Shot Down...the tale-tale marks of Low Interest Level?...

[TheDude]

Wyldfire, I see your point, really I do. But I am not looking at this generally, I am looking at THIS particular situation, with THIS particular girl.

So I ask this girl for her number, and five days later I call. Now, if what you are saying is true, in this five days she has been waiting, wondering, slowly realizing that I must not be really interested, that of course, I must have been turned down by others (not that I have been busy WITH the others during that time), and now I am calling as a last resort.

So that is so much easier to picture than her thinking, hey maybe he has just been busy!

I saw her four out of those five days, yet she couldn't say "hey when ya gonna call me!" or something like just offhand, "boy have I been busy, glad I can just stay home tonight" (maybe a hint that I am going to be home so hey TheDude, why dontcha gimme a call?)

The fact is I said what I wanted point blank, "I would like to ask you out. May I have your phone number?"

Yes, I waited five days. I wasn't sitting at him the whole time wringing my hands, diabolically laughing, "ahhhhhhh I bet she is squirming nowwwwwww..." I actually WAS busy. The way the time worked out, I was gone from work wed. and gone all evening. Thursday I had a house full of family until 10:30, and I didn't think I would reach her on Fri. or Sat. so I called her on Sunday. Logical.

So I said what I wanted, she gave me a number (why?), I asked her out (she gave me a bullshyt line, why?), I said okey dokey no harm done (she throws me some conceited remark "if your'e lucky", why?), I say onward TheDude, (she won't even look at me now).

So who is playing games?

So this convo about time has been interesting, but this seems like it has way more to it than just me waiting five days.
I don't know.

TheDude

 

[TheDude]

Wyldfire, I see your point, really I do. But I am not looking at this generally, I am looking at THIS particular situation, with THIS particular girl.

So I ask this girl for her number, and five days later I call. Now, if what you are saying is true, in this five days she has been waiting, wondering, slowly realizing that I must not be really interested, that of course, I must have been turned down by others (not that I have been busy WITH the others during that time), and now I am calling as a last resort.

So that is so much easier to picture than her thinking, hey maybe he has just been busy!

I saw her four out of those five days, yet she couldn't say "hey when ya gonna call me!" or something like just offhand, "boy have I been busy, glad I can just stay home tonight" (maybe a hint that I am going to be home so hey TheDude, why dontcha gimme a call?)

The fact is I said what I wanted point blank, "I would like to ask you out. May I have your phone number?"

Yes, I waited five days. I wasn't sitting at him the whole time wringing my hands, diabolically laughing, "ahhhhhhh I bet she is squirming nowwwwwww..." I actually WAS busy. The way the time worked out, I was gone from work wed. and gone all evening. Thursday I had a house full of family until 10:30, and I didn't think I would reach her on Fri. or Sat. so I called her on Sunday. Logical.

So I said what I wanted, she gave me a number (why?), I asked her out (she gave me a bullshyt line, why?), I said okey dokey no harm done (she throws me some conceited remark "if your'e lucky", why?), I say onward TheDude, (she won't even look at me now).

So who is playing games?

So this convo about time has been interesting, but this seems like it has way more to it than just me waiting five days.
I don't know.

TheDude

 

[Wyldfire]

Wildthang...that one woman who still remembered you after all that time was a fluke. Most women wouldn't.


Raoul...insecurity. Interesting point and there's a side of this that is being overlooked here. If a woman shows any signs of having an insecure moment...the general consensus is to "Next" her. If the man is insecure about something...the general consensus is to "Next" the woman as well. Why, exactly, do many of the DJs here advise an insecure guy to dump the girl even if it is him who has the problem. I'm not going to be specific about particular posters or threads...but I've seen this A LOT. Why are people not advising the guy to pull his sh*t together and not blame the woman for his own insecurities?

 

[Jwheatly]

Wyldfire means well, but she is still a woman.

Remember that.

 

[Chrispy]

Originally posted by WildThang:
To go back to the question:
As for real high interest - try these signs:

She rearranges her calendar to be with you

She buys you presents and generally acts helpful and kind

She makes an effort to understand what you like and give it to you (Note - a lot of chicks are screamingly bad at this. They usually buy you and give you what *they* secretly want. When you find one who's smarter than this and has some real insight into where you're at, grab her - she may well be a keeper.)

She encourages you in whatever you do without pressuring you, or giving you a hard time if things don't work out

She tries new stuff with you that she wouldn't normally do

She contacts you regularly by phone or email

She thinks you're the funniest guy alive

She *doesn't* tell you you're nice or 'sweet'

Tall order for the first date or two? Kinda. If you don't see signs like this after three dates max, you're very likely wasting your time.

