She friendzoned me after 3 dates (41yo woman)

[Poonani Maker]

You'd be surprised. If she is good looking like the OP says she is probably bombarded with 50+ messages a day online, and that is a conservative estimate. I've been out with women who are probably 7s that have that many messages a day, if she is a 9(according to OP) you can exponentially increase it.

My 74 old cousin who I'd seen for the first time in several years back in August told me on OLD that she is receiving d!ck pics routinely. She's good-looking for her age, had a rich late husband and has had the botox and certain surgeries (a face procedure? not a lift but some other I forget). She's bombarded. She's still a real estate agent at her age. I don't know how she stays so young looking, but it can't be much longer till she falls off a cliff. I mean photos with me and her at a beach breakfast place make me look good (and her look good..she's ribbing me in the photo as if tickling) almost usable in my profile(s) on OLD. I find it strange that if I open a new account on OLD I get inundated with likes/messages, but after a week or two: nothing. I think that not only are women bombarded but we men are put in limited state somehow to make us pony up to pay the piper or the (((owner(s)))) of these sites.

 

[biggoal]

My 74 old cousin who I'd seen for the first time in several years back in August told me on OLD that she is receiving d!ck pics routinely. She's good-looking for her age, had a rich late husband and has had the botox and certain surgeries (a face procedure? not a lift but some other I forget). She's bombarded. She's still a real estate agent at her age. I don't know how she stays so young looking, but it can't be much longer till she falls off a cliff. I mean photos with me and her at a beach breakfast place make me look good (and her look good..she's ribbing me in the photo as if tickling) almost usable in my profile(s) on OLD. I find it strange that if I open a new account on OLD I get inundated with likes/messages, but after a week or two: nothing. I think that not only are women bombarded but we men are put in limited state somehow to make us pony up to pay the piper or the (((owner(s)))) of these sites.

A lot of those messages guys get like on Match before the pay or first pay are fake in order to get you to pay!

I agree about OLD women getting bombared. Especially in my region where the median age is very old and women outnumber men according to the US census. There are not a lot of decent women on OLD within a 60 mile radius of here. The women I've been on dates with or talked to from OLD all told me how they get bombared with messages from men of all ages. From their 20s all the way up into their late 70s. I mean lots of messages. The Hb9.5 I went on a date with said she was getting bombared with probably over 100s of messages.

I'm shocked at my reply rate to be honest on match. Even though it's a paid site which weeds some out, the women around here still get bombared they tell me the ones I went on dates with. They said it's pretty high.

Then factor in rich old guys, lawyers, doctors, etc. with high paying jobs who are probably scoring the few women on OLD around here you're competing with as well. This is why I go for quality over quantity and do well thought of messages that stands out from the rest because if you're competing with rich men and such you gotta do something to stand out because there will always be the Hyper Chad or mega bucks guy you're competing with.

 

[derby1]

Thanks. Explains a lot. Starting to learn now for my next dates.

youd be better of getting red pilled up brother......dating is basically rigged in a females favour........i wouldnt use the word relationship/dating for a good 5 months into meeting

always remember this "No man who leads so many kneels so quick" .........

anytime you find yourself in person or texting: too available / predictable/ no mystery /no challenge / showing emotions / or to invested

you pull back and post on here

 

[Atom Smasher]

Would she go to a movie where she already knows the ending scene by scene? Of course not.

She knew she had you hook, line and sinker right from the start. You were eagerly wagging your tail like a puppy dog and telegraphing that you were hoping against hope that she would accept you. She knew factually that she totally had you and that is BORING to women and a huge turn-off.

As a man you need to telegraph that you are UNDECIDED about her and she needs to prove herself to you.

This gives her a sense of mystery and suspense and excitement. We men attract women by making them FEEL.

Don’t ever let a woman think that she has you on a hook. Instead, you should be testing her for suitability in your life. Woman find this massively attractive.

Think about your handling of this woman. I don’t even know you, yet I know that this is how you presented yourself. 100% of the energy flow was, “I like you and I hope you will accept me”. That’s why you never even had the slightest chance with her.

