She lied to me. Now I don't think I can ever trust her again.

[chris2for]

So a few weeks ago I sent my girl a bitmoji (like an animated emoji) saying I missed her. About two hours had passed and she hadn't responded back so I sent her another text asking if she got my message. Now I know she went back home (lives in a different state) to celebrate her parent's 30th wedding anniversary (I couldn't make it) that day. While on the phone I asked her if she got the bitmoji and she said yea she sent one back and that I must not have gotten it. I knew she was lying so I probed her again.

Anyways I saw her the next week and I said I knew she was lying (I went through her phone but didn't tell her that part). She confessed and told me she did lie about it and she was sorry. She said she lied because she was busy with her family and when I contacted her again she thought I was getting upset. How I always get so upset about everything and she doesn't know what's going to 'set me off' so she wanted to keep the peace. She mentioned how just a few weeks ago I got really mad at her when I was out with her and her friends and one of the friends who is in a relationship started dancing with another guy. I'll admit I did get really upset with her about that.

So this past week I brought up something she claimed she was joking about from six months ago. I was saying something about me the best white guy she's ever slept with (she's Asian) and she said, "ehh you're not great you're just good" then she stuck out her tongue at me and said, "you're not the only white guy the other was good too". She claimed she was joking but I felt like she was trying to hurt me on purpose. Now fast forward months later when I bring it up and she said she doesn't remember saying the other guy was good because he really wasn't. I'm just thinking to myself she's a liar and I tell her I don't believe her. She said you're bringing up something from 6 months ago I highly doubt either one of us remembers what was said word-for-word.

My thing is when I do bring up stuff this happens way too often where we get into you said this, no I didn't, yes you did, etc. I can give her the benefit of the doubt some of the time but this happens way too often. She said how I like to start arguments out of the blue weeks and sometimes months later so unless I have a perfect memory it's unfair to think that she'd have what she said exactly correct. She said I act like she says something completely opposite of what she said previously and of course when you recount an argument or what someone said you're going to deviate just a little, again, unless you have a perfect memory.

I wasn't buying what she was selling so I broke up with her and told her that I've never had a gut feeling like this with another woman before and how lying is worse than cheating to me. I also told her I was more accepting of my last ex who cheated on me a few times because she at least told me the truth eventually. She said I needed counseling because I'm 'damaged' and irrational. My previous two girlfriends cheated on me and she says I don't see it but I am and my gut feeling is wrong and how it doesn't make sense that my gut didn't go off with other ones when they were cheating and she's doing nothing wrong but she's the bad guy. Also, I'm irrational/illogical to think to that lying is worse than cheating when cheating is in fact lying, but I don't see what she's talking about.


I love her very much and haven't loved anyone as much as her but I just feel like I can never trust her again and it would be naive of me to believe she hasn't lied about other things.

 

[That_dude]

Honesty is the best policy. You can see how you’re having trust problems now I’m not sure how it should be handled. Maybe one of the senior Dons can pass on some advice

 

[Urbanyst]

When women reveal who they really are.. believe them.

 

[bizzym]

Dude you sound insecure AF.

You got mad at HER because of what her friends were doing while you were there? Seriously?
Yea she screwed up by lying, but once you confronted her in person she told you the truth. My thing is you went through her phone over an emoji which goes back to you being insecure. I bet you didn't tell her that little part either.

Lets look at the bigger issue here; you've gotten cheated on multiple times and multiple relationships but you gave the chicks more of a pass on this one because they eventually told you the truth? So tf what if they eventually came clean. THEY CHEATED ON you. It doesn't matter or make it better that they came clean because they still did it to you. Also, you seem to think lying and in her case about a bitmoji, is worse than cheating. She's right you are irrational.

Next item on the list; you bringing up arguments from x months ago is also insecure af. It sounds like you like drama and probably thrived off that **** with the girls who cheated on you. I can barely remember the conversations that I have with my roommate and I live with him so I doubt this girl is going to remember what she said exactly from even weeks ago. Is the message still pretty much the same? If so, get tf over it because at that point you're coming though hairs getting into the exact wording. Seriously it sounds like you don't deserve this chick. You continued to get cheated on and you come across one who isn't doing anything like that at all and you dump her and give her a harder time than the cheaters.

It's a good thing you dumped her so she can find a better secure guy.

 

[That_dude]

Bizzym sounds lo

When women reveal who they really are.. believe them.

Good post

 

[chris2for]

Dude you sound insecure AF.