I almost *always* get the "you're so nice" or "you're very sweet" line - mind you this is through e-mail so it is open to interpretation. Also (not to complicate) I'm not very interested in the girl to start with..I'm generally like that..dunno if that'll help me get the girls

 

[Wyldfire]

It's not a bad thing for a woman to call you nice or sweet. It's only bad if another man tells you that. Men and women have ENTIRELY different meanings for these words. A woman's "Nice Guy" is a DJ's "Good Guy". So, women DO mean it when they way they want a "Nice Guy", men just define the kind of guy women want as a "Good Guy". The lady was paying you a compliment, don't overanalyze it.

 

[BigBill]

Life just isn't fair is it?

Wyldfire is right we DJs are total a$sholes. A woman makes one little sign of insecurity and we ditch her! We are just... well, just like WOMEN!

I'll bet if WF thinks about it, she's dumped tens if not hundreds of guys for slipping up and saying or doing something insecure. Why? Because as an above asverage looking woman, she can afford to. She won't have to wait long for another guy to come into the picture so why not insist on an extrodinary high level of good behavior?

Well, A DJ thinks the same way. If I call a girl, lets call her WyldFlower, 4 days after I meet her and she tersely gives me some sort of 'excuse' not to go out because shes mad that I waited so long to call her... I look down at my notebook I use for such things and voila! there are the numbers of prolly 4 or 5 other girls I can call next. Why waste time on her? I don't have to babe. I'm not an average guy, I'm a DJ! I don't need a girl, I want a girl and I know that if I play it the right way I'll have plenty to choose from.

And I know for sure that I'm not going to end up with one that makes me work hard to keep her attracted and tries to fight for control of the relationship every step of the way.

Why not?

Because I DON'T HAVE TO!! HAHAHAHAHA! I figured it out. Once you Are a DJ YOU are the unusualy and valuable comodity. not some pretty girl. Hell I meet pretty girls every where I go. nothing special about that. But how many real men are left out there? Almost none! The only control a woman has over a DJ is whether or not he gets HER puddy. A woman can reject me, call me a creep and a pervert and throw a drink in my face... and it not gonna stop me from turning right around and bagging an even better piece of ass in a few hours or days.

So Wyldflower can choose to withhold somethig from me that I want. The only thing is, what she can choose to withhold is between the legs of every pretty girl I'm every going to meet. It isn't rare enough to bother me that she chooses to do that.

What I can withhold from her though, is a DJ. It's the kind of man who knows is principled, strong, always improving, well dressed, well groomed, knows how to keep her interested and excited, and is a damned rare find. I'll meet lots of pretty girls tomorrow without even going out of my way.

the girl might wait months or years to ever even meet another DJ, and longer still to meet one that is interested in her.

damn! Life isn't fair!

 

[Wyldfire]

Bill, this might surprise you, but I have only had 4 relationships in my life. I have had one single one nighter (it was two nights, but you get the point.) I have gone on one date with up to a dozen others, tops. I married my first serious boyfriend when I was just 18 years old. I stayed with him 10 years. Yeah, I left him, but he was beating the sh*t out of me, so that was a pretty good reason. Then I met the love of my life. I was with him for 5 years, most of which were were engaged. I didn't leave him. We had an instance where we split up temporarily for the good of the long term relationship. He had to focus on making the adjustment from being behind bars for 7 years to being back in society again. That's a huge battle for even one who is entirely committed to do well. During that time he was murdered. The next guy was basically an intimate friend. Neither one of us wanted a commitment beyond seeing each other exclusively. We were both healing from a difficult time and pretty much agreed to help each other through it. It wasn't meant to be more and neither of us wanted it to be. I outgrew it and he broke the rules we had agreed on by having sex with someone else. I told him I couldn't see him anymore and was very specific as to why. We're still friends as we were before we started seeing each other. The one (two)nighter came at the end of that. Then there was one other guy who was really great (or so I thought). He failed to mention when we first got together than he had a pregnant wife. Again, a pretty good reason for me to dump him. Basically, I have ONLY left a man if he betrayed my trust and disrespected me in a major way. I only accept dates with men I think I could genuinely want something with. Those who didn't get the second date just weren't compatible, so I didn't want to waste their time or mine. So, no, I have never just dumped a guy for a stupid reason. I made many mistakes in my first relationship, and I learned from them. Since then I have never jumped into a relationship just for the sake of being with someone. I only get involved with someone because I sincerely WANT to be with that person as they are, NOT based on some ridiculous idea of what I can turn them into.