Take my advice and next time set the stage for success. You are testing her, not the other way around. You are deciding whether to accept or reject her, not the other way around. She needs to proved herself to you.

Women CANNOT date down. They can only be fulfilled by a man they look up to. Why would she look up to a polite, supplicating rag doll whom she knows she already owns?

A man’s attractiveness is his reserve. Women THRIVE on not being sure her man is totally accepting her. She thrives on working for attention and affection. Never again present yourself on a silver platter. She WANTS to work for it. She WANTS you to have options and to earn your approval.

 

[Jacob40]

Thanks Mod (Atom) for the info. I got a lot to remember and apply to try to use next time.

So an update....I've joined several OLD sites since she dropped me. Just yesterday, I was on POF, where the women are pretty average. This old broad is now on POF as well, trying to find another guy. Looks like she joined recently. I read her profile and it's the same short profile she had on Facebook Dating. talking about wanting a "fun loving, compassionate, intelligent person who is looking for a special person". I have the option turned on to hide my views to profiles, that way the women don't know I looked at their profiles.

So if she is on another dating website, I'm now second thinking she may have not been out at the movies with someone else that Saturday. Or she dumped that guy too.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Regardless, she didn't get the "tingles" from you that she needed.

It's not your fault by any means. Men can never be universally attractive, as women can. An attractive woman is pretty much an attractive woman to all men, unanimously. However, any given man will only be attractive to a certain subset of women.

Therefore, we should never feel bad about not giving an individual woman the emotions that excite her. It is utterly impossible for men to attract all women universally. There are millions of women who don't find Brad Pitt attractive. I'm just using him as a convenient example, though he's getting older. Even in his prime this was true.

I became extremely successful with women when I identified the type of women I wanted, and the type that I appeal to, and then only went after them.

The idea of universal attraction, which women DO enjoy, causes men such great heartache because they think it's possible for men to be universally attractive, and they strive to be. Any given decent man will be attractive to about 20% of women, give or take. Find out whom they are and get after them. Your success rate will skyrocket.

Out of that 20%, judge them. Vet them. Test them. Let them understand that you are determining if they fit into your Kingdom. When done right, this is massively attractive. Within this judging is room for friendliness, politeness, kindness, along with the projection of strength and the fact that you are not somebody to mess with.

Never forget that women desperately want a man who is perceived as above them. It's easily to be above them (and therefore admired) when you are unapologetic about doing so. Only in this way can she look up to you. When you approach a date as an open book, indicating that you will accept her if she accepts you, it's often game over right there. Women thrive on the energy that a man who conveys reserve emits.

Too many men are clueless that a woman wants to submit. She wants to look up to and admire a man. She will give you every chance to be that man. But most men blow it by putting all their cards face-up on the table. She wants to earn your acceptance.

Every women who agrees to a date is hoping against hope that she will perceive you as above her. So just give her what she wants. Don't get caught up in "But it's not right to judge her", or "But I don't want to act superior". Women have a deep, deep desire to perceive you in that way, so be that man.

 

[MrWood]

Regardless, she didn't get the "tingles" from you that she needed.

It's not your fault by any means. Men can never be universally attractive, as women can. An attractive women is pretty much an attractive women to all men, unanimously. However, any given man will only be attractive to a certain subset of women.

Therefore, we should never feel bad about not giving an individual women the emotions that excite her. It is utterly impossible for men to attract all women universally. There are millions of women who don't find Brad Pitt attractive. I'm just using him as a convenient example, though he's getting older. Even in his prime this was true.

I became extremely successful with women when I identified the type of women I wanted, and the type that I appeal to, and then only went after them.

The idea of universal attraction, which women DO enjoy, causes men such great heartache because they think it's possible for men to be universally attractive, and they strive to be. Any given decent man will be attractive to about 20% of women, give or take. Find out whom they are and get after them. Your success rate will skyrocket.

