She requests a Venue Change for first date

[MtnMan]

Hey guys, I have a date tonight with OKC chick. I told her where to meet and when, she agreed. I was planning on meeting right in the center of town where there are several bars that I am familiar with (i.e. prime for venue changing) She texted me today out of the blue to see if we are still on and asking if we can change to a bar much closer to her place (small town with a couple hipster bars within walking distance). She claims she is having car trouble and want to be able to walk to bar.

Its the same distance to drive for me either way. I haven't agreed yet, but I can't decide how to view this:

a) I made the original plans, and I'm the man and I don't really want to barter.

b) Being within walking distance of her place increases the chance for the bang. My place is too far, and basically not worth trying to get chicks to mine on the first date. I am not as familiar with the places closer to her house, but who really cares?

Thoughts?

 

[rum]

Original thought was controlling ***** alert. Could also be that she knows some people in the original area that she would rather not bump into.

 

[MtnMan]

the offending text was:

"Any chance you may be interested in changing venue to a bar in town A? I’m having some car issues and not sure I’ll make it to town B. "

Keep in mind that these two towns are close, almost walkable, but def taxi-abable.

 

[CaptainSaveAh0]

If it doesn't make a difference for you driving wise then don't worry about it go out and have fun. Don't over think situations like this so much, didn't seem like any red flags went off judging by that text.

 

[MtnMan]

My pride tells me to be pissed because I told her where I WANTED to go. But we all know that pride is NOT your friend. I'll pick a cool bar in that town that I haven't tried before and see what happens. Being within walking distance to her pad is not a bad thing if all else goes decent.

 

[MtnMan]

Well I played along, I think it might actually be innocent car problems. Whatever.
I replied simply
"lets do xxx bar I haven't tried that yet"

she says
"Ok great! thanks! "

I shall report back post date for poops and laughs.

 

[Maximus Rex]

the offending text was:

"Any chance you may be interested in changing venue to a bar in town A? I’m having some car issues and not sure I’ll make it to town B. "

Ask her if she's paying since she's requesting the change in venue. If not, tell her to contact you when her car is working.

 

[Leashed]

She has legitimate car issues, or wants to drink and not want to have to worry about driving drunk.

Overthinking this way too much, wow.

 

[SgtSplacker]

I'd go and just gently inquire about her situation if you suspect something else may be at play.

 

[Maximus Rex]

"Any chance you may be interested in changing venue to a bar in town A? I’m having some car issues and not sure I’ll make it to town B. "

Ask her if she's paying since she's requesting the change in venue. If not, tell her to contact you when he car is working.

 

[pdx1138]

agreed. over thinking.

let us know what happened.

 

[goldengoose]

She could be having car trouble or she might not. She might not want to put herself out if she isn't really interested. That way it's easier for her to skate early from the date and not have to go far. Funny how all these problems seem to happen on the actual day of the date when these dudes are going out with chicks. I would never give in and change a venue. I would cancel and reschedule when she could meet me where I wanted to meet. The more easy you make it for them, the more they know they can take advantage of you for other things.

She has legitimate car issues, or wants to drink and not want to have to worry about driving drunk.

Overthinking this way too much, wow.

How do you know? Have you seen her car? Do you always just believe what women tell you and take it at face value? Women who are on the fence even before the date, don't put themselves out, they make the man do all the work. Which he is doing by playcating to her wishes. An easy way not to get laid.

 

[pdx1138]

^^assuming thats what she is actually doing, which may not be true at all.

again...over thinking.

 

[goldengoose]

^^assuming thats what she is actually doing, which may not be true at all.

again...over thinking.

He will have to find out about that now won't he? If it turns out to be true, then you can come back and say that I was right.

It's not over thinking. I know girls who do this to men online quite a bit. At the last minute the girls move the date close to her and get free drinks or a dinner and go home. Then they do what they actually want to do after the dude spend his money and time coming to them.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

A few things:

1. If a girl texts you asking for a date change, you CALL her back, not text her back. The reason? To see if it sounds legit or like an actual excuse. This is the advantage of calling vs. texting. For example: did it occur to you to ASK her what the car troubles were? Should have, and it should have been done via a phone call. Doing it via text gives her time to think of a car problem if she, in fact, doesn't actually have one. On the other hand, calling her would have put her on the spot - if you asked "just got your message, sorry to hear about your car, what happened to it?" You would have either gotten a legit excuse, which she would have been able to answer you with on the spot, or she would have come up with an excuse following an "well, um, y'see..." session, which would have allowed you to VERBALLY HEAR her coming up with an excuse, i.e. a lie.

2. Depending on how much pre-gaming you did on this chick, she's asking to move the date closer to her because (a) if she doesn't like you she can go home right away, or (b) if she DOES like you and feels comfortable enough (either due to alcohol, conversation, etc.), she can figure out a way to get you upstairs to her place for whatever.

