She has a past...

[ProDJ26]

And your truly has found out about it. I knew that my gut feelings were right about this. Something was always bugging me and leading me on. Here's the quick backstory:

Met HB7 through a mutual friend who turned out to be pretty cool. She past the majority of my qualifications
(No kids, single, has money of her own, latina) just to name a few...

Anywho I ended up fvcking her and got into a LTR which is currently going at 8 months.

Yea I know :rollseyes:

So currently she's away in basic training (Army) and won't be back until June.

I found out her "secret" by cleaning up just throwing old stuff away around the house and almost threw away an envelope before my gut to me to open it.

Now here's the kicker

Its abortion results from about the same (at least 4 weeks) before we started kicking it. It not only angered me at the fact that she didn't tell me not to mention the fact that I don't know WHO/HOW MANY was before me. But at the same time that's everygirl we DJ's nail (disgusting I know)

Know that I've calmed down a bit I came to the conclusion that I'm NOT going to bring it up to her when I go visit her at her graduation ceremony IF I STILL GO Only for two reasons

1) I don't wanna seem insecure

2) It will only prove that I snoop through her things

Plus I'm not going to turn all green and yell at her. This is quite the shocker but luckly I have once again listened to my instincts and currently have some plates spinning. This is a HUGE red flag!!!!
I'm still debating or not to continue to send her mail or even visit her on graduation day (in 4 weeks)

I feel soooo fvcking stupid for letting this get by me. The real messed up thing though is I thought I could trust her!!!

Suggestions???

 

[Iceberg]

I don't get it. Why can't you trust her? Because she did some stuff (had an abortion) before she met you and didn't tell you about it?

I'm not understanding your logic. I've done all kinds of things that I'm not going to tell my future girlfriends about. As long as it doesnt affect them in a negative way, who cares?

She didn't abort your baby, right? You don't even know the story behind the abortion. Maybe a condom broke, maybe she got raped, who the hell knows. As long as she's treating you the way you want to be treated, I don't see the benefit of getting all high and mighty about things she did before you dated. You've been getting along with her for 8 months....seems stupid to get mad about something that doesn't involve you

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

This why you don't snoop. If you snoop then stuff is bound to be found. Your just opening up a can of worms.

You'll always have this in the back of your head, Your destroying your own relationship.

 

[EA Gold]

Well, its best to find that one roach and kill instead of ignoring it then you got an infestation.

The logic is, if she lied about the past, what makes you think she's still not telling you everything else and if you get serious with her like marriage, then you have some issues here. What if she has some other friends on the side she's not telling him about.

 

[ProDJ26]

@Iceberg - I'm only upset at the fact that she never mentioned it at all. Its all about respect at this point. At least give me a heads up instead of keeping things hidden...Which makes think "what hasn't she told me?"

@PrettyBoyAJ - I didn't snoop I was simply throwing things out "spring cleaning" if you will. Forgive me for making sure important papers such as receipts aren't thrown away

@EA Gold - exactly my point

 

[ProDJ26]

I will agree with you though PrettyBoy as I do think I'm outthinking myself and DON'T WANNA destroy our relationship. Hence why I'm asking for feedback...

 

[comic_relief]

I still don't see the logic. Some people just want to forget about certain aspects of their lives. I know I have those certain aspects that i would rather forget. I don't tell anyone about them and just let them die. And yes, they were pretty big parts.

- comic_relief

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

I Imean when your looking through her stuff your snooping. I don't care what your intentions are. I'm iffy because if I were you I would want to to know everything about the girl... good or bad.

You did open up worms though. If she didn't tell you about that what else has she lied about? and would you believe her if she said you knew everything.

Noone on this forum can tell you the right thing to do. You need to do what you feel is the best so that you can bury this.

 

[Diaforetikos]

I'm with Iceberg on this one? There are just some things that you don't want your better half to know. It's not like she was cheating. It was an abortion. The kid wasn't even yours. Why would not telling about HER abortion be considered keeping things from you??

Did you even ask her about her past boyfriends? And have you considered that maybe she isn't proud of having an abortion? Maybe she feels that you'll be judgmental about it all.

This isn't about you. It's about her. It's an abortion. She wasn't doing random drugs or Effin other doods. She had an abortion BEFORE she met you. She still maybe dealing with personal sh!t involving the abortion.

Chill out guy. She is trust worthy. Your reading way too into it.

 

[f283000]

I'd be shocked if she had never had an abortion! that would truly make her a keeper as now a days you can't find a woman that hasn't had one it seems.

What she did is normal (for a modern woman) and everyone has their different opinions on it. Me personally this situation has never happened to me but I would predict me being really turned off and probably dumping her. I don't respect a woman that is so careless to open up her legs for a man without some sort of birth control thus allowing herself to get pregnant and kill a baby later on. I just can't respect a woman that does that.

