So the proper response was the pre-programmed "I love you too".

But the love thing.....I can't say that I learned how to love deeper. Sometimes I feel that I just learned how to give more of my time, money and self to pacify a girl that I feared would leave me if I didn't. So was it love or fear? I can't answer it.

In religion, do we not learn "that god so loved the world that he gave his only son (which we are taught is actually a part of him)....?

Are we pre-programmed in life through parents and religion to perceive love as giving? Is it that the greater the love we have, the more we are required to give? And when is enough truly enough? how much of ourselves should we truly give?

As maddening as it seems, I feel that my past relationship started out passionately, filled with the jitters and anticipation of being with someone new. Was it love? probably not, but it eroded into a false sense of security fueled by the false "I love you" statement which could never be answered by a kind "thank you". It had to be answered with the "I love you too", which invited the sense entitlement for her and her children. In the end there was pain. was the pain love or me just giving more? I don't know?

Am I bitter?...Yup! But in time I'll get over the bitterness.

I genuinely enjoyed and appreciate your post to this thread. It is through people like you that I learn and get stronger everyday. I bolded out the whole statement in your post so that even you will see that "you learned how to truly be a giver and learned how deeply you could love". These two words....................................

 

[ZTIME]

Ztime, you tried to wife up what could only be considered a h0r by any Biblical definition, yet you blame the Bible for your desire to make a ho a housewife?

You may be right..... I may have tried to have a relationship with a ho. I may have missed every red flag along the way. I f***ed up big time! But it ain't the bibles fault. To me it's just weird how people always interpret the word love with the word give.

The more you give to someone, it's supposed to mean you love them more?? I don't get it!

I'm 43 yrs old. By now, being several weeks into NC, I should be over this sh**! That girl cost me a ton of money, a ton of time, and half of my fu***ng furniture!

I'm working out, getting my life in order, etc. but still struggle to get over it! Some days are great some just plain old suck! But for lots of guys here it's like "hey, just get over the ho and go find another one". It's an easy answer, yet hard to perform.

 

[TornadoWatch]

Ztime,

Speaking of loving, giving and religion. There's a view out there, not the mainstream one but still quite learned, that Christianity simply got corrupted over time. The essence of the corruption is that gut feelings got replaced by rules and norms and all that morality. These rules are meant to simulate the behavior that you would display naturally if you truly had those feelings.

So when one truly loves somebody (think of your parental love for the kids) the desire to give comes naturally, by itself (think of the furniture at the very least), and not by any means imposed from outside or inside. In this sense love indeed is giving, and many other things that just manifest themselves. But when these manifestations are separated from their source and said that they themselves are the source that's when this whole thing turns ugly and confusing.

So when you compare your love for the kids and for the ex, for example, was it the thing of the same class, that is, how much was real and how much was an ought?

And anyway, don't assume that there's only the giving kind of love. There is also the demanding kind and their various blends. Nothing's wrong with that.

 

[gov87]

Ztime,

Speaking of loving, giving and religion. There's a view out there, not the mainstream one but still quite learned, that Christianity simply got corrupted over time. The essence of the corruption is that gut feelings got replaced by rules and norms and all that morality. These rules are meant to simulate the behavior that you would display naturally if you truly had those feelings.

So when one truly loves somebody (think of your parental love for the kids) the desire to give comes naturally, by itself (think of the furniture at the very least), and not by any means imposed from outside or inside. In this sense love indeed is giving, and many other things that just manifest themselves. But when these manifestations are separated from their source and said that they themselves are the source that's when this whole thing turns ugly and confusing.

So when you compare your love for the kids and for the ex, for example, was it the thing of the same class, that is, how much was real and how much was an ought?

And anyway, don't assume that there's only the giving kind of love. There is also the demanding kind and their various blends. Nothing's wrong with that.

Well said.

Z, hang in there bro. Along the path you've chosen to walk, all aspects of your belief system will be called into question. There will be a lot of truth in these things, however, you will have to learn to sift through what has been corrupted.

As you continue to improve, which you obviously are, you'll begin to pick out all the poison in just about everything around us- music, tv shows, religion, etc. I'll tell ya man, it's often difficult to see the truth. A lot of times you may feel like not wanting to believe it or rationalize a reason of your own for why the truth is not right.

The good but also difficult thing is that once you've truly taken the red pill, there is no turning back. If you take the route to rationalize out, you will know the truth deep down and will be lying to yourself leading to unhappiness again. Over time, you will grow stronger from accepting the truth and learning to make decisions based on the harsh reality we're living in.

Make sure you find the good in life bc there is much good. It's just so easy to focus on the bad bc it often outweighs the positive. Keep training that mind of yours, it's our ultimate weapon.

Hope you have a great weekend, my friend.

 

[ZTIME]

To everyone who has posted to this thread.......Thank you!

