She needs space...where did it go wrong??

[Sandow]

cordoncordon: I guess at this age I still gotta play stupid immature games...Honestly I've been playing games and BS and tons of lies just to get laid for the last ten years. When I meet someone special, I don't feel comfortable telling lies. Yea I know it sounds corny, but c'mon, you gotta have some self standards and morals. But... I guess that's the game.

Also she happened to be a very jealous person. She literally said, "I would cut your dyck off if you ever cheated on me." Whoa. She would get very jealous, more than other girls I have been with in the past, when I mentioned other girls. When she worked on the weekend, and I was home, she always asked where I was constantly, as if she didn't trust me. She even accused me of having someone in the car once, asking who was in there, when no one was in my car at all.

So I didn't feel like taking that risk. She appeared to be the jealous type, and who knows what she would do if she caught me hanging out with another girl. But clearly, I should've done that.

 

[Sandow]

I agree with Kailex and Jophil here---this isnt an overly complicated situation, our man just got played. All this talk about him being more of a DJ is kind of a red herring...this whole thing had a short fuse from the get-go. Yeah he made some mistakes but its not like he lost out on a wonderful solid girl.

the key puzzle pieces:
-Really hot girl (I didnt see the pic he took it off )
-"in between apartments" Please---what responsible adult is ever "in-between" places?? You move out you move in.
-Too hot too fast
-Really accommodating guy
-I love you's and a move-in <3 months?!?!? Insanity!
-She likes money, she gets a better job with perks, he gets a little possessive and that's all the justification she needs to complete the branch swing.

We dont need to assign mental disorders or anything, she's just a hot, spoiled American brat who has probably been acting this way her whole life. If it seems too good to be true, it is!!!

You hit it perfectly on the head. This explanation is perfect, this is exactly what happened, and I'm sticking with it. You said the one thing that I was worried about the whole entire time during the relationship: TOO ACCOMMADATING. I had a gut feeling about this, but I couldn't say no for some reason. I was too accommodating.

Thanks everyone for kicking my ass and helping become less of a pu$$y and more a man. This is the first time I've ever delt with this kind of situation(dealing with a hottie and her wanting to move in), thank god for you guys. I would still be a supplicating pu$$y without y'all.

If she contacts me down the road, believe me you guys will be the first ones contacted! Then I'll tell her to beat it!

 

[cordoncordon]

cordoncordon: I guess at this age I still gotta play stupid immature games...Honestly I've been playing games and BS and tons of lies just to get laid for the last ten years. When I meet someone special, I don't feel comfortable telling lies. Yea I know it sounds corny, but c'mon, you gotta have some self standards and morals. But... I guess that's the game.

Also she happened to be a very jealous person. She literally said, "I would cut your dyck off if you ever cheated on me." Whoa. She would get very jealous, more than other girls I have been with in the past, when I mentioned other girls. When she worked on the weekend, and I was home, she always asked where I was constantly, as if she didn't trust me. She even accused me of having someone in the car once, asking who was in there, when no one was in my car at all.

So I didn't feel like taking that risk. She appeared to be the jealous type, and who knows what she would do if she caught me hanging out with another girl. But clearly, I should've done that.

No, you have it wrong. You don't need to play games. Hell 90% of the stuff on here I just laugh at. They are more for guys that cant get a DATE, let alone have sex and get in a relationship.

Your initial approach seems fine, and there is NOTHING wrong with being a good guy. Nothing. Just don't go overboard. Don't put yourself all out there at once. Don't think of not seeing a girl you like every night as a game, consider it a STATE OF MIND. That you DON'T need someone every second of the day. That you don't need someone telling you that they love you. That you DONT need sex every night. That is not a game. That is called being self independent. Being happy with yourself. If your friends cant do anything because they are pvssy whipped, find some new friends. Find some new hobbies. Don't get me wrong, when I first met the girl I am dating now, hell yes I wanted to see her EVERY day. I wanted to sex her ALL the time. But I knew that rushing into something was not the best thing for me, or the relationship. So even though she wanted to see me ALL the time, and me her, I found other things to do, even dated some other girls at first. Then I gradually let myself become more involved until here we are, two years later, strong as can be. Ive done what you have done with this girl, rushed into things, felt that amazing "BACHELOR CONENCTION"! yay! and it never works in the end. Hell, this may not work either, but i feel 100% more confident about things because we built a foundation to support the times when trouble arises. And we work our way through them.