You got mad at HER because of what her friends were doing while you were there? Seriously?
Yea she screwed up by lying, but once you confronted her in person she told you the truth. My thing is you went through her phone over an emoji which goes back to you being insecure. I bet you didn't tell her that little part either.

Lets look at the bigger issue here; you've gotten cheated on multiple times and multiple relationships but you gave the chicks more of a pass on this one because they eventually told you the truth? So tf what if they eventually came clean. THEY CHEATED ON you. It doesn't matter or make it better that they came clean because they still did it to you. Also, you seem to think lying and in her case about a bitmoji, is worse than cheating. She's right you are irrational.

Next item on the list; you bringing up arguments from x months ago is also insecure af. It sounds like you like drama and probably thrived off that **** with the girls who cheated on you. I can barely remember the conversations that I have with my roommate and I live with him so I doubt this girl is going to remember what she said exactly from even weeks ago. Is the message still pretty much the same? If so, get tf over it because at that point you're coming though hairs getting into the exact wording. Seriously it sounds like you don't deserve this chick. You continued to get cheated on and you come across one who isn't doing anything like that at all and you dump her and give her a harder time than the cheaters.

It's a good thing you dumped her so she can find a better secure guy.

She said the same thing.

Before all of this I asked her what kind of porn she liked and she answered and I took it personally and started a fight and started making her feel like **** about herself. I also asked if she like tall guys (I'm a little shorter) and she said yea so I took that personally too and did the same thing. I admitted that I'm an a**hole to her and kind of treated the ones who cheated on me better than I treat her. I don't I can't tell if this my gut or insecurity.

 

[That_dude]

Don't worry bro. A lot of guys have made these mistakes. It's what you do next that counts. Good luck bro!

 

[chris2for]

Don't worry bro. A lot of guys have made these mistakes. It's what you do next that counts. Good luck bro!

What, be insecure?

 

[John Constantine]

Dude you sound insecure AF.

You got mad at HER because of what her friends were doing while you were there? Seriously?
Yea she screwed up by lying, but once you confronted her in person she told you the truth. My thing is you went through her phone over an emoji which goes back to you being insecure. I bet you didn't tell her that little part either.

Lets look at the bigger issue here; you've gotten cheated on multiple times and multiple relationships but you gave the chicks more of a pass on this one because they eventually told you the truth? So tf what if they eventually came clean. THEY CHEATED ON you. It doesn't matter or make it better that they came clean because they still did it to you. Also, you seem to think lying and in her case about a bitmoji, is worse than cheating. She's right you are irrational.

Next item on the list; you bringing up arguments from x months ago is also insecure af. It sounds like you like drama and probably thrived off that **** with the girls who cheated on you. I can barely remember the conversations that I have with my roommate and I live with him so I doubt this girl is going to remember what she said exactly from even weeks ago. Is the message still pretty much the same? If so, get tf over it because at that point you're coming though hairs getting into the exact wording. Seriously it sounds like you don't deserve this chick. You continued to get cheated on and you come across one who isn't doing anything like that at all and you dump her and give her a harder time than the cheaters.

It's a good thing you dumped her so she can find a better secure guy.

+1

I used to be like that and trust me you're lucky she stayed all that time with you. She was obviously busy and you called her to know if she received the emoji, dude whoot ? BUT I understand, I was doing this type of **** until I realized that I WAS the crazy fvcker in the story.. And HOW can you be mad if one of her friend is talking to some dude or dancing with him while in a relationship, First it's not even your gf and 2 they were dancing.. Trust me, every girl are doing these type of shyte. It's normal. She probably have some orbiter too, it's normal. You're very lucky she did not dump your azz or cheat on you, she was loving you for real. Take this as a lesson and work on yourself

 

[marmel75]

DO NOT BE LIKE OP!! This is a perfect example of how to force a woman to dump you.

 

[That_dude]

DO NOT BE LIKE OP!! This is a perfect example of how to force a woman to dump you.

What, be insecure?

Duh be a secure man and stop actin beta

 

[chris2for]

DO NOT BE LIKE OP!! This is a perfect example of how to force a woman to dump you.

But what about her lying to me?

 

[marmel75]

But what about her lying to me?

LMAO...I'd lie to you too if you got bent out of shape about stupid sh!t like that too...my God what has happened to men these days...

 

[RedScorpion]

Let go of any 'lies' or whatever in the past. Start fresh from this point on.