No bad sh** today. Had a little time at the office today to reread all of these posts. Brilliant stuff. Hopefully you all see that you're really helping me out. Without you guys I'd have gone off the deep end.

Little history............About 8 years ago I had just gotten out of a LTR (14 years). When that ended it was ugly, not close to this recent one but still ugly. That's when ztime was doing all the crying, begging, and every desperate thing you read in every break up post.

This girl was about 5'8", 115lbs, long straight red hair, set of c-cup bolt-ons (thanks to ztime), and spectacular looking. A real head turner with a great personality. I messed up that relationship big time. Really loved that one.

So 4 weeks ago, as I'm going through all this recent sh**, I decide to call her. I really just wanted to get some clarity about my past relationship problems to see if I was repeating the same mistakes. So she tells me to meet her for a drink that night to talk.

We talk for a couple of hours, I tell her my story and she tells me that if I had done anything for her like what I did for this recent girl that we would still be together.

Here's the kicker, I would dread still being with her!!! This girl as described above is now 42. She now weighs approx. 165lbs. (my best circus guy guess). And she has more tattoos then I ever want to see again.(full back piece, behind the ears, on her wrist, feet, and calves). One of the tattoos is a Las Vegas sign on her calf. Her hair is now short and curly and Ronald McDonald red. She is still very nice with a great personality.

I post this today, because I just went to see her for a haircut. I'll friend zone her because she's a hairdresser, a sweet girl, and she has some very hot friends.

 

[ZTIME]

Day 39

Never even thought I'd be able to make it this far, but I've stuck to NC like relegion. This is so completely different than what I'm used to. Normally, I would pick up the phone and try to win! I kind of feel like I lost a game and that some dude took something from me.

I've been going out quite a bit.(about 4 nights a week).As mentioned before, I'm thankful for my social network and blessed with all of their support as I really wasn't there for them for the last couple of years. ( girlfriend really didn't want me hanging with my inner circle). Yes, my "SMV" is high, but I think for right now I'm just content hanging with friends. Syx isn't at the top of my priorities list right now. When I go to bars, or social events I'm constantly being approached or finding myself in conversations with women. I just really feel like I want to put no effort into it.

I've continued working out, eating right, and working on my own life. I've found many posters on this site that through their writing have been able to help me see things a bit more clearly. Heck, my rage from last week is even starting to subside.

I'm still nowhere near being completely ok, but I can see and feel the changes in my life daily.

Been reading a lot of posts in the wealth and success section..........some of you guys have pretty impressive backgrounds. Makes me feel good when I read your posts to this thread.(good advice from successful men is invaluable).

 

[sodbuster]

Read "No more Mr. Nice Guy" by Glover. You have a belief that being "nice" will make her want to reciprocate with sex or ????? That ISN'T being a nice guy when you have an unwritten contract in your head that she has no idea has to be met. So, then you get upset that she isn't "keeping the bargain"

 

[Donnie Darko]

Op you are still a mess. You've date a ginger and a single mom.

It is unbelievable that you allowed your ex to steal your furniture and then break into your house again later and search through everything to gather anything else she left behind. You are allowing her to continue her behavior without any consequences. Maybe her next victim won't be as financially secure as you were to absorb her theft.

Why don't you block her phone number so you don't even see her texts? Block her email address and block her on social media. Ho no contact but do it a way that your life is not turned upside down whenever she sends you a message.

Great to hear you are going back to the gym and getting healthier and losing some weight. It is also good to hear that you are going out some.

Have you asked your primary care doctor for a referral to a male therapist yet? It sounds like you may need some professional counseling. Whining to your ex-ginger girlfriend isn't going to help. Never ask a woman for advice about women or relationships. Go see a professional.

When are you going to start dating new women and spinning plates again?

Go read all of Pook's posts and the book of Pook and read all of anti-dump machine's posts.

You are moving in the right direction...keep progressing on that path.

You have two paths in love and life...

1. Live your dreams.
2. Live other people’s dreams.

 

[ZTIME]

Op you are still a mess.Yes, but getting better everyday. You've date a ginger and a single mom.Ginger was a natural blonde and a smokin' hot Florida girl (back then). Single mom...BIG MISTAKE!

It is unbelievable that you allowed your ex to steal your furniture and then break into your house again later and search through everything to gather anything else she left behind.Stuff is gone, doors are locked, she can't get in You are allowing her to continue her behavior without any consequences.No consequences, but no continuation either. I'm done with that Maybe her next victim won't be as financially secure as you were to absorb her theft.I feel bad for her next victim, but she or he is not my problem

Why don't you block her phone number so you don't even see her texts? Block her email address and block her on social media. Ho no contact but do it a way that your life is not turned upside down whenever she sends you a message.In today's world if she wanted to message or e-mail me she would do it anyway. So hiding from it really doesn't matter. I post them here and delete them. I don't anticipate hearing from her again.