 

[cordoncordon]

Also, to me, based on some of the things you have written about her, your ex may be BPD. She shows a lot of signs-like the falling quickly in infatuation/love, the switching of jobs, the overactive jealousy, the ability to turn of the "switch" like that and move on. In which case run forest run!!

 

[Boilermaker]

You hit it perfectly on the head. This explanation is perfect, this is exactly what happened, and I'm sticking with it.

You like this explanation a lot because that takes some of the load off your shoulders, doesn't it?...

This is probably "not exactly" what happened, firstly because of the subjectivity of the matter, and secondly due to the intrinsic inexactitude of anything that is written here. (which are totally based on the vague picture you have drawn)

I am not trying to put you down; my experience is when you face defeat, to walk up towards the steepest gradient of the learning curve, you must take full responsibility and focus on YOUR mistakes. Incidentally; this is EXACTLY how you improve in Chess. (sic,How Life Imitates Chess:GK)

It's easy to call a woman "unethical, promiscuous, branch swinger, etc" ..., and there's an inescapable tendency in these forums to smear women because almost everybody has had a painful experience to relate. This collective rationalization usually results in pity-parties, sometimes giving the impression that we are all bitter misogynists. But the hard reality is all of us are fvcked up in some way or another, and statistically there's no obvious reason why women population should take more of these traits (promiscuity, ignorance, unaccountability, selfishness, BPD-excluded) than men. I have known several men in my life, who were much more at the extremes of these spectra than any woman I have ever encountered.

Take responsibility, analyze your losses and you will improve. Slowly. and Permanently.

 

[Sandow]

Very nice pic!

The BPD issue, that's exactly what I was thinking! Most normal people are unable to turn a "switch" like she did. Again, she told me she was so in love with me, then two days later, done. That's not normal. I mean, I know I f*cked up, but to go from a total state of love- to -I don't ever want to talk to you so soon, is insane.

I 100% agree with your first post. For whatever reason, I never got sick of her, I could f*ck this girl forever. I didn't think about that. Good point. I was selfish and just wanted have crazy wild sex.

 

[Die Hard]

Also, to me, based on some of the things you have written about her, your ex may be BPD. She shows a lot of signs-like the falling quickly in infatuation/love, the switching of jobs, the overactive jealousy, the ability to turn of the "switch" like that and move on. In which case run forest run!!

Exactly... I have extensive experience with BPD's and I think this girl is likely one.

 

[grayclif]

Very nice pic!

The BPD issue, that's exactly what I was thinking! Most normal people are unable to turn a "switch" like she did. Again, she told me she was so in love with me, then two days later, done. That's not normal. I mean, I know I f*cked up, but to go from a total state of love- to -I don't ever want to talk to you so soon, is insane.

I 100% agree with your first post. For whatever reason, I never got sick of her, I could f*ck this girl forever. But apparently she got sick of me. I didn't think about that. Good point. I was selfish and just wanted have crazy wild sex.

Unfair to diagnos her with BPD. I'm not sure if it's normal to tell any chick you love her after only 30 days or even 90 days.