 

[BGC]

Interesting discussion...

First, how do we know Wyldfire is above average in looks?

Now --

This is the fact. IF A GIRL IS INTERESTED IN YOU AND YOU WAIT 5 TO 9 DAYS TO CALL, SHE WILL STILL GO ON A DATE WITH YOU!

In fact, she will be even MORE into you!

But what Wyldfire said is also true!

The girl will be pissed, irritated, angry, upset, disappointed that you waited so long to cal...

BUT SHE WILL STILL GO ON THE DATE WITH YOU!

I suggest everyone re-read Wyldfire's post about what a girl will do if a guy waits a long time.

She says the girl will be pissed, upset, etc. --

BUT NOTE THAT SHE NEVER SAYS THE GIRL WILL NOT GO OUT WITH HIM!

It's as if unconsciously she KNEW the truth!

Yes, maybe it is putting the girl through the ringer to wait a long time.

With my (recently-made) ex-girlfriend, in the beginning I called only once every one or two weeks.

In the two months following our meeting, we went out only four or five times.

And check this out...

She later told me that a male friend of hers was telling her that the fact that I was calling sporadically meant my interest level was low...

AND YET SHE IGNORED HER FRIEND BECAUSE SHE WAS WAY INTO ME!

So, yes, Wyldfire, a girl may get pissed and angry and upset and emotionally-turned-around-upside-down if you wait a while before calling, BUT SHE WILL STILL GO ON THE DATE WITH YOU!

On the other hand if she isn't into you, she won't go on the date.


Also, Doc Love never says that a woman giving you her number means she has high interest.

Whoever said he said that -- that's not correct.

Doc Love says the best way of determing a girl's interest level is to go for a kiss at the end of the date -- if she kisses back, she likes you. If she doesn't, she doesn't.

And my own principle is that if she kisses back with TONGUE, then she is way into you.

Wait 5 to 9 days before calling no matter what.

And if the chicks is way hot, wait extra long...

 

[Wyldfire]

Bill, there have only been a couple of times where I've gone on a date with a guy where I didn't first know him pretty well. Those were blind dates and I wasn't attracted to either of the guys. The incompatibilities were about views, lifestyle, that kind of thing. Some of the things that would cause me not to see a guy a second time: He asks me to get high with him...there is no room in my life for drugs. He spends the night eyeballing other women repeatedly...a sign that he probably isn't relationship material and is rude. Making every discussion about his ex...not ready to move on yet and a bad risk. Doesn't crack a smile the entire date...I NEED laughter and humor. Complains about everything...negative personality, not for me. Doesn't eat meat and gets all sanctimonious if I do...no guy is worth giving up steak for. Bible Thumper...Although I respect religion and am a very spiritual person with a strong faith in God...I can't stand being preached to. If I want to listen to a sermon, I'll go to church. Someone who is driving and has too much to drink...I won't get involved with a guy who drinks and drives.

I've never discarded a guy for being shy or nervous. I am one of those people who can pull others out of their shell quite easily.

 

[Wyldfire]

BGC...many women will still go out with the guy. The determining factor is IF she is still interested in you after getting angry about you taking so long to call. That WILL be the thing that causes interest to fade in some women. I KNOW that's how I am. But like I've said before...it's a real pet peeve of mine and doesn't matter who does it. I view it as rude and disrespectful and a sign of low interest.

A lot of the women who do still accept the date even though they are pissed just make you wait longer for sex. If a woman is sexually active and really into you, if you don't piss her off she will have sex with you a heck of a lot sooner...usually even on the first date if she feels comfortable with you and you aren't someone she has just met.
A couple of months ago I was at a friend's house. She was expecting a call from a guy she liked. She was genuinely pissed that he hadn't called and was basically calling him every name in the book. He happened to call her while I was there. He asked her out, she accepted and she made one sarcastic comment about not hearing from him sooner, but never came right out and told him she was angry. The second she hung up the phone she said "He wants to make me wait on him, then he can wait on me. He ain't gettin' nothing!"

 

[Wyldfire]

On another note...the ones who are pissed and turn you down are the ones who say "I'm busy." after seeming really interested before. She is thinking "He's too busy to call me, then I'm too busy to go out with him."