Great to hear you are going back to the gym and getting healthier and losing some weight.I look and feel amazing!! It's awesome to be getting back to what I was. It is also good to hear that you are going out some.Friends are truly a blessing. I will never exit them out of my life for a female again.

Have you asked your primary care doctor for a referral to a male therapist yet?yes It sounds like you may need some professional counseling.You may be right. I'll be there this week Whining to your ex-ginger girlfriend isn't going to help.No it won't. It was pretty early after this break up, so I add it to my list of mistakes that I should have never made. I did gain a friend out of it though. Never ask a woman for advice about women or relationships.<very true Go see a professional.

When are you going to start dating new women and spinning plates again?At this point I have no answer to that. It's been a little over 6 weeks since this stuff happened and I'm really not looking to enter the game yet. I've been out quite a bit and it's hard to avoid women, but right now I'm not playing the game and kind of just blow them off. If I had to guess, I'd say around January.

Go read all of Pook's posts and the book of Pook and read all of anti-dump machine's posts.I've read sooo many posts here that it's shocking. My office schedule gives me a lot of time to read

You are moving in the right direction...keep progressing on that path.Thank You. In a short amount of time things are really going in the right direction

You have two paths in love and life...

1. Live your dreams.
2. Live other people’s dreams.

I detoured a little to take care of someone else's dreams, but I myself have been able to achieve great success living my own dreams. I'll continue in that direction. Thanks Again!

 

[ZTIME]

Today is day 40

Word of advice to all of you going through any NC. Don't check your social media. Now I post on my business pages, but I don't search my personal or friends pages to see anything else. Except fuc**** today!!!

Went to my own news feed and the very first thing I see is the bi***es Halloween party pictures. Gut turned and head started to feel tingly, but this is exactly why I've stayed off of my FB page. Word of warning.....No matter how far you progress, this sh** takes a while to get over and you don't want to see stuff like that.

I really don't feel like torturing myself with pictures of that girl and her new dude. And before you ask why I haven't removed her from my FB.....I DID!! It was a friend of mine and she posted the pictures to his page which showed on my feed.

No more visiting my news feed!!

 

[Donnie Darko]

Consider deactivating your personal facebook page or stop going to your personal facebook page all together.

Otherwise just ask your friend to unfriend/block your ex so you don't have to see her BS in your newsfeed.

The reason you block her from emailing, texting, calling you is that you don't want a perfectly fine day to be derailed because she felt like sending you a message. The purpose is to help you get over her quicker.

You think not replying to her and posting it here is good enough but I think each message eats you up inside a little bit and then you start rethinking through everything over and over again. Imagine if you didn't have any of those triggers reminding you of her. It could really speed up your healing/recovery process.

 

[ZTIME]

Consider deactivating your personal facebook page or stop going to your personal facebook page all together.

Otherwise just ask your friend to unfriend/block your ex so you don't have to see her BS in your newsfeed.

The reason you block her from emailing, texting, calling you is that you don't want a perfectly fine day to be derailed because she felt like sending you a message. The purpose is to help you get over her quicker.

You think not replying to her and posting it here is good enough but I think each message eats you up inside a little bit and then you start rethinking through everything over and over again. Imagine if you didn't have any of those triggers reminding you of her. It could really speed up your healing/recovery process.

All good points. I know a bit about facebook, but don't know if I turn off my personal page if it would effect my company pages, as I am listed as the admin for them. My one company page has about 3000 people whom we advertise to on a regular basis. (If somebody knows this answer, it would be appreciated)

I really wish that I could ask all of my friends collectively to unfriend/block my ex, but after 3.5 years that would be a lot of people I know. It's better to leave that one alone.

Blocking e-mails and phone calls sounds simple. What I meant in the reply to your previous post was true. If she wanted to get in touch with me either way, she could. I have 3 e-mail address, 4 facebook pages, 4 google+ pages, 3 twitter accounts, 2 instagram accounts, etc. etc. These are all used for business purposes, but I can be reached through several of them. Match that with her social media, cell #'s, e-mails, and business lines.... if she wanted to get to me she could.

The not replying thing is part of the NC rule that I've chosen to do based on this site. Posting here is part of a path that I have developed. Quite a few years of my life have been dedicated to the study of Buddhism (not as a religion since it isn't a religion) and discovering a path that works for me. This is why you'll often hear me refer to "finding and walking the right path", and "living right", and "not allowing myself to adversely effect the children's outcome".

For the last 3.5 years of my life I have allowed myself to stop doing everything. and I mean everything! No meditation, no working out, no eating healthy, No business focus, no self-love and no motivation in my personal life. I was really getting to a point of heavy depression as I was taking care of a girl and her three children, thinking all along that I was doing the right thing.