 

[Falcon25]

This guy just doesn't get it. He is trying to rationalize what went wrong. He doesn't understand the laws of attraction and how a woman falls in love with a man. It's not because "he becomes a good guy" or "stops being a player", none of those things makes a woman's **** tingle. IT'S CHALLENGE. If she doesn't have to work to fall in love with you, IT'S OVER. She will move on. There is NOTHING wrong with this girl's actions. If I was a girl, I would have dumped him too. He was head over heels in THREE MONTHS. Come on fellas, stop trying to rationalize this. It's over. He needs to learn to be a CHALLENGE. THESE ARE NOT GAMES, THIS IS WHAT WOMEN LOOK FOR. Even if you are sixty years old, you still have to display challenge for a woman.

This girl's actions are no different than any woman, anywhere in the world. If you are a weak man, they will take advantage of the situation and suck your blood dry. She's a great girl. She even loves being spanked and hair pulled. Too bad the OP didn't spank and pull her hair outside of the bedroom. He needed to be aggressive and selfish. She wants to be put in place. You don't need to be rich to do that (though it's much, much, easier). He was the girl in the relationship after THREE MONTHS.


THE OP KEEPS SAYING "I GUESS AT THIS AGE, I STILL GOTTA PLAY GAMES."

These are not "games", these are qualities that confident, secure, succesfull men have naturally. You can't fake it. It comes from deep within the soul. Not one of my friends, or I, would ever have a girl move in after 30 days of dating. We like our privacy and freedom too much to do it that early. 80 percent of the guys out there can bang a hot girl, but can they keep em? That's where natural confidence comes in.

Don't think you are special for scoring a hot girl, or getting phone numbers, or dates. I can do that by just walking outside and talking to them. It's not that hard to get laid if you are decent looking and have a personality.

BUT;

CAN YOU MAKE A HOT GIRL FALL FOR YOU? DO EVERYTHING TO PLEASE YOU? SHED TEARS CAUSE SHE HASN'T SEEN YOU IN A WEEK? WANT TO HAVE YOUR BABIES? ONE WHO TRIES TO FISTFIGHT OTHER WOMEN FOR HITTING ON YOU? LOOK INTO YOUR EYES AND TELL YOU THAT YOU MEAN EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD TO HER? HAVE HER KEEP GIVING YOU PUVSY? WEEK AFTER WEEK, MONTH AFTER MONTH?THAT IS HOW STRONG A WOMAN'S LOVE IS. That's success with women. That's the kind of relationship you want with EVERY girl you are intimate with (unless it's some fat one night stand, haha). THAT IS TRUE SUCCESS WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX. That, is what seperates the men from the boys. Put your vagina's away, there's a war out there.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

Sandow; I'm not sure what you'd like to hear from me -- I don't understand why you have to validate the hotness of your fvck on this website -- are you that insecure? Do you deem this place the supreme authority on things?

What is so insane about a young woman who has been with you 24/7 the last month wanting a weekend to herself -- don't you think you perhaps overreacted in your response or perhaps rushing here, taking the first advice from the chorus, and going crazy on her yourself?

It's easy here to say "us" against "them", and "fvck her she's BP", or "she's a cheating homeless lunatic using you!" -- this is a standard response from the choir, but I think this might be giving this young girl far too much credit. And these comments are made only based on the cross-section-thin-slice of whatever context you give us.

Do whatever you want to do -- it's your life -- but maybe you would be happier if you found some robustness and challenges to your non-finance-based portion of your life. It sounds like to me she was just immature, you flipped out, came to this place, unleashed on her -- the audience cheers -- I'm not sure there is a nice text-book response to every situation, sometimes chilling a bit and letting time pass is a good way to confirm suspicions or let rough patches move into the distance.

But you're free now so there's nothing to worry about anyhow. Go have fun in Disneyland with a bud.

 

[Sandow]

This guy just doesn't get it. He is trying to rationalize what went wrong. He doesn't understand the laws of attraction and how a woman falls in love with a man. It's not because "he becomes a good guy" or "stops being a player", none of those things makes a woman's **** tingle. IT'S CHALLENGE. If she doesn't have to work to fall in love with you, IT'S OVER. She will move on. There is NOTHING wrong with this girl's actions. If I was a girl, I would have dumped him too. He was head over heels in THREE MONTHS. Come on fellas, stop trying to rationalize this. It's over. He needs to learn to be a CHALLENGE. THESE ARE NOT GAMES, THIS IS WHAT WOMEN LOOK FOR. Even if you are sixty years old, you still have to display challenge for a woman.

