She friendzoned me after 3 dates (41yo woman)

[Robert28]

So instead of me telling her that, what should I have done? Just go silent and never reply back?

Well it doesn’t matter now, but I still say you dodge a woman-child with borderline personality disorder. You can’t really “game” those types because their kind is so messed up and they’re constantly changing moods and whatever they’re thinking. If you try to understand it you’ll drive yourself crazy in the process. From what you said about her I have a strong suspicion she’s bpd.

 

[espanish]

If a movie and comedy show = gay friend, then what are your go-to places to take women? Someone mentioned go for smoothies on a first date, but that sounds like gay friend to me too.

at least you are reading the replies and not disappearing like some other people on this forum.
I am the one who mentioned the smoothie idea.
you need low investment type of places for the first date(s) not necessarily due to money. even if you inherited $10 million dollars from your grandmother and you don't care about money, you need to go to low investment dates because when you take a girl you barely know to an expensive restaurant, it looks like you find her really special that you are willing to invest so much in her. you project the image that you have no other girls/options in your life and you're trying really hard to appease her.

from your entire post it seems that you keep wanting to appease her. you took her to a restaurant and paid the full bill. you took her to her favorite comedy show. if she was your girlfriend/mother/wife/someone you care about, it's fine, but remember, this is a girl you know nothing about. why do you care about her so much? this is needy behavior. you remind me of a colleague of mine, first date he bought a girl a perfume for $120. the girl accepted the gift and the next day she texted him "I don't think we are right for each other. good luck"

plus, in these type of places, you can't really touch her. at the comedy show, she is listening to the comedian, she is not going to be open to sexual escalation. I am willing to bet at the restaurant you sat across from her and not next to her, not allowing for any touching.

coffee dates, I personally don't like. nothing wrong with them, it's just too overdone. smoothie makes you look unique. at the end of the day, do whatever you like, not what she likes. if she likes comedy and you like bowling, take her to a bowling activity.

by the way, you still have not answered the question whether you are sexually inexperienced. I am willing to bet you are inexperienced, and once you gain some experience (and get screwed by women like her) things will start to fall in place. I have learned more from my bad dates than good dates. good luck bro, keep trying.

 

[Suave88]

Do the 60 dollar dinner first date like I did last time lol.

Buy 2 hot dogs.... 1 for her and 1 for you. Split the soda...

 

[Suave88]

Both of us in our 40's. I think she was just out of a long marriage but not sure when it ended. I went out with a new friend three times. First date was a nice lunch and drinks at a nice restaurant. I paid for everything. We talked for several hours and everything went great. Got each others phone numbers and started texting every other day. She sent me another picture of herself which I gave her some compliments. In fact I'd occasionally give her compliments because I truly liked her.

Second date we went for a walk in the park with her dogs for a couple hours. This went well too. She said to definitely keep in touch and text her. We both kept in touch with each other for several days.

Then I asked her if she'd like to go to a comedy show. I knew she liked comedy shows. She was enthusiastic and said this time she'd buy the tickets. So I bought the drinks and food which was a lot more than the tickets she bought. She said she had the most fun time and laughing she had in a long time. Although at one point during the show she seemed very closed-in and engrossed with the comedian. So I took her hand and she said that was sweet, and we held hands for the rest of the show. At the end of the third date, she said she wanted to take it slow, which I was ok with. We both left for the night separately and texted for a couple days.

Then on Saturday evening, I texted her to see how she was doing. She replied she was at the movies seeing a "chick flick". She said she didn't think anyone would go with her, so she went alone. I told her to have fun, because I had to work that evening. Later that night I texted how the movie went and she said she liked it.

Then on Sunday morning, I text her something about another movie. She never replied until next day, Monday morning. She said....that after 3 dates, she felt friends were the best thing for her, and that after a lot of reflection she didn't see any chemistry that she should by now. She only felt friendship. She went on and on about being honest with her feelings, etc. I told her thanks for letting me know and I appreciated her telling me and wished her the best.