Out of that 20%, judge them. Vet them. Test them. Let them understand that you are determining if they fit into your Kingdom. When done right, this is massively attractive. Within this judging is room for friendliness, politeness, kindness, along with the projection of strength and the fact that you are not somebody to mess with.

Never forget that women desperately want a man who is perceived as above them. It's easily to be above them (and therefore admired) when you are unapologetic about doing so. Only in this way can she look up to you. When you approach a date as an open book, indicating that you will accept her if she accepts you, it's often game over right there. Women thrive on the energy that a man who conveys reserve emits.

Too many men are clueless that a woman wants to submit. She wants to look up to and admire a man. She will give you every chance to be that man. But most men blow it by putting all their cards face-up on the table. She wants to earn your acceptance.

Every women who agrees to a date is hoping against hope that she will perceive you as above her. So just give her what she wants. Don't get caught up in "But it's not right to judge her", or "But I don't want to act superior". Women have a deep, deep desire to perceive you in that way, so be that man.

Let me help the fellas by highlighting your fine words of truth, they seem to have a hard time reading whas being said in this forum

 

[Jacob40]

Very cool words of wisdom. Well I started going to the gym every day and got with a personal trainer to start a personalized workout. I think once I get in shape I'll be able to attract more women that I would prefer to date. Plus if I post openly on social media I got a new woman friend, this old broad will see what she missed out on.

 

[MrWood]

What words did he say "go to the gym" ? He didnt.. WTF.
How can you say "Very cool words of wisdom" and respond with "gym blahblah" ??

I have a floppy arm, i cant gym, I cant lift, I cant run, I cant salsa.
So... how is it that I still attract women?

Better buy that delux gym membership...
the lady's will be dripping off of your biceps, because you sure cant read.

 

[Robert28]

Would she go to a movie where she already knows the ending scene by scene? Of course not.

She knew she had you hook, line and sinker right from the start. You were eagerly wagging your tail like a puppy dog and telegraphing that you were hoping against hope that she would accept you. She knew factually that she totally had you and that is BORING to women and a huge turn-off.

As a man you need to telegraph that you are UNDECIDED about her and she needs to prove herself to you.

This gives her a sense of mystery and suspense and excitement. We men attract women by making them FEEL.

Don’t ever let a woman think that she has you on a hook. Instead, you should be testing her for suitability in your life. Woman find this massively attractive.

Think about your handling of this woman. I don’t even know you, yet I know that this is how you presented yourself. 100% of the energy flow was, “I like you and I hope you will accept me”. That’s why you never even had the slightest chance with her.

Take my advice and next time set the stage for success. You are testing her, not the other way around. You are deciding whether to accept or reject her, not the other way around. She needs to proved herself to you.

Women CANNOT date down. They can only be fulfilled by a man they look up to. Why would she look up to a polite, supplicating rag doll whom she knows she already owns?

A man’s attractiveness is his reserve. Women THRIVE on not being sure her man is totally accepting her. She thrives on working for attention and affection. Never again present yourself on a silver platter. She WANTS to work for it. She WANTS you to have options and to earn your approval.

But if he doesn’t make his intentions known up front about what he wants he risks being friend zoned. In this case it happened anyway, so I doubt being all mysterious would have worked. Look, some women just like to collect orbiters that will do things for them, that’s a cold hard fact. It doesn’t have anything to do with how you present yourself, she’s gonna friend zone you whether you were on your game or had an off couple of dates. It’s up to you as a man whether you allow her to keep you around to use and abuse or if you walk. At least this guy walked away. Good for him. Fvck women and their friendship.

 

[Robert28]

Thanks Mod (Atom) for the info. I got a lot to remember and apply to try to use next time.

So an update....I've joined several OLD sites since she dropped me. Just yesterday, I was on POF, where the women are pretty average. This old broad is now on POF as well, trying to find another guy. Looks like she joined recently. I read her profile and it's the same short profile she had on Facebook Dating. talking about wanting a "fun loving, compassionate, intelligent person who is looking for a special person". I have the option turned on to hide my views to profiles, that way the women don't know I looked at their profiles.