This girl's actions are no different than any woman, anywhere in the world. If you are a weak man, they will take advantage of the situation and suck your blood dry. She's a great girl. She even loves being spanked and hair pulled. Too bad the OP didn't spank and pull her hair outside of the bedroom. He needed to be aggressive and selfish. He was the girl in the relationship after THREE MONTHS.


THE OP KEEPS SAYING "I GUESS AT THIS AGE, I STILL GOTTA PLAY GAMES."

These are not "games", these are qualities that confident, secure, succesfull men have naturally. You can't fake it. It comes from deep within the soul. 80 percent of the guys out there can bang a hot girl, but can they keep em? That's where natural confidence comes in.

Don't think you are special for scoring a hot girl, or getting phone numbers, or dates. I can do that by just walking outside and talking to them. It's not that hard to get laid if you are decent looking and have a personality.
BUT;

CAN YOU MAKE A HOT GIRL FALL FOR YOU? DO EVERYTHING TO PLEASE YOU? SHED TEARS CAUSE SHE HASN'T SEEN YOU IN A WEEK? WANT TO HAVE YOUR BABIES? HAVE HER TRY TO FISTFIGHT OTHER WOMEN FOR HITTING ON YOU? LOOK INTO YOUR EYES AND TELL YOU THAT YOU MEAN EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD TO HER? That's success with women. That's the kind of relationship you want with EVERY girl you are intimate with. THAT IS TRUE SUCCESS.

Falcon: I get it now. I always knew about this, but I just took everything here with a grain of salt. I also try not to overdo the game, in the past I have gone overboard and it blew up in my face. Too much hard to get, too much C&F, too many games in general. So for the last 2 or 3 years, I have steadily toned it down a bit (less games, less of a challenge, less negs). I was doing pretty well actually, without the games, so I felt like being more real was the way (Especially as you get older).

But I think I went too far down the rabbit hole of AFC dum. I need to turn back and start applying all the rules that got me here in the first place. I found out the hard way, through first hand experience what I did wrong. So I had to pay for it, but I get it now.

 

[Falcon25]

Sandow,

You can be a caring, compassionate, nice, and all around good guy with a woman you like.

Those are good things.

But, you NEVER VERBALIZE your feelings. You never jump the gun. Always wait till she falls for you. Protect your heart. Use the same excuse they use on us "I was hurt in the past, so I am not wearing my heart on my sleeve, I need to slow down." This makes their head spin. They're like, WTF? "I'm hot! How can this guy not fall for me, everyone else has!". Or she will walk away, knowing she can't use you. That you are armor plated. This will weed out the satanic ones.

I need you to take all emotion out of this next time. Remember, success comes when a woman falls in love with you, not with sex. So, take it SLOW. TIME is the way to a woman's heart. If you mind fuvk her, than her body, soul, and everything else becomes YOURS. No other man, not even her family, can sway her love for you. THAT IS HOW STRONG A WOMAN'S LOVE IS. But, it is the hardest thing in the world to capture.

Too much too soon, and it's over. Protect your heart, investments, and everything else. She could be a bitcvh. She could be a golddigger, who knows? But, they all want the same thing. TO WORK FOR A MAN'S HEART.


God's speed.

 

[Sandow]

Sandow; I'm not sure what you'd like to hear from me -- I don't understand why you have to validate the hotness of your fvck on this website -- are you that insecure? Do you deem this place the supreme authority on things?

What is so insane about a young woman who has been with you 24/7 the last month wanting a weekend to herself -- don't you think you perhaps overreacted in your response or perhaps rushing here, taking the first advice from the chorus, and going crazy on her yourself?

