She likes me a lot but has a boyfriend

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Hi, I'm new here. Just registered to post this topic. It's gonna be a long one so you might wanna get yourself a cup of coffee before reading on.

So, it's about a girl (duh! :) ) who is a colleague of mine (I'm in college). I'm in my second college year (just graduated into the 3rd) and for almost 2 years I never tried to hit on her. About 1 month before school year was out we went out with some colleagues and then we went just the two of us to have a drink.

Before this I was making subtle movements, such as inviting her over to my place to watch a movie and so on. Of course I never expected her to say yes, I was just trying to get her attention. Which worked, as she asked me (when we went out for that drink) if I wanted more from "US" than just be friends (we weren't never actually friends, but we did talk about many things including relashionships between me and other women that I had at the time).

So when she asked me that I didn't give her an answer, but instead just kissed her. Not a very long kiss (though it WAS a french kiss) because she pushed away from me in surprise. She said she never expected I'd do that, blah blah blah. I told her I never expected it too and kissed her again. This time it was a very nice kiss. She looked blown off her feet. Well, actually she was.

She then told me that she has a boyfriend (I was aware of that) which she has been with for the past 2 years. I didn't pursue the topic and said I like her necklace. So then she started telling me that only once more in her life had she trembled in a man's arms (and it was NOT her present boyfriend), that she really liked how I had kissed her, that she looked at me ever since the first day a walked into the classroom and tried to get my attention and didn't understand why I don't notice her (which in fact I did, just never showed it to her), that she was blushing every time she talked to me before.

Then she asked me whether i see her boyfriend as a threat. I said no. She told me then that we weren't going to have sex very soon :confused: and I replied joking whether next year same hour would be a good time for her. She said she has to think about it and we kissed some more and when we got out of the bar I took her hand and when we separated I kissed her again.

Ok, i didn't call her for 4 days and then I phone her, tell her we should get together and she invites me to her place (don't get excited, she lives with her parents). At her place she tells me she thought about it and she has a boyfriend that loves her and which she loves back and that had I had kissed her two years ago she wouldn't have hesitated to be with me, but now it's just not possible. I left very angry and frustrated.

The next time we saw each other at school I didn't give her a glance and I could see that upset her. The next day after ignoring her we saw each other we were going to a bar with other colleagues and I told them that me and her have other plans, not having previously consulted her on that.

She was upset that I didn't give her a choice but after a few jokes was ok. We did some casual talk during that time I was holding her hand while sitting in the bar, and then I told her that I'm not giving up on her. She was touched to tears (her eyes looked moist, it wasn't my imagination) and said that her whole life she wanted to hear someone say that to her and to hear it coming from me was just... amazing. So we talked some more and when I walked her to the taxi we kissed goodbye (french kiss again).

Our next meeting was a real date (the first one) and she then told me that we can't see each other anymore. I was very upset, told her that I thought she had good taste in men. She then tried to comfort me, constantly touching me on the face, holding my hands tight etc. I didn't cave in so when we left she asked me if she could hold me in her arms just one time, I agreed and then I left.

The cycle repeated itself one more time (the next date we kissed, the next one she said we shouldn't see each other). I was desperate.

So I played my final card, I called her and said I have something very important to tell her, she was very curious and asked me to tell her over the phone, I said I can't do that and asked her to meet me down town the next day. She agreed but called me the next day to change the meeting and have me come over her place.

So I went and begun some small talk. She was intrigued and kept asking me to tell her what was that I wanted to say. I told her that if she wants to know she has to kiss me (well, if a woman is intrigued enough she will do just about anything to find out something, but I guess you all know that by now ;) ). She said that she doesn't want to kiss me, I said it's ok, but then I won't tell her what it was I wanted to say. So she came close to me an gave me a short kiss on the cheek. I noded disaprovingly and pointed at my lips. She again objected but finally kissed me. I said I wanted a french kiss, not an usual kiss. She again objected, I again pointed out that if she doesn't kiss me I won't tell her, so she approached my lips to kiss me. It was amazing, she was so aroused... :D

After that I invented something to tell her (because, as you probably figured by now, I had nothing important to tell her), we kissed some more than I left.

Her boyfriend is living in her home town and during school they see each other scarcely, once every couple of months. But during summer and on holidays they are together because she goes home (her second home, that is, but not living with him, with her father).

So next time I phoned her her boyfriend was at her place with her parents and she was very *****y. I told her I would have never expected her to be like this with me and hung up. I called her again 4-5 days later and her mom told me she's not home and she returns 2 weeks later.

So now she's with her boyfriend (I don't know that for sure but I think it's a fare assumption to make) and she will come home in 2-3 days.
What I want you to tell me is what should I do now, since all of my usual tactics were useless. Had I wanted just to sleep with her I probably would have succeeded, but my goal was for her to leave her boyfriend and be with me. Her boyfriend doesn't appreciate her anyway, and I say it though I don't know him.