But i guess it depends on what your moral stance on the subject of abortion is. I would never marry such a woman I don't need the karma of her abortion around me for the rest of my life. Most guys would just keep on dating her but know she has serious judgement issues and wouldn't make a good wife or mother.

 

[Serialized3]

It not only angered me at the fact that she didn't tell me not to mention the fact that I don't know WHO/HOW MANY was before me. But at the same time that's everygirl we DJ's nail (disgusting I know)

First of all, it's not really your business what she did before she met you. You can only judge her by what she does while she's with you.

I'm sure you've done some stuff you regret (girl-related or otherwise) in the past that she'd have a problem with if she found out.

Aside from that, all you can do is look forward. If you can't get over the fact that this happened, then move on. If you can overlook it, then proceed with caution. She's the skank who killed her own kid, after all.

 

[C-quenced]

I don't get it. Why can't you trust her? Because she did some stuff (had an abortion) before she met you and didn't tell you about it?

I'm not understanding your logic. I've done all kinds of things that I'm not going to tell my future girlfriends about. As long as it doesnt affect them in a negative way, who cares?

She didn't abort your baby, right? You don't even know the story behind the abortion. Maybe a condom broke, maybe she got raped, who the hell knows. As long as she's treating you the way you want to be treated, I don't see the benefit of getting all high and mighty about things she did before you dated. You've been getting along with her for 8 months....seems stupid to get mad about something that doesn't involve you

:crackup: :crackup: :crackup: :crackup: :crackup: :crackup: :crackup:

Sadly enough this site is ****ing LOADED with these fools.

 

[C-quenced]

I will agree with you though PrettyBoy as I do think I'm outthinking myself and DON'T WANNA destroy our relationship. Hence why I'm asking for feedback...

Destroy what relationship? How do you know it holds as much significance to her as it does to you? You need to be sure your affiliation with her is appropriate. If she isn't LTR material don't try to mold her and absolutely do not leave yourself in a potentially debilitating state of vulnerability. You're NOT out thinking yourself here but more likely creating excuses for her when you sense that something isn't right. Listen to your natural response (gut feeling) when your intuition is warning you that something (about a woman especially) is wrong. It's there for a reason and it's likely to be right. Is there anything else prior to this that set off your senses?

The best thing you've been doing is spinning plates. Logically the more women of your liking you have lined up the better your chances of replacing her with females (that's plural for you) of superior quality. Next time you see your army slvt just treat the situation as if you never found out. There's no use in bringing the topic up. You may want to begin to detach yourself emotionally, and one day realize it's best to hit the eject button. In the end it's really up to you the decision you take. I hope you make the right one. Best of luck.

 

[C-quenced]

Chill out guy. She is trust worthy. Your reading way too into it.

Don't tell him to just "chill out". And you just contradicted yourself. Why jump to the conclusion that she's "worth it" YET you accuse him of "reading way into it"?

 

[C-quenced]

First of all, it's not really your business what she did before she met you. You can only judge her by what she does while she's with you.

It will be his business if he allows his emotions to overrule his logic.

 

[Iceberg]

@Iceberg - I'm only upset at the fact that she never mentioned it at all. Its all about respect at this point. At least give me a heads up instead of keeping things hidden...Which makes think "what hasn't she told me?"

Why would she have told you? I definitely wouldn't tell a new girlfriend about an abortion I had with an old girlfriend.

It's not relevant to the new relationship. And it could only hurt things. When you meet a new girl, do you normally give her a list of bad things you've done over the course of your life? Girls you cheated on, stuff you stole, how many times you didn't use a condom?

She probably didn't tell you because she was afraid you'd react exactly how you're reacting right now. Besides, you've been dating 8 months, not 8 years. It's not like you guys have to spill your guts to each other about your entire life story.

 

[1 Bad Dude]

Her not telling you about the abortion? Not a red flag.

Her having an abortion? Not a red flag.

Her being pro-choice if you are pro-life? red flag.

Fixed

 

[comic_relief]

Why would she have told you? I definitely wouldn't tell a new girlfriend about an abortion I had with an old girlfriend.

It's not relevant to the new relationship. And it could only hurt things. When you meet a new girl, do you normally give her a list of bad things you've done over the course of your life? Girls you cheated on, stuff you stole, how many times you didn't use a condom?

She probably didn't tell you because she was afraid you'd react exactly how you're reacting right now. Besides, you've been dating 8 months, not 8 years. It's not like you guys have to spill your guts to each other about your entire life story.

:rockon: basically best advice

- comic_relief

 

[terran2k]

have you told her all of your secrets? b/c if you didn't I hope she gets mad at you for not.
anyway, not like abortion is an easy topic to bring up, she may never tell you.

 

[vatoloco]

Does anyone else think the bigger red flag is that she is away at basic training?

Ha! I'm glad someone noticed. I was like "Dude, can you say 'cock-carousel'?"