So if she is on another dating website, I'm now second thinking she may have not been out at the movies with someone else that Saturday. Or she dumped that guy too.

This woman is looking for someone exactly like her ex husband. I had her pegged in your first post. These types love fvcked up relationships and abuse, that’s what they consider “love and compassion”. Her line about “looking for a special person” is exactly that, she’s specifically looking for a man with narcissistic personality traits to give her all the drama she craves (notice she mentions fun loving). To her drama IS “fun loving”.

 

[DJnoob]

Would she go to a movie where she already knows the ending scene by scene? Of course not.

She knew she had you hook, line and sinker right from the start. You were eagerly wagging your tail like a puppy dog and telegraphing that you were hoping against hope that she would accept you. She knew factually that she totally had you and that is BORING to women and a huge turn-off.

As a man you need to telegraph that you are UNDECIDED about her and she needs to prove herself to you.

This gives her a sense of mystery and suspense and excitement. We men attract women by making them FEEL.

Don’t ever let a woman think that she has you on a hook. Instead, you should be testing her for suitability in your life. Woman find this massively attractive.

Think about your handling of this woman. I don’t even know you, yet I know that this is how you presented yourself. 100% of the energy flow was, “I like you and I hope you will accept me”. That’s why you never even had the slightest chance with her.

Take my advice and next time set the stage for success. You are testing her, not the other way around. You are deciding whether to accept or reject her, not the other way around. She needs to proved herself to you.

Women CANNOT date down. They can only be fulfilled by a man they look up to. Why would she look up to a polite, supplicating rag doll whom she knows she already owns?

A man’s attractiveness is his reserve. Women THRIVE on not being sure her man is totally accepting her. She thrives on working for attention and affection. Never again present yourself on a silver platter. She WANTS to work for it. She WANTS you to have options and to earn your approval.

is this BEFORE or AFTER sex?

 

[DJnoob]

Thanks Mod (Atom) for the info. I got a lot to remember and apply to try to use next time.

So an update....I've joined several OLD sites since she dropped me. Just yesterday, I was on POF, where the women are pretty average. This old broad is now on POF as well, trying to find another guy. Looks like she joined recently. I read her profile and it's the same short profile she had on Facebook Dating. talking about wanting a "fun loving, compassionate, intelligent person who is looking for a special person". I have the option turned on to hide my views to profiles, that way the women don't know I looked at their profiles.

So if she is on another dating website, I'm now second thinking she may have not been out at the movies with someone else that Saturday. Or she dumped that guy too.

what % body fat are you by the way?

 

[Igetit!]

But if he doesn’t make his intentions known up front about what he wants he risks being friend zoned.

Yep,I agree. I have a PHD in Friendzonology. I used to get friendzoned ALL the time,and this one error,this one mistake of not being upfront about my intentions was the SOLE REASON it kept happening.

I read this guy's thread like 3 or 4 times...read it over and over again to try to see exactly what happened here. "Cola","Backinthegame",and Atom Smashers' responses were right on the money.......ESPECIALLY Cola.

I read each account of the OP's 3 dates,and I kept noticing an absense of something...something that appeared to be missing from each date. He was nice,kind,polite,cordial,they seemed to get along well,etc,etc. But even so,something was still missing. "Cola" and even the woman herself....they BOTH used the same word in describing it.....it was CHEMISTRY.

Yes he was polite and kind......but did you try to kiss her? Grab her azz? I didn't see anything like that. I disagreed with everything everyone said about the woman. That chick wasn't after free dinners,she was after PASSION,SPARKS....or to use Atom's word,"Tingles". She wanted TO FEEL something. That's what she was looking for. Even she HERSELF said,"After a lot of reflection,I didn't see any CHEMISTRY". She said that.

I wish MORE WOMEN were like her. Most will just flake out if they don't "FEEL" anything on the first date. She at least went out twice more just to be sure,then called it off.