It's easy here to say "us" against "them", and "fvck her she's BP", or "she's a cheating homeless lunatic using you!" -- this is a standard response from the choir, but I think this might be giving this young girl far too much credit. And these comments are made only based on the cross-section-thin-slice of whatever context you give us.

Do whatever you want to do -- it's your life -- but maybe you would be happier if you found some robustness and challenges to your non-finance-based portion of your life. It sounds like to me she was just immature, you flipped out, came to this place, unleashed on her -- the audience cheers -- I'm not sure there is a nice text-book response to every situation, sometimes chilling a bit and letting time pass is a good way to confirm suspicions or let rough patches move into the distance.

But you're free now so there's nothing to worry about anyhow. Go have fun in Disneyland with a bud.

Alright, now I'm just f*ckin confused.

 

[Sandow]

I'm starting to think I overreacted on this one. Maybe I should have just given her space, let her think about things. We have been together a lot in the past month, we probably just needed a little time apart. After all, it would have given her TIME like Falcon said. Perhaps letting TIME pass would have been a good thing. And I would have posted here and realize what I've been doing wrong, and things would have gotten better.

 

[st_99]

Sandow,

You can be a caring, compassionate, nice, and all around good guy with a woman you like.

Those are good things.

But, you NEVER VERBALIZE your feelings. You never jump the gun. Always wait till she falls for you. Protect your heart. Use the same excuse they use on us "I was hurt in the past, so I am not wearing my heart on my sleeve, I need to slow down." This makes their head spin. They're like, WTF? "I'm hot! How can this guy not fall for me, everyone else has!". Or she will walk away, knowing she can't use you. That you are armor plated. This will weed out the satanic ones.

I need you to take all emotion out of this next time. Remember, success comes when a woman falls in love with you, not with sex. So, take it SLOW. TIME is the way to a woman's heart. If you mind fuvk her, than her body, soul, and everything else becomes YOURS. No other man, not even her family, can sway her love for you. THAT IS HOW STRONG A WOMAN'S LOVE IS. But, it is the hardest thing in the world to capture.

Too much too soon, and it's over. Protect your heart, investments, and everything else. She could be a bitcvh. She could be a golddigger, who knows? But, they all want the same thing. TO WORK FOR A MAN'S HEART.


God's speed.

I think this is a pretty good write up.

Its basically saying things that are easily attainable lose value very quickly. You just need to try you hardest to not be emotional over a girl no matter how hot she is.

You need to show some indifference while you're banging her in the early stages. Not like, omg! this is the best thing ever! i'm so in love! Thats the road to ruin.

 

[jophil28]

Sandow,

You can be a caring, compassionate, nice, and all around good guy with a woman you like.

Those are good things.

But, you NEVER VERBALIZE your feelings. You never jump the gun. Always wait till she falls for you. Protect your heart. Use the same excuse they use on us "I was hurt in the past, so I am not wearing my heart on my sleeve, I need to slow down." This makes their head spin. They're like, WTF? "I'm hot! How can this guy not fall for me, everyone else has!". Or she will walk away, knowing she can't use you. That you are armor plated. This will weed out the satanic ones.

I need you to take all emotion out of this next time. Remember, success comes when a woman falls in love with you, not with sex. So, take it SLOW. TIME is the way to a woman's heart. If you mind fuvk her, than her body, soul, and everything else becomes YOURS. No other man, not even her family, can sway her love for you. THAT IS HOW STRONG A WOMAN'S LOVE IS. But, it is the hardest thing in the world to capture.

Too much too soon, and it's over. Protect your heart, investments, and everything else. She could be a bitcvh. She could be a golddigger, who knows? But, they all want the same thing. TO WORK FOR A MAN'S HEART.


God's speed.

THis is one of your best, Falcon.

 

[Falcon25]

THis is one of your best, Falcon.