 

[TheDude]

As to your above post Wlydfire, maybe is grasping, but that sounds logical. Maybe she was pissed I took so long to call, and then came up with the "Im busy" excuse in order to get back at me (this "im busy" excuse was soooo lame, I mean, she KNEW there was no way in HELL I would buy it. The next day (the day I asked her to lunch), I walked right by her at lunch time, having lunch. Did she really think that I wouldn't notice that she was not too busy to have lunch, just to busy to have lunch with me?)

Also, she spread the "I'm busy" excuse out before I had a chance to just cut it off. "I'm busy" became "I am sooo busy I just can't find time to do anything, I have to pencil my friends in...blah blah blah". This is actually what led me to believe she had low interest. She never counter offered, never even sounded apologetic. I mean, if she REALLY was busy, but still wanted to go out, seems she would have at least SOUNDED like she wanted to.

Anyway. Don't matter. She still ended the convo the say she did, with the "if your'e lucky" quip. She just seems way into herself. Not for me.

TheDude

 

[Wyldfire]

Okay...the first mistake was deciding to ask for her number to call later and ask her out. You see her every day so you should have just asked her for a date when you asked for her number. Secondly, since she sees you at work she KNOWS that you DID have plenty of opportunity to ask her out, yet you waited almost a week after laying your intentions out on the table to actually do it. She had to come to work and see you which only made her wonder why you hadn't asked her out or called yet. Of course she's mad. She was uncomfortable at work over this thing, and it probably made her think that it might not be such a good idea to date someone at work, especially if she ended up feeling uncomfortable before she even went out with you.

Women at work are different. They see you every day, see you when you aren't busy, see you ignore plenty of opportunities to ask them out. If you get their number, call on the second day after getting it or just ask them out at work. Do NOT make a woman uptight and insecure about whether or not you like her in the work environment.

 

[WildThang]

Originally posted by Wyldfire:
Wildthang...that one woman who still remembered you after all that time was a fluke. Most women wouldn't.

Geez - you just can't say 'Yes, I was wrong' can you?

Anyway - I prefer chicks who have some kind of working memory. Alzheimers is *so* not a turn-on.

Anyway II - you're still wrong. Because even if she doesn't remember you right away, so what? If she's dateable, she's dateable. You waste nothing except maybe a few minutes by finding out where she's at. If she says no - no big. You move on. If it's a yes, you're in. How hard to understand is that?

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by WildThang:
Geez - you just can't say 'Yes, I was wrong' can you?

Anyway - I prefer chicks who have some kind of working memory. Alzheimers is *so* not a turn-on.

Anyway II - you're still wrong. Because even if she doesn't remember you right away, so what? If she's dateable, she's dateable. You waste nothing except maybe a few minutes by finding out where she's at. If she says no - no big. You move on. If it's a yes, you're in. How hard to understand is that?

Wildthang...you are a man. Men think in a generalized way. Afterall, that IS how women are viewed here by some...in a generalized way. I'm speaking in general terms. One remembered but most wouldn't. If I were wrong in saying that I'd admit it, but I'm not.

 

[Wyldfire]

damn double posts!

[This message has been edited by Wyldfire (edited 12-05-2001).]

 

[Sir_Chancealot]

Originally posted by WildThang:
But if she's showing high attention to make up for things missing in her own life, that high attention is going to turn out badly for the DJ in the long run. The price will be too high, and he is not going to be happy when the bill arrives.

You have not the faintest idea of EXACTLY HOW TRUE that quote is!

 

[Sir_Chancealot]

Originally posted by Wyldfire:
A woman's "Nice Guy" is a DJ's "Good Guy".

THAT IS THE BIGGEST BUNCH OF BULLSH!T I HAVE EVER READ ON THIS BOARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What are the lines we hear as we were being LJBFed? I GUARANTEE YOU they included the words "nice guy"

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by Sir_Chancealot:
THAT IS THE BIGGEST BUNCH OF BULLSH!T I HAVE EVER READ ON THIS BOARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What are the lines we hear as we were being LJBFed? I GUARANTEE YOU they included the words "nice guy"

Yes, they include "Nice Guy". But what is most telling is that they leave out the "Schmuck" part. Telling the guy he is nice is a woman's way of trying to avoid telling him he is boring, needy and a schmuck.

What I posted isn't bull****...women just don't tell guys what they really think when they dump them for the above mentioned reasons. They don't want to lampoon his ego because they know he can't handle it because he is too damn emotionally dependent on her liking him. That's the cold hard truth. You can accept it or be in denial, your choice.