Then it all went down hill from there....The next night, someone on my facebook page was asking how my date went. All I replied with was that I was put in the friend zone, and that I thought she was out with another guy on Saturday at that "chick flick". I had the message up for about 5 minutes, when I thought it wasn't right to type that, so i deleted it. I didn't even use any names. She apparently was watching my account, because she saw the message and immediately replied back to me that I was "immature", and that she wasn't out with anyone on Saturday and went by herself to the movies. She said she was very hurt. I tried to tell her I was sorry and tried to apologize, but she wouldn't listen. She said our values were different and that she wouldn't even consider a friendship now.

I told her I was confused, because our 3 dates went so great, especially the last one. It really surprised me that she would make an abrupt decision like that after just 3 dates. She blocked me on facebook. I sent her one final text telling her that I was truly sorry. I told her that if sometime in the future you would allow me to explain everything that I would be open to talking to her about it.

And that's the end for now. One thing I noticed is that even though when I would compliment her, she would tell me thanks. But she never once told me what she liked about me or even complimented me once. I had asked her one time if she would like to talk on the phone sometime to let me know. She said ok, but we never talked. Even if it was true that she was alone at the movies, I don't understand why she blew up and got so upset about one thing on facebook that I deleted. You would think she would have some courtesy and let something slide once. Everyone does something stupid once in their lives. And at 40yr+, it is strange for someone to blow up like that and just block you on facebook like a child instead of speaking to someone in person about it. She didn't even have the nerve to tell me face to face that she only saw me as a friend. She had to text that to me.

I doubt I'll hear back from her from my last text, but who knows. Any thoughts why she would have blew up so much over me posting she was perhaps out with another guy? I deleted it within 5 minutes of posting. Kind of immature of her at her age to block someone on facebook for this one thing. Although she facebook blocked me, I still have her phone number. But I already sent a "final" text to her. Do you think a month or more from now, I should try to follow up again or just leave her be?

I keep on saying it here!!!!! Don't fvcking touch the woman unless it is to KISS the bytch. And do not go on 3 dates, just 2, kiss on the second date!

 

[Bones_2086]

I don't understand why everyone is calling her a nutcase. I don't see any information that would lead to that conclusion.
OP was acting needy, obsessed with her, and borderline stalking her. Girl wasn't attracted to him because he was not doing anything sexual. He was hoping if he took her to a comedy show, she would appreciate him and let him in her pants.
He was her gay friend. comedy show is something a girl does with her gay friends. movie = gay friend
I am not saying the girl was an angel, but the conclusions you guys are making about her, I just don't see those.
OP, read my signature. This is something a girl said on a now defunct pick up forum, which has helped me a lot.

This. Op u failed to make a move u held hands on the 3rd date lmao. There’s nothing wrong with this women just step ur game up next time.

 

[MatureDJ]

"take is slow" for a divorcee? That means that she doesn't want to sex you. I might allow for taking it a little slow with a maiden (as long as I perceive that she is slow with everyone), but once she's a divorcee, H3LL NO.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

so much butthurt

Haha...yeah OP seems a little butthurt

 

[Speculator E]

Well it doesn’t matter now, but I still say you dodge a woman-child with borderline personality disorder. You can’t really “game” those types because their kind is so messed up and they’re constantly changing moods and whatever they’re thinking. If you try to understand it you’ll drive yourself crazy in the process. From what you said about her I have a strong suspicion she’s bpd.

BPD is not difficult to understand but you have to read up on the more up to date research and not the ones written in the 80's and 90's.
The correct way to understand BPD is by it's more up to date new name which is Emotional Dysregulation Disorder.
What BPD is a disorder where the person has a hard time controlling or regulating their emotional state.
This is what cause their emotions to overshoot way out of control.
You take any emotion that a normal girl feels (anxiety, fear, happiness, etc) and you multiply that by 10 and that is what BPD is.
They are like the Bipolar Disorder but instead of mood swing...it's emotional swings.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Well it doesn’t matter now, but I still say you dodge a woman-child with borderline personality disorder. You can’t really “game” those types because their kind is so messed up and they’re constantly changing moods and whatever they’re thinking. If you try to understand it you’ll drive yourself crazy in the process. From what you said about her I have a strong suspicion she’s bpd.

