Shes acting weird once more...

[Alpheta]

Been two and a half years, it hurts but i'm wiser now then I was when I got in to this relationship. You win or you learn and I definitely learnt a tonne about myself as a man.

We haven't officially broken up but I can see it coming, maybe.

So shes stopped texting and calling in the evening. I don't really care about the phone call as much but I know that its not normal behavior. I called her out on it (like a tard) and of course she had the usual excuses. Knowing the game, I know that she will NEVER tell the truth and I was just a fool for even calling her out on it.

Its not the first time though, its happened before. A few months back. She totally went silent on my ass for 2 days. I called her out on it then and realized how weak I looked. So I decided to tell her that we should go on a 3 week no contact, as im really busy (bullchit). This worked, after 3 weeks she was all over me and has been since.

But now once again she has done a u turn like she gives no chits.

Whats even more absurd is that she still wants to see me this weekend.She may bail out but she still seems adamant on it.

Shes done this about 3 times in our relationship period. Where she don't give a chit at all. However both times, Ive told her that we need to take a month break and not talk. Seemed like it worked then.

I just feel that either shes going through a batch of low interest or shes just batchit crazy has weird moments OR shes genuinely not interested anymore.

My plan is (if she doesnt bail out on the meet up) is to see her, phuck her and literally leave straight after. Normally, we spend the whole day but in this instance I don't want to. I feel like Ill just go silent on her ass for a few weeks too.

That's my situation.

 

[bigneil]

"Either see her or do not. There is no 'I decided to tell her that we should go NC'"
-Yoda

 

[bigneil]

Read below. #3 seems especially pertinent. RULE 3: Do not become so invested in any one girl that you cannot simply walk away.

Yes, you want to get HER invested. Have her fly on a plane to see you. Have her meet your parents. Have her drive 20+ miles to see you. Have her initiate. Have her pay for a date. Have her chase you and beg you to stay with her, at least once in a while.

 

[lizardking82]

Yes, you want to get HER invested. Have her fly on a plane to see you. Have her meet your parents. Have her drive 20+ miles to see you. Have her initiate. Have her pay for a date. Have her chase you and beg you to stay with her, at least once in a while.

And if you act right and the feelings are high, she will do all that and even more.

 

[lizardking82]

Shes done this about 3 times in our relationship period. Where she don't give a chit at all. However both times, Ive told her that we need to take a month break and not talk. Seemed like it worked then.

OP, here's the problem: she misbehaves once, you "punish" her. She comes, she misbehaves again, you "punish" her again and that another third time. It doesn't work like that, buddy. She misbehaves once, OK, I get it, even you as a man can **** up once or twice and you would like the other party to give you a second chance. However, three strikes and she's out for good. Because it is not misbehaviour the third time, it is that she just knows where it tickles you and is playing with that now. Tell her you think you should not see each other for a while at all (leave the time undefinite, do not set appointments like you're running a business or sth) and STICK TO IT. Start doing other things. Show this chick that she may have lost you for good and you will see her "come back to life". This is all if you want to pursue the relationship.

Myself, I would tell you that a chick that acts like this is highly likely to never change this kind of patternal behaviour and she will do it again no matter how much of a man you are so I would completely back off, but hey, at the end of the day, this is your call and you have both versions now.

 

[Alpheta]

She may want to meet to end things. Brace yourself mentally for this.

I think you need to start making a mental list of girls you would like to ask out

She just called me. I picked only so to make it out like I was cool and didnt mention anything about her behavior. I ended it quick though. Shes making me a cake tomorrow lol. So i really dont think shes meeting to tell me that. She wants to talk and clear things out but im not going to want to listen. Just gna bang, eat the cake take the watch (shes brought me one) and then leave. Then just go missing.

 

[Alpheta]

OP, here's the problem: she misbehaves once, you "punish" her. She comes, she misbehaves again, you "punish" her again and that another third time. It doesn't work like that, buddy. She misbehaves once, OK, I get it, even you as a man can **** up once or twice and you would like the other party to give you a second chance. However, three strikes and she's out for good. Because it is not misbehaviour the third time, it is that she just knows where it tickles you and is playing with that now. Tell her you think you should not see each other for a while at all (leave the time undefinite, do not set appointments like you're running a business or sth) and STICK TO IT. Start doing other things. Show this chick that she may have lost you for good and you will see her "come back to life". This is all if you want to pursue the relationship.

Myself, I would tell you that a chick that acts like this is highly likely to never change this kind of patternal behaviour and she will do it again no matter how much of a man you are so I would completely back off, but hey, at the end of the day, this is your call and you have both versions now.

Advice taken. I think im going to take this route. Its the only way. 'Talking it out' is bullchit. Im gna bang, eat the cake take the gift, tell her we aint talking for sometime and then go ghost on her.

 

[Alpheta]

Yes, you want to get HER invested. Have her fly on a plane to see you. Have her meet your parents. Have her drive 20+ miles to see you. Have her initiate. Have her pay for a date. Have her chase you and beg you to stay with her, at least once in a while.