So my TRUE path now is to bring myself back to "center" (or "frame" as lot's of you refer to it) and to allow myself to excel in my physical, mental, and business life.

Yes, every little message can eat me up on the inside a little bit, but those feelings only represent my need for acceptance and desire to be loved. I'm not trying to speed up my recovery process, I'm trying to understand the road that got me to the need of a recovery process in the first place. And to understand that and continue to walk the right path, I will discover "Bliss".

I have been blessed in life with many things. And have been able to achieve many things. So this phase of my life is just a stepping stone to a greater understanding for me.

Thank you again for your post and advice.

 

[ZTIME]

Full Clarity

Went to therapist as suggested. 48yr old male. Not a fu***ng chance!! Nope, no way!!! I'm not sure what the education requirements are to enter this field, but I'm thinking this is not the right direction for me. This guy has been "happily" married for ten years. To another therapist!! That's gotta be an interesting dynamic.

Just venting!! It's day 42 and things are progressing nicely. Even went out on a date. She's a little lame though and not for me. A friend of mine whom is very successful on POF and Match wants me to sign up. Still don't know if I'm ready to enter the game, but I guess you never know. Any Pointers out there??

 

[ZTIME]

So during this relationship I helped the ex get full custody of her children. Thanks ZTIME!! I was fully vested in the whole family thing. My bad. Here's last nights drunken text from her daughters cell @ 1:00am:

Just so you know... Things have gotten rough... Not for me but for kids... It's always going to work out but you know me always questioning my parenting skills... Chris and Jackie's divorce has gotten ugly... Sucks for kids. He has promised he has changed and is clean...I hate it...I hate making these decisions...he sent a letter asking to drug test and begs to see kids.....I'm trying to be strong but he's breaking me down... I can only hope that everything works out as it's supposed to but my heart always wants to say people can change...uggggg

Way to pull at ztime's heart strings!! They're not my kids.....never were! I'm glad I helped when I did, but the rest of the road is yours to travel alone. No response from me.

Is she seriously trying to keep me updated on her life??

 

[Tenacity]

Therapists are really a waste of time, they really just sit there and let you VENT your problems out to them to help you draw out your own conclusion. The only thing they can really do is diagnose some serious mental illness and prescribe medication, other than that, if there's no actual mental illness present but just "a fvcked up life story" there's really nothing they can do.

Life is fvcked up and you get screwed over. The only true way to deal with life is to come to it understanding that it's fvcked up so you can properly set yourself up to WIN within the fvcked up system rather than be slaughtered by it.

As mentioned, you did a lot of things wrong even though they were right in principle. Everything to life is a game and a system, and you have to go through life a lot of times to truly understand the rules, procedures and skill of that game. Making money is a game/system, working out is a game/system, dealing with people is a game/system, dealing with women is a game/system, paying low taxes is a game/system, managing expenses is a game/system, investing is a game/system, how to buy a car properly is a game/system, how to acquire a college education properly is a game/system......everything in life is a GAME.

Going forward, at least you are a little step closer to being able to truly play the game. You might never MASTER the game (no one does), but as long as you can play the game by just staying on the court, not getting injured, staying out of foul trouble, continuing to score points, and continuing to better yourself everyday.....you are a PLAYER my friend and that's all you can be in this Life....is a PLAYER.

 

[lifeislearning]

Stay strong buddy. From here on you're living the good life but there will be a lifetime of things to trip you up and get you thinking about the good times. Reports from friends, unexpected texts, and memories are just the beginning. Wait till dreams, late-night insecurities, and time take send you their tests.

Fact: You will be reminded of her often and likely for years down the road.

This is a test of your resolve and a meter to determine if you have truly learned your lesson or not. Regardless of the awful behavior she put you through during and after the relationship you will be tempted to communicate. Resist. Be active. Share your strengths and rely on the strengths of friends.

One day you will stop counting days of no contact. One day you will think, "It's been a year (2,3,4) since her birthday/anniversary/romantic event... and I didn't even notice. Or care. Wait, is she even alive anymore? I haven't heard from her in so long."

Even then resist the urge to communicate, snoop, investigate, etc. Time to live for YOU.

 

[dasein]

Just imagine how she is running you down now with other texts to others, and how she was running you down, by still other texts... just like she is doing with newguy, while you were together.

Translation of the text? "Dude doesn't have the money and lifestyle you do and I want to find out if I can come back to your lifestyle/money and keep his **** or others like it at the same time. So, just how much of a chump are you?"

Please consider putting your phone away and checking it only every 3-4 hours or so. Consider getting a cheap pay as you go phone and give that line out to business and close contacts for emergencies only. I bought a phone for $10 and minutes for $20 a couple weeks ago.

But you are doing great overall, congratulations.