Ehh, maybe. Or maybe OP just didn't escalate properly and played it nice guy safe for 3 straight dates and bored her to death.

 

[Speculator E]

Ehh, maybe. Or maybe OP just didn't escalate properly and played it nice guy safe for 3 straight dates and bored her to death.

Could be but I also read some BPD traits in the OP story so I think it's a possibility
He could also boring and she be BPD at the same time.
Every girl has some type of mental disorder now a days..if she wasn't BPD it would've been something else.
I read somewhere a girl stabbed her boyfriend because he didn't liked her instagram fast enough.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Could be but I also read some BPD traits in the OP story so I think it's a possibility
He could also boring and she be BPD at the same time.
Every girl has some type of mental disorder now a days..if she wasn't BPD it would've been something else.
I read somewhere a girl stabbed her boyfriend because he didn't liked her instagram fast enough.

Ya and plenty of dudes are running around doing crazy things too...it goes both ways.

 

[cola]

I didn’t read through all the comments, I don’t think she was bpd, the real reason this happened is because you aren’t sexual enough. The key word here that brings me to this conclusion is “chemistry”. This is woman speak for you didn’t make me horny.
Did you slap her ass at all? Hug her from behind and press your manhood on her? Did you even attempt a kiss? Touch a boob? You have to do these things to get them thinking about sex.

A woman will forgive you for being too aggressive too soon, she won’t forgive you for not being aggressive enough.
This was 100% the real issue. You were too much of a gentleman.
I think this old hoe was down to f*ck and you were playing the long game when she wanted the short one.

Date 1 was fine. Don’t be super aggressive first date.

Date 2 should’ve been drinks at bar with a lot of touching and back to your place to shag.

 

[Robert28]

Ehh, maybe. Or maybe OP just didn't escalate properly and played it nice guy safe for 3 straight dates and bored her to death.

This woman is old, in her 40’s. She should feel lucky she’s going on dates and found someone that isn’t a loser or a bum. If after a month it’s not working then fine, but 3 dates is a little soon for her age cause I know she doesn’t have guys knocking down her door.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

This woman is old, in her 40’s. She should feel lucky she’s going on dates and found someone that isn’t a loser or a bum. If after a month it’s not working then fine, but 3 dates is a little soon for her age cause I know she doesn’t have guys knocking down her door.

You'd be surprised. If she is good looking like the OP says she is probably bombarded with 50+ messages a day online, and that is a conservative estimate. I've been out with women who are probably 7s that have that many messages a day, if she is a 9(according to OP) you can exponentially increase it.

 

[Jacob40]

She is French Canadian. Does that make any difference on what they expect during first 3 date's?

Well it's ashame I missed my opportunity and if you see she was down for something short term. I just don't know and will never now probably. And yes I did touch her a bit during the comedy show. Not just hold hands. But apparently not enough.

 

[Jacob40]

at least you are reading the replies and not disappearing like some other people on this forum.
I am the one who mentioned the smoothie idea.
you need low investment type of places for the first date(s) not necessarily due to money. even if you inherited $10 million dollars from your grandmother and you don't care about money, you need to go to low investment dates because when you take a girl you barely know to an expensive restaurant, it looks like you find her really special that you are willing to invest so much in her. you project the image that you have no other girls/options in your life and you're trying really hard to appease her.

from your entire post it seems that you keep wanting to appease her. you took her to a restaurant and paid the full bill. you took her to her favorite comedy show. if she was your girlfriend/mother/wife/someone you care about, it's fine, but remember, this is a girl you know nothing about. why do you care about her so much? this is needy behavior. you remind me of a colleague of mine, first date he bought a girl a perfume for $120. the girl accepted the gift and the next day she texted him "I don't think we are right for each other. good luck"

plus, in these type of places, you can't really touch her. at the comedy show, she is listening to the comedian, she is not going to be open to sexual escalation. I am willing to bet at the restaurant you sat across from her and not next to her, not allowing for any touching.