The funny thing is, ive actually applied that formula. SHE come to me all the time. SHE buys me gifts i buy none. SHE calls me ALL the time. SHE ALWAYS initiates texts.

 

[bigneil]

I generally don't punish bad behavior, but there is a small zone in between whining/complaining and enabling/supplicating that is the "Call them on their bullsh!t" zone. The key here is you make your point in one text (firm but not nasty) and you shut your phone off for 24 hours. By then she will either have not replied (in which case you're dead in the water, at least on that issue) or she will have sent several messages showing exactly where she stands on the issue. Make up or break up on your next message. Don't drag it out. Don't argue.

One aspect I rarely see mentioned here is romance. It's been correctly noted that romance comes after sex, but the seeds of romance are planted before sex. As Coach Corey Wayne says "Women want to be in a love story, a romance novel". If your relationship was based on romance from the start, if you had a particularly romantic meeting, that is one of the most valuable assets your relationship can have. The reason is that over time her feelings grow and it becomes harder and harder to replace you. A woman can't have a one night stand and replace a romance that unfolded over several months. She will call you irreplaceable.

 

[Alpheta]

I generally don't punish bad behavior, but there is a small zone in between whining/complaining and enabling/supplicating that is the "Call them on their bullsh!t" zone. The key here is you make your point in one text (firm but not nasty) and you shut your phone off for 24 hours. By then she will either have not replied (in which case you're dead in the water, at least on that issue) or she will have sent several messages showing exactly where she stands on the issue. Make up or break up on your next message. Don't drag it out. Don't argue.

One aspect I rarely see mentioned here is romance. It's been correctly noted that romance comes after sex, but the seeds of romance are planted before sex. As Coach Corey Wayne says "Women want to be in a love story, a romance novel". If your relationship was based on romance from the start, if you had a particularly romantic meeting, that is one of the most valuable assets your relationship can have. The reason is that over time her feelings grow and it becomes harder and harder to replace you. A woman can't have a one night stand and replace a romance that unfolded over several months. She will call you irreplaceable.

I actually kinda did that. Over the phone the other day. I even hanged up. Normally shes always trying to solve and make up. However, this time although she called couple times, she lacked any urgency. I mean, its only the next day she calls at her lunch to ask if im okay and that if im still angry lol.

Its like she switched off all of a sudden. Baffling but its not the first time.

Its just seems longer and more emphasis-ed this time.

Like I said though, I think ill just meet her. She plans on spending the whole day. I dont. Ill just be smashing and ill leave right away.

 

[AlphaNate]

Pre-emptive strike required.

 

[bigneil]

I actually kinda did that. Over the phone the other day. I even hanged up. Normally shes always trying to solve and make up. However, this time although she called couple times, she lacked any urgency. I mean, its only the next day she calls at her lunch to ask if im okay and that if im still angry lol.

Its like she switched off all of a sudden. Baffling but its not the first time.

Its just seems longer and more emphasis-ed this time.

Like I said though, I think ill just meet her. She plans on spending the whole day. I dont. Ill just be smashing and ill leave right away.

This is the risk we take. They might call our bluff.

In January when I ended my relationship she just said "ok". Then I tried to retract and she said "too late". But 3 weeks later she admitted it broke her heart at the time and we both promised not to ever resort to ending things again.

 

[Krueg]

Been two and a half years, it hurts but i'm wiser now then I was when I got in to this relationship. You win or you learn and I definitely learnt a tonne about myself as a man.

We haven't officially broken up but I can see it coming, maybe.

If you feel something is up or got that gut feeling something is wrong. Then your probably right!

So shes stopped texting and calling in the evening. I don't really care about the phone call as much but I know that its not normal behavior. I called her out on it (like a tard) and of course she had the usual excuses. Knowing the game, I know that she will NEVER tell the truth and I was just a fool for even calling her out on it.

Its not the first time though, its happened before. A few months back. She totally went silent on my ass for 2 days. I called her out on it then and realized how weak I looked. So I decided to tell her that we should go on a 3 week no contact, as im really busy (bullchit). This worked, after 3 weeks she was all over me and has been since.

But now once again she has done a u turn like she gives no chits.

Communication is important when having a long-term relationship. Its okay to discuss and talk about things. You just need to keep your cool and be open. Once you got more info. you can judge things better. BUT her being silent and lack of interest is a Bad sign. Plus, you took a 3 week break.

Whats even more absurd is that she still wants to see me this weekend.She may bail out but she still seems adamant on it.

Shes done this about 3 times in our relationship period. Where she don't give a chit at all. However both times, Ive told her that we need to take a month break and not talk. Seemed like it worked then.

I just feel that either shes going through a batch of low interest or shes just batchit crazy has weird moments OR shes genuinely not interested anymore.

My plan is (if she doesnt bail out on the meet up) is to see her, phuck her and literally leave straight after. Normally, we spend the whole day but in this instance I don't want to. I feel like Ill just go silent on her ass for a few weeks too.

That's my situation.

