she isn't returning my phone call, how should i act towards her?

[johndoe123]

I know that posts concerning 1 specific girl are frowned upon here and dismissed as ONEITIS, but I still really need some advice on what to do here:

there's this cute girl i've kinda-sorta known through mutual friends the last few months. i've run into her once every few weeks, just a quick hug and a quick hello and small talk. I sent her an email a few months ago, casual, and she never replied, so i shrugged it off and moved on.

But I saw her at again bar last week, and i thought she was giving me buying signals so i got her number. called it two days later and left a very short voicemail ("hey, its xxxxxxx, give me a call... xxx-xxxx-xxx)

anyways she hasn't returned my call. i suspect this is either a test OR she only gave me the phone number (and buying signals that night) to spark some jealousy in her date. (Note, however, her date was out-of-eyesight when she gave me the number, indicating to me she genuinely was interested).

Anyways, we have too many mutual friends to avoid running into each other for too long. Next time I see her, how do I react? It seems if I just ignore it and greet her as usuall (hug and small talk), she'll think "i can ignore this guys' voicemails and emails and he'll STILL be nice to me, what a chump". Whereas if I call her out on it next time I see her, it will appear immature and childish.

What does a Don Juan do in this kind of situation?

 

[Obsidian]

wise question

Women are passive creatures and don't like to initiate nervous phone calls. In the future, you might try calling with this pattern of words: "Hey HB, this is JohnDoe, umm I'll call you back." Then make her WAIT a day or two before your second call.

In your situation, I'd just try calling her once more. If that doesn't work, blow her off due to low-interest. There's no point in dating a low-interest woman. You may as well just hire a prostitute.

 

[johndoe123]

Obsidian, I took your advice and put in another call. Rang and went to voicemail, left another message which was short and succinct but still got across the message that "hey... you owe me TWO calls now!"

Well it's been a few days and I'm not expecting to receive a response, so I need to ask my original question again: what do I do when I see her when I'm out?

It's pretty much unavoidable. If she approaches me to give a hug, do I just act like those unanswered phone calls never happened? or do i slyly point out (cool and confidently): "haha ... why the hug after never calling me back?" the former almost seems like saying "that kind of behavior (leading me on & not returning calls) is acceptable and you can do it to me cause im a chump", whereas the second feels like what I want to do... demonstrate that this kind of behavior is rude and unacceptable.

What's a DJ's take on this?

 

[Nighthawk]

My advice is to not hug women you are sexually interested in until after you've fucked them.

 

[johndoe123]

is that because there's some kind of "hug = LJBF" mentality going on? i thought any kind of touching at all is good. These are hands in the small of her back, wrapped tight, groins touching hugs, not the hug you'd give your mom or something.

and please answer my original question, how do i act towards her in public? cool and nonchalant like it never happened, disapproving and detached, none of the above?

 

[backbreaker]

you shouldn't be calling women, they should be calling you.

unless I have sex with a woman, I won't call her back.

i have proccesses of weeding uninterested women out. a woman that is interested WILL call you back. 10 out of 10 times.

 

[ViciousDADogg]

HI. OP. Original Poster.

I have no read your post. Just the subject.


She's not interested in you. Thus don't waste your time on her. Move on. There are too many woman to get stuck on just one.


Here's more.


What's more rational?


Hi. I'm Jerry the guy I'm talking to this Susan the hoe. Hey, susan. Would yoiu like to hook up tonight? No I don't.

What's your response?

A) It's cool, your loss.

or

B) Pleaseeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Your choice man.

 

[Effington]

If you see her, just act like you normally do. Don't bring it up. A DJ doesn't let that crap bother him. She may say some fluffer excuse why she didn't return your phone calls, but that's all that it really is.

I'd stop showing any interest in the girl and move on.

 

[Nighthawk]

Also, she doesn't have to reply to your emails or phone calls if she doesn't want to. There's nothing 'rude or unacceptable' about her behaviour.

 

[Norisman]

you shouldn't be calling women, they should be calling you.

unless I have sex with a woman, I won't call her back.

i have proccesses of weeding uninterested women out. a woman that is interested WILL call you back. 10 out of 10 times.

I agree that women who are interested in you will call but if you stick to this mentality 100%, you may end up with only vultures...
AH, a wise friend once told me that: where there are no chickens a vulture would do for dinner... meaning if you can't find HOT chicks, ugly...

Also, i like being in charge and have the feeling that I've accomplished something, so I pursue HOT women and call them...

JohnDoe; move on dude, the girl isn't interested. My advice is look for options, for a guy with options won't come here asking about a girl with low interest he met in a bar!

 

[backbreaker]

dude..... what the **** did you just say? I didn't understand one word of that post.

I'm a busy guy. I guess if I were less busy and had time to actually sit and think about women all day I would call women. if I have had sex, it's only right to make a call back. if I haven't had sex on the first date.... she already is at a 3-2 count and I'm throwing a splitter.

 

[johndoe123]

thanks for the advice, i agree with all of you that i should move on. I had that hunch after she didn't return the first call, I think I was really asking "what should i do next time i see her in real life". And I think you are right, in that I should just act cool, nonchalant, and don't bring it up if i see her again. Any other kind of response to the situation would mean "what you did affects me", which it shouldn't if I'm doing this DJ thing correctly.

Nighthawk, yes you are right, it's not rude nor unacceptable, it's just how it is with girls. Being judgemental like that was just how I reacted to the blow to the ego... which shouldn't even be a blow in the first place! It shouldn't affect me at all, and I won't let it. Thank you for pointing that out, I think i'm a step closer to internalizing the whole DJ thing now.

 

[Obsidian]

In response to the op:

It doesn't matter how you respond to her. You're not trying to raise her IL; you've NEXTed her because she showed low interest. The next time you see her, you may as well say, "PLEASE TAKE ME BACK I LOVE YOU, DARLING, I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT YOU" because it doesn't matter what she thinks of you. Alternatively, you could spit in her face, ignore her completely, hug her, just say "hi," etc.

And I highly recommend that you ignore the advice that Nighthawk and backbreaker posted in this thread:

My advice is to not hug women you are sexually interested in until after you've ****ed them.

you shouldn't be calling women, they should be calling you.

Come on, guys...That is completely horrible advice and you know it.

 

[Nighthawk]

Obsidian, I'm all for kino, but hugging? It's gay.

JohnDoe123, I understand the natural response is 'how dare she?' but from an uninterested woman's POV she feels she's giving a clear signal, and contacting you might lead you on and raise your hopes. It's not just what women do, people have established that not returning phone calls is a handy way of displaying indifference and thus rejection.

Once you're beating the ladies off with a ****ty stick you may well use the same tactic to discourage girls you have no time or interest in.

And yeah, next time you see her I'd act indifferent, preferably with a hotter woman on your arm.