coffee dates, I personally don't like. nothing wrong with them, it's just too overdone. smoothie makes you look unique. at the end of the day, do whatever you like, not what she likes. if she likes comedy and you like bowling, take her to a bowling activity.

by the way, you still have not answered the question whether you are sexually inexperienced. I am willing to bet you are inexperienced, and once you gain some experience (and get screwed by women like her) things will start to fall in place. I have learned more from my bad dates than good dates. good luck bro, keep trying.

I am not sexually inexperienced. Although it's been awhile since I've got laid. I used to have better luck in college. She must be BPD though and she did act like a child and get mad at one thing. At the first date at the restaurant she sat perpendicular to me and not across from me. She touched at slightly at one point while we were talking. That was about all that happened since I didn't want to scare her off by moving to fast. Guess I'll have to try more things and move faster on a first date.

I think she is around 7 on the 10 scale of looks. She shouldn't find any trouble finding anyone to go out with based on her looks. But from her Facebook page she didn't have one single picture of her with a guy friend or her previous ex. So maybe she was directly out of her 10yr+ marriage.

 

[DJnoob]

I am not sexually inexperienced. Although it's been awhile since I've got laid. I used to have better luck in college. She must be BPD though and she did act like a child and get mad at one thing. At the first date at the restaurant she sat perpendicular to me and not across from me. She touched at slightly at one point while we were talking. That was about all that happened since I didn't want to scare her off by moving to fast. Guess I'll have to try more things and move faster on a first date.

I think she is around 7 on the 10 scale of looks. She shouldn't find any trouble finding anyone to go out with based on her looks. But from her Facebook page she didn't have one single picture of her with a guy friend or her previous ex. So maybe she was directly out of her 10yr+ marriage.

You just cannot sound "butthurt" ever as one of the rules. The guys here are right.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

No OP. You friendzoned yourself.

 

[derby1]

She must be BPD though and she did act like a child and get mad at one thing.

Brother these women are showered with validation from 7am every morning that makes them over inflate their worth, they then start doing erratic stuff that is distorted from reality. much like a little celebrity syndrome, she will have cognitive distortion that she is a prize and the male is the peasant........which is why in 2019 you show little interest after youve banged with no relationship talk to get the goods

But from her Facebook page she didn't have one single picture of her with a guy friend or her previous ex.

She does what she did to you for a living, collects orbiters(which is what she tried to turn you into) she probably has 50 of them, this is like Meth to her ego..........you are male and just want to do fun things and go fun places, women dont they just want to check their fancied by as many males as possible....this is what social media has done to them

Ive got women on my fb that share those relationship goal memes.......Do you seriously think these women arent offered those goals 8 times a day? it purely means 2 guys have probably sussed her out as a time waster so left her orbit and her ego cant handle it

her ego was very comfortable with you, that was your problem a little

HTH

 

[Jacob40]

Brother these women are showered with validation from 7am every morning that makes them over inflate their worth, they then start doing erratic stuff that is distorted from reality. much like a little celebrity syndrome, she will have cognitive distortion that she is a prize and the male is the peasant........which is why in 2019 you show little interest after youve banged with no relationship talk to get the goods



She does what she did to you for a living, collects orbiters(which is what she tried to turn you into) she probably has 50 of them, this is like Meth to her ego..........you are male and just want to do fun things and go fun places, women dont they just want to check their fancied by as many males as possible....this is what social media has done to them

Ive got women on my fb that share those relationship goal memes.......Do you seriously think these women arent offered those goals 8 times a day? it purely means 2 guys have probably sussed her out as a time waster so left her orbit and her ego cant handle it

her ego was very comfortable with you, that was your problem a little

HTH

Thanks. Explains a lot. Starting to learn now for my next dates.