In either case, it's a first date. Is it a red flag that she's trying to change the venue? Eh, right now I'd say it's a yellow flag - if it becomes a pattern then I'd start to worry. But you don't know if her car problems are legit, and you don't know if you or her will like each other beyond this first date. So, I'd say go. Don't get all in your head about if she's trying to "test your Alpha," just go on the friggin' date and see what happens.

 

[goldengoose]

A few things:

1. If a girl texts you asking for a date change, you CALL her back, not text her back. The reason? To see if it sounds legit or like an actual excuse. This is the advantage of calling vs. texting. For example: did it occur to you to ASK her what the car troubles were? Should have, and it should have been done via a phone call. Doing it via text gives her time to think of a car problem if she, in fact, doesn't actually have one. On the other hand, calling her would have put her on the spot - if you asked "just got your message, sorry to hear about your car, what happened to it?" You would have either gotten a legit excuse, which she would have been able to answer you with on the spot, or she would have come up with an excuse following an "well, um, y'see..." session, which would have allowed you to VERBALLY HEAR her coming up with an excuse, i.e. a lie.

In either case, it's a first date. Is it a red flag that she's trying to change the venue? Eh, right now I'd say it's a yellow flag - if it becomes a pattern then I'd start to worry. But you don't know if her car problems are legit, and you don't know if you or her will like each other beyond this first date. So, I'd say go. Don't get all in your head about if she's trying to "test your Alpha," just go on the friggin' date and see what happens.

You're assuming that she would answer the phone if he called her, that is not always the case with some women. Women with low IL don't talk on the phone, they only text. They don't put themselves out for the men they really don't like, just like they do when they change venues for the date so its close to them. There wont be a pattern if it's a one date and done scenario.

 

[MtnMan]

Update: seems like she was telling the truth. She was there right on time, I was 5 mins late. She was cuter in person than pictures, conversation flowed nicely and was interesting.
And thats about it. There was a little kino early on, but I failed to keep it going. At this stage in my 'game' learning what I am doing wrong, but having trouble doing things right. I hugged her on opening and hugged on close. Mega lame, feeling displeased with myself.
I have not been out with a chick yet that I really felt a spark with, its not like I am afraid of girls, but I dont seem to be able to create the spark if its not there on its own.
I know I'm too much of a pvssy, but not sure if this date would have been different if I was not such a pvssy. This girl was very cute, but I couldnt even feel a sexual vibe for her, so im SURE she wasn't feeling it for me.
Ugh, I'll do a little better next time I guess.

 

[MOTU]

Update: seems like she was telling the truth. She was there right on time, I was 5 mins late. She was cuter in person than pictures, conversation flowed nicely and was interesting.
And thats about it. There was a little kino early on, but I failed to keep it going. At this stage in my 'game' learning what I am doing wrong, but having trouble doing things right. I hugged her on opening and hugged on close. Mega lame, feeling displeased with myself.
I have not been out with a chick yet that I really felt a spark with, its not like I am afraid of girls, but I dont seem to be able to create the spark if its not there on its own.
I know I'm too much of a pvssy, but not sure if this date would have been different if I was not such a pvssy. This girl was very cute, but I couldnt even feel a sexual vibe for her, so im SURE she wasn't feeling it for me.
Ugh, I'll do a little better next time I guess.

Stick with it bro, my early dates were pretty lame too but I am much more comfy now. Focus on the kino, even if the convo dies. I like first dates where we can do something like play pool, darts, shuffleboard or dance. Gives opportunity to restart kino that has waned.

Resolve that if you are interested, you are gonna kiss close. It doesn't have a to be a tongue fest, but do linger for just a minute. If she refuses, good, die fast. If not, that will totally determine the tone of the next date.

 

[goldengoose]

Update: seems like she was telling the truth. She was there right on time, I was 5 mins late. She was cuter in person than pictures, conversation flowed nicely and was interesting.
And thats about it. There was a little kino early on, but I failed to keep it going. At this stage in my 'game' learning what I am doing wrong, but having trouble doing things right. I hugged her on opening and hugged on close. Mega lame, feeling displeased with myself.
I have not been out with a chick yet that I really felt a spark with, its not like I am afraid of girls, but I dont seem to be able to create the spark if its not there on its own.
I know I'm too much of a pvssy, but not sure if this date would have been different if I was not such a pvssy. This girl was very cute, but I couldnt even feel a sexual vibe for her, so im SURE she wasn't feeling it for me.
Ugh, I'll do a little better next time I guess.

That's the trouble with meeting girls from online. When you meet up with them there's nothing to them or they end up looking worse. Keep plugging away and set up as many dates as you can get. Build on the next date and fix what you did wrong the last time.

 

[Leashed]

So all the assumptions that she was lying, and trying to gain leverage, etc was all trash?

A point for those who thought he was over thinking.

Don't get down on yourself for it not going the way you'd hoped. Women enjoy great flowing conversation more than anything on a first date. Willing to bet she'll text you right back this evening proposing another meet-up. Just don't be the one to initiate it, let her come to you.