Hey Chance, with all due respect (and I mean it because you've had some superb replies) I have to take issue with a few points:
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So, the truth comes out! Wyldfire thinks men "...can't handle it because he is too emotionally dependent on her liking him".
>>I've seen quite a few guys like that, it isn't a false observation. Think of the whipped guys you've known or every other AFC you've seen stuck on a girl. The main point is right, even if your real point is that REAL guys aren't like that (which is a definition argument I can't argue against.)
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What a joke. No man, be he an AFC or a DJ is "emotionally dependent" on a woman to that point. The breakup isn't what gets to most guys. It's the LYING the woman does.
>>I don't get your point about the lying. I see it repeatedly here---some guy WHINES about some chick's lie, about her not saying straight out "no." So what? Half the advice here is about testing (get the digits / kiss) and then reading the response and what it really means. If you know what the game is--and you should if you've been here long enough--you can see through the supposed lie and figure out what's going on, or, better, figure out all you need to know and make your decision regardless of whether you know her real reasons or not. A "lie" as in "I'm busy" instead of saying "I don't want to see you" is garden variety. It means she's not interested, deal with it. I can't believe that "hurts" a guy more--if it does, the poor little bleeding heart needs to toughen up.
>>You may refer to bigger lies, of course. I don't get how the lie hurts unless the guy has some emotional involvement already. No emotional involvement = no hurt.
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You REALLY think men's egos are that fragile? My God, how little respect you have for men!
>>Hate to say it, but many guys egos are that fragile. It isn't about "little respect" for men. I get the sense Wyldfyre has respect for men who deserve it, or for people in general and withholds it when you give her reason to.
>>Women's egos are just as fragile (weight, looks, bad haircuts, birthdays, whatever)--it isn't a men / women thing, just being HUMAN means you were probably born with a fragile ego.
>>Just an observation on "respect". I worked a bar for awhile and I noticed the only people (admittedly, mostly drunk) who made an issue of "respect" were those who generally don't get it. It's a BIG word among minorities, women, down-n-out types, losers, white supremecists, etc. But if you get respect and always have (women / minorities included) it doesn't come up in your conversation.
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I have never heard a man who was honestly rejected get bent out of shape.
>>True enough. But the only honest rejection I've heard was from a woman who simply told a guy "you can't afford me" (she meant "You're not in my league"--she wasn't a hooker, she was just a woman who knew she could get any guy making $200K a year or more--and routinely did.)
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I've heard PLENTY when the woman lies to him, though.
Usually, it plays like this...guy gets rejected HONESTLY, tells his buddies...buddys laugh (not too hard, though. They know their turn is coming up).
>>True again. And the guy gets an imaginary combat veteran's ribbon from the other guys, too.
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Guy gets rejected with lies, he wonders what the REAL reason is. He now goes crazy trying to figure it out.
>>I was that guy not too long ago...it means he hasn't visited this site.
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You see, if a guy knows what went wrong, he can fix it the next time. If he doesn't know, he is bugged by it. Guy logic! Which is, well, LOGICAL.
>>I would say the guy DOESN'T need to know what the REAL reason is---all he needs to know is the result, which is that she isn't interested.
>>You can argue that he may be an AFC and then needs to know how to change--but that's what this site is for, not the chick.
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(Here's a secret guys...NEVER WORRY ABOUT WHAT A WOMAN IS THINKING. EVER. NEVER EVER. Why? BECAUSE YOU THINK LOGICALLY. WOMEN DO NOT THINK THAT WAY! You can no more figure it out that you can draw a square circle. Notice the advice on here is "do X get Y"? Know why that is? It's because WE STILL DON'T GET HOW THEY THINK. Now that I have gone on that tangent, back to the point at hand)
>>We may be arguing the same point above, but I would disagree that men think logically. I work in a law office and occasionally interview new clients. Fuzzy thinking, or simply the inability to think a clear thought (which is part of why they need a lawyer) happens in both sexes equally. I simply assume everyone (men, women and myself) are logic-impaired unless they can demonstrate a clear line of thought expressed in a clear sentence. You know it when you hear it because it's rare.
>>Maybe "logically" is a bad word choice, I would offer "emotional v. mechanical" instead, but I can see problems with that, too.
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It's nothing personal, but do you notice it's always the older DJs that have EXPERIENCE that are calling you on your advice? Aren't you the least bit curious as to why that is? The younger DJs OUGHT to be curious.
>>"Always" is clearly an overstatement. Some things Wyld says are clearly from a female (non-male) perspective. I find it refreshing, usually, occasionally odd. Whatever. Mostly I pick up from the posts that those that "call" her on her advise almost always (and that's no overstatement) sound like they have problems with women, like they can't handle a strong woman--it's probably no accident the "respect" issue came up in this post, too. It's just something I pick up from the tone of those posts.
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Wyldfire has given good advice and bad advice, as have we all (well, not me. But you get the point!
). Anytime the younger DJs have to take advice from her, it's always best to remember that she is a woman, and is offering a woman's point of view.
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Now, isn't it the women that usually says "Just be yourself"?[/B][/QUOTE]
>>That's half the advice, more needs to be said. "Be yourself" is ultimately what we're doing here--that's what happens when you're a skilled DJ and no longer an AFC (Pook makes this point). If you're an AFC, being yourself won't get you anywhere---because, at heart, you're not really being yourself, your not living an engaging life, getting into your interests and becoming someone worth being around. When you start doing that, then you ARE being yourself, and it works. Women say that without all the preceding commentary. They say it because they can smell a fake pickup line or an AFC half way down the street.