Op needs to be more aggressive. He seemed to be so focused on texting and setting up the NEXT dates,he forgot the WHOLE PURPOSE of it all........a SEXUAL UNION. I hate to be blunt....but the WHOLE POINT of this "dating"...approaching...and asking a woman out is a SEXUAL UNION.......it's to put your "cough,cough" inside her....."cough,cough,cough". I'm sorry,but it is. Without that,the whole process IS POINTLESS.

He brought all this on himself. Made so many mistakes,I lost count. Even him trying to hold her hand was a mistake. Hand-holding is a "relationship-y" thing to do. You don't do that with a stranger you're trying to get to know. Wait until you're been grabbing her azz for a while,and if she's comfortable with that,THEN you can hold her hand. Do it AFTER you've slept together a few times and are dating.....not when one of you are still trying to decide if they want to continue seeing the other.


You'll be ok,Op.....just LEARN FROM THIS situation so you won't have to repeat it again in the future.

 

[Toddz]

Think you moved too slow with this woman. Women over 40 don't have the luxury of acting like their pu$$y is gold making you wait and jump through hoops. You did nothing wrong by being a perfect gentleman however. Next time be a little bolder and make a move, at least by the second date.

I've dated maybe a dozen women 40+ and all were first night lays. I'm usually trying to kiss within the first hour of meeting them. You can tell right away if they are DTF or not, it's all in the eyes.

 

[Robert28]

I’ve been friend zoned and I made my intent known with my actions AND words. Didn’t help. I was kissing this girl on the first and second dates, grabbing her ass a doing everything I could to show I was interested in her. I knew something was up when I could never get her to f close and I was about to give up by the 5th date. Then I got the “not over my ex, let’s be friends speech”. I said “sorry but it would be weird to be friends with a girl who I was just making out with last night.” Sometimes it really isn’t your fault or that you moved too fast or slow when you get friend zoned. Some women just like to do it. I won’t change who I am to please some woman, if she doesn’t feel any sparks because she thinks I’m nice then oh well. It’s amazing to watch a 40 year old pull the friends excuse though, guess women really don’t grow out of that crap after their 20’s.

 

[Jacob40]

what % body fat are you by the way?

I just checked on my scale, I'm at 26% 255lbs, which I know is high but I'm 6'1" so don't look that much overweight. The old broad was 5'11". I started back at the gym with a trainer to slim down again. I plan to get back down to under 200lbs, and also gain some muscle. I think this may have contributed to the friend zone. Although she doesn't exercise and is no way in shape, and on her profiles, she states that she is a few pounds over.

Toddz, yeah I think with this woman I did move too slow, even though she said at the end of the 3rd date, she "wants to take it slow". I'm just amazed that at her age, she was a coward to just text me to be friends. And that she got so upset at me posting on social media about how she put me in the friendzone, etc. Her EX must have really did something bad to her, to despise a man like that for one minor thing and then block me.

Anyway, that dating site I joined recently, POF, has nothing but washed up old women and mostly fake profiles. Not sure how it is on the guy side, but I'm sure she'll find another guy quick. Every time I do a dern search for other women, her profile pops up too. I still have my privacy set so if I view her profile she won't know. I'm pretty sure if she has run a search, that she has seen my profile too.

But forget her. Once I get back in good shape, I'll get new pictures uploaded to the dating site, which should help. Also at the gym, this 20-something that works there keeps chit-chatting with me. I'm not sure what's up with her yet. Certainly I wouldn't think she is attracted to me. Maybe she is looking for a free dinner.

 

[DJnoob]

yes. You should thank her she dumped you. Because this may have created that spark you need from deep within to motivate yourself.

 

[Jacob40]

Well tonight I was on OLD site. POF has a list of people who viewed my profile. She viewed my profile tonight. LOL! So apparently she doesn't have that option turned on to make her invisible to views. She also must still be curious, have some interest, or maybe feeling guilt or something on how harsh she came down on me. Hard to know. It's only been 8 days since my last text to her.

 

[kVA]

Some great advice, OP. Too bad you're not listening to any of it.