 

[BeExcellent]

Listen OP, LISTEN to the experienced DJs on this post. You are picking scabs not picking your battles and this will come back to bite you. She is lying out of not wanting to deal with inconsequential BS. She has decided you get bent out of shape over every little thing (translation - she is learning you are extremely petty) and she is seeing your insecurity on full display.

Grab your balls, grow up and do not worry about all this little stuff. It's not worth it, life is too short.

Now I do fully subscribe to the point @Urbanyst is making, which is to observe her and pay attention because people will ALWAYS show you who they are if you are tuned in...but that works both ways. She is observing you to be petty and insecure (two hugely UNATTRACTIVE traits). So she has modified her behavior accordingly.

Take this information to heart and grow yourself. Could it be that YOU are the common denominator in your failed relationships and perhaps YOU might do with a close look in the mirror?

 

[A 3% Percent Man]

So a few weeks ago I sent my girl a bitmoji (like an animated emoji) saying I missed her. About two hours had passed and she hadn't responded back so I sent her another text asking if she got my message. Now I know she went back home (lives in a different state) to celebrate her parent's 30th wedding anniversary (I couldn't make it) that day. While on the phone I asked her if she got the bitmoji and she said yea she sent one back and that I must not have gotten it. I knew she was lying so I probed her again.

Anyways I saw her the next week and I said I knew she was lying (I went through her phone but didn't tell her that part). She confessed and told me she did lie about it and she was sorry. She said she lied because she was busy with her family and when I contacted her again she thought I was getting upset. How I always get so upset about everything and she doesn't know what's going to 'set me off' so she wanted to keep the peace. She mentioned how just a few weeks ago I got really mad at her when I was out with her and her friends and one of the friends who is in a relationship started dancing with another guy. I'll admit I did get really upset with her about that.

So this past week I brought up something she claimed she was joking about from six months ago. I was saying something about me the best white guy she's ever slept with (she's Asian) and she said, "ehh you're not great you're just good" then she stuck out her tongue at me and said, "you're not the only white guy the other was good too". She claimed she was joking but I felt like she was trying to hurt me on purpose. Now fast forward months later when I bring it up and she said she doesn't remember saying the other guy was good because he really wasn't. I'm just thinking to myself she's a liar and I tell her I don't believe her. She said you're bringing up something from 6 months ago I highly doubt either one of us remembers what was said word-for-word.

My thing is when I do bring up stuff this happens way too often where we get into you said this, no I didn't, yes you did, etc. I can give her the benefit of the doubt some of the time but this happens way too often. She said how I like to start arguments out of the blue weeks and sometimes months later so unless I have a perfect memory it's unfair to think that she'd have what she said exactly correct. She said I act like she says something completely opposite of what she said previously and of course when you recount an argument or what someone said you're going to deviate just a little, again, unless you have a perfect memory.

I wasn't buying what she was selling so I broke up with her and told her that I've never had a gut feeling like this with another woman before and how lying is worse than cheating to me. I also told her I was more accepting of my last ex who cheated on me a few times because she at least told me the truth eventually. She said I needed counseling because I'm 'damaged' and irrational. My previous two girlfriends cheated on me and she says I don't see it but I am and my gut feeling is wrong and how it doesn't make sense that my gut didn't go off with other ones when they were cheating and she's doing nothing wrong but she's the bad guy. Also, I'm irrational/illogical to think to that lying is worse than cheating when cheating is in fact lying, but I don't see what she's talking about.


I love her very much and haven't loved anyone as much as her but I just feel like I can never trust her again and it would be naive of me to believe she hasn't lied about other things.

First I feel for you being cheated on is not a good thing,
Ok now to the Beta Male Flaws from reading your post

Beta Male Flag 1 - Insecurity
#1 You send a text or emoji and the lady did not respond and you are getting into your feelings (in only 2 hours). Communication is like a game of tennis you serve the ball and wait for the ball to come back.

#2 You need to give your women time to miss you. In your case you knew she was at her parent house for a big celebration. Common man chill out ( You acted very feminine) let her reach out to you , which she would have after spending time with her family and missing you. (You did not give her that chance)

#3 Tripping or getting upset about her friend (Common Man ) Its None of your business. The only thing you could have done is to communicate with your lady in a respectable manner about what is accepted or not about flirting

#4 Even if you are not the best she has ever hard, you don't need to get in your feelings. You need to dust up your seduction game both in and outside the bedroom. ( Become a Don Juan) Communicate with her (About what she likes in and out of the Bedroom) When was the last time James Bond lost his kool

#5 A Don Juan does not waste his time arguing with the ladies, you will never win. ( learn how to communicate effectively , Look up "soft Startup or I Statements )

Solution You need to cut that Insecurity $hit out (Ladies don't like that Nonsense). Pick up some self help books (dating, pickup, and relationships, Life skills and goals ) and talk to a therapist to figure out the root cause of your insecurity. Deal with it and know yourself , build your Confidence Up, Know what you want from a relationship and the right person who is a good fit for you.