Thank you sir. It took thirty three years, many heart aches, and sexual experiences with all sorts of crazy women in the last sixteen years, to finally understand what is really going on.

 

[nismo-4]

Wow Falcon, your posts are really deep and insightful from a real world point of view! Keep those facts coming!

The OP needs to realize that it's over and listen to what me and Danger, Falcon, Kailex, etc. said. Just move on to another girl and don't make these same mistakes. I didn't enjoy throwing the book at the OP, but I had to give him a heads up.

 

[Jamo]

This guy just doesn't get it. He is trying to rationalize what went wrong. He doesn't understand the laws of attraction and how a woman falls in love with a man. It's not because "he becomes a good guy" or "stops being a player", none of those things makes a woman's **** tingle. IT'S CHALLENGE. If she doesn't have to work to fall in love with you, IT'S OVER. She will move on. There is NOTHING wrong with this girl's actions. If I was a girl, I would have dumped him too. He was head over heels in THREE MONTHS. Come on fellas, stop trying to rationalize this. It's over. He needs to learn to be a CHALLENGE. THESE ARE NOT GAMES, THIS IS WHAT WOMEN LOOK FOR. Even if you are sixty years old, you still have to display challenge for a woman.

This girl's actions are no different than any woman, anywhere in the world. If you are a weak man, they will take advantage of the situation and suck your blood dry. She's a great girl. She even loves being spanked and hair pulled. Too bad the OP didn't spank and pull her hair outside of the bedroom. He needed to be aggressive and selfish. She wants to be put in place. You don't need to be rich to do that (though it's much, much, easier). He was the girl in the relationship after THREE MONTHS.


THE OP KEEPS SAYING "I GUESS AT THIS AGE, I STILL GOTTA PLAY GAMES."

These are not "games", these are qualities that confident, secure, succesfull men have naturally. You can't fake it. It comes from deep within the soul. Not one of my friends, or I, would ever have a girl move in after 30 days of dating. We like our privacy and freedom too much to do it that early. 80 percent of the guys out there can bang a hot girl, but can they keep em? That's where natural confidence comes in.

Don't think you are special for scoring a hot girl, or getting phone numbers, or dates. I can do that by just walking outside and talking to them. It's not that hard to get laid if you are decent looking and have a personality.

.

While I find Falcon25 posts very insightful, I find that he is excusing this chicks behavior.

As much as the OP made mistakes, he was wasting his time in trying to have any sort of LTR with this piece of work. She proved herself beyond doubt that she is a user when she accepted personal invitations by her boss.

Also if it is not "that hard" laying a particular chick, I will wager to say that she is not LTR material. For a woman the most she can give is her body (and if she is giving that up so soon then that should be a red flag! - as easily she was with you, she will be to the next guy with "skillz"), for a man it is his freedom.

I think it would be prudent for guys take into consideration if the chick he is with has ever fvcked around (for the fun of it) outside a LTR.

 

[f283000]

As much as the OP made mistakes, he was wasting his time in trying to have any sort of LTR with this piece of work. She proved herself beyond doubt that she is a user when she accepted personal invitations by her boss.

But it also shows that OP's game was weak.

If a woman sees you as an alpha male she will turn away any pursuers and will remain loyal to you. Her evolutionary detector or whatever you want to call it has detected a prime suitable male for possible reproduction which would bring forth strong offspring.

When that happens you will hear from women "i'm sorry i have a boyfriend" as a reply to lesser males than her current mate. She will react with disgust to flirtation from other males, will ignore other males, will not give signals to other males. To her she has already found a good thing and is now off limits unless a more stronger alpha male comes along.

If OP had a strong game and was seen as an alpha male she would have rejected any advances she deemed inappropriate from a lesser male.

Some women are just hors we all know that but the rule still applies most women will stay with you until a stronger male shows up in the scene and takes her away. You can put some of the blame on her but you have to realize women are weak and are easily swayed.