Sounds like this relationship isnt working out anymore. Sometimes she's hot, sometimes she cold. The both of you have taken "breaks" and you get back together. Who knows what she could have been doing while you two were separated....

I say just end it and move on, sounds like drama. Find a woman who doesnt give you problems.

Good Luck!

Krueg

 

[Ivar]

If you apply a critical look at yourself, could there be anything you are doing / saying prior to her suddenly losing interest this latest time? If not, she may indeed just be emotionally unstable --- those people are out there too.

Also, if she is super comfortable with her sexuality, banging her brains out might straighten out her mind like you are expecting.... there are girls out there that aren't emotionally vulnerable about it and behave more like men --- rare but they are out there ---- don't rely on just the sex, convey a consistent message with your body language, conversation, and eye contact too .... I'm new here, but people gave me a lot of great advice in my thread about changing the 'mood not the mind'.... find a way to sway her mood.

 

[Glassguy]

If she is not doing what she should be doing to make you happy, walk.

You are just sitting around waiting on the inevitable to happen.......her dumping you.

Simply tell her that things aren't what they used to be and you are going to explore other options, then walk.

As always, this will not be a conversation, rather a statement. Smile on your way out and don't let her start asking 50 questions. It's your final decision, not a debate.

 

[lizardking82]

If she is not doing what she should be doing to make you happy, walk.

You are just sitting around waiting on the inevitable to happen.......her dumping you.

Simply tell her that things aren't what they used to be and you are going to explore other options, then walk.

As always, this will not be a conversation, rather a statement. Smile on your way out and don't let her start asking 50 questions. It's your final decision, not a debate.

This is one of the things that I have strongly installed in my mind since I entered this forum. It would have saved me tons of pain, but I guess sometimes things just work out the way they work out. I am happy I am at the state where if someone does not do what it takes to make me happy, I walk now.

 

[Glassguy]

I've been both the dumper and the dumpee. Being the dumper is much easier both initially and in the long term.

Typically your gut will let you know what is going on, whether the relationship is healthy or not and also when it is coming to an end. I would rather be the aggressor rather than sit back and take punches.

 

[lizardking82]

I've been both the dumper and the dumpee. Being the dumper is much easier both initially and in the long term.

Typically your gut will let you know what is going on, whether the relationship is healthy or not and also when it is coming to an end. I would rather be the aggressor rather than sit back and take punches.

And you are very right, again. In my last relationship, now that I look back at it sometimes, there were quite a few moments when I felt like "something's not right here", but I kept on pushing with the hope she would change. I kept on asking her for us to have a trip and all kinds of excuses would come up, you know... I tolerated that for about 5-6 months and then the night I could not hold it anymore and exploded in yelling her, she said she needed space. I should have changed my behaviour a long time ago, I guess. I kept on asking her about it, she kinda flaked and everything went back to "normal"

 

[lizardking82]

That **** is annoying as hell. The decision to leave was more or less made those 6 months earlier but she didnt have the courage to leave without making sure backups, contingencies, and emotional detachment was in place...at the cost of your happiness and mental health for 6 months. Its pure selfishness.

I was almost blind. One year before, a trip with me and another couple made her like, crazy happy, and she lied to her parents about it without thinking it twice. This time, she was hesitating, you know, did not bring it up almost never while she was doing everything on her account. She visited her uncle in Italy for two weeks in the summer, worked hard to get accepted in Arts university and I was "understanding" of her occupancies, but the only thing we did together during the summer was one day at the pool and that ended up in kind of a fight about some crucial things I had a problem with. The trip was nowhere to be mentioned and when we were havin' a drink with the same couple we had the trip in 2015, they mentioned something about going to a mountain nearby. Like, my eyes lit up at the opportunity of spending 2-3 days with her someplace else. It was not like we were not spending time together, you get me? We went out as much as we always did and the sex was present and very good, like it had always been, for both sides. That night, when she started flaking for the answer in front of the other couple, I lost it. I started yelling at her that I had had enough of this "I gotta consult my parents" **** when last year she consulted noone. It was bull**** and bull**** makes me mad. But I totally agree with @Glassguy that when the gut feeling tells you something is not right, you gotta listen to it. Being the dumpee brought back some quite painful memories I had from my previous breakup that happened 3 years before this one and I was totally over it as a case, but this one felt even more horrible. Will never let that happen again. It is one of the most ****ed up things that can happen, to be completely trusting and non-doubting of another person's love just to find out they "don't feel the same anymore". ****ed up ****

 

[btownbuck2012]

That **** is annoying as hell. The decision to leave was more or less made those 6 months earlier but she didnt have the courage to leave without making sure backups, contingencies, and emotional detachment was in place...at the cost of your happiness and mental health for 6 months. Its pure selfishness.

And on top of that, once they have the new guy lined up, they have the audacity to hit you with the "I just want to be single for a while" line.

How do women live with themselves? I mean how do they literally get up every morning and look at themselves in the mirror? I mean Christ almighty have a SHRED of integrity.