Her Flaws
#Her lying of course is bad , your gut feeling is correct, you should not be with anyone who lies to you.
# Your beta male behavior turned her off at one point and she slowly lost interest in you. Which made it easy for her to move on after you dumped her.

She dodged a bullet from you dumping her. You need to ditch that Beta Male Suit you have On

There is a high possibility that she will not want a relationship with you. (If you try to reach out )

You need to focus on yourself

 

[narcissist]

YOOOOOOUUUUUU AAAAAREEEEEEE HELLLLPPPPPPLEESSSSSSLLLLYYYY INNNSSSEEECUUUUUREEEE

 

[chris2for]

Let go of any 'lies' or whatever in the past. Start fresh from this point on.

You're right. Don't you think that the discrepancies in what I know she said vs when I bring the issues back up later and it being different is her lying though?

 

[bizzym]

First I feel for you being cheated on is not a good thing,
Ok now to the Beta Male Flaws from reading your post

Beta Male Flag 1 - Insecurity
#1 You send a text or emoji and the lady did not respond and you are getting into your feelings (in only 2 hours). Communication is like a game of tennis you serve the ball and wait for the ball to come back.

#2 You need to give your women time to miss you. In your case you knew she was at her parent house for a big celebration. Common man chill out ( You acted very feminine) let her reach out to you , which she would have after spending time with her family and missing you. (You did not give her that chance)

#3 Tripping or getting upset about her friend (Common Man ) Its None of your business. The only thing you could have done is to communicate with your lady in a respectable manner about what is accepted or not about flirting

#4 Even if you are not the best she has ever hard, you don't need to get in your feelings. You need to dust up your seduction game both in and outside the bedroom. ( Become a Don Juan) Communicate with her (About what she likes in and out of the Bedroom) When was the last time James Bond lost his kool

#5 A Don Juan does not waste his time arguing with the ladies, you will never win. ( learn how to communicate effectively , Look up "soft Startup or I Statements )

Solution You need to cut that Insecurity $hit out (Ladies don't like that Nonsense). Pick up some self help books (dating, pickup, and relationships, Life skills and goals ) and talk to a therapist to figure out the root cause of your insecurity. Deal with it and know yourself , build your Confidence Up, Know what you want from a relationship and the right person who is a good fit for you.

Her Flaws
#Her lying of course is bad , your gut feeling is correct, you should not be with anyone who lies to you.
# Your beta male behavior turned her off at one point and she slowly lost interest in you. Which made it easy for her to move on after you dumped her.

She dodged a bullet from you dumping her. You need to ditch that Beta Male Suit you have On

There is a high possibility that she will not want a relationship with you. (If you try to reach out )

You need to focus on yourself

+1

I don't think her lying about a dumb emoji is enough to label her a liar though. Most likely his "gut" is just his insecurity. He picks fights and finds flaws to validate his insecurity. Her lying was stupid, but not breakup worthy. I'm sure the moment she lied he thought, "aha see I knew she'd be untrustworthy like the others". OP there's no way in the world your gut is correct if you managed to get cheated on in your previous relationships and your gut didn't go off then according to you but now it's reading off the charts with her. Your gut clearly needs to be recalibrated.

Also, OP is she hot? I'm sure if she is that has made your insecurities 10x worse...

 

[soulforge]

Some MAJOR insecurities on display here... The emoji thing was a small lie, and it was wrong of her to BS about it..

However op you should have kept your cool.. As BEEXCELLENT said before.. Watch and observe.. If there is something she does that truly is a deal breaker, then fair enough, just walk away..

This was not too much of an issue, and you cannot hold this chick responsible for what her friend does... This is how Hoes roll these days..

Married girl dancing with another dude? This kind of behaviour is common as chit these days from woman..

Aslong as your girl isn't doing that chit, why even worry about..

You have been cheated on twice, this has left some major insecurities in you..

Op time to fix these issues, or you WILL lose many more woman to come..

Most of us here are talking from experience, because we have been where you are, at some point in our lives..

And we had to learn the hard way!!