Poonani...
You're right about the posters here. There is a sense of brotherhood. Each understanding the other's predicament and basically looking out for the well being of their fellow man.
I wish the situation was as you say, because I would have taken the approach most of you would have taken. Just take things as they come. Enjoy the moment. That's part of the reason why I didn't raise the issue of the gf tagging along at the last minute. I was hoping it was an issue of insecurities, but I tried to view this from a normal person's world, and unfortunately she's not normal.
In my view, the AW seeks attention but also seeks to harm the admirer. The thing is, and maybe somebody out there can relate, the AW both loves and hates you at the same time. They really think you are the love of their life, but they want to just wring your neck when they get the chance.
In this situation, it's a classic case of the cat and mouse game. Back and forth. Push-pull to the extreme. They suck the victim into thinking there is love between the two and then reject them ever so swiftly. The only problem is she got rejected first. Nobody was to end anything except for her. And now it's been 10 months and counting. What was a girl to do? That is why the girl friend came along. Why would she help? Because maybe when they go out on the town, she attracts many men, which spills over to the friend (who is not even close to being as attractive as she is). Keep in mind I sensed from the beginning they were up to something. The friend was rehearsed with certain things and played her role, but found herself at times venturing beyond it once she became comfortable with me. But overall something just didn't add up.
Their body language, my AW's demeanor were all contributing to a different picture than they were painting. This is the primary reason why I posted here, because it just didn't seem right. So, now I have to exit before the rejection comes. OR maybe I should play along just a little to give her her much needed attention and then withdraw. Causing her to spin out of control. You know, once again, be the DJ who knocks her off her pedestal.
I'm sure this game has been played more than once with the two of them. I think once the friend had time to evaluate who I was, she had a little guilt. Thus, the pleasant e-mail the following day. Even with this said, one could argue that AW was just insecure. Except.... This situation has played itself before.
Over a year ago, I cut her off and went for over a month without any communication. Eventually, she came around, I gave in, and we had lunch. After lunch she was completely elated that we were once again friends. I thought at that time, we could start talking. Boy was I wrong. She rebuffed my attempts to have lunch and I was cut off for a brief period.
What I do remember most is the look she gave me when I approached her. It was like a well fed lion basking in the sun. She looked totally satisifed and wanted nothing to do with me. I was brushed aside. I did e-mail her today to touch base with her and she was responsive, which was good.
It's unfortunate because maybe in all this, she is extremely insecure, and wants me to initiate things. All I know is when I do, she recoils quicker than a rattlesnake in the hot desert sun. A buddy at work said I should take the initiative and ask her out. But I think this would be playing into her plans. Unless someone out there thinks otherwise.
So, where do I go from here? I could develop the relationship with her girlfriend? This would probably bother her to no end. Since my attention is no longer directed at her. I could act needy and clingy just enough to slam the door shut on her.
Or I could just be indifferent do my own thing and if I have time for her, give it. If not, then oh well..... I could also do what some of you suggest and just go out and have fun. Forget her as any kind of interest (other than friend). And if I can work out the FWB, then cool. I kind of like the indifference thing the most because it is the closest thing to how I feel right now. Especially when the dust finally settles.
All I know is I'm continuing to spin plates. I met somebody the other night at the grocery store. It was pretty simple. She asked about my ethnicity. I responded and rather than walk away kicking myself because I didn't take advantage of her interest. I asked her out that night for a drink. She couldn't make it, but we ended up going out for that drink the next night. She ended up being a nice girl and I see the possibility of having other good times with her.
The bottom line this women isn't the only one for me, and to be validated by her own friend is probably the best testament one can receive. Could you imagine all the trash talking and her friend sitting there after meeting me and thinking this is a good guy, what's wrong with her? :crackup: By the way her friend's assessment is not necessary for me to feel good about myself.
I hope of all things somebody out there learns from this because it will keep them getting played over and over.
Thanks!