What would you advise me to do? When she told me over the phone that her boyfriend is at her place I could have adopted a "knight in shining armour" tactic and go to her place and get her out of there but I think that would've just be lame, and she would have rejected me on the spot.
Advice please.:(
 
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sAxyguy83

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I was in a pretty similar situation about two years ago - I met a girl first year in college and I clicked with her. We talked a lot, and after a couple of weeks I asked her out, at which point she told me she had a boyfriend. I decided at that point that if I couldn't be her boyfriend, I at least wanted to be her friend. We stayed friends for about 6 months, at which point she broke up with (dumped? I don't know) her boyfriend and made it fairly clear she was interested in me. Now, I hadn't made a romantic move in 6 months, and had in fact been pursuing various other women (no success), but the whole time I had kept her in the back of my mind, and we ended up in an LTR that's still going strong.

I don't know how the two of you are, so I don't know if this advice is valid or not. I just know it worked for me: Back off. Stay friends with her. Don't avoid her, but don't make romantic moves. Just make sure that she knows you care about her as a person, not just a set of body parts. Try and make sure her friends like you, too. Don't ask them for help, b/c that could screw things up royally. Just don't alienate them or make them hate you. If they see you as a good person, they'll talk you up to her, and if her bf isn't treating her as well as you are, even if she doesn't see it, her friends very well could, and if circumstances are right, they could be a major factor in getting her to go from him to you.

The biggest thing is not to push. If you push people, they instinctively resist you. Don't act in a way that indicates a lack of confidence, just don't try to force people to do things. Convince them gently that they want to do what you want them to do.
 

tamales

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Ditto. Forget her. If she has a bf, then why would you want her. Chances are she will end up dissing you in the long run. I didn't bother to read your long post. No need to. Your subject says it all. Move on. If she dumps him then perhaps bubut until then, nada. Women with bf's can say a lot of stuff but why fall for it and have your heart be the one broken when she runs back into his arms. We are the most fickle creatures on the planet at times and trust me many a times women in this scenario are just vying for attention or to get their bf's jealous, or mostly, they haven't a clue what they want. Why settle for that?

Not a good idea. She is unavailable right now and there are 299,999 other hot babes to hit on.

Good luck.
 

Dust 2 Dust

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Originally posted by NaturallyBornPlayer
When she told me over the phone that her boyfriend is at her place I could have adopted a "knight in shining armour" tactic and go to her place and get her out of there
I don't mean to make fun of you but i had to laugh when i read that.
 

Create self-fulfilling prophecies. Always assume the positive. Assume she likes you. Assume she wants to talk to you. Assume she wants to go out with you. When you think positive, positive things happen.

Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.

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I don't mean to make fun of you but i had to laugh when i read that.
No offense taken my friend, I was being sarcastic as I was given a whole bunch of this AFCish advice over time. It sucks, I never did this, a never had to find out for myself that it doesn't work, I just used my common sense. :D

Back off. Stay friends with her. Don't avoid her, but don't make romantic moves.
Well, that might work given what I know of her. But I don't want to get her that way. I am not the next best thing, I am THE BEST THING for her. Well, I have a very high self esteem, but in this particular case I am also right. ;)

I didn't bother to read your long post.
Ok, typical woman behaviour. If you haven't read my post why are you replying? I don't want to get into an argument with you, but every situation is different. How can you make general assumptions about my case?

What I am planning to do now is call her and ask her to meet me. It's just that I don't know what behaviour should I have over the phone. She is very likely to be not-so eager to see me (especially since she thinks I took advantage of her weakness-curiosity-last time we were together). So how can I throw her offguard first?
P.S. once we meet she's lost :p
 

BobbDobbs

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"Advice please."

Put your love life on hold waiting indefinately for her to come around. Sure it might take a lifetime -- she'll have to get engaged, plan her wedding, get married, have a couple kids, maybe finally get divorced over something -- then she'll come crawling back to you. Oh yeah.

You know what to do, son.
 

iqqi

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I just read your post entirely. yeah, interesting situation. but honestly, the usual guidelines apply.

SHE IS NOT LEAVING HIM FOR YOU.

now, having said that. i think that there is great possibility here...
she likes you, no doubt. there is a connection between you two, and that is rare, and of that she is aware. that is why she probaly couldn't just let you go, and was so tempted. so what do you do with this knowlege?

You disappear. If you do not pursue her, she will notice. And this will intrigue her more than if you keep pursuing her. She will think of you, she will not forget you. She will even miss you, but you have to let her!

But you have to go on with your life. This is not "how to get her now". This is how to plant a seed, and most likely it will be fruitful. in the FUTURE. and you know what? by then you may not even like the taste of it.
 

cestmoi

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All I have to say Is you're too good to be a true newbie. Man you're far ahead in the game compared to what most of us were when we first posted here. And you're far ahead of some people that have been here for years. With this board you'll get to be phenomenal.
 
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Put your love life on hold waiting indefinately for her to come around. Sure it might take a lifetime -- she'll have to get engaged, plan her wedding, get married, have a couple kids, maybe finally get divorced over something -- then she'll come crawling back to you. Oh yeah.
Now I resent that. If I am just friends with her, and show her what a great friend I can be, she surely will realise that I am the guy she wants to spend the rest of her life with. So what if, when she comes crawling back to me, has a couple of gollums attached to her rear end? (products of her "unfulfilling communion with that bozo that didn't appreciate her) When you really love a woman you have to "see her unborn children in her eyes" and deal with the ones already born, don't you agree? And by that time she would have gone through a terrible experience and be more wise as to appreciate what I have to offer her.
:D :D :D
[joke mode off]

No, seriously speaking, I didn't say that I'm not dating anymore, last week I went out with 3 chicks and this week I went out with a really hot one (a 9 by my standards) and it's only Tuesday. ;)
It's just that a have a really nasty fixation over her (aided by the fact that we connect on a higher level as iqqi mentioned.

All I have to say Is you're too good to be a true newbie.
Who says I'm a newbie? Man, I've been around women all my life, short as it is by now as I'm only 20. Ever since I was born I was touched by women, the nurse that delivered me touched my a$$ and, had I would have been able to speak at that time, I would have told her: "Hey, seems to me like you see me only as a sex object, you must learn to respect my feelings, I'm not just another sex toy, you know." :D

by then you may not even like the taste of it.
Believe me, I will. And I know that it will be so, because I took your advice (it was my better judgement also) and it didn't work. I haven't seen her in almost a month and during this time I went out, met chicks, got laid. I thought it was over, that I was cured. Than yesterday when I woke up I remembered having a dream about her (nothing fancy, she was just there, in my dream -- God, can't a man have a moment of peace, not even in his dreams?). That's when I decided to post this topic, if I don't do something I'm doomed. Sure, I'll get with chicks from now on like before, but my attention will still be focused, involuntarily, on her. And I don't like the prospect of summer ending and me not having progressed with this girl.

You guys are all too nice. Or maybe you think that I am somewhat of a fair player, with morals and stuff. Well, I'M NOT. I posted seeking "the good stuff", the underground advice on how to get her, I don't need you to tell me to live my life. I am living my life, I just want her to be a part of it. So please, no matter how manipulative an advice would be, hit me with some. In fact, the more manipulative, the better. She'll thank me for that in the end. :D
 

iqqi

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dang, man. you aren't LISTENING. but hell, if you insist on chasing her, then read the dj bible, the parts on persistance, and i believe there is one on if a woman has a man.

if you really had a lot of confidence, you would be able to REALLY leave her alone, without any manipulation, and wait for her to come after you. are you worried she'll forget you? or lose all interest if you are gone?

do you have some other plan in mind, and you really just want validation? if so than lay it out and I'm sure you'll get advice and perspective on that too.
 

BrWnSugaMan

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Tamales said...

I didn't bother to read your long post.

STOP! WTF? I don't think Tamales realizes the consequences of her actions.

Tamales - if you didn't think his post/problems were IMPORTANT enough to read for 5minutes and think about, then why in the world would you risk offering "fluff" advice that could ruin his chances?

I'm sorry to say this, but your reply was just S-T-U-P-I-D. I'm glad that you were dumb enough to tell himthat you didn't bother to read his entire post, so he knows to ignore your reply. ;)
 

ShortyBrown

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Honey, women like this are no good (hey I see a spade,so I'm callin it.). What happens when you do get together after she's left her bloke for you? You'll be always wondering if she's looking over your shoulder trying to find her next mark. IF she's worth keeping as a friend, leave it at that and save yourself a lot of trouble.
:)
 

If you want to talk, talk to your friends. If you want a girl to like you, listen to her, ask questions, and act like you are on the edge of your seat.

Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.

nw1512

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Yep two words sums this one up

FORGET HER

No one in this froum is going to tell you what you WANT to hear.
But everyone in this forum is going to tell you what you NEED to hear.
 

TesuqueRed

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NBP---take English 101 over again and pay attention when they bring up the section on paragraphs. Please.
 
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are you worried she'll forget you? or lose all interest if you are gone?
Nooo, man, I'm just not that crazy about the thought that the other guy is sleeping with her. What's so hard to understand? If I do what you say I'm pretty sure she's gonna come around without any intervention on my part. But by then I won't want her anymore, since she only chose me after getting ditched by him.

You'll be always wondering if she's looking over your shoulder trying to find her next mark.
Ok, I see where you're coming from. Problem is this girl is not a wh0r3, the ONLY man that could've done what I had done is ME. Had it been for anyone else (considering her 2 year LTR) they would have been turned down on the spot. But since she is... well, infatuated on me, and has been for the past 2 years that was pretty principle shattering for her. Not enough to get the job done, though.

NBP---take English 101 over again and pay attention when they bring up the section on paragraphs. Please.
Problem solved. Hope you didn't get too frustrated over this. :rolleyes:
 

ShortyBrown

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Originally posted by nw1512
Yep two words sums this one up

FORGET HER

No one in this froum is going to tell you what you WANT to hear.
But everyone in this forum is going to tell you what you NEED to hear.
testify.
 

Well I'm here to tell you there is such a magic wand. Something that will make you almost completely irresistible to any woman you "point it" at. Something guaranteed to fill your life with love, romance, and excitement.

Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.

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